Quitting the Quarterback (The Nash Brothers #4)

CHAPTER 32 Tanner Banks

When Have I Ever Not Been Careful

Clearly I need to get laid, and obviously Cassie Fields is the only woman I want to bang.

I don’t get nervous about sex…usually. It sort of feels like we’re building up to something here, and I’m not sure how to manage the expectations we’ll both layer onto this weekend.

What if everything goes south? What if it’s not like it was the first time we were together since that was two strangers and now it’s two people who know each other? What if we decide we’re better off not pursuing this at all?

The thought tugs at my chest, but the truth is, there’s always that possibility. Only…a lot hinges on the two of us continuing to work together. Like, for example, all of my hope for a full recovery.

I can’t imagine going through this with anybody else by my side…which my brother calls out after I get home from my appointment.

“Where’s Cassie?” he asks from his spot at the kitchen table where he’s digging into his yogurt.

“The office. She’s reviewing my plan with the doctors, and she’ll be by in a bit.” I head into the kitchen to grab a banana.

“How are things going for you two?”

“We set some ground rules, and we’re going to quietly give this a try. But, in her words, rehab before romance.”

He chuckles at that. “Like you’ll be able to keep it in your pants.”

I narrow my eyes at him, and he holds up both hands.

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop. I’m happy for you, bro. Seriously. But just be careful.”

“When have I ever not been careful?” I ask.

He glances at my knee and tilts his head as if he’s speaking to a child. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

I clench my jaw. “Too soon.”

“I know. And it was an accident. I’m sorry. What did the doctor say?” he asks as his spoon clanks on the side of the bowl as he scoops up whatever’s left in there.

“He’s happy with the progress. Keep doing what I’m doing, but add in strength training. The surgeon wants to keep our date the same but says post-op should be easy.”

“That’s great news,” he says, and he walks his empty bowl over to the sink. He rinses it out and places it in the dishwasher. We’re both fairly clean people, but of the two of us, I’d peg him as the neat freak, while I’m more normal about it. “So you’ll be coming back to the training facility?”

“I asked about that, and they said it’s fine but not to do any drills or anything. Cass would need to either work closely with Nick or come with me if I plan to do any workouts.”

“Would it be weird having her there?” he asks.

I shrug. “No. But it doesn’t matter since you’re all leaving for Pittsburgh soon. I’ll swing by for this afternoon’s meetings and a welfare check, and then two weeks from Monday is the surgery. ”

“You ready for it?” he asks.

“I’m ready to be back on the fucking field, that’s for sure.”

He walks over and claps me on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, bro. But look at the bright side. You’re getting all this time with this woman you couldn’t stop thinking about.”

“I thought you didn’t buy that it was fate stepping in.” I narrow my eyes at him.

The doorbell rings, and he moves to get it as he tosses his answer over his shoulder. “I don’t. But if she’s helping you fight your way back, then what I believe doesn’t really matter.”

He’s got a point.

And speak of the devil, I hear Cassie’s voice after my brother greets her.

“How are you?” she asks him.

“Doing well. Keep doing whatever you’re doing for Tanner. It’s working.”

She’s blushing as she appears in the room just behind my brother. “I’m heading out to practice. See you this afternoon,” he says to both of us, and we say our goodbyes as he leaves.

“It’s working?” she asks as she pulls out a chair and sits across from me while I finish my banana.

“You heard the doctors. They’re impressed with my progress.”

She presses her lips together with a nod. “As they should be.”

“I’m going to the team meetings this afternoon,” I admit.

“How does that make you feel?”

I twist my lips as I avert my gaze out the window. I told Coach I’d come, but I didn’t really think about how it might affect me emotionally.

“Honestly? It makes me feel like I want you there with me,” I admit as I sneak a peek over at her.

Her eyes soften. “What time? ”

“It won’t work. The meetings start at three.”

She twists her lips and scrunches her nose in apology. “I’m sorry. I’m happy to swing by earlier with you, provided we get our work done. Or if you’d like to use the training room there, like Dr. Hayward had mentioned.”

I stand from my chair at the table and walk around to her side, and I drop a kiss down to her neck. “I rather like our private sessions here.”

She leans back into me. “Mm. As do I.”

The welfare check goes well, and even though it’s nice to see my coaches and teammates, I hate answering the same questions over and over, so I say a few words about how my prehab is going, when the surgery is scheduled, and how I’m rooting for the team. I get emotional as I tell them I wish I was out there with them, and I stay for most of the meeting. But I duck out early so I don’t have to answer questions, and I head home and crack open a beer as I sit on the couch and brood.

I wish she was here with me.

I’m not sure why that would make me feel better, but I just know it would. She brings light where it’s dark, and right now, things feel pretty damn bleak.

It was a mistake going there. It was another reminder that I don’t get to play this season. I thought I had come to terms with it…but it doesn’t appear that I have.

The doorbell rings about the time I’m expecting Miller to arrive home, but he’s not here yet. I get up, and I’m surprised to find Spencer standing on the other side of the door.

“Come on in,” I say, opening the door a little wider so we’re both standing in the foyer.

He glances at the beer in my hand, and then his eyes move to mine. “Are you doing okay, man?”

I nod and hold up my beer. “This is my first. ”

“You don’t have to explain it to me.” His tone is gentle, and while I appreciate him stopping by, I’m not really in the mood for sympathy. “I just didn’t get a chance to talk to you at the facility, so I thought I’d stop by. Miller said you’re fine, but I wanted to see for myself, I guess.”

“I’m about as good as can be expected.”

“You’d be better if you had a bottle of Newlywed’s finest instead of that piss water you’re drinking,” he jokes, mentioning his wife’s family vineyard.

I chuckle. “Thanks. You want to come in and stay awhile?”

He shakes his head. “I should get home. Grace is making dinner tonight, and I need to pack. Listen, if you want to come over for dinner, she’s a pretty good cook.”

“I appreciate the offer,” I say, but honestly, dinner with newlyweds sounds taxing. “I’ve got dinner plans.” He doesn’t need to know that my plans consist of ordering something local and having it delivered, which is my plan pretty much every night.

It’s gotten worse since I’ve been injured. It’s easy to play it off like I shouldn’t be navigating my kitchen, though in truth, it’s probably fine for me to move around enough to make a meal.

Ordering in is easier than cooking and cleaning, though Miller scolds me for my habits all the time. If he’s home, he’ll cook for the two of us, but he’s been spending a lot of time with the running backs as he works to build his place with the team.

I should be going out to dinner with the other quarterbacks or the wide receivers or the offensive line. Instead, I’m stuck here at home as I pine for a season that was never meant to be mine.

And truth? It sucks .

The only thing getting me through it is knowing I’ll get to see Cassie…and that’s why I can’t wait for Friday, when we’ll have seventy-eight uninterrupted hours together.