Raze (Dirty Soul MC: Long Beach #1)

Chapter 32

“This was such a genius idea, think of the exposure the club is gonna get with all this media hype.” Alicia sounds excited as she helps me decorate the donation buckets that the boys are gonna place beside their bikes. I know Raze would never admit it but he’s excited about today too. He’s had the guys spend hours getting their bikes in prime condition and he’s come round to the logic behind my idea.

I’m feeling much better since I spoke to my father a few days ago too. He assures me that he knows Kane is alive and well because he’s got eyes on him. I don’t know how, and I figure it’s best I didn’t ask, but it feels good to know that our father is paying an interest in both of us, even if it is a little late.

Raze being so busy and the fact I had a full battery on my phone gave me the opportunity to talk for longer during our call. He asked loads of questions about me and I got the sense that he regrets not knowing me better when I was younger. Maybe it’s a far-fetched idea, but I like to imagine that one day, maybe he could meet Raze. That he might become a small part of my life, and Raze would accept him because I’ve forgiven him.

Me and Raze don’t speak much about my past. I do all I can to avoid the subject, but he’s very aware that our dad let us down and I know he judges him badly for that.

I told Dad about Raze and some of the other members of the club who are kind to me. I spoke to him about my fears for Kane. I guess my father knows better than anyone how dangerous the Reapers are. I know people think of the Souls in the same way, but they're wrong. No man in this club would ever attempt to force a woman to have sex with him. They may be killers and criminals but they have a heart. At least most of them do…

“What do you mean the media?” I pull myself out of my head and focus on what I just heard.

“Corey said his girlfriend's father has a connection at NBC, they’re gonna be doing special coverage on the event. You better choose wisely what you're gonna wear, girl, because this pretty face is gonna be going nationwide.” She laughs as she stands up and places the bucket she’s finished in front of Griller.

“I don’t know why you're givin’ it to me, I ain’t goin’,” he grunts at her, sounding frustrated.

“Why ever not?” She places her hand on her hip. “Raze said all members were to be there.”

“All members except me. Apparently, I don’t give off the right image.” He picks up his beer and knocks it back.

“Well, maybe that’s because you’re drinking at 9:30 in the mornin’.” She snatches it off him and places it on the table behind her so it’s out of his reach.

“It ain’t mornin’ if you haven’t been to sleep,” he points out, leaning forward and curling his arm around her so he can take it back.

“Do you want Peyton to talk to him and see if she can change his mind?” Alicia looks over her shoulder at me and smiles like she’s expecting some encouragement from me.

“I don’t wanna go to the lame thing anyway.” He shoves the table forward and gets up, takin’ his beer with him as he heads for the door.

“What the hell’s his problem?” She takes her seat back beside me again, but I ignore her question. I can’t shake off what she said about all the coverage the event will be getting. I’ve been really looking forward to this, but I can’t risk my face being all over the news. What if someone from the Reapers sees it and remembers me from the night Malice died? What if Kane sees it and decides he doesn’t want me to be here with his rivals? Him coming here would cause a war and I’m not ready to face up to the fact I will never be able to have them both in my life.

Kane’s too far gone, he’s spent so long trying to be one of them and make up for our father’s disloyalty that he would never give up on his dream. It’s such a shame because the life he wants so badly could be right here if he’d just wear a different patch.

“I think we’re just about ready to go.” Raze steps into the clubhouse looking sexy as hell in the black jeans and tight black tee he’s got on under his cut, and I’m really sad about what I have to do next.

“I’m not coming,” I tell him, letting him see how disappointed I am. I’ve been looking forward to today ever since he agreed to take part but I can’t take the risk.

“What do you mean you're not comin’?” Raze looks confused as well as horrified as he makes his way over to me.

“I’m not feeling too good, I’ve got a terrible headache. It started this morning but it’s getting worse.” I slide my hand across my forehead to sell the story.

“You never said, have you taken somethin’ for it?” He seems concerned as he crouches down in front of me and checks my temperature with the back of his hand.

“Raze, I’m fine. I just need to get my head down for a few hours. You go and have fun.” I smile at him.

“You know, I was really lookin’ forward to ridin’ through town with you on my saddle.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb, “But I guess a fundraiser ain’t gonna be no fun with a headache. You need me to stay and take care of you?” he checks.

“No, it’s important that you go. You're the club president. I can let Griller know if I need anythin’.” I look over to his miserable face and smile when I realize he’s returned from his tantrum.

“As long as you're sure.” Raze kisses me before he stands up.

“You take care of her.” He points a warning over to Griller and I watch him and all the others head out the door. Alicia looks at me sadly as she leaves with them and I hear the engines roar to life and pull out the gates.

“I guess there ain’t no point in me hangin’ around here. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Griller slams his way out the door and since it looks as if I’ll have to amuse myself for a few hours I pick up the crossword book that I’ve been working on with James.

I’ve only filled in one of the clues when Trinity and two of her cronies walk into the clubhouse. All of them are clearly dressed for attention, which is ironic since there's no one here to give it to them.

“Sorry, they’re all gone to the fundraiser,” I inform them, continuing to write my answer in the grid.

“We know, we’re going too.” Trinity looks pleased with herself.

“No, you can’t.” I stand up, suddenly feeling furious.

“And why not? Raze wants to show off how great the club is, and some might say we’re its best asset.” I wanna swipe the smarmy smile off her face. She’s already had to put on layers of make-up to hide the damage I’ve done to her face, but I keep my cool because I’m outnumbered, and I’d hate Raze to have to come home because I got into a fight.

“You can’t show up at that fundraiser, especially not dressed like that. Raze is trying to change what people think about the club, he’s trying to earn their respect so they trust he can protect them. You turning up and getting the wrong attention is gonna undo all that. If you want to go, fine, but please get changed.” I try the nice approach.

“Go screw yourself.” She twists her middle finger up at me, before helping herself to a bottle of vodka from behind the bar and leading her skanks out the door.

“Shit” I sigh, wondering what I can do.

It’s pointless me calling Raze while he’s riding so I try Alicia instead and when her call goes straight to voicemail, I head out the door and across the yard to try and find Griller.

I’m not entirely sure which of the rooms at the motel is his, but I follow the sound of the loud, heavy metal music and try that door first. When no one answers, I figure it’s due to the volume of the music, so I twist the handle and let myself in.

Griller doesn’t hear me come in, he looks too busy, hunched over a desk in the corner of the room and focused on whatever it is that he’s working on. I slowly approach him and as I look over his shoulder, I’m shocked by what I see.

“Griller that’s…beauti–” He spins round with his fist raised and when he realizes it’s me he quickly drops it and cuts the music.

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck ya think ya doin’ creepin’ up on a man like that?” He holds his hand to his chest as if I just gave him a heart attack.

“I wasn’t creeping up on you. I knocked, you just didn’t hear,” I point out.

“Well, what do you want?” He looks mad at me and kinda scary now that I’m standing so close, but what I see etched on the pad resting on his desk makes it hard for me to fear him.

“You drew that?” I nod my head towards the sketch of Alicia. The pencil strokes are soft and feathery, and a total contradiction to the rough and edgy man standing over me.

“Yeah, I drew it, and what?” He gets all defensive.

“It’s pretty.” I lift up the sketch pad and realize it’s not the only one when I flick through the pages.

It seems Griller has an entire notebook of sketches, all of the girl who’s rapidly becoming my best friend.

“Of course it’s pretty, it’s of her.” He snatches it out of my hand looking embarrassed.

“You really like her don’t you?” I sit myself on the faded, ripped couch that’s beside his desk, and suddenly feel sorry for him.

“It don’t matter how much I like her, it’s not gonna change anythin’.”

“You mean the whole dating a member’s female relative rule? Look I’m sure if you spoke to Saul–”

“You think I’m worried about a stupid club rule?” he snaps back at me, slumping into the seat beside me and flicking through the pictures of her. Some are close up, some are distant, there's one of just her hand holding a deal of cards and I’m still stunned at how talented he is.

“She’d never feel the same way about me. I weren’t much of a looker before your boyfriend turned me into Cyclops.” He surprises me when he laughs even if it does sound sad. “Look at her, she’s perfect. And everyone around here knows it ain’t me she’s got those pretty hazel eyes on.”

“Well, she can’t think you're all that bad, she told me what happened between you guys a few weeks ago.” I nudge him and smile.

“What, when she was drunk out of her skull and depressed that Vike wasn’t noticin’ her? I shouldn’t have taken advantage of her like that but she was right there in my fuckin’ hands.” He looks disappointed with himself and I’m still getting to grips with this new side of him.

“Have you tried talking to her about this?” I question when he slams the book shut.

“And what use would that be? All I’d be doing is humiliatin’ myself. A girl like her would never go for a guy like me.”

“And how do you know that if you're not man enough to tell her how you feel?” I stare at him. “Griller, I’ve been in this room for five minutes and you’ve shown me a completely different side of yourself. You're not the man who walks around out there being an asshole to everyone. Maybe you should introduce her to this guy.”

“I wish it was that simple. It’s easier to be the asshole out there, it's what people expect of me.”

“Well, how about this? You come over to the clubhouse and hang out with me now. We can–”

“I ain’t shooting pool or playing no cards,” he interrupts me before I even get started.

“I was gonna say, we can have a drink to give you some Dutch courage, then when everyone gets back from the fundraiser, you can take Alicia for a walk on the beach and tell her how you feel about her. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Oh shit…” I suddenly jump back on my feet when I remember the reason I came out here in the first place. How could I have let myself get distracted from something so important?

“What?” Griller suddenly looks worried.

“Trinity and two of her buddies left here dressed like…you know.” I put off giving him my opinion, it's not nice. “They were heading for the fundraiser. I tried to call Raze but he was riding and Alicia’s phone went straight to voicemail. I figured you’d have the other brothers’ contacts so we could try to get a warning to them.”

“I’ll try Ruckus.”

He picks up his cell and scrolls through his numbers and I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear him pick up over the speakerphone.

“Ruck, you got some trouble headin’ your way in the form of–”

“Trinity, yeah, we dealt with it,” he tells him.

“Thank God,” I whisper.

“So they’re on their way back?” Griller checks.

“No, Raze roped them into doing the kissing booth, and old man Lister is getting his money’s worth.”

“Old man Lister? I thought he was dead.” Griller laughs.

“Oh, he’s still alive and kickin’, or should I say kissin’?” We hear someone interrupt in the background, asking if their son can sit on his bike and Griller hangs up and leaves him to it.

“Mr Lister.” He shakes his head and laughs some more. “He used to run the scrap yard, that man ain’t gotta tooth in his head.”

I cover my mouth and try my best not to let him see how amused that makes me.

“Come on.” Griller eventually stands up and walks toward the door, holding it open for me like he suddenly became a gentleman.

“Where we goin’?” I ask.

“Back to the clubhouse to get me some of that Dutch courage,” he tells me.

“That’s the spirit, what changed your mind?” I giggle as we step out onto the landing.

“Mr Lister. I don’t want to get to the age of a hundred and have to pay for damn kisses.”

I have to admit the few hours I spend with Griller alone in the clubhouse turn out to be fun. He tells me when his feelings for Alicia started, which was pretty much the second he first saw her, and he doesn’t seem to care about the fact that Saul is her brother. Apparently ‘that fucker will get over it.’

I learn a little about him and how he came to be at the club. He's originally from Kansas and spent most of his teenage years in juvie. His brother and him ended up at the club after Greaser met Rex in prison. Griller still keeps in touch with their mother but Greaser doesn’t. In fact, he’s heading home in a few days to paint his mom’s house for her.

He stops drinking after his third whiskey, so he can remember everything he wants to tell Alicia and I can’t help hoping that she might feel the same way once she sees this different side to him.

Griller looks different when he smiles, he’s much handsomer and I can’t imagine Alicia would have slept with him if she didn’t find him attractive.

I give him some ideas on where he could take Alicia on their first date, which is ironic considering I’ve never been on one myself, and when my cell starts to ring I wave it in front of him to let him see that it’s her calling me.

“Talk of the devil,” I tell him excitedly

“Hello,” I answer, rolling my eyes when he nervously reaches over the bar to pour himself another whiskey.

“Peyton, is Griller with you?” She sounds scared.

“Yeah, he’s with me, why?” I laugh back nervously.

“You have to warn him. Trinity got annoyed at the fundraiser, I laughed at her over the whole kissing booth thing and she told Saul about what happened between us the other week.”

“Oh.” I look at Griller who has no idea what she just said because unlike him I did not put my call on speaker.

“He’s furious, he got on his bike and he’s on his way. I’m following him in the car but he’s skipping red lights and riding real reckless.”

“Okay, I’ll handle it, just drive safe.” I hang up the phone and turn toward a confused-looking Griller.

“There's been a development,” I explain, figuring that I’m the one who’s gonna have to defuse this situation when Saul gets here.

“What kinda development?” His expression changes to concern.

“Trinity told Saul that you and Alicia slept together and now he’s on his way back. Alicia told me to warn you that he’s really mad.” I grit my teeth and consider taking a shot of that whiskey for myself.

“I’m not scared of Saul, I ain’t scared of anyone. If by some miracle Alicia decides I’m enough for her, he’s gonna have to get used to it.”

“She sounded worried on the phone.” I smile at him trying to give him some hope.

He stands up from his bar stool when we hear the roar of bikes come from outside, it sounds like Saul has brought more brothers with him and I really hope this hasn’t ruined the fundraiser. Trinity has a lot to answer for, and I might have to teach her another hard lesson.

“Stand clear of the door, this is likely to get messy. In fact, you should probably head home.” Griller cricks his neck and rolls his shoulders like he’s getting geared up for a fight, but when the door kicks open neither of us are prepared for what we see.

“Kane,” I say my brother’s name as he storms toward me, followed by three other men in Reapers’ cuts.

“You're comin’ with me.” He heads straight for me and Griller immediately stands between us.

“She ain’t goin’ nowhere,” he tells him, and when I hear a gun go off I scream.

“Griller.” I know he’s been hit by the way his body jerks but I don’t know where.

“What the fuck?” Saul rushes through the door with his gun raised and puts a bullet into the back of one of the Reapers' heads and I scream even louder when shots start to go off in all different directions.

“Get behind the bar.” Griller is still on his feet and uses his body to shield me as he steps me back toward it. I keep my head low and my hands covering my ears as I do as he says, all while trying to locate my brother and see if he’s been hit too.

“Kane!” I scream his name over the sound of gunshots, as the tears that stream down my face blur my eyes and make it hard to see anything. I quickly wipe them away when I get behind the bar and when I poke my head back around it to try and locate my brother I see Alicia step through the door and yell for her to get out.

“Oh no, ya don’t.” Ruckus drags her back while Vike races inside with his gun drawn adding to the war of bullets.

“Keep ya head back!” Griller screams at me, and when I see Kane standing up and looking unharmed I call out for him to leave.

“You don’t belong here, Peyton, I’m takin’ you home,” he yells back, not seeming at all scared by all the chaos that's happening around him.

Griller charges at him and when Kane lifts his gun and pops a shot right into his chest it stops him and makes him stumble.

“Griller!” I scream, racing from behind the bar and going to him. I don’t care about the danger anymore. This is all my fault and I need to help him.

I look at the space around me as I scurry across the floor. Two of the Reapers look as if they're dead. Ruckus is fighting with another one over by the pool table and when Kane redirects his weapon toward Vike, Saul quickly shoves his friend out the way and takes the bullet in his shoulder.

“Vike, what’s happening, is Peyton in there?” Alicia calls from outside.

“You stay the fuck out,” he calls back, checking out Saul’s injury, while I lift Griller’s head on to my lap. Kane goes to take another shot toward Vike and Saul, and I guess he’s all out of bullets when he tosses the weapon away and searches around for an alternative.

“What are you doing Peyton? You're not one of these people. I can’t let you stay here.”

I look across to Ruckus who’s just snapped the neck of the guy he was fighting. He dusts off his hands as he steps up behind my brother.

Alicia runs through the door followed by Trinity and one of her friends and they all look shocked by what they find.

“Woman, what did I tell you?” Vike scolds Alicia as she checks on her brother.

“You need to get out of here before they kill you too,” I tell Kane, but it’s too late, Ruckus pulls a gun from his jeans and presses it into the back of his skull

“Wait. No. Don’t shoot, he’s my brother!” I call out, suddenly noticing how much blood there is pooling around me.

“Where is she?” Griller manages to say, coughing blood out with his words.

“Peyton, what the fuck is goin’ on here?” Ruckus asks, looking furious as his gun remains pointed at my brother.

“Don’t hurt him please.” I sob, stroking Griller’s head in my hands and wondering how I’m going to explain all this.

“Is that true?” Ruckus spins Kane around, gripping his throat, slamming him into the wall, and causing me to scream again.

“Please, Ruckus, no.” I cry as Alicia slides onto her knees beside me and Griller.

She’s doing the sensible thing and trying to stop Griller from bleeding out. I was far too panicked to think about that. I’m in too much shock to do anything useful, all I can do is watch as Ruckus places his gun right in the center of my brother’s forehead.

“Ruckus, you can’t kill him, he’s my brother. He’s not one of them yet, he’s just a prospect…please.” Ruckus turns his head toward me looking confused.

“Is all that true?” He looks back at Kane and asks again.

“I’m her brother and I’m one of them,” Kane confirms proudly, looking so much more grown-up than he was when I last saw him.

“Please, let him go, everyone else is dead. Ruckus…”

“I’m not leavin’ here without you.” Kane flicks his eyes over toward me despite the threat of the gun, then breathes a little faster when Ruckus presses it deeper into his head.

“You have to. I’m not coming with you, Kane. You're wrong when you said I don’t belong here. I’ve…I’ve met someone.”

“Him?” Kane looks toward the man who I’m pretty sure is dying in my arms, the denim jacket Alicia has taken off to hold over his wound is already soaked through and I can feel his body shivering.

“Ruckus, I have to call an ambulance,” Alicia tells him with a serious look on her face.

Griller starts shaking his head and tapping me for attention.

“Shit.” Ruckus looks at the three dead Reapers, then back to Griller.

“It’s real bad.” Alicia is trying not to cry, but I see how frightened she is.

“You…” Ruckus turns his head to Kane.

“You go back to your club and you tell them that no Reaper is fuckin’ safe.” Gripping him by his cut he marches him toward the door and shoves him out of it.

“If I ever see your face again. Your sister won’t be able to save you.”

I watch the look of hurt on Kane’s face as he backs away, and then with the sound of more bikes coming from the distance he turns his back and runs.

“Griller.” I can’t let my hurt for Kane distract me from helping Alicia keep him alive. His hand wraps around her wrist when she takes her cell phone out and he shakes his head again as he tries to talk but chokes instead.

“What’s he saying.” She looks up at me helplessly.

“He’s sayin’ not to call an ambulance. He knows it’s too late.” Ruckus stands over us lookin’ hurt as we watch him suffering.

“No! We can get you help.” Alicia shakes her head and I wipe away my tears and feel his sticky red blood streak my cheeks instead.

“It’ll bring a whole lotta questions to the club if you call an ambulance.” Her brother tells her, and when Griller chokes up more blood and starts to wheeze I suddenly remember everything we talked about.

“Griller, keep your eyes open.” I tap the side of his face when I notice them starting to close.

Ruckus is pacing the floor furiously, not knowing what to do.

“Griller, you need to tell her,” I whisper, realizing that he hasn’t got much time left.

“Here, Alicia, take my place, I keep my hands supporting his head as I slide my knees out from under him and let her take over.

“Griller, you can’t give up.” She wipes away tears of her own, as his hand lifts up to touch her face but doesn’t quite make it.

“Here.” She grabs his hand and holds it to her cheek. “I’m right here. You just have to stay with me.” She manages a brave smile through her tears and it breaks my heart.

He goes to say something but all that comes out is more blood, this time it’s much darker and thicker, and when his one eye looks to me helplessly I understand what he wants and nod my head.

“He loves you, Alicia.” I place my hand over the one she has resting on his shoulder. “He has done since the day he first saw you and he was gonna tell you that later on the beach.” I force the words out through my tears and try not to break.

“What? Griller, you never said that.” She looks down at him and when she kisses the inside of his palm and he smiles I feel my heart split open.

“He wasn’t brave enough too.” I sob, wondering how a man who would take bullets to protect someone he barely knows could be too scared to admit his feelings.

“I don’t want you to die.” She shakes her head. “You can’t fucking die.”

I slide my hand up to her shoulder as she weeps to let her know I’m here for her.

“No!” Tears drip from her face onto his and when I look down his eye is still open, but the smile on his face is gone.