35. What I Must Do
35
WHAT I MUST DO
*Kieran*
I wake to lamplight streaming through the curtains. It’s early morning. Though I can’t see it down here in the tunnels, I imagine the sun is still hiding beneath the horizon. I should still be asleep, but my mind and body are at odds with my heart, and rest hasn’t come easy.
Raven and I made the most of the soft bed and total privacy we were awarded last night after our wedding and didn’t fall asleep until well past the middle of the night. But I reach over to her side of the bed and find it empty, and cool to the touch.
I sit up and fumble for my clothes.
She has to know that this moment was coming. That I have to leave, and it may be a while before I can return. The idea of storming into my own kingdom, deposing my father, and putting his crown on top of my own head is appealing, but it can’t happen that way.
I have to play the long game. I have to take out the enemies in his inner circle. I have to work my way to the top.
King Cole must help me, but I can’t bring his daughter into this.
Raven has done enough. She has suffered enough.
She won’t be going with me.
I pull my shirt over my head and work my belt through my pants as I walk through the cottage. She’s not inside, that’s obvious. Her scent is heavy near the front door as I push it open, finding her sitting on the steps in a nightgown, her black hair spilling out behind her and reflecting the lamp light.
“Raven,” I say, mostly to myself. She doesn’t turn to me as I walk up to her and take a seat beside her.
Silence hangs between us for a long time. We sit quietly together, and in the distance, I hear the sounds of the village awaking. She has tears glistening in her eyes; I’m not sure I’ve seen anything more beautiful.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she says eventually.
“Me neither.” It’s not like we really tried to get any rest. I’d love to pick her up and take her back inside to finish what we started last night, but this conversation needs to happen, unfortunately. “Raven, I–we need to talk about this.”
She licks her lips and looks up at me. “How long are you going to be gone?”
“You know I can’t answer that,” I tell her. “Long enough to do what needs to be done.”
She looks back toward the village, where we can hear people calling to one another, all in good cheer after last night’s celebrations. Children are chattering back and forth. I look at my mate and wonder if she knows how happy she’s made all of them.
“Look, Raven. I’m coming back for you. That’s a promise. I don’t want you to worry about me. You’re home–with your family. I held up my end. I got you here. We always knew I’d have to return and finish my business with my parents.”
“And Nessa?”
Shit. I sigh heavily and run my fingers through my hair before resting my arm over her slim shoulders. She leans into my side. “Yeah, Nessa.” I promised myself I wouldn’t think about that. We are betrothed, after all. But Nessa knows the truth, which means while I’m home, I need to keep up the charade as long as I have to in order to keep Raven, our mate bond, and the fact she’s here and safe a secret until I can strike.
“I won’t be going through the wedding with Nessa, obviously.”
“But you might have to if this takes longer than–”
“It won’t,” I tell her. “I promise you. Plus, a marriage between Nessa and I wouldn’t mean anything, Raven. I am married to you.”
She swallows hard and looks up at me, and thankfully a smile touches her lips and brightens her eyes. “I know.”
Her stomach growls, and now I’m smiling too. “Hungry?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“I’ll make breakfast and then we can go into the village.” The words hang between us for a moment. We both know the second we walk into the village, I have to leave. I can’t linger. Every second I spend with Raven makes me question going on this quest in the first place. I could just stay here. I could be Keery. I could have word sent to my parent’s somehow, by someone, saying that Kieran is dead.
But then Raven would never be safe, and our kingdoms would always be at odds.
Inside the cottage, Raven makes herself busy going through the books stacked neatly on a shelf beside the fireplace while I rummage through the cabinets. I find coffee, some eggs, and proceed to cook a very simple breakfast that will hopefully tide us over for a few hours.
Look at me now, cooking breakfast for my mate. A few days with Raven have turned me into a totally different person.
I know the second I leave her side I’ll fall back into my old ways. The worst part is, I have to. I have to be cruel and cold. Otherwise, this isn’t going to work.
I watch my mate eat her eggs and sip her coffee. I wonder what she’s thinking right now, but I don’t have the balls to ask.
I just watch her, barely touching my food, until she lifts her head and stares at the window, where a small blue bird is tapping on the glass and chirping incessantly. I wonder how it got down here, but then, these people love animals. They must allow some of them in the tunnels.
“What is it saying?” I ask.
Raven smiles, then sighs. “My mother is on her way here to fetch us.”
I rise from my chair and gather our empty plates, rinsing them in the sink. “We’d better go, then.”
“Sure.” There’s hurt in her voice. It cuts me to the core as I follow Raven out of the cottage and along the path toward the village.
Sure enough, Raven’s mother is in the square, having been caught up by some villagers and stuck in conversation while we made our way back.
She gives Raven a cursory glance between turning her attention to me. “Kieran.”
“Luna Delaney,” I say, and give her a little bob of my head in greeting.
“Raven, darling, Nola is waiting for you in the apothecary.”
Raven nods, smiling at her mother before looking over her shoulder at me. “I’ll come find you shortly,” I tell her.
Raven takes a deep breath, grief flashing behind her eyes before she turns and walks into one of the buildings facing the square.
“I’m not going to ask why she’s going to the apothecary,” I say to Delaney.
“It’s just for tea,” Delaney says with a little smile. “Nola is going to make something to keep Raven’s nerves calm while you’re gone.”
“What else will she be doing while I’m away?”
“Training her powers.” Delaney looks sad for a moment. “I fear so much time has been wasted. She has so much to learn.”
“She’s in the right hands,” I reply.
“Is my mate in the right hands?” Delaney asks without warning, her voice dropping.
I meet my wife’s mother’s eyes. “I will free your mate. King Cole will get the freedom he deserves, and he will return to you. I swear on my life.”
“And will you return?”
“For Raven, yes.” I know what she’s asking. She wants to know if I plan to return for her daughter and take her away again.
The truth is, I have no idea what’s going to happen. I have to kill my own father, a man I’ve grown to hate more than ever over the past several days, and I have no idea if I’ll be sitting on his throne or thrown from my pack while one of my brothers rises to take the title.
All I know, and all I care about, is seeing Raven’s family reunited.
“I promised her I’d return, and I mean to keep that promise, I just don’t know how long that’s going to take. There will be a mess to clean up if I’m successful.”
Delaney lays a hand over my arm, and I resist the urge to jump at the contact. I’m still not used to how friendly everyone is here. “I trust you.”
“Okay,” I say quietly. What a fucking burden to carry.
“The pack has put together a bag for you with enough supplies for your journey. Clothes, food, weapons.”
“Thank you. I can hunt on my way. The food isn’t necessary.”
“You are the mate and husband of our princess, Kieran. You are one of us now. Take the food and supplies, please. It would be rude not to.” She gives me a loving smile I don’t think I’ve seen on the face of my own mother, and my heart squeezes.
I hadn’t realized how much I longed for this kind of belonging until the moment I watched Raven reunited with her pack and her family.
“I need to say goodbye,” I tell her, practically whispering the words.
She nods and steps aside so I can walk past her to the shop Raven disappeared into.
The shop is quiet, clean, and smells sharply of herbs and spices. Raven’s soft laugh flitters through the air down a narrow hallway. I follow the sound, and find her in a backroom seated at a table with her aunt and two other pack members I don’t know.
Raven looks at me and knows what’s about to happen. Her aunt and the two other women leave, and then it’s just me and my mate.
Raven launches herself at me with tears in her eyes as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to my chest, breathing in her scent. “This isn’t goodbye forever. Just for a while. I will come back.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
I take her face in my hands and kiss her deeply.
“I love you, Kieran. Remember that. Remember that I’m waiting for you.”
“I love you, too,” I whisper against her lips.
Somewhere outside the shop, I hear people gathering to send me off. I clutch my mate harder.
“Be good,” I whisper into her hair. “Don’t get into trouble while I’m away.”
“Me?” she giggles through tears. “I’ve never caused trouble a day in my life.”