9. She’s My Mate
9
SHE’S MY MATE
*Kieran*
“Wh-what?” my father stammers as he stares at me standing in front of his desk, holding Nessa’s hand in mine. “Nessa is your… mate?” His face is ashen, his jaw slack, and in his eyes I see the disdain I feel in my heart–along with a great deal of uncertainty.
I, too, know how that feels. Another shudder goes down my spine at the thought of what happened last night, but I can’t let my father see that. He has to think I’m happy about this. I cannot, under any circumstances, let Nessa have a reason to tell anyone what she stumbled upon.
Or was she stalking me?
“Well…” Mother, who is standing behind Father’s chair, one hand on his shoulder, clears her throat and makes a little face like she’s swallowing down her own vomit. “Isn’t that… lovely.” She doesn’t mean a word of it, I know. Nessa is the most annoying girl any of us has ever met. Even more annoying than my fucking sister.
Oh, Goddess. I’d better stop using those two words in the same sentence!
“Have you told your father yet?” The king leans back in his chair, as if he’s doing his best to suck in a lungful of air and failing.
“Not yet.” Nessa is practically vibrating with giddiness. She keeps squealing and grabbing my arm. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t allow her to touch me.
I guess I’d better get used to it.
“We wanted to tell you straight away,” I explain.
“Yes, yes, I understand.” Father drags a hand down his face, tugging on his long white beard. “And you’ve… marked one another?”
“We have!” Nessa lifts up on her toes and drops back down before she leans in a bit too close to my father so that he backs away and whispers, “Mine is in a place where no one else can see. Just me and my matey-watey!” Another squeal. Another giggle. Another mouthful of vomit my mother is swallowing down.
“Good, good.” Father presses his lips together so tightly they are a thin line. “Nessa, dear, why don’t you go out in the hall for a bit so we can talk to our son?”
“All right.” She turns to me, and I have no choice but to face her. “Goodbye, Kieran Wieran. I love you sooooo much.” She rubs her nose against mine before pressing her lips onto my mouth and then shoving her tongue down my throat so far I really do think I might throw up. Then, she prances out of the room, practically dancing, her hands in fists out to her sides as she rocks back and forth.
As soon as the door is closed, my father says, “What in damnation? How is this possible?”
If only he knew the truth. Then… well, he’d be saying more than “damnation.”
“Believe me,” I begin, “I was shocked as well.” I let that moment I’d registered who I’d slept with sink in for a moment and try to stay lucid. “Is it possible someone messed with the Haze?”
“Messed with the Haze?” Mother repeats. “That’s impossible.”
“Is it?” I’m staring earnestly at my father, thinking he must know something Mother doesn’t–because obviously, someone messed with the Haze, and my reason for knowing this is true has nothing to do with Nessa.
My father slowly shakes his head. “No, son. It isn’t possible to mess with the Haze. There’s no magic more powerful in the world than the Moon Goddess’s pull.”
My forehead wrinkles as I consider what he’s saying. “But… she can’t be my mate, can she?”
“You felt the pull to her?” Mother asks.
I nod, thinking of Blanca, not Nessa. “It’s all a blur, of course, but there was no question when we were… together… that we were mates.” I take a deep breath. My own words don’t make any sense to me. They go against everything I know about my very existence. “Aren’t there more powerful wizards in other kingdoms who might be able to do this? Magicians?”
“No.” Father cuts me off with eyes sharp enough to slice through me. “Even the most powerful wizard alive couldn’t mess with the Haze, son. I’m telling you, it’s not possible. If the Moon Goddess led you to Nessa, then she is your mate, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“Well….” Mother has one finger under her bottom lip, twisting it there. I know that look, but whatever evil thought has just slipped into her mind, there’s no way my father will let her say it aloud.
He stops her with a deep growl in the back of his throat, and she drops it. For now.
“You must be tired, son. Go to your room, take a shower, and get some sleep.” He tries to smile, but I see the worry behind my father’s eyes.
“Take a long shower,” Mother suggests. “And use a lot of soap.”
They both chuckle, but if they knew the truth, they wouldn’t think it was funny at all. Nessa Winters is annoying, and her status isn’t nearly high enough to marry me and become the next Luna Queen. But at least she isn’t–I cut the thought off. I have to find a way to forget.
“Very well.” I bow in respect to my parents and then make my way out of my father’s office. Thankfully, Nessa isn’t waiting for me. She probably wandered off to tell all her friends.
As I head toward my room, I pray that no one sees me. I didn’t get that lucky with my last request, and I don’t expect to now, but somehow, I manage to make it to my room. I go inside, lock the door, and head straight to the bathroom.
All the while, I’m going over everything that has happened and what my father said. Steam wraps around me as I stand near the shower and strip out of these ill-fitting, cheaply made, borrowed clothes. I’m glad I can’t see my reflection in the mirror. This fucking mark is going to be burned into my skin for the rest of my life, and that’s going to make it hard to look at myself–ever. It burns now, even though I’m not that far away from Bla–the person who put it there. I wonder if that’s because I’m essentially rejecting her, denying to everyone that she is my mate. Does the mark I left on her ache as well?
“I hope so,” I whisper as I climb into the shower, grabbing the soap and beginning to scrub every surface of my body under the scalding water. “For what she’s done, she deserves to be in as much pain as humanly possible.”
Regardless of what my father said, he has to be wrong. He has to be unaware that there is a magic strong enough to mess with the Haze. It’s the only explanation for what’s happened.
The only alternative is that the Moon Goddess is fucked in the head and doing all kinds of shitty things to people.
“There can be no other explanation,” I voice aloud, finally beginning to rinse the suds off my body. I’ve washed my dick so many times, it’s raw. I have to get every trace of her off my skin.
After about an hour, I get out of the shower and wrap myself up in a towel, sinking down to sit on the edge of the massive jetted tub in the corner of the room. Absently, I consider which of these two worlds I want to live in–one where magic is strong enough to interfere with the Moon Goddess’s will or one where the Moon Goddess lets us be mated to members of our own families.
Shaking my head, I get up and wander to the closet to get dressed in something that will be comfortable enough to sleep in but allow me to get up quickly if I need to. It is the middle of the day, after all.
Lying down, I begin to wonder if there’s even a Moon Goddess at all. Sure, there had to be at one point or else we wouldn’t be able to shift. The Haze wouldn't exist. But now, well, maybe She’s dead.
Maybe the Moon Goddess decided She couldn’t handle us anymore and left us to our own devices.
All I know for sure as I start to drift off is that I’m trapped in a hell where Nessa Winters isn’t my worst choice, and that’s enough to make me certain that even if I have the worst nightmare of my life it’ll be better than my reality.