Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
Rain
I’d known this day was coming. Honestly, I had. But somehow, I thought maybe it would all work out for Brian and me.
You know, like the ending of a Hallmark movie where whatever conflict the couple had disappeared like smoke a minute before the credits roll. Brian’s sister would miraculously be cured and all better, and she and Maddy would move back to Allentown or wherever, and Brian would stay here and…
I was an idiot.
Brian and I sat on the couch in my living room, He stared at me like he wanted me to get angry. Waiting for me to blow up.
He should know me better than that. When things don’t work out, I don’t melt down. I see it for what it is. A miscalculation on my part. Of course he was leaving. He’d never mentioned staying after his sister’s program was over. And I had never asked.This was totally on me.
“So you’re going back to Allentown.”
It wasn’t a question, because I knew that’s where he was going.
His jaw tightened and I saw frustration in the flat line of his mouth and the clench of his hands on his thighs. Did he want me to get angry? Cry? Beg him not to go?
Wasn’t going to happen because I totally understood why he had to leave.
Even if I’d hoped…maybe…there might be some way?—
“I made a promise to Maddy.” Each word sounded like a vow. And an apology that he didn’t want to give. “I promised Maddy I’d be there for her. And she needs me now. My sister needs me.”
And what about me? The words sat on the tip of my tongue, but I wouldn’t say them. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be that selfish brat who melted down when I didn’t get what I wanted. I was a goddamn adult and sometimes you were disappointed.
Yeah, that was a good word. Disappointed. Definitely not heartbroken.
I nodded, my expression carefully constructed to be supportive. Definitely not clingy. I wasn’t clingy.
“Then you need to keep that promise. They need you.”
His frustration grew, probably at the steady sound of my voice. “The rehab helped line up a new job for her in Allentown. A better job. She starts next week.”
“That’s great. And what about you? Do you have a job lined up?”
Damn, I wished I could do that one over. It sounded a little edgy. Maybe a little pissed off. Nope, not gonna do that either.
Now he looked guilty, though that didn’t make any sense.
“I called the lumberyard yesterday. They always have openings.”
Ah, and that’s why the guilt. He’d known yesterday and hadn’t told me.
I forced a smile and hoped it looked somewhat natural. “Well, I hope everything works out for you and Lindsey and Maddy. You all deserve to?—”
“Rain—”
“—start fresh. I’m glad you came to say goodbye this time.” I made sure my expression was pleasant. Such shitty word. “Thank you for that. I appreciate you not?—”
“No. Not goodbye.” His expression set in lines of determination as he leaned closer. “I’m not walking away this time. Not after the last few weeks. You and I can make this work. I just need time to get my sister set up. Just a couple weeks.”
That didn’t sound so bad. A couple weeks. But I could tell he didn’t believe what he was saying. I saw the truth in his eyes. He knew it would take a lot longer than a couple of weeks to get this sorted. His family needed him. I knew all about family needing you.
But right now, I wasn’t feeling generous and understanding. Because anger continued to build. Anger at him for leaving and anger at myself for not realizing what’d been coming.
“I’m sure you already talked to Rowdy about releasing you from your contract.”
He grimaced. “With Rebel leaving too, I can’t ask him to hold a spot open. The team needs players. And I don’t know exactly how long this’ll take. I need to make sure Linny and Maddy are okay before I leave them.”
But he knew I’d be okay when he left me. Because of course, I would. And even though my heart was shriveling into a tiny little ball of anguish, I forced a smile and nodded. “Of course you do. I hope everything works out for them.”
“Rain.” The growl in his voice made my thighs clench, which pissed me off. He shouldn’t get to talk to me like that anymore. He was leaving me. “Don’t count me out this time. I know I fucked up last time by not sticking around, but I’m not giving up that easily now.”
Sure. I nodded. Smiled. As if I believed him and he hadn’t walked away last time.
“Tell Maddy I said bye. Tell her she’s welcome to come to a game whenever she wants. Same for you. Just let me know if you want tickets.”
The frustration on his face made him even more handsome. That shouldn’t be allowed.
“God damn it, Rain.” He leaned closer, the longing on his face nearly making me crumble. But I couldn’t. I was so pissed off at myself that I’d allowed myself to believe him. That I’d let myself fall for another hockey player who wasn’t as committed to me as I was to him. “I’ll be back. I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t blame you. And I don’t expect you to wait for me. But I will come back, and I will show you that you can depend on me. I’ll earn your trust. And I won’t leave again unless you fucking tell me to go.”
Then he turned and walked out the door.
“Hi, sweetheart? I was wondering if you’d like to go to lunch.”
I looked up from my desk at the arena, surprised to see my mom in my office doorway.
“What are you doing here?”
Her wry smile and raised eyebrows made me want to take back my words. Even I’d been able to hear the shortness in them.
“Last I checked, I still was a majority owner in the team.”
I shook my head, trying to shake the frown away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—That didn’t come out right.” I rose and walked around the desk to give my mom a hug. I hadn’t seen her for a few days. Actually, I hadn’t seen her since Brian had left. The team had been away all weekend, and I’d turned down her invitation to dinner Saturday night, pleading a headache, which had seemed lame even to me. Mom had taken my rejection to easily.
Which explained her unusual visit to the office.
She hugged me tight and patted my back, like I was a child in need in comfort. She wasn’t wrong. I just didn’t want to cry in front of my mom.
I had managed to stave off tears so far. This situation was my own fault.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, sweetheart. How are you?”
I took a step back and managed a smile. “I’m fine. What’s up? What can I do for you? Did I miss a meeting for the carnival?”
Shit, had I missed a meeting? I’d been so focused on the team and our decision—and yes, trying not to think about Brian—that maybe my famous laser focus had finally failed me. And that was unacceptable.
“I don’t think I have anything written?—”
“Rain, honey. It’s okay you haven’t missed anything.”
I took a deep breath, realizing now how frantic I’d sounded, which is probably why my mom was looking at me with that sympathetic stare. I didn’t need sympathy.
“Good. That’s…good. I know we’ve got a lot to do in the next couple of weeks. I don’t want to fall behind–”
“Honey, you’re not falling behind. Take a breath. I’m here because I’m worried about you.”
Yeah, I knew that. “I’m fine, Mom. Really.”
“So you’re not upset that Brian left?”
Why did I feel like a knife just slipped through my ribs? “No. Of course not. He has other responsibilities. His sister and Maddy need him.”
“Very true.” Mom nodded and made that face, the one that let me know she could see right through me. And maybe she could. But that didn’t mean I had to acknowledge it.
“And I’ve got more important things to worry about right now. We still haven’t made a decision about the team. And Erin and I need to do more work on the building to get it ready. The carnival is in less than two weeks and there’s still a lot of work to do there. Plus all the regular work for the team.”
“You do know there’s more to life than work?”
“I do have a life. I’ve got friends. I’ve got you and Dad. I’ve even got my brothers.”
“So you’re not missing Brian at all? Have you been in touch? I’d love to know how his sister’s doing.”
“I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to check in. And he’s got enough on his plate.”
Not to mention that every time I decided to text him back, I had no idea what to say. It hurt to think about it, and I didn’t want to hurt. So I just shoved it all aside.
Mom just nodded, like that was exactly what she’d expected me to say.
“Let me take you to lunch, hon.”
Another bright smile I didn’t really feel. “Thanks, but I’ve just got so much to do.”
After a few seconds, Mom smiled and nodded. “Okay, babe. Try not to work too hard.”
“Sure.”
Damn, I hated lying to my mom. But I hated this ache in my chest even more.