16. Just the Voices in My Head
16
JUST THE VOICES IN MY HEAD
*Blanca*
‘It’s okay, Little Raven. I’m okay.’
Mr. Blake’s voice sounds in my head, and I freeze, afraid to breathe. This isn’t just like when a person thinks they hear someone’s voice because it’s so familiar to them. No, this is completely different. It’s as if I’m on the phone–something I’m never allowed to use–and I can actually hear Mr. Blake’s voice, and he’s talking directly to me.
“Wh-who? Who is talking to me please?” I say aloud as I also think the stuttering mess of a sentence.
‘It’s me, Blake. I can hear you, Little Raven. You’re mind-linking.’
Shock ripples through me as I gasp and hold a hand over my trembling lips. “Moon Goddess,” I murmur. The mind-link? But that’s not possible. I’ve never had the mind-link before, not even with my own family members. It’s not possible. There’s just no way that Mr. Blake can hear what I’m thinking.
‘Little Raven, have you given any more thought to what I said to you the other night? About all of the strange happenings that you and the Crown Prince cannot explain?’
I continue to sit with my mouth hanging open trying to determine whether or not I should continue to speak to this voice in my head or bury my skull in a pile of pillows to drown it out. Since I only have one thin pillow the width of a novella on my bed, I decide that’s not going to work. “I have been thinking about it nonstop, but I don’t understand,” I tell him both aloud and in my mind.
‘What is there to understand, dear one? Simply state the truth of the matter, and you can only arrive at one conclusion.’
A lump forms in my throat as I ponder what he’s saying. For just a moment, I let my mind accept the only possibility that follows what I know to be true about the Moon Goddess. If only members of the same pack can speak through the mind-link, that means Mr. Blake and I are members of the same pack.
But he is from a distant land, the name of which I’m not completely sure of, so that’s not possible. There’s no way he’s from Dun’s Crossing, I’m almost certain. I remember what Kieran said about those special people who can control animals.
But I need to ask. “What pack are you a member of, Mr. Blake?”
‘I’m from a kingdom known as Escuro,’ he tells me. When he speaks of his lands, he is proud, I can tell. ‘A special group of people who loved one another like family no matter their station. Kind, loving, thoughtful, selfless people. Those were the people of Escuro.’
I can tell by the way he’s speaking that there aren’t many left of his kind. A tear forms in the corner of my eye as I think about it–of them. My father’s warriors ripped his people apart. From King Gavin’s perspective, we were the victorious winners who had extinguished some evil from the world. From the eyes of the vanquished, we were cruel invaders who changed everything for them, ending a great deal of lives, no doubt.
‘Tell me about your people,’ I say, still thinking about what it is Mr. Blake wants me to accept–that we are somehow from the same pack.
That either he is actually from Dun’s Crossing…
Or I am from Escuro.
A laugh catches in my throat. It’s not possible. I’ve been here my entire life. Most children don’t have memories as old as mine, but I was born a woman, not a child, and the longing for any form of affection I’d had in my soul since I was an infant made images flicker and catch in my mind’s eye that allowed me to hold onto time in a different capacity than most.
‘I’ve told you, Little Raven, my people were kind and peaceful. That peace was sadly destroyed these many years ago. But I believe they can be resurrected, come back and be a beautiful, utopian kingdom once again.’
Listening to his words has me tearing up again. He speaks so fondly of them, I hate that my own father is responsible for what has happened. Others may see him as a great and mighty ruler, but to me, he is the cruel man who never even had a hug for his own daughter.
‘How?’ I gulp in some air, wiping my eyes on the back of my sleeves. ‘ How can they be brought back?’
‘All it takes is a little faith–and recognition, my Little Raven.’
I open my mouth to say more, but I hear a jingle in the door. “Someone’s here,” I whisper.
Mr. Blake laughs in my head. ‘You can just think it. If you’re thinking of me when you have a message to send, I’ll hear you. I’ll always hear you, my Little Raven.’
I want to say more, but my sister’s smiling face appears at the door. “Hi,” Candace says, carrying in a tray of food. “Were you talking to someone?”
I sniffle and wipe my eyes. “Just myself,” I tell her. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She sets the tray down near me on the bed and takes a seat near my feet. “I’m so sorry, Blanca.”
“Sorry?” I ask. “For what?”
“For everything.” Candace lets out a sigh, and I see her eyes beginning to glimmer as well. “We were never sisters, and I hate that.”
I stare at her for a moment and know that she really means that. I couldn’t tell if her concern the other day was genuine or just a matter of her getting all wrapped up in her feelings because of the situation with the Haze and all of that. But she’d been bringing me food a few times a day since the door was permanently locked, and if it wasn’t for that, I’d be awfully hungry. And looking in her eyes, I believe her.
“When I think about all the fun memories I have with Ingrid–picking out clothes together, choosing accessories, all of those fun moments. You missed out on that with us, and I missed out on it with you. I know how it feels to be the big sister in that situation, marveling at how beautiful and smart your younger sibling is, but I have no idea what it’s like to be the younger sister, to be doted on.”
I’m not sure what to say to that. Her reasoning sounds a bit selfish to me when she puts it like that, but since I don’t say anything, Candace continues.
“Not only that. It’s just not fair that you always miss out on everything.” She sniffles and wipes her hand on the back of her nose. “And Mother having you whipped.” Her head turns quickly so she’s looking at me. “That wasn’t the first time.”
It’s not a question, but I confirm for her. “No, it wasn’t.”
She nods and blows out some air. “Well, I don’t like it. You’re our sister, damn it. Why do we treat you like shit?”
“When–when did you realize that all of this was a problem?” I run a hand through my hair, trying to seem nonchalant even though my heart aches.
“It was about the time I had that dream that you met your mate,” she says in a near whisper. “I started thinking about how sad I’d be if you left just like that, and I never even really knew you. I’d be happy for you, I realized. I’ve never said much, but I always hated the way we treated you. But yeah, it was just before the Haze.”
I nod, not surprised. The timing coincides with when everything else in the world slipped on its ear.
“Well, I should let you eat. I’ll come back and get the tray in a bit.”
“Thank you, Candace.” I smile at her, and she pats my arm. I almost flinch; I’m not used to gentle touches. But I don’t, and we grin at one another for a moment before she goes to the door. I can’t do anything about the past, but I can choose to have a sister now.
“Wish me luck at dinner,” she says, her hand on the door. She makes a face that begs my question.
“What’s happening at dinner?” I reach for the cloche on the tray she brought up to me for my dinner.
“Kieran is bringing his mate. Goddess, she’s so annoying. That’s something else I realized at the time of the Haze. Nessa Winters is just awful. Goddess, I can’t believe our brother is going to have to marry her. Can you think of one other person on the planet that it would be worse for him to be mated to?”
I stare at her wide blue eyes, my hand frozen in mid-air, and murmur, “I can think of… one other.”