Raze (Dirty Soul MC: Long Beach #1)

Chapter 38

“Where is everyone?” I ask when we get back to the club. There’s no one at the gate and very few bikes in the yard.

“Wrath led the boys to the new Reapers’ compound, we’re gonna end ‘em,” he assures me as he guides me through the gate that leads to the beach. He takes out his cell and types out a message before sliding it back into his jeans.

“What was that?” I decide to test if he meant what he said back at the bungalow about us having no more secrets.

“I texted Wrath. Told him to have someone load the bodies that we left back at Cliff’s place into a cage. They can take ‘em back to the Reapers’ compound and we’ll get rid of all the bodies together.”

“How?” I ask, wondering how it’s possible to cover something like this up.

“We have our ways, the Colorado charter has a guy who’s very talented in that field. He’ll come up with somethin’,” he assures me.

It’s eerily quiet with no music or fire lit as we walk across the sand.

“All this is my fault, what if more of your members get hurt tonight?” I stop walking when flashbacks of what’s happened in the past 24 hours all hit me at once.

“Peyton, the Reapers were building a compound close by with the intention of ruining us. This war was always comin’ and it’s thanks to your…” He suddenly stops himself and turns to face me.

“Your father came here tonight, he brought Billy with him,” he tells me, clutching both my hands in his.

“Billy?” I stop and close my eyes when a brand new guilt rushes over me. “All this time I thought it was him. I was sure of it. He wore his overalls.”

“Don’t go back there, I just wanted to give you the heads up. You don’t have to see or speak to anyone you don’t want to. Everythin’ with them is on your terms,” he assures me.

“My dad came here?” I stare at him in shock. There’s no way he would have done that, he must have known how dangerous that would be.

“He’s the one who told us where to find the compound. He cares about you, Peyton.” He smiles.

“I don’t know how to face all this,” I admit, feeling the tears start to build back up. How am I supposed to look at Billy when all this time he was innocent?

“Billy pleaded guilty.” I shake my head in confusion, remembering the relief I felt when the prosecutor told me there wouldn't be a trial.

“He did it to spare ya feelin’s. I’ll give him his dues, he’s a brave man to put himself inside for a crime like that, it proves how much you mean to him.”

“This is all so fucked up.” I shake my head before I wrap my arms around him for comfort.

“It is, but it’s gonna be okay. We’ll get ya the help you need. And the Reapers won’t be a problem anymore.”

“I don’t wanna talk to a shrink. I don’t want to ever think about Kane again.” I burst into more tears because the emotions inside me are all too much. I’ve lost my brother today, and up until a few hours ago, that was always my biggest fear.

“You don’t have to do anything, Pey, but I’ll make sure you have all the options you need. We’ll get through this,” he promises, and seeing the determination in his eyes makes me believe him.

“What about Polly? Someone has to tell her about Sonny, she’s gonna be heartbroken and he was right, she won’t forgive you.”

“Leave Polly to me, all that matters to me tonight is takin’ care of ya.” He gets us moving again and when we step inside the hut and Reggie greets us with a flap of his wings I smile at him, feeling grateful to be back home.

I’ve always felt safe here, but being back without the burden of my secrets is so comforting that I cry happy tears instead of sad ones.

“Hey.” Raze, puts his arm around me. “You need to rest, today’s been a day.” He leads me to the bed and pulls back the covers so I can get inside, then stripping out of his jeans and cut, he gets in behind me.

“You just close your eyes and get some sleep.” His arms tuck around me and hold me tight. “You’re right where you're supposed to be now,” he whispers, and somehow, despite all that's happened I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

I get woken by a frantic knock on the door and when Raze gets up from the table where he’s sitting I sit up cautiously. I don’t know if I’m ready to see anyone yet. Who knows what the club’s opinion of me, and the fact Raze has brought me back, will be.

He opens the door and looks as shocked as I am when Polly drops to her knees in front of him.

“Raze, I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know.” She looks broken, her hands are shaking and the way she sobs is hard to watch. No parent should have to lose a child, no matter how evil that child is.

“Polly, get up.” Raze lifts her back onto her feet and helps her over to the table. “I need to tell you somethin’,” he whispers, and I see the guilt on his face as he pulls out a chair for her.

“I know. I know everything,” she cries and it breaks my heart to think of the pain she must be in.

“How? I told Wrath I wanted to talk to you myself.”

“I was in the kitchen preparing some food for when the boys came back from the Reapers’ compound, and I overheard Wrath giving your orders. I heard him tell them about Sonny, he said he was a...” She can barely catch her breath.

“Raze, I knew he had a darkness inside him. It’s why I was so desperate for him to prospect for you, I thought you could put him on the straight, teach him how to channel it. I knew nothing about his betrayal of the club, I swear. You have to believe me.” She grabs at his shirt and pleads like she’s afraid. So, I move to take the seat beside her and place my arm around her shoulders.

“Polly. I wanted to tell you about Sonny myself.” Raze looks down at her.

“He’s dead, isn’t he? He’s one of the bodies they took to the Reapers’ compound..” She looks up at Raze desperately wanting him to tell her she’s wrong. I watch him take her hand in his and lean in closer to her.

“They all had to die, and he went too far, Polly. He was gonna hurt Peyton. He’s been giving the Reapers information. I’m sorry…” he tells her and I can see that he means it.

“No.” She shakes her head and bursts into tears and I wait for her to start getting mad at him. “No. No. No.” She breaks down and I hold her while I look up at Raze feeling helpless.

“Polly, you need to know it’s not what I wanted, but I had no choice, he was a danger to the club and he was a danger to her. He was gonna r?—”

“Don’t.” I cut him off, shaking my head. Polly doesn’t need to know what her son was going to do to me. She deserves to grieve for her boy, and she doesn’t need the burden of knowing that too. It’s strange, but I feel the same way about Kane. I won’t grieve for the monster who did all those bad things to me, but I have to grieve for the brother that I thought I had.

“Please don’t send me away, Raze.” She shocks us both when she looks back up at him. “I know he was bad. I tried to make him get help, especially after I found out about the girl,” she whispers, closing her eyes with shame.

“What girl?” I recall somewhere among all the horror that Sonny mentioned something about him killing a girl and Cliff being involved.

“There was a girl who Sonny liked, he was following her around and was too shy to talk to her.” She takes the glass of water Raze puts in front of her gratefully and continues. “It would have been Cliff’s idea. He never showed any interest in claiming Sonny as his, until he lost all the others, and even then he wanted to keep it all quiet. He started getting closer to him, putting ideas in his head. I don’t know what Sonny did to that girl, but I washed the blood off his clothes the next morning.” She drops her head into her hands.

“I know I’ve done wrong, I should have told you all this before, but I thought you could change him too.” She looks sadly at Raze who crouches down next to her and rubs his hand over her back.

“This is your home, I’d never make you leave and we’re all here for you.”

“No, he was a traitor, just like his dad.” She looks confused by his kindness.

“He was, but you're not. You were just being a mother and protectin’ your son, and if you’re tellin’ me you knew nothing about his involvement with the Reapers, Polly, I believe ya.” Raze assures her and she looks back at him in surprise. “The question is, can you forgive me for being the one who pulled the trigger?” he asks her.

“I always wondered if he’d do it again. I’d panic every time he left the compound, wonder where he was or if he was hurtin’ someone. I hoped, you coming here and giving him that chance, would make him wanna be a better person, but…I’m sorry.” She looks to me now. “I’m sorry that it could have been you,” Her shaky hand reaches up to touch my face and I smile at her bravely.

“I guess you’ve spared me from all that worrying.” She turns back to Raze. “Whatever demon Cliff put inside my boy’s head, he’s free of it now.” She closes her eyes, and not only do I admire her courage, but I take something from it.

“Come on.” I stand up.

“What ya doin’?” Raze stares at me.

“I’m getting dressed and we’re going to the clubhouse,” I tell him.

“Pey, you need to rest.”

“I’ve rested, and yesterday was one hell of a day for everyone. You’re their leader, Raze, you need to check that everyone’s okay. Polly.” I kneel in front of her. “You can’t be ashamed of what Sonny did, you have to hold your head up high and face this head-on. Just like I do. It’s not gonna be easy, but shall we do it together?”

“It’s early, no one’s gonna be at the club after the night everyone’s had.” Raze smiles sadly.

“Well, there might be some stragglers, and I’ll bet if there are, they’ll be hungry. I can make breakfast.” I smile at Polly, who stands up and takes my hand. I leave Raze to continue comforting her while I grab some clothes and head to the bathroom to change. I can’t sit around here all day being sad. I need to be productive.

“You sure you're both up to this?” Raze stops before he opens the door to the clubhouse. He was right when he said it was early, the sun has barely risen, and I guess only having to face a few people at once is a good place for both me and Polly to start.

“Of course, we are,” I answer, smiling at Polly to give her some confidence. There’s no way I’m going to let her grieve alone.

I take a deep breath as Raze pulls the door open for us and when we step inside I can see that Raze is every bit as shocked as I am when we see how crowded it is.

Everyone seems to be here, either sitting and talking all busying around. Alicia rushes over and kisses me on the cheek, hugging me tight and then smiling sadly at Polly before she places her arms around her shoulder.

Raze is distracted, taking in all that’s going on around him. Vike has two plates of food in his hand that he places in front of Saul and Dev, while Tawk tightens the sling that Rocco has his arm resting in.

Saint is attempting to sew up the cut on Sasquatch’s forehead and when we hear a bell ping we look toward the kitchen hatch.

“Order up.” Ruckus places another plate on the ledge.

“Mornin’, Prez, ya hungry?” he calls over.

“What is this?” Raze asks under his breath.

“I think this is what you came here for.” I look around me and I don’t see a gang of bikers, I see a family.

“You're doing it, Raze. You're making the change.” I reach up on my toes and kiss his cheek.

“I think you had a lot to do with it too.” Alicia surprises me. “Everyone here refused to go home until they knew you were okay.” She smiles.

I bite my lip as my eyes fill with tears and I wonder how the hell I can feel so happy after all that’s just happened to me.

“Boss.” Wrath comes out of the office holding a piece of paper in his hand. “Grimm sent over a list of all the shit he’s gonna need, he’ll be with us in the mornin’.”

“Ya did good.” Raze slaps him on the arm, not noticing the bandage he’s got tied around the top of it, and making Wrath growl through his teeth. He soon gets over it though

“Come on, Ruckus is cookin’ up a storm in the kitchen and gettin’ everyone fed. I’m not countin’ on his grits being as good as yours though,” Wrath places his arm around Polly and leads her off to one of the tables and when she sees the mess Saint is making of Sasquatch’s head she shakes her head, rolls up her sleeves and snatches the needle from his hand.

“Do you think she’s gonna be okay?” Alicia asks, watching her set to work.

“It’s not gonna be easy but we’ll get her through it. She understands which I guess is the main thing,” I give Alicia some assurance before she busies off to help Ruckus.

“So, how does it feel?” I turn around and look at Raze. I don’t want to think about all the sad things anymore. I want to focus on moving forward, and what’s happening around us is making me real excited for it.

“We got a long way to go,” he reminds me, turning his body into mine and pulling me closer, while he tries to hide his smile.

“But this is a good place to start, right?” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, loving the sound of all the chaos around us. It suddenly sounds like home.