14. Separate and Unequal
14
SEPARATE AND UNEQUAL
*Blanca*
“I need to get out of here.”
It’s the only thought I can allow to enter my mind. It’s the same thought that has kept me going ever since I was old enough to understand that I am not like the others. I need to get the hell out of here and never look back.
I’m sitting on my bed with my legs pulled up to my chest, thinking about where I would go. The door is locked from the outside again, but I have the key the mice stole for me hidden away in one of the mouse holes. I can get out.
But once I do… where do I go?
I hear my door knob rattle, and it startles me. “Blanca, open this fucking door!” My brother’s voice booms, and my breath catches in my that.
“I… can’t,” I stammer, leaping off the bed and approaching the barrier. “It’s locked from the outside.”
“What?” Kieran swears under his breath and rattles the door knob again–harder this time. “Who the hell locked you in your room?”
“Mother,” I tell him. I don’t say more. He will either talk to me through the door or find someone to unlock it. In all of our twenty-one years, never once has my brother come to my room. I’m surprised he even knows where it is.
I hear a commotion outside as Kieran demands that someone unlock the door. The deep voice of a guard registers, “Sir, the queen said no one is allowed–”
I hear gurgling sounds and take a step back. I imagine my brother squeezing the poor guy’s throat. “I said open the fucking door. I am the Crown Prince.”
“Y-yes, sir.” The guard can hardly get the words out.
The jingle of keys fills the air, and then my door swings open. Kieran has fire in his eyes as he walks in and slams the door behind him. It shakes the wall. If I had any pictures hanging up, I imagine they would fall.
Instinctively, I back away from him as he stalks near me. It doesn’t take long for me to run into the window ledge, which bites into the back of my legs. I wince as my welts begin to sting.
Kieran’s eyes lower slightly, his brow furrowed. He’s actually noticed that I’m in pain. I doubt he’ll say anything.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asks, to my surprise.
“N-nothing,” I mutter. I fold my arms. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. Turn around.”
My eyes bulge. Why does he care? I shake my head.
“Turn. The. Fuck. Around.”
I can’t disobey him, so I slowly pivot on my foot, wondering what he’s going to do. He tugs up the bottom of my shirt and then gasps before he drops it. Thank the Goddess he doesn’t look down my skirt. I look at him over my shoulder.
“Who the fuck did that?”
Like I’m moving in quicksand, I turn back to him. “Doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter,” he disagrees. “Goddess, it looks gnarly. You’re going to get an infection.”
“I never have before.”
His eyes widen slightly as he realizes I am used to this. Why he cares is beyond me, but this coupled with Candace actually being concerned for me makes me wonder what the hell is going on. Everything has been so strange since the Haze.
“You were down in the dungeon last night.”
It’s not a question. I nod.
“Did you fuck up all those guards?”
I swallow hard. “I don’t know.”
Kieran shakes his head and places his hands on his hips. “How can you not know? Either you did or you didn’t.”
“I don’t know because… everything is weird.” I lower myself down onto the windowsill. I want to tell him I think something changed during the night of the Haze, but I’m afraid to say that word to him.
“Was that your punishment? Did Father have you whipped?”
“Not Father,” I tell him. “Mother. It was her punishment for me sneaking out. They don’t think… they don’t know it was me. With the mice.”
“Holy Fuck.” He sinks down on the edge of my bed. “You are something else, Blanca. I don’t know what the fuck to do with you. You do realize that what you got is nothing compared to what happened to your friend, right?”
My back straightens as I consider what he is saying. I don’t really have any friends, but if I could count one person as such, it’s Mr. Blake. “What did they do to him?”
“They beat the living hell out of him,” Kieran tells me. “He looks like a pile of rare steak.”
Tears prickle in my eyes. I was afraid of that. After the owl swooped in, and I ran, I felt terrible because I knew he wouldn’t be able to get away. They must’ve assumed he did all of it because of the birds.
“Crying isn’t going to do you any good, witch.” Kieran is angry, but his words are not as malicious as they were the last time he spoke to me. “When did he teach you how to do this?”
“Teach me?” I repeat. Then, I shake my head. “He didn’t.”
“He had to have,” Kieran counters. “Otherwise, how would you know how to do it? It’s not like you were born that way. Only people from Escuro can control animals, and you’re obviously not from there.”
I stare at him for a long moment, my mind racing. “People from… where?”
“Escuro! You know? The kingdom to the north Father conquered around the time we were born. He talks about it all the fucking time. At least, he used to when we were younger.”
Shaking my head, I remind him, “I wasn’t there for any of that, Kieran.”
He stares at my face for a moment and then slowly nods. He gets it now. He remembers. I was never invited for story time. Or family time. Or dinner time. I was always separate from everyone else. Even when I was a baby, I had my own nursery on the other side of the castle and a couple of maids who took care of me. I was never with my brother. It was like we weren’t related at all.
“Listen, I understand you’re jealous, that you want the throne–”
The laugh that burst from between my lips is almost frightening. I sound deranged. His eyebrows furrow as he stares at me. I cover my mouth with one hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just… I already told you. That’s the last thing on earth I want.”
“Then what else could it be? Why else would you let the crazy man in the dungeon, Father’s arch nemesis, teach you how to control animals? Why else would you try to… do what you did… to take the throne?” His cheeks turn pink, and I know he’s accidentally let some thoughts of what happened during the Haze sneak in.
I shake my head. “I didn’t do any of those things. I told you, he didn’t teach me, and during the Haze, my wolf was acting on instinct, the same as yours and everyone else’s. I know you can’t believe me because it’s all so messed up, but it’s the truth. As for the throne, the only thing I want for myself is freedom. To run as far away from here as possible and never look back. I don’t care if I have to go slop hogs for a pig farmer twenty-three hours a day. I want out of here.”
“Is it really that bad?” Again, his gaze locks with mine, his icy blue eyes sincere with his question.
I nod. “The worst part is knowing that even my own family doesn’t want me.” I wipe away a tear that’s slipped from my eye. “And now, with no mate….” I yearn to scratch that spot above my left breast that itches and burns, but I don’t. Not in front of him.
Kieran tosses himself backward onto my bed, makes a sound like someone who's just stepped barefoot in pig shit, and leaps up to standing. I might’ve laughed under other circumstances as he realized lying on my bed isn’t a good idea.
He shakes his head as he starts to walk toward the door. “None of this makes any fucking sense to me, and I hate it. I hate all of it.”
“Me, too,” I agree.
He is starting to turn back into the asshole bully I have always hated. Pointing a finger at me, he says, “Whatever the fuck you’re doing, stop!”
I nod. What else can I do?
Kieran leaves the room, and the keys jingle again. I’m a prisoner, as far as they know, but thoughts of escape fill my head again.
I dissolve onto my bed, the tears I tried my best to hold back earlier springing free. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Blake,” I say from the bottom of my heart, wishing he could hear me. “I never meant for you to get hurt.”
‘It’s okay, Little Raven. I’m okay.’
The voice in my head rings out so clearly, I gasp and sit up.
What the fuck was that?