Raze (Dirty Soul MC: Long Beach #1)

Chapter 10

Isit on the sand with my arms resting over my knees, staring out at the ocean and trying to breathe myself back to a calm state of mind but it’s hard when I’m surrounded by memories of all my past mistakes.

“Let’s grab some beers boys, we’ve sure earned it.” Cliff starts leading us toward the clubhouse. It’s been a long run and we’re all tired, but we can sleep tomorrow.

“Raze!” I hear her voice and spin around only just managing to brace myself before she leaps into my arms and kisses every inch of my face.

“I missed you. I missed you so much.” Stacey tugs me in the other direction of the clubhouse toward the room I have at the motel and when Aaron notices I shrug at him and make him laugh.

“Come on. I’ve got something I wanna show you.” She drags me up the stairs to the second floor and has a real excited smile on her face when she opens the door and pulls me inside.

Her eyes gesture to the pamphlet that she has laid on the bed and when I pick it up to check it out she watches me intently.

“So… what do you think?” she asks, the excitement in her voice is electric and she’s practically jumping on her feet.

“It’s a condo,” I point out.

“Yeah, it’s a condo, right on the beachfront. Teresa said you should all get a good cut from your latest run and I know you have some money saved up. We could put a deposit down.” She dances her fingertips across my shoulders.

“Wait, you want us to buy one of these?” I stare back at her, wondering if she’s been smoking something.

“Raze, you’ve been promising me we’ll get out of here for months now. Being part of this club isn’t right for you.” She gives me those judgemental eyes and makes me wish it was all as easy as how she’s making it sound.

Being part of the club is everything that's right for me. Here I can be myself. Without it, I’m just a man who likes to cause pain.

“You’re always telling me you don’t like Cliff’s methods,” she reminds me.

“Will you keep your voice down,” I whisper-yell at her, here I swear the walls are listening and they can fuckin’ talk too.

“Look at you baby, you're always on edge. You're not happy here and that right there is our dream.” She picks up the pamphlet and I look at the woman who gave everything up for me and feel guilty for not being the man she needs. Stacey’s parents are from Beverly Crest and they did not approve of their daughter dating a biker. She’s used to fancy restaurants and pool parties at her mansion, not a room in a scummy motel with a boyfriend who’s hardly ever around.

Being the club enforcer is a busy job, not to mention all the extra work I’ve been putting in with Aaron these days. He’s been prospecting since he was fifteen, and Cliff’s been hard on him, but when he turns eighteen next year, he’s bound to make the cut.

“It’s not just about leavin’ the club, Stacey this place is my main source of income. I ain’t a nine-to-five guy, you know that. And Aaron–”

“Aaron again, are you serious?”

“Stacey, I’m his sponsor, I have a responsibility.”

“You're his sponsor, not his father, Raze. Jesus.” She grips at her hair in frustration.

“Come on, you know how tough he gets it from his old man, Cliff’s got real issues with telling him how good he is, and believe me, he’s good.”

“If he’s so good why not have him keep your dick warm at night,” she points out trying to be clever.

“Don’t be stupid, he’s a good kid and he deserves the chance–”

“The chance you had but never took,” she finishes and stokes the flames of anger in my stomach.

“Yeah, he’s a great fighter, one of the best, and once he’s patched in he can go wherever he wants to go. He’s got a one-way ticket outta this place and I don’t want him to fuck up.”

“You’ve got a one-way ticket too.” She shoves the pamphlet into my chest before she storms into the bathroom and locks the door.

“Women troubles?” Aaron joins me where I’m sitting on a white plastic chair by the empty swimming pool. Sitting on the edge, he dangles his legs over the side and takes the blunt I pass him. I don’t answer his question, as he tokes back on it, I’m too deep in thought.

“I take it she didn’t like the beach hut?” He tilts back his head and blows smoke into the hot sticky air.

“I didn’t get a chance to show her it.” Scrubbing my hand over my face I look up at the stars and wonder where the hell I’m supposed to be headin’ in this life.

“You didn’t show her… Raze, we’ve been working on that for months.”

“Yeah well, Stacey doesn’t want a one-roomed fuckin’ beach hut, Aaron, she wants a fuckin condo,” I snap when I realize that there just ain’t no resolution to this. I’m gonna lose her, she’s gonna go back to her folks, find some rich-assed doctor or lawyer to buy her her condo and I’ll just be a crazy phase in her life that she’ll wanna forget.

I don’t wanna be someone’s phase. I don’t wanna be lonely and miserable like my old man. I wanna be part of someone’s future.

“A condo?” Aaron laughs.

“I made this mistake one night of tellin’ her the thoughts I had.” I check we’re alone before I lower my voice. “The concerns I got about your old man,” Aaron is fully aware of my suspicions, in fact, it was some of the things he’s told me since I became his sponsor that raised them. “Now she’s got it in her head that I want out.”

“And do you?” he questions me with a serious look on his face.

“I don’t know what I want, all I do know is that I can’t stick around here too much longer.”

“Not yet, you gotta promise me that you won’t leave yet. Let me earn the cut then we’ll leave together. You know Davey’s always talking about what Jimmer’s doing out in Colorado. He’d always find a place for you at his table, you and him are practically family.”

“Don’t run before you can walk, Aaron. I’m sure your dad’s got plans for you.”

“That’s what scares me,” he admits, lowering his head back to the empty pool.

I look up when I see a young girl step through the archway that leads into the yard from the parking lot. I can’t recall ever seeing her here before and she’s looking around the place like she’s unfamiliar with it.

“You lookin’ for someone, darlin’?” I call across the pool at her.

“Shit, she’s pretty,” Aaron says under his breath, and when he turns a shade of pink I clip him around the back of the head for being so soft.

“Yeah, I’m looking for Vernon Anderson, I hear that some people call him Vex.”

“I know Vex.” I stand up suddenly wondering who this young girl is, and what her business with my father could be. She can’t be any older than Aaron. “He ain’t been seen here in a long while though,” I add looking her over suspiciously.

“Oh, I was just…”

“You want me to pass on a message?” Aaron stands up beside me looking eager to help.

“Sure.” The girl smiles at him shyly. “Could you tell him that his daughter stopped by?”

I don’t know why I keep letting old memories into my thoughts, I don’t know what I was thinking coming back here. And I don’t know what the fuck just went through my head when I kissed that girl. I don’t do spontaneous things, I’m always in control, but there’s something about Peyton that makes me feel all out of it. I’ve got no business kissing her. She’s far too young for me, clearly free-spirited and I’ve got responsibilities here that I can’t get sidetracked from. Have I learned nothing from the past?

“Raze.” When her soft voice comes from behind me, I don’t turn my head, I keep staring at the water, willing for her to go away, but at the same time wanting her to stay close. Eventually, she moves forward, sitting beside me and looking out at the same scene that I am. What is it about her that makes me wanna climb inside her head and read all her thoughts? Why is resisting the urge to look at her so damn fuckin’ hard?

“I love the ocean, there’s something so magical and undiscovered about it.” I want to turn and look at her, see how her face looks with the moonlight shining on it but I manage to keep focusing ahead of me.

“Do you ever–”

“I shouldn’t have kissed ya.” I blurt the words out and interrupt her, needing to draw a line under what just happened. Having her stay with me was a terrible idea, especially when there are rooms in the motel she could use. Up until now, I’ve convinced myself that I was letting her stay because of the guilt I felt for letting down my sister, but I’m realizing with every second that passes that it’s more than that. I know it because all I can think about is killing that man who hurt her, and kissing her again.

“I liked it.” She nudges me playfully with her shoulder, and despite the fact I’m raging at myself I can’t stop my mouth from twitching into a smile.

“It don’t matter whether you liked it or not. I shouldn’t have done it.” I fist my hands and try to cling to some self-control. This girl doesn’t make it easy.

“And why not?” She stands up tall and positions herself in front of me, blocking my view and forcing me to look up at her. My eyes, of course, get distracted by the long perfect legs, and the hips I want to smash my cock all the way into.

“Because, Peyton, I’m old enough to be your father, and to answer your earlier question. No, I didn’t kill someone tonight, but I did condemn a man to death. I ain’t a good person,” I explain, watching her frown back at me.

“And you think I am? You don’t know me, Raze.” She shakes her head and laughs at me bitterly.

“I don’t, but I do know myself, and I'm tellin’ ya, I ain’t good for ya. I think you should move into the motel. I’ll get one of the girls to fix you up a room on the second floor, away from the…” I stop myself from saying the word because I can’t even bear to think about her being like the other girls that hang out here.

“No!” She shakes her head looking devastated. “I don’t want to stay at the motel. I like the hut.”

“You like the hut?” Now it’s me that’s laughing. “No TV, no internet, you can barely swing a cat in the place and you have to shower outside,” I remind her.

“I like it because you're there,” she admits, staring me deep in the eyes, and making a heat spread through my chest that I promised myself I’d never allow myself to feel again.

“Listen, darlin’, I ain’t nobody’s hero, I said you could stay here and hide out, but that doesn’t make this a safe place for you to be. I’m here to try and fix this place up and I gotta lot of work to do. I can’t have any distractions.”

“So I’m a distraction?” She flashes me a pretty little smile that makes my dick fuckin’ twitch.

“Yeah, you’re a fuckin’ distraction and I need you to help me do the right thing here.”

“And there was me thinking you biker boys were all about doing the wrong things.” She steps so close to me that our toes are almost touching and her denim-covered pussy is right in my face. I wanna snatch the cute, little shorts off her hips and taste between her legs, but I somehow manage to look up at her.

“Please let me stay at the hut. I promise I won’t make any more trouble.” She sounds desperate, and it concerns me how much I want to give this girl what she wants.

I stand up on my feet to gain a better position over her, if I’m gonna even consider her request she needs to know that I make the rules.

“Push me again and you’ll be back in that rusty car,” I warn her, narrowing my eyes and ensuring she knows I mean it. I push to the back of my mind the fact that I wouldn’t let her leave in it even if she wanted to, not at least until I’ve found this Billy cunt and bled him dry.

“Cross my heart.” She trails her fingertips across her chest and smiles at me.

“Get back inside.” I gesture my head back toward the hut giving her her first test. I need some time to myself to think things over, and having her around me makes it impossible. I’m relieved when she follows my order and I wait a few beats before I give into temptation and look over my shoulder at her. Then, when she catches me looking she hits me with that smile again.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” I curse myself under my breath as I look back out at the ocean and when my cell vibrates in my pocket a few minutes later I see a message from Burlusconi.

Time for the disposal team.

Placing my phone back into my pocket I head toward the clubhouse to make it happen.

“Who here deals with the stiffs?” I ask Ruckus under my breath as I interrupt the game of pool he’s having with Wrath. The club is partying hard tonight in celebration of Wrath’s return, for some of the older members it’s a day they never thought they’d see and I can barely see across the room for all the hangouts that are here, female ones especially.

“Usually we draw straws.” He sniggers at me after he makes his shot, while Wrath rests his chin on the hand he’s holding his cue with, staring at me across the table like he’s got something to say.

“The prospect, how green is he?” I look over at Rocco and see him holding one of the whores’ tits in his hands like he’s weighing ‘em against each other.

“He’s seen his fair share, trustworthy. You know he’s Davey’s boy, right?”

“Yeah, was the first thing he told me,” I smirk, as I watch him jiggle the things in his palms while the girl laughs. I grew close to Davey over the years that I was here. He was as loyal as a man could be, and he was on to Cliff way before anyone else was. I’ll bet he’d be proud of his boy, despite the fact he don’t have the first clue on how to touch a woman.

“I wouldn’t send him on his own though, he ain’t ready for that.” Ruckus tokes back on the blunt he’s smoking.

“That’s fine I’ll go with him, y’all enjoy your night.” I go to tell Rocco to put the titties down and grab a shovel, but Ruckus pulls me back.

“Wait…you’re goin’ with him?” he checks he heard me right. “You ain’t forgotten that you’re our president have ya?”

“No, I ain’t gonna forget that. But I lead by example and there's nothin’ I’d expect my members to do that I wouldn’t do myself.”

“That mean we get to do that pretty, little fuck toy ya keepin’ in ya beach hut?” A voice comes from behind me and I don’t look to check who it belongs to before I throw my fist at it. The force of my punch sends Griller stumbling back onto a table full of glasses and I grab the first bottle I can get my hand on. Clutching it by the neck and smashing it against the pool table so it breaks. I move closer to the mouthy son of a bitch, gripping him by his cut and pinning him back against the table.

“I hear you talk about her like that again, I’ll take your other fuckin’ eye out,” I warn him.

“What do you mean my other fuckin’–” He screams in agony as I smash the broken bottle into his eye socket, then twist it into his flesh, I toss the bottle on the floor and use my fingers to scrape his eyeball and the tendons attached to it outta his face.

The club goes silent except for his screams and after I take his hand and drop the slimy organ into his palm, I wipe my bloody fingers on his cut and head for the door.

“Yo, Prospect,” I call over to the kid, who’s still staring at Griller in shock, along with everyone else in the room. “Grab a cage you're comin’ with me.” Pushing my way out the door, I head for my bike.

“That was kinda cool what you did to Griller back there. Unexpected, but fuckin’ cool. He’s always got too much to say.” Rocco stops digging to talk, again. I can already tell that the kid’s an inquisitive character, and I appreciate his enthusiasm, but that don’t get shit done.

“He had it comin’.” I continue to smash my shovel into the ground. The torch we brought with us ain’t giving off much light and I’m just about done with the fuckin’ day I’ve had.

“Griller’s an asshole, him and Greaser were always underminin’ Ruckus when Jimmer put him in charge,” he tells me as I jump out the hole and grab Davide D’Marco by his ankles, dragging his body so he falls inside with a thud.

“Well, he knows what’ll happen now if he tries that shit with me.”

I start filling the hole back up while Rocco rests on his shovel looking deep in thought.

“You gonna help with this shit or stand there lookin’ lost?” I lift my head up at him.

“Sorry, Prez… I was just thinkin’.”

“Well, don’t waste too much time on that, you're far too young to run for president.” I kick at his shovel to remind him it’s there to use.

“You knew my dad well, would he have done somethin’ like you did back at the club to another brother?” The kid looks a little troubled. “Not many people talk about him anymore, what happened to him was what caused the charter to divide,” he explains, though he doesn’t have to, I already know. “We all knew Cliff arranged that hit on him durin’ the run he was makin’ and the fact the brothers that were with him bailed—” Rocco shakes his head.

“They weren’t brothers,” I interrupt. “No man who took the Soul vow and meant it would leave another behind. They were cowards, and if I’m right in thinking, they ain’t members anymore.”

“Jimmer and the Colorado brothers killed Rex and Mac, Damon went AWOL straight after, and Finn–”

“I heard about your brother too. I’m sorry.” It must be hard to have lost your brother and your dad. I only met Finn a few times when he was a kid, but I was sad to hear he’d killed himself after two months of being locked inside. He was caught by the police when, unlike all the other members, he refused to leave his dad bleedin’ out on the road.

“Like I said, people don’t talk about ‘em all that much.”

“That’s because they feel like they let ‘em down.” I light myself a cigarette and take a break. Hell, I can relate, I never talk about Eden, I can’t even bear to think about her.

“I never got the chance to really know my dad, my mom wasn't a whore. He met her outside the club and she was a good woman.”

“Was?” I frown.

“Car accident, six months before Dad died. That’s what brought me to the club, she’d always made me stay clear of it before,” he explains.

“I’m sorry for that too.” I can’t help feeling for the kid, but at the same time, I’m curious. “Why stick around, why be part of a club that destroyed your family?”

“Up until a few weeks ago, it was because I wanted Cliff Adams dead.” He laughs to himself.

“And now?” I stare back at him.

“Now, I believe what Ruckus said when he told me you’d make this charter something special. I wanna be someone who my dad and my brother would have been proud of.” I nod my head at him, understanding all too well how that feels. Me and my dad may not see eye to eye anymore but that don’t mean I don’t wanna be a son he’s proud of.

“You know your dad used to have this little thing he said, some cowboy thing he picked up in Montana before the club was founded…”

Rocco listens to me intently.

“Whatever it takes,” I say the three simple words and remember the wink he’d always throw after ‘em.

“I don’t need to tell you what they mean, they speak for themselves, but if you're ever in doubt about how you're gonna achieve something, that's your answer. You do whatever it takes to be that guy, and you’ll do whatever it takes to earn your full cut, right?”

“Right.” He nods back at me.

“Then get back to fuckin’ work.” I smack him round the back of the head and huff a laugh.