Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Adam

T here's only one bed.

One. Freaking. Bed.

By the look of surprise, then embarrassment, on Levi’s angelic face, this wasn't intentional.

"Hold on, I'll fix this," Levi says hurriedly, dropping his bag on the floor and running to the phone. I stand awkwardly in the doorway, staring at the bed, while he argues with whoever is at the front desk.

"You have to be kidding me," he whispers to himself while he waits on hold. His hand rakes through his hair and pulls at the ponytail at the back of his head, shooting nervous glances my way. I shouldn't want to rake my fingers through the loose strands, to soothe him and tell him it's okay.

It's not okay. Or it shouldn't be. The truth is, I don't really want to be alone. But can I handle lying that close to him, when all I want is for him to kiss and hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

"You're sure?" He sighs heavily. "Okay, what about a cot or something? No, that's fine. Thanks for trying. I'll call back and let you know what we decide."

Levi hangs up the phone and deflates. "I'm so sorry. I booked the reservation online while we were driving here, and I must have not been paying close enough attention. I expected two queen beds, not one. The front desk says the only other rooms they have available right now are the same size, and they don't have cots."

He seems really incensed by the cots. A giggle bursts out of me before I can stop it, making me snort. Levi gives me a funny look, the side of his mouth quirking up in an involuntary smile.

"Sorry, I'm basically delirious at this point," I say, stepping fully into the room and letting the door shut behind me. I drop my bag next to Levi's and take a seat at the tiny round table in the corner of the room. Levi walks over and sets down the bag of food from the diner. Staring at it, I try to decide if I'm too tired to eat, but then my stomach growls audibly.

"Eat. I'll see about finding us somewhere else to stay," Levi says. His voice is gentle and caring, but I can tell how tired he is, too.

"It's okay. We're both beyond exhausted and need sleep. I'm not sure I could make it anywhere else, honestly. It's just a bed, and we're just going to sleep. It'll be fine."

It's not fine.

After eating less than half of my sandwich, I couldn't handle staying awake for even another minute and stumbled over to the bed. Levi stood awkwardly for a few minutes before I tiredly patted the spot next to me. "Just sleep," I said, halfway to dreamland already, then rolled over to give Levi some space. I was startled awake when he grabbed my foot and jerked. I hadn't even bothered to take my shoes off. I think I managed to mumble a thank you, or maybe an apology for having my shoes on the bed, but I can't really remember. I felt the bed dip next to me, and then I was out.

I don't know how long I've been asleep. I'm reluctant to open my eyes, but I have to pee.

There are blackout curtains blocking the windows, so it's dark, but there's a faint light coming in around the edges. It's just enough to make out a little detail in the room. I don't need light to see how much trouble I'm in, though. No, I can do that from feel alone.

Levi and I didn't merely roll into each other in our sleep. One of us didn't spoon the other or throw an errant hand over the other's body. No, we somehow completely entangled ourselves while we slept. We're facing each other, arms and legs entwined. My face is pressed into his chest and I'm holding him around his waist like he might try to escape. I'm practically straddling one of his thighs, and his other leg is thrown up over my hips. Thank goodness we both fell asleep fully dressed. Otherwise, the situation stirring behind the fly of my jeans might be a lot more uncomfortable than it is, which is saying something.

I should move away, extricate myself from the complicated knot of our limbs, and get some space, but I don't want to wake him. And, if I'm being honest with myself, I don't want to move away. He's so comfortable, and he smells good—like apples and something musky. I can smell my soap on him, too, which reminds me of our shower yesterday. The way my body lit up like a Christmas tree when he put his fingers inside me. I've never felt anything like it, and I?—

Nope. No sir, Adam. Stop it right now. Stop thinking of Levi Asher that way. He tricked you, like the snake he is.

Groan.

He's not a snake. I can't even pretend to hate him, or to distrust him like I obviously should—he admitted to lying to me. Using me.

He admitted to it. Knows he did wrong.

But he did it anyway.

He didn't want to.

But he did. He pretended to be interested in me, touched me, made me want him.

He didn't know it would be like this.

He should have been honest with me from the start.

He was protecting his sister.

He hurt me.

He said he was falling in love.

The two sides of my consciousness war with each other over what I should feel and want and what I actually feel and want.

Tilting my head, I look up at his face in the dim light. Even in sleep, he looks troubled, no sign of the easy-going guy I’ve come to know. His brow is furrowed, messy hair flopped over his face. I want to brush the errant strands from his face and kiss him awake. I want to tell him I love him, and that it doesn't matter how he came into my life, I'm still glad he's here.

I want to tell him I'm afraid of losing him, that even the thought of never again feeling the way I do when I'm with him hurts more than his betrayal. However uncertain the future is, whatever happens with my dad, the one thing that soothes my anxiety is imagining having Levi by my side. He makes me feel confident and happy.

It's too soon to feel this way, and it's probably unhealthy. But I'm not ready to give him up. The more I think about walking away from him, the more I realize I need him. I need him, and he needs me. He needs someone to lean on and support him under all the weight of his worry and fear and sadness for his sister.

Can we move past the lies, knowing he did the wrong thing for the wrong reasons, but did so from a place of hurt and fear?

If he wasn't sincere, he wouldn't have admitted to the truth. He would have taken his evidence and walked away. Instead, he stayed and confessed, not just to manipulating me, but to falling for me along the way. And he let me come with him when I didn't have anywhere else to go.

He wouldn't go through all of this for nothing.

I want him.

I want him.

Eventually, I can't wait any longer to get up. I need the bathroom and at least six inches of space to think clearly.

Despite my efforts to move slowly and carefully, I'm not able to extricate my arm from beneath his back without stirring him awake. When he blinks his eyes open, I'm hovering awkwardly above his chest.

"Sorry," I whisper. "I didn't mean to treat you like my own personal stuffed animal."

Levi laughs, his voice deep and husky from sleep. "I don't mind. I can't remember the last time I slept that good, actually."

"It's been a pretty exhausting couple of days. I might have stayed asleep if my bladder didn't wake me."

He hums in agreement, pushing up on his elbows. "What time is it?"

Now that I'm sitting up, I can see the red glowing digits of the alarm clock. "It's just after five in the evening," I answer, surprised at how late it is. We really slept the whole day away.

Levi sits up and reaches for his phone. I excuse myself to the restroom, grabbing my toiletries bag out of my duffle on the way so I can brush my teeth and splash water on my face.

"I need a shower, but I'm going to have a snack first," I say as I walk out of the bathroom. "Do you think the pie is still?—"

"Holy shit," Levi says, pushing his hair back. He jumps up from the bed and paces while his fingers fly across the screen. My heart starts beating erratically. "Holy shit," he repeats.

Before I can ask what's wrong, the phone vibrates in his hand, and he immediately pulls it up to his ear. "Freddie, what's happening?"

If it's Freddie calling, it must be news about the evidence we handed over about my father. My stomach, no longer feeling the hunger that it was a minute ago, feels like I swallowed a boulder.

What if the evidence we gave them isn't enough? What if it was?

I know we're doing the right thing, especially where it concerns Levi's sister, but he's still my father and I was raised to honor and obey the will of my parents. Until I was old enough for him to sniff out that I might be different, he was the perfect dad, if not a little absent because he worked a lot. He taught me how to throw a ball and came to every game. He taught me what it was to be a provider and supported me when I chose to join the church, even though he’d hoped I would follow in his footsteps to become a lawyer. But the life he lives behind the scenes is one of corruption and evil, and exposing him is the only way to make it right.

"You're serious? Fucking hell, Freddie, this is insane. I know, I’m sorry, I didn't expect to sleep so hard. No, no. This is good. This is…" Levi looks up at me, a wild look in his bright blue eyes. His expression changes, eyebrows furrowing in what looks like concern. "Yeah, I'm good," he says into the phone. "Tomorrow morning is good. Yeah. Text me the address and I'll be there. And thank you, Freddie."

"What's going on?" I ask, barely able to force my voice out.

"Are you having any second thoughts?" Levi asks tentatively.

I shake my head fervently. "No," I say firmly. "It hurts, I'll admit to that. But this is the right thing."

He lets out a breath. "Good, because your father's house is being raided as we speak."

My mouth drops open. "Ri-right now?"

Levi nods, taking a step forward to steady my elbow when I reel. "Here, sit," he says, guiding me to sit on the edge of the bed. "Are you alright? I know it's a shock. I had no idea things would happen this quickly. Freddie says his boss took one look at the files we gave him and made some calls immediately. They wanted to get in and out before your father suspected anything."

My head nods slowly as I try to process the information. "Th-that's good," I say. "He won't see it coming."

After a few more slow breaths, I look up at Levi, who is still watching me like I might have a breakdown at any point. "What about your sister and the evidence we left behind?"

He squeezes my hand. I didn't realize that I'd reached over and threaded my fingers through his. "They'll find it. Freddie says his boss didn't want to know any details, in case it thwarts the investigation, but that the search will be very thorough."

I'm looking down at our hands entwined in his lap. He loosens his grip, but I tighten mine, not ready to let him go. There are things I need to say, but I don't know if this is the right time, if there's anything we need to be doing to prepare for whatever comes next.

"Do we need to do anything?"

"I'm going to meet with the Attorney General tomorrow morning to give them the original files. If you still think you might want to testify?—"

"I do," I say firmly.

Levi nods, a small, sad smile showing on his angelic face. "Then you can come with me. I'm sorry that you have to do any of this."

"It's the right thing," I repeat.

"Thank you," he says. "For understanding. For doing the right thing, even though it's going to hurt your family. For helping me. What I did?—"

"You did what you had to do," I say, holding up a hand before he can say anything else. "I'm not saying that manipulating me was okay. It definitely isn't. But you could have left without a word. You chose to stay behind and tell me the truth, even though it obviously hurt you to do it, even though it could have ruined your plans. I could have tipped off my father or destroyed the evidence. I could have easily thwarted everything you worked so hard for, but you took a chance on telling me, anyway."

"It never even occurred to me that you'd do any of that, Adam. Because I know you. You're a good man. A better man than I've ever met before, and I—" I cut his words off with my lips. He grunts in surprise, but kisses me back without hesitation.

Levi lets me take the lead, taking whatever I give him, and in return, I feed him everything I have. I pour it all into this kiss—all my fear and sadness, my heartache, my hope and exhilaration. My budding love.

The kiss deepens, and we end up horizontal on the bed, tangling our limbs together and holding each other as close as possible. But it's not close enough. I need more. I need all of him.

My hands drag down his body, landing on his butt and pulling him against me hard enough that there's no doubt of what I'm feeling right now.

"I don't deserve you," Levi rasps, pulling away from me to suck in a ragged breath. He rolls us so that he's hovering over me and looks down into my eyes. Whatever he sees there darkens his expression, his eyes growing misty.

"I promise you, Adam, I'll never hurt you again. And I'll spend the rest of my life working to be the kind of man that could even come close to deserving someone as good as you. And for as long as you'll have me, I'd do everything in my power to show you what you mean to me.”

My chest tightens as the organ inside swells and palpitates. Barely able to speak at all, I hold Levi tightly against my body and choke out two words.

"Show me."

With a groan, Levi descends on me, fitting his body to mine and grinding his hardness against mine. All our clothes are too much, and I'm desperate to feel his skin against mine. Pushing my hands under his shirt, I move my hands up his back until he reaches for the fabric and pulls it over his head. I sit up with him in my lap so he can pull mine off as well, and then we're chest to chest, skin to skin.

"More," I wheeze against his lips, and we scramble to strip every piece of clothing from our bodies, one by one, until we're blessedly bare.

The heat of his flesh against mine is scorching, sweat slicking our bodies as we tangle and writhe together. Hands, lips, and tongues explore every inch of skin we can reach until we're both moaning and desperate. I'm so needy for him I could cry.

Levi's hand wraps around us both, and I moan into his mouth. He strokes us until I'm trembling, so close to orgasm but holding back because I want so much more. I want things I don't understand, things that I'm honestly afraid of, but I want them all the same. I want to be joined together, for there to be nothing between us.

"Levi—" I pant into his mouth, my body tensing against my oncoming release.

He notices my hesitation and pulls away. "Too much?" he asks, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry, I got carried away."

"Not too much. I want more… I want all of you."

I'm not sure how to interpret the look of pain that crosses his face, or the way he kisses me so hard it takes my breath away.

"I want that too," he whispers. "But you're not ready."

"I am ready," I protest, pushing my erection into his. "I want to feel you inside me."

Levi swallows deeply, but shakes his head and pulls back more. I hold him against me, not ready to lose the contact of our bodies. The pained groan makes me second guess myself, and I lift my hands and release him.

" Oh . Unless you don't want to. That's okay, of course—" I'd never want him to do anything he isn't comfortable with. What we've been doing is more than fine.

"It's not that, I promise," Levi says, rocking against me as if to prove himself.

"Then what is it?" I ask, sitting up so I can hold him close and kiss the sexy dips of his collarbone.

"You need more time to be ready to take me," he says, which makes me blush so furiously, I hide my face in his neck so he can't see it. "And I need more time to prove myself."

"What do you mean?" I say, forgetting my embarrassment and pulling back to look at him.

"You might forgive me, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. I don't deserve to take anything else from you, Adam."

My hands come up to cup his face, and I look into his eyes so he can see how serious I am. "I want you, Levi Asher. Every part of you."

Whatever he's thinking, he seems to be searching for something in my eyes as well. Then he blinks, hard.

"Then take me."

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