Haunted Horizions
The fireworks behind my eyes from his kiss slowly turned to ash, raining down over everything around me.
I tried to swallow, but my throat had closed up. My entire body tensed and my vision went into some sort of weird tunnel-y thing, where I couldn’t see anything except Reid’s gray shirt in front of me.
This was it. This was when he told me that while he used to love me, we shouldn’t be together. No matter what happened right now, or back at his pool, it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t last.
It was last summer, all over again. The two of us, standing in his driveway, my hands in his as he told me he wanted to break up.
He said I should find someone on the island who could be here all the time for me. I told him we could make distance work.
He said I deserved better. I told him all I wanted was him.
He said he loved me. I told him I loved him.
He said goodbye. I said nothing.
My chest spasmed, my lungs pleading for the oxygen I didn’t have.
Not while my entire world was imploding.
Reid took a deep breath, his chest rising, pushing his shirt up. “Let me rewind. Start at the beginning.”
I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to rip the bandage off and get it over with. The world around me spun, my vision clouding up by the second.
“You know my first summer here wasn’t easy,” he started, shifting just so slightly. I took that as a sign to move, to distance myself from him. But Reid didn’t let go of my hand. He clasped onto it like a life preserver, like it was the only thing saving him from slipping under.
Except I was the one that needed the saving right now.
“You and the crew made things so much better for me here. But especially you, Mars. Always you. From the very start. But things at home weren’t easy either. It was the same as here on the Cove, but the opposite.”
“I know,” I somehow breathed out.
I tucked my lips in, biting down to keep from sobbing. I didn’t want to hear this. I didn’t want this to be the moment he told me how much he had once loved me, that I would always be special to him, and then continue with the harsh reality. I needed to hear the truth, not the sugar coating.
“But this past year was worse. Mom and Dad were gone for business a lot more than usual. We moved out of the two-bedroom house I grew up in and to the other side of town. My friends… well, they weren’t around as much either.”
My breath hitched. I knew he had issues with his friends, but how he was talking right now… the way his voice dipped, becoming harder and harder to eke out the words…
“You were alone,” I whispered.
He nodded, staring down at his hands over mine. He exhaled sharply and straightened his shoulders. “I mean, it wasn’t a big deal.”
That was a brush off. One to throw me off and pretend that what he was saying hadn’t shaken him to his core, hadn’t affected him in any way. It was meant to try to convince me that he was fine, when he clearly was anything but.
“I got by. I started running. I even took Noodle with me sometimes, but he was less than eager to keep pace and not stop every two houses or so.” He glanced over at me with a sad smile, like he was trying to make me feel better.
But all he did was make me even more confused. Why was he talking about Noodle, running, and his friends? Wasn’t this about the two of us? How far back did he need to go in his story in order for me to get the whole picture?
“Anyway… working out led me to a gym in town. The guys there were great—they always encouraged me, supported me, and they didn’t… discriminate,” he added, like he was trying to find the correct word.
“I’m glad.” I genuinely was. Reid struggled to fit in here on the island and at home. It was rough for him, and if he finally found a group of guys that accepted him like we did here, then that made me happy, too.
Reid swallowed, looked at me, then darted his gaze away, as if what he was about to say next was too painful to look me in the eye for. I steeled myself, waiting for the ball to drop.
“The whole staying at home thing for the summer was a lie.”
My stomach flipped.
“My parents bought it, but they were probably just excited, thinking I was hanging with the guys again.”
I wanted to vomit.
“I planned on staying home alone. I knew the guys were going to the cabin without me the entire time. But once Mom said they were leaving for the month, I came up with a new plan. I had one thing on my mind.”
My shoulders hunched, actively trying to keep my body in check on this bench.
But now Reid looked at me. I could barely see him with the way my vision had gone both hazy and starry at the same time.
“You. All I thought about was you. A plan to get you back, Marlowe. That was my intention from the second I booked my flight. I know I told you I just wanted to lay low, but that was after I saw… Well, yeah.”
Declan. He changed his tune when he saw Declan.
My breakfast vowed to make a reappearance soon.
“I wanted it to be like last summer. When I surprised you. I had hoped… I had hoped that you didn’t hate me.”
Hate him? He broke my heart, but I had never hated him. The opposite, actually.
I had never stopped loving him.
“I tried asking Caleb and Livvy, and they didn’t think you did, but they also said you guys didn’t really bring me up in conversation, so they couldn’t be sure.”
“I didn’t hate you,” I said, barely above a whisper, not even certain if I said it out loud or just mouthed the words. I put most of my energy toward trying not to faint or vomit. Both were possibilities right now.
Reid shifted again, this time turning more toward me. His fingers danced along my wrists until he held both hands in his, holding tightly.
“I was scared, Mars. Last summer. I was so scared of the future. Of leaving the island. Of being away from you. I thought I would fail. I thought you deserved better.”
The mere mention of the words brought me back to that night in his driveway, the pain wracking through me all over again.
“I thought,” he stressed, like wanted to emphasize that he knew he was wrong, “that you should have been with someone who lived here year round.” He hung his head in defeat. “I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was stupid.”
He didn’t have to clarify to know he was referring to Declan.
“I wanted you to have someone who could be here for you all the time. Who could make you happy and not just in the summer.” He took a deep breath before continuing, still locking his eyes with mine. “Most of all, I was scared of how much I loved you, Mars. I spent all year trying to convince myself that I made the right decision, but all I could think about was you. I fell into a hole I couldn’t get myself out of. Thinking of you was the only thing that kept me going, and deep down, I knew I had messed up. I screwed everything up. I hurt you, Mars, and that’s what killed me.”
I blinked, trying to orient myself while processing his words. “So you came back…”
He squeezed my hands. “For you. The only reason I came back was for you.”