Chapter 13
SEPTEMBER 15 – MONDAY 8:10 PM
R en
“I’ll do it,” I said.
“Fuck.” Theo shook his head. “This is not smart, not fucking smart, and for once, I really don’t want to say I told you so.”
“Was it really any smarter for us to go to Seattle,” I asked.
He opened his mouth, closed it, and walked to the window again like he might find the answers outside.
“Guys, can you give the three of us some space? I need to talk to Theo and Liam alone.”
Myles jumped up and kissed my cheek.
“We’ll head next door and annoy the shite out of Nash. He’ll love it,” he said, making me giggle.
Blake was next, and he ran his hand down my arm.
“Go easy on Theo,” he whispered in my ear, and I gave him a reassuring smile.
As they left the room, I turned my attention to Liam and Theo.
“Theo, tell me why you really don’t want me to go with Liam. I’m not stupid. There are things you have held back mentioning.”
He glanced at me in the reflection of the window before slowly turning around.
“You’re not like me, Ren, and that worries me. I don’t want to see you get hurt, and what he’s proposing is like tossing you into the deep end of a pool, not knowing how to swim.”
I actually knew what that was like but had no idea in what context he meant. Scrunching up my nose, I immediately swore and winced. I might not need the brace, but it at least reminded me why I didn’t want to move my face.
Walking to the bed to sit down, I folded my hands in my lap and hit Theo with my stare.
“I understand the words but not the meaning. What are you talking about?”
“He means that you’re not a Sub. You’ve only scratched the surface of our lifestyle. It’s also what I was talking about the other day when I said we sit on the same pedestal,” Liam filled in before stealing Theo’s chair.
“But I don’t want to be a Dom. I haven’t had time to look much up yet, but from what I could find, it’s not who I am.”
“Maybe not, but you’re an alpha personality,” Theo said.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are,” they said together.
“Well, apparently, you agree on at least one thing,” I said.
Having a label slapped on me was annoying and made me feel defensive. When I thought of an alpha, it was the captain of the football team or, hell, even Nash. Annoying, pushy, arrogant, and wanting to be in control of everyone.
“Don’t take it as an insult.” Liam leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees. “It means you’re naturally a leader, and more importantly, people are drawn to you and want to follow you.”
“Okay…so why is that a bad thing?”
“What did I tell you in the kitchen,” Liam asked.
I sighed as I ran through everything he had mentioned, and then the light switched on in my brain.
“It’s your way. You’re the one in control,” I said, finally understanding, or at least partially.
“Being dominant and being a Dom are very different. For example, you and Nash are dominant, but I’m a Dom. I can’t wrap my head around how this would ever work, but it’s not just that. There are things I like that Theo is willing to give. I have no clue if you’ve even tried anything kinky, and I don’t do vanilla.”
“Wow, thanks for insulting me.”
“Nothing wrong with vanilla if that’s your flavor, but I’m more Rocky Road.” He smirked. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to throw you in the deep end. Theo’s exaggerating. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I did that.”
“Okay, so give me some examples.”
“Rough sex, for one,” Theo said. “And I’m not talking like what I do to you. Liam will make you beg for mercy, and you’ll swear you’re going to die, and yet it somehow still ends up being the best experience of your life. But it’s not for everyone.”
That sounded extreme, and I shifted as I tried to picture what he could do to me.
Theo continued, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Anal, for another. You need to be prepped for that. If not, you’ll think you’re dying or badly injured. Breath, blood, water, temperature, and role play. Primal which would be just great for you alone in the forest with him. I can’t help but see that ending badly. Liam also loves to punish when you’re out of line. You’d scratch his eyes out if he really disciplined you,” Theo said, like Liam wasn’t even in the room.
“Again, with the extremes.” Liam glared at Theo. “Do you really think I’m going to start her out, hanging her from hooks and fucking her? Seriously, are you trying to tank any hope of us working? I don’t get you.”
“No, of course not,” he said.
“Theo, you’ve done all the stuff you mentioned?”
I was genuinely curious about their relationship and not even sure what some of what they said meant.
“Yes, and lots more. Whips, floggers, nipple clamps, vibrators, anal beads, ball gags, shackled to an X and strapped to a swing. Everything that you can ever find on the lifestyle, we have at least tried once. Then, we picked what we enjoyed together and what worked for us. There are some things that even I can’t get into, like needleplay and golden showers.”
“Key word is tried. We experimented, and if we, one or the other, didn’t like it, then we didn’t do it again,” Liam said, and Theo looked down at his feet.
My knee was bouncing, the nervousness getting the better of me. Alone in the woods with someone who would find it amusing to punish me and push every one of my limits was both intriguing and wholly terrifying.
“The part that Theo is conveniently leaving out is that I took care of him. As rough as I can be, it is my job to know what you can take and when it is too much. To train you to accept things like the toys and be your emotional, physical, and mental support not just in the bedroom but outside of it. I also care for your body with any aftercare. My entire job is to bring us both the maximum amount of pleasure without pushing too far. If done right…there is nothing else like it. It’s also part of my hesitation to the three of us. I need to be prepared and ready for that level of responsibility.”
“I hadn’t thought about that. I’m sorry,” Theo said, and as the two of them looked at one another, I could feel a bit of the gap between them reduce.
“It’s okay. I should’ve been more upfront with all my concerns.” Liam shifted his stare to me. “If I’m going to do this, Ren, then I want to do it right.”
I rubbed my forehead and needed to move. Pacing would help me put into words what was going on in my mind. Oddly, it always helped.
“What about what I saw at the cabin? That didn’t look unusual or kinky, as you put it.”
“That was a mild night, blowjobs and teasing. But even then, our roles remain the same as our more intense experiences. I’m the Dom, he’s the Sub,” Liam said.
“Then why aren’t you both on the same page if this is all so wonderful? If what you do is look after him? Because Theo seems pretty miserable from where I’m standing.”
Liam’s jaw cracked as he clenched his teeth and glared at me. I thought he wouldn’t answer, but he surprised me.
“Because for a Dom and Sub to work, we have to explore and agree on what we want. We laid down all the ground rules and were just fine.”
“No, we weren’t,” Theo injected.
“Yes, we were. You didn’t mention one word to me about anything else bothering you until….” Liam stopped talking, but I knew what he was going to say.
“Until I came along. Right?”
Liam held his hand out in my direction.
“See, she gets it,” he said to Theo.
“Don’t do that. Don’t talk down to him.” I put my hands on my hips and glared at Liam.
Liam burst out laughing, and Theo smirked.
“And that right there is the issue. What you just did there, Little Rabbit, is why you’re an alpha personality.”
“So be straight with me. Are you taking me out to the woods so you can hurt me enough that I give up the idea of the three of us?”
Liam shook his head.
“It’s not about hurting you. I’m not a sadist, at least not all the time.” I lifted a brow at him and immediately regretted it as he stood. “It’s about learning what works for us. Finding common ground where we work outside of the three of us, and you with Blake and Myles.”
“Why do I keep picturing a Lord of the Flies ending for all of us?”
Theo laughed, and it was good to see him smile.
“Before I agree to anything, I want to know what changed between you two. Explain this to me because I can’t figure out why I am causing this rift when Theo said you’d shared girls before.”
“I told you, you’re not?—”
Liam held up two fingers, stopping Theo mid-sentence.
It might not have seemed like much to anyone else, but I could see it now. Liam commanded, and Theo obeyed. They were right about one thing. If he held up two fingers like that to me, I was going to break them.
“I’ll explain this as simply as I can.” Liam crossed his arms, which added to his already imposing aura. “I am a Dom. Theo was a Sub, but he is no longer. There is a long list of different needs and personalities in the kink community. Theo has realized he’s what is known as a switch.”
“A what now?”
“A switch. Just the basics for now, or we will be here all night. Theo likes what I do to him and being my Sub, but he also likes to have control. Here is the issue. I need control, I will never give it up. Therefore, no matter how much Theo wants the same, it will never happen with me.”
“But he is with me? I don’t really remember Theo ordering me around.”
“Yes. It can be more subtle than you might think. Tell me, has Theo told you to get on your knees?”
I shuffled, a little uncomfortable with the direct question. Liam walked a little closer, his eyes locked with mine, and the tension in the room notched up with each step he took.
“Has he told you that you’re a good girl,” he growled, and a shiver raced down my spine.
“Has he ordered you not to fucking come until he tells you to?”
Grabbing my arms, he pushed me back one step at a time until I hit the wall. My heart was in my throat. Was it suddenly hot in here? Liam towered over the top of me, his body so close that I could feel the heat he was giving off even though he was careful not to touch my skin.
“What would you do if I told you to get on your knees and suck my cock?”
My mind went completely blank.
“Liam, enough. Give her a minute,” Theo said, and as Liam glanced at him, I was able to take a shaky breath.
“If she can’t take a simple order, how would she handle anything else? Like consent to no consent.”
“What’s that,” I asked, cursing my curious mind and the need to understand.
“Basically, it means that you consent to be fucked by me or who I choose, how I choose at any time, whether you like it or not. I could hand you off to six guys and jerk off watching you.”
“Oh…I…um….”
Liam leaned in and whispered in my ear, the hair standing on the back of my neck, as he groaned.
“Be very sure you want this, Little Rabbit, very, very, sure.”
I had to bite my lip to keep from shaking. The fear I expected, but the inferno in my gut and between my legs, I did not. Holy hell, so this was what Theo saw and why he was so addicted.
Liam stepped back.
“What’s it going to be, Little Rabbit? None of this is going to work if we can’t get on the same page.”
My eyes bounced between the two of them.
“Let me make sure I understand. If we do something and I’m not comfortable or hate it….”
“Then we scrap it. Everything is about mutual pleasure, trust, and respect. I won’t force you to do something you’re not comfortable with, but I sure as hell am going to push you to your limits.”
I licked my lips and decided to take a leap of faith. “Okay, I’ll do it,” I said.
Liam smirked, the corner of his lip pulling up.
“Well, alright then. We have a date.”
Jesus, save me. What was I getting myself into?