Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
Brian
Thursday after a long shift at the lumberyard, I walked through the apartment door to find Linny at the table, laptop open, shaking her head.
She didn’t even look up when I said, “Hey,” just kind of hummed a sound and went back to frowning at her screen. I walked around her to get to the sink to wash my hands and get a glass of water, then leaned against the counter to peek at her screen.
Banking app. And it didn’t have a negative balance. Which was great. Still…
“This isn’t working,” I said.
Linny went still, her fingers freezing over the keyboard before she turned to face me. She didn’t say anything for several seconds before she took a breath, her expression resigned.
“I know,” she said. “I just…I don’t know how to fix this. Maddy hates that school. I don’t exactly hate my job, but I know you do. I hate that you aren’t playing hockey. And I hate that this is all my fault.”
Shit. My heart stopped beating for a second as I thought of all the implications of that statement. Had she relapsed?
“Brian, breathe.” She actually smiled a little. “I haven’t started drinking again. And I hate that you immediately went there. I hate that I made you go there. I’m just stuck, and I hate it. I need to do what’s best for Maddy and me and you?—”
“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“But this isn’t working for Maddy, and I can’t live with that. I don’t know what to do, Bri.”
I paused for a second, knowing I had to get this out there. “Maybe I do.”
She looked at me with so much hope in her eyes that I sincerely hoped I wasn’t going to steer her—steer us—wrong. Because this wasn’t just about Linny and Maddy. It was about the three of us. I wasn’t willing to leave them behind again. We needed each other. But I had another family out there who I knew would be happy to take us in.
I missed hockey. I missed the Devils. I missed St. David and the fans.
I fucking ached for Rain every night we’d been apart.
Pulling out the seat across from her, I sat, watching her closely for any hint that she’d been drinking. I couldn’t help it. The therapist said that mechanism could last forever but might eventually fade. Unfortunately, that could take years, but it wasn’t odd or even uncommon. It just was.
“Are you going back to St. David to play? At the game, I overheard the Colonel say you’d be welcome back any time. I think you should go.”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. I’m going to contact Rowdy about finishing out the season in St. David.”
Linny took a deep breath and nodded. “I know that’s the best thing for you?—”
“And I want you and Maddy to come with me.”
She blinked. “What?”
“Maddy actually liked the school there, not that she’d ever admit to it. She’d made a couple of friends and didn’t hate going every day. But she will never say that to you because she loves you, and she doesn’t want to do anything to upset you.”
“I know. And I hate it.”
“But it doesn’t have to be that way. You hate your job. I’m pretty sure you can find something better in St. David. We’ll make it work.”
“You make it sound easy.”
I shook my head. “I know it’s not gonna be easy. I know it’s going to be hard to leave behind everything you know here.”
“Leave all this splendor?” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “How could I? Bri, I know I’m supposed to be older and wiser, but that’s always been you. You’ve always been the one looking out for me. And I know you have our best interests at heart. If you think moving is our best option, I’m with you.”
Then she paused. “And if it will put a smile back on your face to be nearer to the girl you left behind, I’m all for it.”
I’d called Rowdy after Linny and I had talked last night. He’d laughed and said I was right on time.
“I was waiting for you to call. We haven’t filled your spot yet, and I even rolled the dice and paid another month on your apartment. And I might have a lead on a job for your sister.”
Things seemed to be going in our favor.
Except the text I got from Rain this morning made me wonder if she’d even care that I was back.
Rain
Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. Busy but also didn’t want to make your life more complicated than it already is. I hope everything is going well with you and Maddy and Lin. Just want you to know I’m thinking about you
If I didn’t know her better, I’d think she was blowing me off. And for a few seconds, maybe I did. But we were here now in St. David. We’d talked to Mrs. Travers, who’d taken one look at Maddy and smiled. Actually smiled, like she’d missed the kid.
Then she’d wanted to talk to Lin, which had kind of freaked me out, but Lin had smiled afterward and told me everything was fine. I was dying to ask what they’d talked about, but Linny had told me we needed to have boundaries. Not badgering her about a private conversation was probably one of those.
After that, we put away the clothes and stuff we’d brought with us, and now I was counting the minutes until we could leave for the carnival. I knew Rain would be there. I’d been stressing over what to say to her when I could look her in the eyes and explain myself.
I still hadn’t figured out exactly what I was going to say.
“Are you finally going to teach me how to skate, Uncle Bri?”
“Sure. We can rent you a pair of skates at the pond.”
Good thing I’d remembered to put my skates in the car.
We parked at the school, where half the parking lot was already filled. The Winter Carnival was a big deal in St. David, despite the fact that it was freezing cold. Luckily, there wasn’t a lot of wind. Luminary bags lit the path from the parking lot to the street and then to the borough hall, where the carnival was held every year in the park.
Lights from the rides glowed above the hall, and music got louder as we joined the steady stream of people heading for the park.
“Damn, they go all out, don’t they?”
Linny’s comment held a hint of amusement, but Maddy had already caught sight of the food stands and started dragging her mom toward those. That’s not where I wanted to go, but I didn’t want to abandon Linny and Maddy the second we got here.
“Bri, it’s okay.” Linny shooed me with her hands. “Go find Rain. We’ll be fine. We’re just going to get some food. Play a few games. We’ll meet up with you later.”
“Mom, come on. I’m hungry.”
I didn’t think I could eat anything anyway. Tension had settled into my stomach, making it knot. But when I finally caught sight of Rain after making a circuit around the grounds, that tension became something else. A certainty I hadn’t felt until just now.
Carrying a large plastic bin, she hurried from the back entrance of the hall to the bakery stand, set up near one of the larger firepits. Fires gleamed from pits all around the park, tended by the local volunteer firefighters, of course.
I stopped to watch her hand over the bin to Erin, laugh at something her friend said then walk to the next stand. And the next. Checking to make sure everything was running smoothly. I didn’t want to interrupt her while she was busy, but I didn’t want to stalk her like a creep either.
So I took a deep breath and made my way through the growing crowd. I lost sight of her for a second, but the pink puffy coat she wore made her easy to spot when she moved back into view.
Before I could reach her, she disappeared into the town hall again.
I thought about following her, but someone tugged on my coat, I turned and frowned because there didn’t seem to be anyone there. Then I looked down.
“Hi there. What can I do for you?”
“Are you Mr. Whiskers? My mommy said your name is Mr. Whiskers.”
The little girl, who was probably around four or five, stared up at me like I was a problem she needed to solve. “My cat is named Mr. Whiskers.”
The seriousness of her expression made me bite back a smile.
“Did you name it after me?”
A pout. “She’s not a it. She’s a girl. I wanna know why you have the same name as my cat.”
A girl cat named Mr. Whiskers. Okay then.
I went down on my heels, thighs surprisingly not giving me a hassle. “Well, a friend gave me the nickname Mr. Whiskers and it stuck a long time ago.”
“Stuck where?”
My grin got bigger. “It stuck on me. He called me Mr. Whiskers because at the time, I was growing a beard. And I wasn’t doing such a good job of it.”
She patted my face. “You don’t have whiskers now.”
“No, because I still can’t really grow a beard. And Whiskers rhymes with my last name. Fiskers.”
“Your name is Whiskers Fiskers?”
That adorable little face looked at me with so much disbelief, I just shook my head. “No, my name is Brian. Sweetheart, do your parents know where you are? What’s your name?”
She shrugged, white pom-pom bobbing on her purple hat, which totally clashed with the sky-blue coat. “I’m Desi. My moms’ are over there.”
She pointed over her shoulder, but none of the adults I saw appeared to be missing a little girl. Since I couldn’t leave her alone to pursue Rain, I said, “How about we go find your parents.”
Without hesitation, she held out her arms and let me lift her onto my hip. Seconds later, we weaved through the crowd in search of a police officer to find Desi’s parents. I didn’t need to say anything as we walked because she kept up a running commentary about the Devils. Not about hockey, but about the uniforms. Apparently, she had some suggestions on how to make them better. Mostly the use of colors like pink and purple. And unicorns.
No more than two minutes later, we found a cop and a pair of distressed moms, who rushed me like a couple of professional linebackers. One of them grabbed Desi, the other grabbed me. I thought for a second she was going to deck me. Instead, she gave me a hug that nearly cracked my ribs.
Another few minutes and many thank-yous later, Desi and her parents walked off to get hot chocolate, and I could continue my pursuit of Rain.
“Hey, Mr. Whiskers.”
I was grinning as I turned, the voice coming from behind me.
I had a split second to see Rain covering the distance between us at speed before she launched herself at me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight, her arms around my shoulders.
“I heard someone was looking for me.” She spoke directly into my ear, her breath brushing against the lobe and raising gooseflesh all over my body. “I really hope it was you.”
Pulling back so I could stare into those beautiful eyes, I smiled, watching her lips curve in an answering grin. “I’ve been looking for you all my life, Rainy. I’m here to stay this time.”
“I’m sorry?—”
“I’m sorry?—”
We laughed as we spoke over each other, and I set her on her feet. Then I bent and kissed her.
And the town cheered.
The crowd had dwindled down to mostly adults by around nine o’clock, and the park looked magical.
White twinkle lights sparkled everywhere, from poles and trees and draped overhead between all the little stands. Couples gathered around the firepits, drinking spiked hot chocolate and beer and something Mitzi, the Tea Room owner, called Fire in the Hole. I didn’t have a clue what was in it, but holy hell, it definitely warmed up your insides.
I’d gotten Maddy out on skates on the pond earlier in the night, but she and Linny had left a few minutes ago. Not to wait up for me. And I’d find my own way home. Eventually.
“Come skate with me, Rainy.”
I glided to the edge of the frozen pond and held my hand out.
“I don’t know.” Rain put her hands on her hips and smiled at me. She’d already put on her skates. “You have some pretty fancy moves, if I remember correctly. And I’m not sure we have the right music.”
Something slow and full of guitar played over the speakers. A few other couples skated around the perimeter of the ice, but I only had eyes for her.
“I promise not to show off my moves if you hold my hand.”
Her smile widened as she stepped on the ice. But she skated past me, hands behind her back until she was as few feet away, then turned and skated backward, holding out her hands.
“Come on then, make it worth my while.”
Grinning, I skated up to her, scooped her off the ice as she gasped, and spun her around like we were pairs skaters. I owed that ice dancer in college a beer if I ever saw her again.
Rain continued to laugh as I lowered her back to the ice, then turned and took her hand, pushing off and tugging her along on a leisurely path around the outside of the ice.
“I want you to know,” I said, “I had already decided to come back before Rebel came to talk to me.”
She blinked up at me. “Wait. What?”
“He didn’t tell you?” I snorted. “That figures.”
She looked mystified. “I had no idea. Why?”
“Because he loves you, and he said I made you unhappy. Then he threatened to punch me if I didn’t make it right. I want to make it right.”
“Brian—”
“I thought you were happy to see me leave. The way you looked at me when I walked out your door… It felt like you were already wiping your memories of me.”
Grimacing, she released my hand to thread her arm through mine, bringing her closer. “I hate to be wrong. I mean, I’m not always right, but I thought we were right. That we were meant to be together. And when you left, I just thought…I’d screwed up again.”
“You didn’t screw up. I did. I should’ve made it clear nothing would keep me from coming back to you. I missed you. Every single day. I missed you.” I didn’t bother with subtlety now. I just needed to know. “It felt like my heart was being crushed.”
She looked up at me, eyes sparkling. “Me too. Every day.”
“I love you, Rainbow.”
“I love you too.”
From across the ice, someone yelled, “We love you, too. Now get a room!”
We looked at each other.
Rainy said, “Damn good idea. Race you,” and took off back to the edge of the pond.
I let her win, but only because I already had my prize.
Her.