Raze (Dirty Soul MC: Long Beach #1)

Chapter 30

Both me and James sit in silence as we watch the club get busier and louder. Today’s violence seems to have given everyone a buzz, all the members are drinking and chatting with each other. They seem much more celebratory than they were a few weeks ago at Raze’s party.

I try to put on a brave face, but all I can think about is Kane and wonder if he was one of the six men who died today. I could ask James, he was there, but he’s so quiet and distant, I can tell whatever he saw has deeply disturbed him.

I close my eyes and pray for Kane, having no idea how I’m going to find out if he’s okay. I want to run to the hut and take my phone from behind the nightstand where I’ve hidden it so I can call him. But I can’t risk Raze following me and finding out who I really am.

Raze has a serious look on his face as he sits with his strong arm raised up over his head and allows Polly to stitch up his side. He doesn’t flinch and he hasn’t moved his eyes from mine since he sat down. I can see he’s deep in thought, I just wish I knew what about.

Maybe I’m making him suspicious by showing too much concern, but how else am I supposed to act? For all I know my boyfriend could have killed my brother today.

“Come, we’re goin’ home.” Raze makes his way over to me when Polly’s done and when I slowly look up at him I make it obvious that I’m not happy by the cold look I give him.

“I won’t ask ya again,” he warns, and when I stand up, I make sure my shoulder hits his arm as I strut out the side door and onto the balcony. I see that Sinner has Trinity leaned back over the railings when I get outside, his outstretched arm gripping her throat as he holds the top half of her body over the edge and thrusts into the bottom half. The dirty smile he flashes me as I pass them makes me shudder, and I pick up my pace and quickly stomp back to the hut.

Reggie is in his carrier when I get in, and I slam the door before Raze steps through it a few seconds later.

“What’s the fuckin’ problem, Peyton?” He looks furious as he makes his way toward me, the anger in his eyes beaming through me like a laser.

“Do you mean besides the fact you just spoke to me like a piece of shit in front of all your members, again?”

“I didn’t–”

“Don’t deny it, you got really short with me when I asked about the people you killed today.” I point my finger at him.

“Yeah, Peyton, I got fuckin’ short because they don’t fuckin’ matter, they were shooting fuckin’ bullets at us. We killed ‘em. There's nothin’ complicated about it. It’s who we are. It’s who I am, and judgin’ from the look I’ve seen on your face since I’ve been back I’m thinkin’ it’s somethin’ you can’t handle.” His voice gets louder and more agitated.

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t handle. You don't know me, Raze. You have no idea what I’ve–” I stop myself from saying anything that would give away the secret I’m still carrying around like a lead weight.

“So what do we do here, huh? You want me to sit down and tell you every single detail of what I do. Do you wanna glimpse into the fuckin’ shit I got on my conscience, because let me warn ya, it’s a lot fuckin’ worse than six dead rival bikers.”

“It’s not that you killed them today that bothers me, in fact, if they were trying to hurt you, I’m glad you killed them. It’s just…” I could tell him, right here, right now about Kane and the Reaper that I killed, but it feels as if the perfection we’ve been living in has already been fractured, and I want so badly to fix it so I can feel that comfort again.

“I… I love you.” I blurt out the words, feeling petrified when I realize that I actually mean them. Yeah, I’m worried about Kane but all that gets conflicted when I think about what could have happened to Raze today. “And I know what's going through your head. You're thinking that I’m just some stupid broken girl that knows shit about life or how it feels to love someone. But I do because the thought of being without you makes me sick to my stomach.”

I wait for his response, watching in confusion as he picks up Reggie’s carrier and turns it so it’s facing the wall.

“What are you doing?” I laugh nervously.

“I don’t think that you're a stupid broken girl, Peyton.” Raze steps closer to me. All that anger he was holding back seems to have gone, and his voice is soft as he slides his blood-stained fingers under my jaw. His thumb strokes over my bottom lip and when I taste the coppery tinge on it I don’t even care who it belongs to. “I’m in love with you too. Obsessively.” He adds making it impossible not to smile through my tears.

“Which is why there was no way I was gonna let those assholes on the road stop me from comin’ back to ya.” He kisses me, hard and passionately as he walks me backward toward the bed.

His tall frame overpowers my body as he crawls on top of me and forces me to lie down.

“Do you have any idea how much I miss you when we’re apart?” he tells me, looking between us, and raising my dress up to my waist. “Even when we’re together it never feels like we’re close enough.” His rough hands slide over my skin and his fingers reach into my panties.

“These look so fuckin’ pretty on you.” He grazes his bottom lip with his teeth as he admires the lace covering my pussy. “I hope they're not your favorite.” Those fingers turn tense as he tears through the lace and destroys them.

“Raze.” I automatically lift my hips because he’s right, we’re not close enough.

“Calm down, baby girl.” He wets his lips with his tongue and it looks so hot I swear he does it to antagonize me.

“You're gonna have me soon enough.” He watches the way I needily wiggle my hips, with his hand clasped under my chin and a satisfied look on his face.

“Why don’t you show me how you touch yourself when I’m not here,” he suggests. Unbuckling his belt and sliding it free from his jeans.

I don’t want to touch myself, I want him to do it, but he’s got my whole body pulsing and I love how it feels to please this man. I do as he asks, reaching between us and starting to strum my finger against my clit.

I thought having him watch me would be humiliating, but I was wrong. The sparks that his eyes put over my skin as he watches me in fascination makes it so much more intense than when I do it alone.

“You like that? I can see how wet you're getting for me.” He scrutinizes me a little closer making me more and more desperate to feel his touch instead of mine.

“Touch me,” I beg, needing more of his attention. His eyes aren't enough.

“Let's try something different.” He takes his belt and folds it in half.

“You know this is my favorite, I never go on a run, or anywhere important without it,” he explains, softly sliding the soft leather over the inside of my thigh and giving me goosebumps.

“I’d bet you’d like to know how it feels.” He teases it between my legs.

“Peyton. I want you to rub your soaked pussy all over my belt, use it instead of your finger,” he instructs, pressing it against my center so I can take some friction from it. I look down and see where it rests as I slowly move my hips.

“That’s right. You look so hot doin’ that for me. This is what I’m gonna think about every time I wear this belt from now on.” He continues to watch me take pleasure from it and suddenly an unexpected sting from the leather hits my sensitive flesh. I gasp as I look between us in shock.

“Did you like that?” he asks with a menace in his eyes, and all I can do is nod my head back at him because what he did not only took me by surprise but it’s making me a soaked, wound-up mess.

“Keep goin, get my belt good and wet, baby.” He spanks me with it again, not too harshly, but enough to cause that sting that sparks all my nerves, and pushes me closer to the edge.

“You gonna come for me like this?” He frowns and mimics the nod I make back at him with a proud smile on his face.

“Yeah, ya are. One more time, pretty girl, then I’m gonna really let ya have it.” His leather hits me again, and the cold bite of it sends me spiraling. I grip his forearm and hold it firmly in place as I ride my orgasm against his belt, and rut against its leather. When I’m done, I rest my head back to catch my breath and watch as he lifts his belt to his mouth, sliding his tongue across it so he can taste me.

“You’re fuckin’ perfection, you know that?” He places the belt down on the mattress beside me and taking my hips in his hands draws me closer to where his thick, solid cock hangs out of his jeans.

I’ve barely come down, but already that desperate anticipation to have him inside me is building.

“This pussy was made for me,” he tells me, slowly pushing inside it, and watching my reaction intently as I take each swollen inch of him like it’s the first time.

“You’re so fuckin’ special, Pey. It ain’t ever been like this for me before.” He leans his body over mine again and kisses me, this time much softer. “I’m gonna take care of you for the rest of your life whether you love me or not.” His promise confuses me, but as he starts to move inside me, rotating his hips into mine while his tongue owns my mouth,I don’t dwell on it.

“Say it again,” he growls at me, as our bodies work in sequence, edging us both closer to that resolve only we can give each other. I know what he wants to hear, and I know how much it complicates things, but I can’t control how I feel.

“I love you,” I tell him again, gripping at his hair as one long deep thrust finishes us both.

“And I’ll never let you go,” he whispers in that rough, deep tone of his, before pressing his forehead to mine and taking a long, deep breath.