CHAPTER 58 Cassie Fields
I Can’t Believe You’re Really Here
“Cass?” he whispers softly. “Wh—what are you doing here?”
I wring my hands together nervously as I clear my throat. What am I doing here? I suck in a breath. “Miller texted me about your—uh, about Eddie. I had to come. I had to see you…to make sure you’re okay.”
He’s frozen in place as he stares at me as if he’s seeing some sort of illusion, as if he’s hallucinating and can’t quite piece together whether this is real or not.
And then he moves slowly across the lobby and stops short of me. He’s clearly holding himself back, doing what he can to restrain himself. “Why?” There’s a hesitance in his voice, and I hate that I put it there.
“Because I love you,” I blurt. “Because I’m sorry for what I said, sorry for telling you to go, sorry for telling you that I wished I hadn’t introduced you to my kids. I’m sorry that I broke us, I’m sorry that I bowed out when things got hard, but they’re so, so, so much harder without you, and I just want to get past these hurdles and be together again because I love you so much, and my kids love you, and I want to figure out how to make this work, and I know I had goals and dreams and aspirations but none of them seem to matter at all without you. I put the blame in the wrong place. I want you to forgive me, and I want to be with you, and I didn’t mean to say all this right here, right now, but I can’t seem to stop myself.”
Jesus, Cassie. Get a grip on yourself.
That was not the speech I practiced on the plane ride here.
His jaw opens and then slams shut, and he’s obviously grappling for words here while my own words are vomiting all over this hotel lobby.
“You…you love me?” he asks tentatively.
“Of course I do,” I say softly. And then I think…well, I may as well go all in here. I came all this way, and I’ve already experienced what it feels like to lose it all. The only way to go from here is up. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”
He takes the final step to close the distance between us, and one of his hands moves to my hip while the other moves to my cheek. His eyes search mine, and they’re hot there, full of heat and lust like always, but with something else there, something warm and lovely. Something like hope and love all rolled into one.
“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, either,” he says softly. His lips crash down to mine, and my chest that felt so tight and crushed for the last week feels like it’s opening as wave upon glorious wave of love pour out of me and into him.
He pulls back, and his eyes search mine again. “I can’t believe you’re really here,” he says.
“I just wanted to be here for you, Tanner. I can only imagine what you’re going through, and even though I was certain you’d moved on, if I could make this tragedy just the tiniest bit easier on you, then I knew I had to be here.”
“Moved on? From…you?” he asks.
I lift a shoulder .
He shakes his head. “No, Cass. You don’t just move on when the love of your life walks away. You fight like hell to win her back, and I was planning to head home tomorrow and head straight to your house to start that fight.”
My mouth breaks out into a huge smile. “But I beat you to it?” I guess.
He chuckles. “You beat me to it.” He drops a soft kiss on my lips.
“You can still fight if you want. I won’t stop you, and I kind of want to see what that fight entailed.”
He slips a hand into his pocket, but then he glances out toward the front of the hotel. He pulls his hand back out of his pocket and reaches for my hand instead. “I’ll fight every goddamn day to make sure you know how loved you are. That’s a promise.”
I squeeze his hand, and then we walk together toward the doors. We get outside just as a car pulls up, and I spot Charles and Sandra as they walk over toward it with Miller trailing behind. The three of them glance up at us as we approach, and Miller raises his brows when he spots us.
“You shooting my shots for me now?” Tanner asks him.
He just grins and shrugs.
“Two can play that game,” Tanner mutters, and I wonder what that’s all about, but before I get the chance to ask, he ducks into the car, and then we’re on our way to the funeral home.
Tanner introduces me to all his half-brothers—including Grayson, with whom he shares a lot of similarities—and damn, this family has good genes, all thanks to the man we’re here to celebrate. Tanner also meets some cousins, or half-cousins, I suppose, along with his uncle, a man who also played in the NFL .
The service is short and sweet, and Mrs. Nash planned a luncheon at a restaurant nearby, so we all head there after.
It’s a long day that feels short because my hand is firmly planted in his, and the more time we spend together, the more I know how very much I never want to let go again.
But today isn’t for us. Not really. It’s for family, and in the moments when he’s occupied, Miller talks with me, or Sandra and Charles do. They make me feel like I belong here, like I’m a part of things.
And I don’t miss the secret look his mother shoots Tanner when she thinks I’m not looking.
She approves, and he’s forgiven her, and everything is starting to fall into the right place once again.
“Do you have any hot sauce?” Miller asks our server as she sets a fancy plate of pasta in front of him.
“Dude, that’s disgusting,” Tanner says before she can answer.
“We have Tabasco,” she offers, and Miller makes a face.
“No Cholula?” he asks, and he sounds like he’s practically begging.
She shakes her head and offers an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry.”
He sighs heavily, and as she walks away, he pulls a tiny, travel-sized bottle out of his pocket. “Don’t leave home without it,” he says as he shakes it all over his noodles, and Tanner and I just laugh as we watch him. He holds up the bottle. “Want to try?”
I shake my head. “I’m good, thanks.” I can’t help my giggle as I think about all the future meals I’ll have with Tanner’s brother as we watch him pour hot sauce all over everything.
It’s a future I can’t wait for.