Quitting the Quarterback (The Nash Brothers #4)

CHAPTER 45 Tanner Banks

Eternal Flame

We order dinner, and we eat on the rooftop.

In fact, we spend the majority of our weekend up there, and it’s Saturday evening when I call out something that’s been on my mind.

“Are you worried about something?” I ask.

She snags her bottom lip between her teeth. She nods a little as she ducks her head and glances out toward the water. “Yes. I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this all weekend.”

My brows pinch together as alarm pounds in my chest. “It’s me,” I say gently as I reach over to squeeze her hand. “Just say it, babe.”

She draws in a steadying breath. “I’ve never felt anything this powerful before, and I’m scared it’s burning too brightly. Too hot. You know what I mean?”

I shake my head because…no. I don’t have a clue what she’s getting at.

“I keep thinking how hot it is between us. We’re on fire together. But fires…” She trails off with a shrug.

“They burn out eventually?” I guess .

She nods, but she doesn’t make eye contact with me.

I shake my head, and I look out over the water where her gaze is focused. “When I was in tenth grade, I wrote a research paper on eternal flames. They’re rare, and only certain conditions can cause them to exist.”

She glances over at me, and our eyes connect for a beat before I continue.

“There’s one in New York. Eternal Flame Falls. There’s a natural gas spring at the base that supports the flame. Every once in a while, when conditions are too windy, the flame goes out. But someone always comes by to light it up again.” I shrug as I pause. “I think since I wrote that paper, I had it in the back of my mind that it was all I wanted out of life. Those things that burn so brightly inside of us, and when the flame dims, we have someone there to help light the fire again.”

Her brows dip as she stares at me, and then she swipes a tear off her cheek. “Tanner. That’s beautiful.”

I reach out to thumb away a tear on the other side. “My flame burned out when I fucked up my knee, but there’s one person who has been here with me working hard to relight it every time we’re together.” Her eyes meet mine as I say the words I’ve been too scared to say. “I think you just might be my eternal flame, Cassandra Fields.”

She stares at me a few seconds before she leans forward and brushes my lips with hers.

I really didn’t think love was in the cards for me. I thought when I ended things with Heather, that was it. I was done doing the relationship thing, and I was destined to have night after meaningless night with women.

But then I met Cassie Fields at a bar, and the entire course of my future switched tracks.

We’ve seen each other every day for more than two months now, and I’m not sure I’ve ever shown more of myself to another person. She’s the one person who will call me out on my shit, who will help nurse me back to health, and who will listen when I just need to bitch.

She’s become my best friend over the last couple of months. For everyone else, life kept moving when mine came to a standstill.

Miller is playing ball, and I only get to see him when he isn’t at practice or at games. I moved to this new town where I knew of some people but didn’t really have any friends. I expected to bond with my teammates, and I started to during training camp as I found my footing.

I bonded with Spencer. I found a whole family of brothers I never knew existed.

But they all have lives. They have things to do, a game to play, a bakery to run. They’re good about checking in with me, about talking to me, about making sure I’m not falling down into the darkness.

But the only reason I’m not falling is because I have Cassie to lift me up.

We spend the night showing each other how we feel, and when morning dawns and she’s in my arms, the fact that today is Sunday and time to watch another round of games doesn’t hit me with as much brute force as it has on the days when we don’t get to wake like this.

I want with everything to be able to progress this relationship forward, but right now, it feels like this is all we can do. Secret weekends where we don’t leave our rental. A stolen dinner here, a quiet kiss there.

I’m not sure we can sustain the secret nature of what we’re doing and still be able to grow. I’ll be asked to attend various events, and I can only get away with bringing my physical therapist along for so long .

I want to protect her, to protect her job and her goals and her ambitions, but I don’t know how it’s possible to do that and level up our relationship at the same time.

We need to be content where we are. It’s only until my rehab is over. It’s only until next season starts.

But then what?

What happens to us when we’re not forced together for six hours a day? I wish I had the answer to that because for once in my life, it feels like I found someone who I can trust when everyone else except for my brother has let me down.

Maybe I lost my identity over the last year, but Cassie makes me confident in who I am, and when I’m around her and even her kids, I know exactly who I strive to be.

But none of that will matter if we can’t figure out some way to be together that isn’t a huge risk to both of us.