22. Who’s Your Daddy?
22
WHO’S YOUR DADDY?
*Blanca*
Before I even open my eyes, I know that something is different. My back hurts, and the bed beneath me feels harder than usual.
The pillow beneath my head doesn’t quite feel right either. It’s familiar–but it’s not the paper thin slip of fabric I’m used to resting my head on.
When the pillow moves, everything comes back to me. My eyes fly open, and I realize that Kieran and I have shifted our positions in the middle of the night. His eyes are closed, thank the Goddess, and he makes a small murmuring noise as he readjusts on the floor of the cave.
Somehow, he’s got his head on the backpack I was using as a pillow–and my head was on his chest.
“Great googly moogly,” I mumble, barely a whisper. The last thing I want is for him to wake up and look up at me, seeing me hovering this close to him. He’d probably think I was trying to make a move on him again.
I remind myself of everything I’ve discovered over the last few days and try to feel slightly more at ease about the horrific discovery we both woke up to after the Haze. I’m pretty sure that my entire life has been a lie, and that’s easier for me to accept than the alternative–that Kieran is my brother.
My bladder shouts at me, and I quietly slide across the dirty, rocky floor of the cave and creep toward the opening, which is hard to get through in my human form. It’s narrow, low to the ground, and covered by bushes. I manage to squeeze through and find another bush to squat behind.
I’ve barely finished when I hear panicked whispers coming from the cave. “Blanca? Where the fuck are you?” Kieran sounds alarmed.
“Just a second!” I whisper-shout back to him and then make my way back to the cave. When I squeeze my way back through, he’s sitting on the floor with his arms folded, his eyes narrowed, and I know I’m in trouble.
“Where the fuck did you go? You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” I mumble, dropping back to the ground and sitting against the wall away from him. “I had to pee.”
He drags his hand through his hair, and I’m not sure what to say. Why is he so alarmed? Sure, he wants to figure out what’s going on as badly as I do, but would he really care if something happened to me? I doubt it. I think he’s here more for the mystery aspect than trying to keep me safe.
“The patrols should be pretty far from here,” he says, absently rubbing at his chest. He hasn’t been doing that much. I noticed it when he stopped by my room a few days ago, but this is the first time I’ve seen him do it since we took off together. But then again, we were in the dark or our wolf form for most of the time, so maybe I’m just imagining it. But my mark doesn’t hurt anymore.
“That’s good that they’re not nearby, isn’t it?” I ask him.
He nods. “Yeah, but we still need to be careful. We’ve got a couple hundred more miles to go to reach the border of what used to be Escuro. I’m not sure what to expect when we get there either.”
“Do you think it’s occupied?” I ask. “I thought the story was that your father took over to free people who were being mistreated by their previous king. Wouldn’t your father leave the area occupied to make sure that they are taken care of?”
He blinks at me a few times, shakes his head, and says, “I don’t think so. I’ll be back.”
My eyes narrow as he disappears through the cave opening. It takes me a moment to figure out that he is probably also watering the bushes. In a few moments, he’s back. “Why not?”
“Why not what?” he asks me. “Oh. Why do I think it’s not occupied? Well, mostly because I think everything I’ve ever heard about Father is a lie. I don’t think he was trying to free anyone in any of the territories he conquered. I think he used underhanded and illegal tactics to take over the lands of his enemies because he wanted to make sure they weren’t a threat to him. Everything else he just made up. It’s bullshit.”
I listen, wondering how this can be the same Kieran talking to me now that I grew up with. I didn’t spend a ton of time with him or any of my siblings, but when we were around one another, he was always completely loyal to the king. Even before he was old enough to walk, he was being groomed to take over the kingdom. Everyone was so proud of him. He was treated like the prince he is.
“So what happened to the people that lived there?” I pull on a thread on the hem of my skirt, not sure I want to hear the answer.
“Taner says Father poisoned them all.”
I look up at him and see remorse on his face. He shakes his head slightly. “Really?”
“Yeah. His dad was there. Guess we’ll find out. I’m sorry, Blanca.” He moves his hand, like he’s going to touch me, but then he doesn’t.
“I’m sorry, too.” I mean it, and I think he also means it. I can’t imagine all of those people dying. Why would anyone do that?
I don’t think Gavin Solberg is my father, but if he was, I wouldn’t want to admit it.
Maybe that’s why Kieran is here. He doesn’t want to be related to him anymore either. I stare at a spot on the ground, wondering if there’s anything that can be done about it.
“Can I ask you something?”
Kieran’s quiet tone has me slowly lifting my head to look at him again. I nod.
“You keep saying ‘your’ father. Does that mean you don’t think you’re… a Solberg?” He bites his bottom lip and stares at me, his icy blue eyes as sincere as I’ve ever seen them.
“I don’t think it’s possible,” I tell him. “I haven’t quite figured out who I am or how I got there, but I’m pretty sure I’m from Escuro. And if that’s the case, that means that the king and queen are not my parents. And you’re–”
“Not your brother,” he finishes for me.
Again, my head rocks back and forth.
He lets out a long sigh, and I know why. I didn’t quite let the breath my soul’s been holding since the Haze out like that, but I have felt the tension in my chest loosen the more it sinks into my mind.
We didn’t do something horrific.
His father did.
“Do you….” He clears his throat, leaving me staring at him as I wait for him to finish his question. “Do you think that maybe Blake is your… father?”
“What?” My eyes narrow as I stare at him. It has never once in my life crossed my mind that Mr. Blake might be my father. “Why do you ask?”
“Well… you guys look a lot alike,” he tells me. “Your eyes both have the same silver and blue flecks, and your coloring is the same. You have similar bone structure in your faces.” He shrugs. “It would make sense, wouldn’t it? That my father took you because he thought you might have powers he could use one day–against his enemies.”
Not knowing what to say, I shake my head. “No. I don’t think so. I mean, I guess he could be related to me, but I think he would’ve told me if he was my father.”
“Why would he?” Kieran argues. “I mean, if he was afraid you might want to stay there and try to help him when you should be getting far, far away from there, then why would he tell you?”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” I admit. “I honestly don’t know, Kieran. I guess he could be. But–” I can’t finish the sentence. To think, all of those years while I was mourning not being included as part of the family, my real father might’ve been chained in the dungeon beneath my feet, suffering and miserable.
“I think we should head out,” Kieran says, interrupting my thoughts. “There aren’t any warriors around here right now from what I can pick up over the mind-link. I checked in with them and told them I was over by the Lavendale River.”
I have no idea where that is. “Is that far?”
“It’s about a hundred miles west of here,” he assures me. “Most of them are headed that way. I told them I lost your tracks in the dark and took a nap, but now I’ve picked them up again, and I think you must’ve slept, too, because I can smell you. They’re buying it.” He gives me the confident, winning smile I’m used to from him.
“And your father?” I ask him. “Is he still pissed?”
“He’s ballistic,” Kieran tells me. “He’s doing everything he can to try to get you back.”
He seems to think that’s funny, but it scares me. “Do you think he’ll hurt Mr. Blake?”
“I don’t know.” Kieran’s smile fades. “But try not to worry about it. Blake wanted you to, didn’t he?”
I think about the conversation I had with Mr. Blake right before I left the castle and nod. “Yeah, he did.”
“Then let’s go.” Kieran stands and pulls his shirt off over his head. I don’t want to look at him, but it’s hard for me not to. He notices and raises his eyebrows.
“Does it–still hurt?” I stammer, trying to think of a reason why I might be staring at his chest. He’s not your brother, I remind myself.
His eyebrows furrow, but then he places a hand on the mark. “Actually, no. It hasn’t been hurting since we left yesterday. You?”
“Same,” I tell him. I think I know what that means. I think that our marks like that we are together. Maybe it’s the Moon Goddess who is pleased that we have run away together.
I hope she enjoys it while it lasts because something tells me this isn’t going to last forever.
Soon enough, I’ll be in Escuro, and Kieran will be….
I don’t know where he’ll be, but something tells me he won’t be with me.