Chapter 22
SEPTEMBER 28 – SUNDAY 9:17 AM
R en
My eyes fluttered open, and I couldn’t deny that I loved being wrapped around Nash. I never thought this would’ve happened, but last night had been scarily perfect. Like seeing a whole new Nash. My leg was slung over his, my arm hugged his waist, and my head was on his chest over his heart. Every single muscle hurt. I’d thought the other guys had put me through my paces, but Nash…acted like it was a competition to see if he could make me pass out from pleasure and exhaustion. He had almost succeeded, almost.
We slept, gripping one another, and for the first time since I’d met him, I felt this undeniable connection. He was still Nash, still demanding and everything else that was him, but it was different. It felt different, like a ray of sunshine breaking through a hard torrential rain.
Lifting my head, I looked up at him and smiled.
“You’re awake,” I said, and his eyes found mine. The smile slowly faded from my face. “What’s wrong?”
“This was a mistake,” he said and pushed himself up. All my happy thoughts and fluttery feelings crashed to the ground. “A huge fucking mistake.”
“What do you mean it was a mistake? You definitely didn’t act like it was a mistake last night.”
He walked over to the minibar and yanked it open. Grabbing a bottle of water, he cracked the lid and chugged half of it before tossing it down in front of me.
“Act is the keyword in that sentence. Get your clothes and get out. We need to leave. I have shit to do and can’t waste any more of my time hanging around this room with you.”
A slap would have hurt less. My heart raced but for a whole new reason than it had last night.
“Are you joking with me? If so, it’s not funny, Nash.”
“Does it look like I’m fucking joking?”
I gripped the sheet to my chest and stared at his angry face. What happened in the last few hours? Leaving the bed, I moved to reach for his arm, but he jerked it away.
“Don’t fucking touch me. I told you this was a mistake. I never should’ve brought you with me.”
“I’m the reason you’re even here,” I bit out.
“Yeah, thanks for that. Really fucking stupid to give away one of your mother’s painting. Too bad you can’t get it back. Now, get out of my room.”
His words hit right where he was aiming…straight through my heart.
“What the hell is going on, Nash? This isn’t you.”
He stomped toward me, and in my haste to back up, I tripped over the sheet and landed hard on my ass. Nash bent over and glared at me with so much hatred that I flinched.
“This isn’t me? It’s been me since the day we met. Did you actually believe I caught feelings for you? That we were going to go away together on a romantic getaway, and I’d suddenly fall in love? How fucking delusional are you?”
“No…but….”
He put his hands on his hips.
“But what? You’re so gullible. You haven’t learned a fucking thing about our world. We use people, Princess. We move pieces around on the board to get what we want. I already told you that. I saw you staring at me with those big grey eyes, wishing you could get in my pants. You were just too stubborn to let me fuck you and get it out of both our systems. So, I pushed a little more, acted concerned, befriended you, offered to help you, and waited. You broke just like I knew you would.” He shook his head at me. “You even screamed my name.”
Tears stung my eyes, but there was no way in hell I was giving Nash the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Gathering the sheet, I stood and walked around, picking up the remnants of my dress, shoes, and anything else that I could find before heading to the door.
“What? You got nothing else smart to say? Going to go off and cry to the guys now? Oh, boo-hoo. Poor little Princess got her feelings hurt. Don’t worry, I’m sure Myles will eat it right up and console you.”
As much of an asshole as Nash could be, I’d never seen him be purposely cruel, not like this. But like he said, maybe I was blinded, wanting to see a shred of good in him so much that I allowed myself to live in this fantasy world and not see what was right in front of my face the entire time.
Stopping in the doorway, I looked back at him and had no idea why he was doing this. There were a dozen possibilities, but none of them mattered, and it didn’t stop the pain trying to tear my heart out. The voice in my head had called me a fool so many times, and each time, I came up with an excuse. But the voice was right. I was a fool for ever letting my guard down, for ever believing him, for giving up the one thing he so obviously wanted.
Nash had lured me in, one hour at a time, like I was his greatest challenge, and like the fool I was, wanting to believe the best in everyone, I caved. I fell in love with him and handed my heart over on a silver platter for him to destroy. That was on me.
He warned me when I first arrived that he would fuck me, that I’d beg him to do it and that was all he wanted. I should’ve continued to believe those first words, but I didn’t so here we were. Now, he was happily gloating about tearing my heart out, but I wouldn’t let him see that.
“Say it, Princess. Yell at me. Tell me I’m a fucking asshole.” He crossed his arms and smirked. “Do your worst.”
I kept my voice calm and sucked back all the emotion that was threatening to break free.
“Bravo, it’s been quite the performance. You’re right, you had me convinced that you cared. I guess you won, pulled one over on me and got everything you wanted and more. There’s nothing else to say other than congratulations.”
I looked around the room, remembering every little detail of last night, wanting to commit it and the pain to memory as a lesson. I’m not sure what he thought I was going to say, but he seemed confused by my response. Once again, that was a him problem.
With my head held high, I walked across the large suite to the second bedroom, managing to calmly close and lock the door. The shaking began the moment I shut myself in the bathroom. Tears streamed down my face as I stepped into the shower.
Covering my mouth to stifle my sobs and to keep from completely falling apart, I let myself bathe in the agony. I soaked in each word like a stab wound so that I’d never let it happen again. Shame on him for what he had done, but it would be shame on me if I ever believed him again.
I’d grown stronger this past year. No strangers in masks, Vicky, or the likes of Nash Collier were going to destroy me. Nash and others like him thought my generosity was a weakness, but they were wrong.
One day, he would see that, and by then, I would be gone.
Nash
I glared at her, pissed at the world, but mostly myself. My feelings didn’t matter. Sleeping with Ren could cost me not only my life and my boys but any deals I had in the works. I’d put my future on the line and then let emotion get involved. What happened last night could unravel it all. She needed to stay the fuck away from me.
“Bravo, it’s been quite the performance. You’re right, you had me convinced that you cared. I guess you won, pulled one over on me and got everything you wanted and more. There’s nothing else to say other than congratulations,” Ren said, her voice cold and void of any affection. Even her eyes were flat and gave nothing away.
I followed her and watched as she quietly slipped into her room. The subtle click was like a hammer being cocked while the gun was to my head. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Slamming my door, I banged my head on it and wanted to trash the whole suite. Instead, I marched into the bathroom to shower.
The water was frigid when I stepped under the spray and leaned against the wall. Closing my eyes, all I could see was Ren’s smile fading as I yelled at her and the cool blanket indifference that she’d wrapped herself in before leaving the room.
“What the hell did I just do?”
Two hours later, I was on the couch, still waiting for Ren to come out. Glancing at her door for the millionth time, I ran through what I would say. My knee bounced until I finally gave up and walked over.
“Ren?” I knocked. “Princess…look, I’m sorry. I…shit. I’m a fucking asshole, just let me explain.”
There was no response. Not a fuck you or a go away. Putting my ear to the wood, I listened for any movement. Nothing.
“Princess?”
Panic overrode every other emotion. I grabbed the handle, expecting it to be locked, and terrified of what I might find on the other side. But it opened wide. Her bed was still perfectly made, and nothing seemed out of place.
“Ren?”
Marching into the bathroom, I knew she wasn’t there, but I had to check and flicked on the light. The walls were wet, but everything of hers was gone. A hint of sparkle caught my eye on the way out and I bent over to pick up one of her heels from last night in the garbage.
“Fuck,” I said, pulling out my cell.
N: Where are you?
It showed read, but she didn’t respond.
N: Answer me, I know you’re there.
Princess: Home.
N: Home like Canada or home like Wayward? And how the hell are you heading home? It’s not safe to be alone.
Princess: Safer than being with you, and I’m not alone.
Rage burned in my chest as I stomped over to my bag and swiped it off the floor.
N: Who the fuck are you with?
If she was with some guy and he touched her…I was going to rip him into tiny pieces. Which I realized was fucking ironic considering what I’d just said to her.
Princess: Nash, leave me alone. You made your point crystal clear. I got the message. Now get mine. I don’t want to talk to you.
“Fuck!” Swearing all the way to the elevator, I got in and decided to call her instead. It rang before going to voicemail.
N: You didn’t just send me to VM?
Princess: Leave me the fuck alone, Nash. I mean it.
N: Answer the phone.
I dialed again, but this time, it went straight to voicemail, and I almost threw my phone across the lobby. Charging outside, I handed the valet my ticket and looked around, trying to think like Princess. If I was her, what would I do? My eyes scanned the parking lot, and I swore. The guards. The black SUVs were gone. Oh, fuck my life.
The third attempt was the same, and when she did it again, I called Mr. Genovese’s head of security, Marcus.
“Nash, I wondered if you would be calling,” Marcus said, picking up on the second ring.
“Is she with you?”
“She is,” he drawled.
“Where are you taking her?”
“To the academy as she instructed. I must say, I’m a little confused. What happened with Ms. Mikhailov that made her want to leave your presence and so swiftly?”
I didn’t have to see him to know he was calling me a prick and smirking.
“It’s a misunderstanding. If you pull over, I’ll pick Ren up and take her the rest of the way.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“It’s a simple enough word to understand, but I’ll clarify for you. I don’t answer to you. I answer to Mr. Genovese, and I’ve already informed him that there was a change in plans.”
My heart galloped out of control. I was so fucked.
“He instructed me to take Ms. Mikhailov wherever she wanted to go. Not only that, but we are nearly halfway back, so no, we are not pulling over and waiting almost two hours for you. You’ve dug this hole or made your bed. Take your pick of saying…either way, you can lie in it. Have a great day, Nash.” The phone clicked dead.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to take that long. Your car was blocked in,” the valet said, his face terrified.
“Not you. A business deal just went sideways,” I said as I passed him a hundred.
He nodded, took the money, and couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I jogged around the front of the car and tossed my bag on the passenger seat as I slipped behind the wheel. Damage control was the only thing on my mind. Of all the things that I thought Ren would do, this was not one of them. Then again, I wasn’t really thinking at all when I pushed her away.
“Fuck my life, Princess. You have no idea what you’ve just done,” I said, pulling out of the hotel. “If Mr. Genovese finds out I’ve dishonored my contract, I’m as good as dead, and everything will disappear with a snap of his fingers,” I said out loud like I was talking to her.
Not that she’d care what happened to me after what I’d said to her. Why would she? I wouldn’t if roles were reversed.
Instead of asking for space—which she probably would have given me because she was fucking perfect—I verbally kicked her in the teeth. Yelling to vent some of my frustration, I slammed my hands down on the steering wheel as rage and panic mixed into one volatile cocktail.
I fucked up and broke my word. Which meant no more backing from Mr. Genovese. No more taking over and killing my father while remaining in control. No more Mr. Kessler, and no more deals with Nathaniel or the Mikhailov family. Hell, I could lose my guys for what I just did. I had to fix this with her, but how? My mind was blank, the sadness in her grey eyes needling my mind.
“You need to keep your head screwed on straight. Stop panicking,” I said. Why the fuck was I still talking out loud? It didn’t stop the fear. Even more concerning than everything else combined was if Ren was serious when she said she never wanted to see me again.
An old ache surfaced, and unlike all the other times, I couldn’t shove it down. My body shook as I tried to suppress the pain. I’d fucked up once, and it had cost the person I loved their life. I couldn’t fuck any of this up again, I just couldn’t.
Like a house of cards, one wrong move was all it took for everything to fall in around me, and I had no one to blame but myself.