19. Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Roxie
I did it again.
I let Lennox into my bed, readily accepting his warmth to chase away the harmful thoughts. Ever since last week when I thought I saw my uncle, I’ve not been feeling like myself. I was falling into a hopeful delusion here in Bluebell Falls. Feeling safe when danger could be around any corner is risky. Forgetting about the people who would do just about anything to take Ivy away from me is stupidity of the highest order.
And then Lennox panicked when I talked about going on the trails. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together. It’s so obvious now. I don’t think I would want to go back either if I were in his shoes. A place that has only brought nightmares and pain isn’t a place I would be eager to get back to anytime soon.
But he surprised me. He wants to get back, but he’s scared. When he explained things to me last night, I made a promise to myself that I would get him back in that park before we had to leave—ill-advised, considering Greg and Pam could show up tomorrow.
Sighing, I snuggle back into his hold and try to forget about all of my problems—they don’t seem so overwhelming. His arms tighten around me, his thumb tracing the stretch marks right above my panty line. I doubt he even realizes he’s doing it if his soft snores are anything to go by.
I wouldn’t say I’m insecure about my body. It’s more that no one outside of me has seen it since I had Ivy. It’s different; not bad, just different than it was when I was in my twenties. I’m not that young anymore, and my body shows a life lived hard. In some ways, I’m proud as hell of it, but it’s moments like these where I think about what Lennox would say if he ever saw me completely naked. Would I turn him off with my little bit of loose skin and stretch marks? The man could get any woman he wanted, and although I keep in great shape out of necessity, I never quite bounced back after having a child.
Why are you even thinking about this? There’s no way in hell he’ll ever see you naked. You’re here to do a damn job.
The fact that I have to remind myself of that daily is problematic.
Peeking at the clock on the nightstand, I see it’s getting close to when Ivy usually gets up. I don’t want to wake up Lennox when he’s sleeping well, so that means I need to catch Ivy when she bounds out of her room. No need to try and explain this to my five-year-old. I don’t even know how to explain it to myself. I wouldn’t want to give her an ounce of hope that we’ll be staying here or that there’s something going on between Lennox and me.
I slowly shift out from under his arm, taking my time, careful to not wake him up. Once I’m finally out, I shiver at the cold that takes over. I miss being wrapped up in him. Shit. I think I’m in trouble with this one.
I toss on some joggers and a T-shirt, shutting the door quietly behind me before I head to Ivy’s room to check on her.
“Morning, Mommy!” she announces as soon as I get the door open. I mentally thank my internal clock for waking up and catching her before she left her room.
“Morning, Bug. You ready for the day?” I ask.
“So ready! I’m going to go make bweakfast.” She stumbles out of bed because she’s moving too fast, and I watch from the door as she heads to the kitchen to make some cereal. I grab her clothes and walk to my door, cracking it. Just one more look, and then I’ll take Ivy to school. Maybe I’ll stay out of the house a little longer today.
I’m staying true to my word, taking a breather from all things Lennox today, and am walking down Main Street, enjoying the shockingly pleasant weather. We’re in the sweet spot, where it’s not boiling hot but we’re not frozen for two weeks. I sit out on Lennox’s back porch every day, but getting out of the cabin and walking around feels freeing.
Bluebell Falls is starting to feel a little too much like home, a little too comfortable, and that makes me paranoid.
I can’t afford to get complacent.
The last time I relaxed in a city, my aunt and uncle—I should really stop calling them that—Greg and Pam were hours away from taking Ivy from me. I still have no clue why they keep hunting me down or what they truly want from me. I do know they’ll have to do a hell of a lot more to get their hands on Ivy. I’d let them take everything I’ve built for myself before they get their grubby hands on my baby.
I sigh, upset with myself for even letting my thoughts turn to people who were supposed to love me. I’ve always believed I would have been better off in the system, even though I realize it was a privilege to have family able to take me in. I’ve heard all the horror stories of foster care, and there’s still a piece of my heart that feels like I could have had a better childhood away from Greg and Pam.
“Good morning, Roxie,” a deep voice jolts me out of my thoughts. “Sorry.” Sheriff Arlo cringes.
“Not your fault. I was lost in my head. Should be paying better attention,” I joke, but he seems to pick up on something.
“Why should you be paying better attention in Bluebell Falls?”
I stare at him, already feeling the panic rise inside of me. No one knows about my past, and I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t like people judging me for it, and I’d much rather impress people with who I am now.
“Oh, just habit from the city,” I deflect. It’s a flimsy statement at best, and I see the second he gets suspicious. The last thing I want is anyone digging into my past too deeply. Ledger did a background check before hiring me, but I have good control over that. I’ve worked hard and paid some hefty money to make sure I’m not connected to Greg and Pam at all.
“Sure. Everything else going okay? Lennox is not giving you too hard of a time?” he asks, and I’m thankful he changed the subject.
“Oh, no, he’s doing well. A great host, and I’m grateful for the living arrangements.” I’m careful not to reveal specifics about his therapy because it’s medical information and HIPAA still applies in a small town .
“Good, good,” he mutters. This might be the longest conversation I’ve ever had with the man, and that includes family dinners. But I can tell he’s at his limit for small talk.
“Well, good to see you.” I shift back.
“You too. See you at family dinner?”
“Umm, probably.” Ivy and I have been going to most of them, but somehow it feels wrong to go when Lennox seems to be struggling this week. If he isn’t going, it feels wrong to go without him. We aren’t family, after all, and I know the Huttons would never say that, but I can’t help how I feel.
He scurries off to his office down the street as I stand frozen in place on the sidewalk. That was too close. The last thing I want is the damn sheriff looking into my past and discovering all the drama associated with it. Staying problem-free and doing my job is all I need, and the second that changes, I have to start thinking about moving again.
And this time, I don’t want to move.
This time, I want to figure out a way to stay.
Unrealistic? Absolutely. But Ivy is thriving here, and I’ve actually made friends—something I haven’t had in far too many years. I just want to stay in my fanciful thoughts for a little while longer before shit inevitably hits the fan.
I don’t know how long I stand on the sidewalk. Long enough for Oakley to poke his head out of Grind Time.
“You okay, Roxie?” His brows furrow with concern.
“Oh yeah, got lost in my head.” Chuckling, I hope he breezes past my weird behavior .
No such luck, it seems. “Is there something going on with Lennox? Is Ivy okay?” His rapid-fire questions make my heart clench. The fact that his thoughts even went to Ivy brings tears to my eyes.
“No, no, everyone is good. I promise.” I wave him off, sucking in a deep breath to ward off the tears.
His shoulders relax, and he opens the door wider. “Well, come on in. I have coffee ready for you.”
Smiling at how thoughtful he is, I take a quick glance down Main Street, and my breath freezes in my chest.
No! No, it can’t be.
My eyes flicker around the area, looking for anything to tell me I’m wrong.
When they land back on the spot where I saw him, there’s no one there.
Maybe I’m seeing things again, but I swear I just saw Greg. His beady eyes are still a phantom image in my mind.
I look around again, in hopes of what, I’m not sure. To prove I saw him, possibly, but if so, it means Ivy and I need to leave Bluebell Falls, and I can’t process that right now.
Shaking my head, I don’t see any more sign of Greg or Pam.
I’ve been on edge lately, and I’m probably just seeing things in my mind. That’s got to be it because the alternative isn’t something I want to consider. I’m being paranoid because things are going so well here.
No, there’s no way they found me so soon.
Taking one last look at the corner of the building where I thought I saw him, I find nothing, and the tension in my shoulders releases. With a sigh, I turn and head into Grind Time, hoping with all hope these flashes are just that and not a sign we need to leave.