Chapter 33 – Elijah
Chapter Thirty-Three
ELIJAH
I stare at my cell phone, ignoring the noise surrounding me. It’s the usual carnage of the entire James family being in one place together. The entire James family except one, anyway.
The most important one. A lump forms in my throat as I stare at my last message to her. I sent it an hour after I left her house two mornings ago. It simply reads:
I’ll give you your space. And I’ll wait as long as it takes. I love you.
She read it but sent no reply. Not that I blame her. Once again, I let her down. Hurt her when she was already hurting too much. I’ll never forgive myself for that, so I can’t expect her to. Although I suspect she already has. Holding grudges isn’t exactly the new Amber’s style. She proved that when she allowed me to stay with her the other night and when she sought my comfort the following morning.
Fuck, I miss her.
But now, I’m here and she’s there, and I’m doing my best to give her space. As promised. Even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
“Hey, have you spoken with Amber today?” Drake asks quietly as he takes a seat on the sofa beside me.
My head snaps up, and I shove my phone into my pocket, trying my best not to look guilty. “No. Why?”
He glances around the noisy room. “I called to get her bank information for the settlement, and she… Well, she sounded awful. She tried to brush it off. Blamed some reheated takeout she had for dinner last night. But it sounded like she’d been crying. Amelia and I are gonna stop by on our way home and make sure she’s okay.”
Amber never gets sick. The woman has the constitution of an ox, which is a good thing because she has an extreme phobia of vomiting. A remnant from her time at boarding school when one of her classmates almost choked to death in the middle of the night.
She asked for space and I promised to give it, but I can’t leave her alone feeling terrified and vulnerable. “No, I’ll go check on her.” I jump up, scanning the room for the rest of our brothers.
“You’re going to leave in the middle of Mason’s birthday brunch?” The incredulity in Drake’s tone is further evidence that I’ve spent far too long not putting her first.
“Yes. Now.” When I glance over my shoulder at him, his lips are curved in a smile, and he gives me a knowing wink.
I quickly find Mason and tell him I need to leave because something important has come up. Given his difficult history with my wife, I don’t tell him exactly what that important thing is, and once I assure him everything is okay, he doesn’t press me on it.
While he’s disappointed I’m missing his birthday brunch, he understands. Of course he does, because I’m a good fucking brother, and I get to have a life outside of this family. We all do.
It’s that fucking easy… and that fucking hard.
Less than an hour later, I’m standing on Amber’s doorstep, clutching a white paper bag containing a box of electrolyte packets. The woman at the pharmacy assured me they were the best thing for replacing essential fluids after a bout of food poisoning.
I stand, my hand suspended in midair, poised to knock. I promised her that I would honor her request for space, and yet here I am. Invading her life. However, any doubts I have because she might be pissed at me are far outweighed by my concern for her wellbeing.
After I knock, it takes a few moments for the door to be answered, and I spend that time shuffling from one foot to the other and hoping I haven’t woken her. When the door opens a crack, I’m met with only a sliver of her face, but it’s enough for me to clearly see how pale and drawn she is.
“Elijah, what are you doing here?” Her voice is raspy, her tone weary.
“I know I agreed to give you some space, but Drake told me you were sick. And I…” I scrub my free hand through my hair. “I remember how freaked out you used to get about vomiting, and I didn’t want you to be alone.”
The door opens a little more, and tears fill her eyes. Her lower lip wobbles.
Shit!
“But what about Mason’s birthday brunch?”
I take a step closer, my hand resting gently on the door so she doesn’t feel like I’m trying to force my way inside, and I stare into her beautiful eyes. “Baby, nothing is more important to me than you. I know it’s taken me far too long to realize that, but believe me when I tell you that you are my first priority. I’m not here expecting anything from you. I know this changes nothing that we spoke about the other day. And as soon as you want me to go, I’m gone. No questions asked. But whether we’re together or apart, I will be here whenever you need me.”
“Elijah.” My name leaves her mouth on a sob that makes my chest ache. I’m not sure whether she’s going to let me in or tell me to go to hell until she opens the door a little wider, allowing me inside.
I waste no time taking her into my arms, and she sags against my chest. “I feel awful,” she mumbles.
I run my hands over her back, noticing now that she’s wearing my Ramones T-shirt—the one that makes her feel close to me, that makes her feel safe even when I don’t. It fills me with hope that her instinct is still to want to be close to me.
Resting my lips on the top of her head, I ignore the faint smell of vomit. “Was it something you ate?”
“Uh-huh. I reheated my leftovers from the chicken place on the corner,” she says with a loud groan. “I guess I didn’t heat it enough, or—” Her hand flies to her mouth, and she pushes me roughly away before bolting upstairs. A few seconds later, I wince at the sound of her vomiting.
After leaving the paper bag on the table, I follow the sound until I find her and dropping to my knees at her side so I can rub gentle circles on her back. Eventually, she sits back on her haunches and wipes her mouth. I brush away the damp hair sticking to her forehead.
“I must look so attractive right now, huh?” she manages a laugh.
I stare at her. Cheeks pale. Lips dry and cracked. Hair in a disheveled ponytail. “You always look beautiful to me,” I tell her honestly.
Groaning, she closes the lid of the toilet and rests her forehead on the cool porcelain. “Smooth talker.”
I find a washcloth and run it under cold water before wiping it over the back of her neck. She lifts her head, allowing me to wipe her forehead too. Her eyes flutter closed. “That feels nice.”
“Let’s get you off these hard tiles, baby.”
I scoop her up off the floor, and she doesn’t even murmur any kind of protest. Instead, she curls her body into mine, and I carry her downstairs and sit down on the sofa with her on my lap, wrapping my arms around her. “Do you need anything? Water? Saltines?”
“Nothing right now,” she mumbles.
“When you are able to drink a little, I brought some of those rehydration packets.”
She makes a fake vomiting noise now. “Those things are vile.”
“I know, baby, but they’re the best way to replace lost fluids. So you’ll be taking some. Okay?”
“You’re so bossy.” I bite my tongue so I don’t remind her that I haven’t scratched the surface of bossy. Because if I were to stray close to that territory, I would insist on her having a chef to cook her meals so she doesn’t poison herself with dodgy takeout again.
When I place a kiss on the top of her hair, I can’t help but smile. Being with her is the only place I want to be, so if being grateful that she got sick and is letting me take care of her makes me a selfish asshole, then that’s just what I am.
“This changes nothing, Elijah,” she says quietly, burrowing her head against my chest.
I press a kiss her forehead now. “I know.”
“It means a lot to me that you’re here though. I really do hate being alone when I’m sick.”
“I know.”
She rests her hand on my chest, directly over my heart. “Thank you for choosing me.”
I did choose her today, and that’s a good start, but it’s not enough. I should have chosen her every single time, and if she decides to give me another shot, I will never miss another opportunity to put her first.