31. Chapter 31
Chapter 31
Lennox
Holy shit. Roxie is on her knees for me, and I’m about to fucking blow.
It’s been way too fucking long for me to handle more than a minute of this.
The first touch of her lips sends my hips bolting off the couch, but she immediately places her hand on my thigh and looks up at me. “Do not reinjure yourself. I’ll stop right now.” The hard look in her eyes is almost more of a turn-on than her on her knees. Almost.
“You got it, Boss Lady.” I wink, but all bravado is lost when her mouth makes her way back to my dick.
Breathing out a steady breath, I keep my eyes on her. The slow bob of her head as she takes me deeper with each downward motion is starting to kill me. The tingle in my spine is a warning sign.
“Up. Up now.” I lean forward, threading my hand in her hair and not-so-gently yanking her off me. “I can’t, Rox. I haven’t had anything but my hand in months, and I’m about to embarrass the shit out of myself.”
Her smile is heart-stopping as she crawls up my legs to straddle me.
“I don’t think this will help,” I choke out as my hands trail down her back to her ass .
“I’m not going to lie, the confidence boost you’re giving me right now is fucking amazing. I don’t even care if it’s just because it’s been a while for you.” She shifts her hips forward, sliding her pussy against me, gently rocking back and forth.
“It’s definitely you, Rox. All you,” I grit out as her hips continue the movement. She’s getting wetter and wetter against me, telling me I’m turning her on as much as she is me.
Her hands grip my shoulders as her breathing picks up. My hands on her ass tighten as I help her along until her rhythm falters.
Witnessing a Roxie Moore orgasm will go down in history as one of my favorite things to watch. Screw birdwatching. Screw the sunset. This is where it’s at.
Her head tips up to the ceiling, mouth open in a silent scream as she grinds hard against me. I can feel her pussy pulsing, and I swear to God, it almost sends me over the edge.
I don’t think. I don’t even consider my actions. The need is too overwhelming for something as mundane as that.
Shifting her up, I move one hand to my cock as I notch myself to her still pulsing pussy. She sinks down effortlessly, prolonging her orgasm and forcing me to pinch my leg to stop from coming.
“ Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I gasp out, and she starts moving on me. “Roxie.” I’m not sure if I’m asking her stop or keep going. The stimulation is so overwhelming.
“Len,” she moans as she swivels her hips. “Jesus, why do you feel so good?”
The tingle in my spine shoots down to my balls. I’m on borrowed time. I’ll make it up to her later .
“Rox, you have about two minutes to get there and get off me before I come,” I rasp out.
“I’m not getting off you.” Her head whips up.
“I’m not wearing anything, and we didn’t talk about it. Fuck. ” She bounces on my dick like it’s a fucking carnival ride.
“I’m so close; come with me. I’m covered, I promise,” she moans as she falls into me. Her breath against my neck sends a shiver through my body.
Gripping her ass cheeks hard, I thrust up as she moves, growling into her shoulder. The first flutters around me send me into overdrive. Her moans in my ear make me feral, knowing I’m the one who’s making her feel this way. The first spurt of cum nearly makes me black out. I bite down on her shoulder as I come so hard, it feels like the Earth shifts on its axis.
She collapses against me, panting, as we both catch our breath.
“Why did we wait so long to do that?” she asks breathily.
Laughter bursts from me as I hold her close. “Because someone wanted to be professional and play by the rule book.”
“Fuck the rule book,” she groans as she wiggles on my lap. “How are you still hard right now?”
“I don’t know; it’s just how it is.” I continue to laugh. “And waiting was the right move. I would never put your career in jeopardy.”
She sighs. “I know. I’m just sad I waited months to feel what your perfect dick feels like inside of me.”
“Jesus, woman.” My chest is shaking with laughter. “I think I like this uninhibited version of you.” My hand strokes down her soft back, reveling in the feel of her against me .
She sits up, making me instantly miss the closeness. “I have to go get Ivy soon, but can I come to your room tonight, and we can actually talk about things? And maybe do more of this?” She smirks.
“I would be disappointed if you didn’t.” Pressing a kiss to her lips, all feels right in the world for the first time since Tennison.
She slowly lifts on her knees until my dick plops against my shirt, sticky with both of our orgasms.
Shit, I can’t even think about how it felt to be in her bare.
“I don’t understand why that’s so hot.” She rolls her lips inward in an attempt to stop the smile on her face. She fails miserably.
“Sit. I’ll get us cleaned up and change.” I drag myself off the couch and head to the kitchen. Grabbing a clean kitchen towel, I wait for the water to warm up before wetting it and heading back to my woman.
My woman.
Just thinking it brings a huge smile to my face.
I find Roxie standing right where I left her with a shy look on her face.
“I’m trying not to get all this”—she gestures to the mess we made—“on the couch.” She cringes.
“Fair.” As I gently clean her, we stare at each other with so many emotions passing between us. I have until tonight to figure out how to verbalize it all because I don’t want to let another day go by without telling her how I feel.
Leaning down, I press another kiss to her lips, utterly addicted to her. “I’m going to go change,” I murmur against them. I have to force myself to pull away from Roxie, or I’ll never let her leave my sight.
Tossing the kitchen towel and my cum-covered shirt in the laundry, I end up in my room buck-ass naked. The mirror in my bathroom catches my eye, drawing me to it like a moth to a flame .
My scars shine bright and pink against my skin. My arms are pretty bad, but it’s my chest and abdomen that are the worst. When Roxie stripped for me, I could see the reluctance in her eyes. She doesn’t love her body the way I do, and now that I’m away from her, I see the double standard bright as day.
I trace the worst scar, the one that was so deep it almost hit my abdominal cavity. Are they awful? Objectively? Maybe not. But I’m not sure how to get over this hump. Everything seems to be coming together, but I don’t know how to accept all of these scars yet.
Tonight. Tonight, I’ll try to show Roxie in the safety of our little bubble.
I’m lying in bed shirtless, on the verge of hyperventilating.
My impulse decision when Roxie was putting Ivy to bed doesn’t seem so great now. What if she thinks it’s horrible and disgusting? What if it’s too distracting?
I’m so in my head I don’t hear Roxie come in.
“Lennox…” Her whisper hits me in the chest. The look on her face is awe mixed with pain.
Things click into place in my head. Roxie isn’t disgusted; she’s empathetic. She’s sad that this happened to me, but it doesn’t change how she feels about me.
“I don’t know why I’ve been so adamant about covering them,” I croak.
“Because they hold memories that aren’t ever going to go away.” She slowly walks to me. “You needed to come to terms with everything that happened before you were okay with them. I don’t matter; your family doesn’t matter. None of us would ever think differently about you because of your scars, but you felt differently about yourself.”
“You’re good at this psychology thing,” I deflect.
“I’m an outsider. It’s easier to see it all when you’re not the one living it.” She shrugs, putting her knee on the bed and climbing up to me.
“It still makes me feel insecure,” I murmur.
“I have stretchmarks and loose skin that make me feel insecure still. They brought me Ivy, but it doesn’t mean I love them,” she whispers as she lies down next to me.
We turn to face each other, and I know in this moment, I’m going to marry this woman.
“I love these.” My fingertips hook under her T-shirt, tracing the stretchmarks. “They show what a badass you are. They are a physical symbol of you bringing my Pixie into the world, and nothing is better than that.”
“Jesus.” Roxie sniffles. “One orgasm, and you’re talking like this?”
Deep laughter from my chest takes over as my fingers still brush along her skin. “Maybe the sex rewired my brain.” It’s a logical explanation, seeing as everything is making way more sense right now.
Her hand rises, moving tentatively to my chest. I stiffen out of impulse but force myself to breathe through it. The first touch is an electric shock. As she moves around my chest, it starts to feel exhilarating. Freeing.
“These prove how resilient you are. They show that you overcame the struggle at every turn. I’m in complete awe of you,” she whispers before pressing a kiss right where my heart is.
We lie like that, touching, feeling, and accepting each other, flaws and all.
“A lot happened today,” Roxie breaks the trance we’re in.
“Probably too much.” I chuckle. Anyone would probably call us crazy for how fast things have progressed today.
“Maybe. There’s a lot to work through still. I don’t work for you—well, Ledger—anymore, so technically Ivy and I are homeless.”
“Do you want to stay here? I don’t want to force you, especially if you want to get your own space here. Would I love to keep you here? Absolutely, but I also understand wanting to make a home for yourself here while we … figure things out.” I want the ball in her court, but I also want her to understand she and Ivy are wanted here.
“I’ve been thinking about this all fucking day, and I still don’t have an answer. My logical brain says we need to find our own place so Ivy and I can build a real home here. But … I don’t want to,” she whispers.
“Decisions don’t need to be made tonight.”
“There’s also the not-so-small detail about my job. I have clients, but it’s not enough for a full income. If we decide to stay here, I’d split all the bills and pay rent. I’d need to figure something out there.”
“You don’t need to pay me anything,” I refute.
“Lennox, this one isn’t up for debate. I’m not that person. I’ve always made my own way, and no matter the direction I go, I’ll still be contributing. ”
I nod, respecting her words. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been so conflicted over her. She’s so damn strong, works so damn hard, and is still working to better her and Ivy’s lives.
“The only thing I can think of is checking with Doc Grant. He’s the only one in town with any medical knowledge, so he’d be a good place to start. Otherwise, Rosedale probably has bigger opportunities.” Even though it’s the truth, my heart sinks at her potentially getting a job even forty-five minutes away.
“Doc Grant… I’ll talk to him this week.” Her fingers continue to trace my scars as we talk while my hand is stationary on her hip.
“Can I ask you a professional question?”
“Always.”
“If I can get back on the trails, how close do you think I am to getting back into the park rangers?”
“If you can get back on the trails, tomorrow. Honestly, as long as you keep up with your strength training for a while so the muscle stays strong, physically, you’re there. I wouldn’t have signed off on your PT otherwise.” She smiles.
“So, that just leaves us,” I murmur.
“Talk about moving at the speed of light.”
“Yeah, I didn’t plan that.”
“Neither did I, but I’m not apologizing. I’ve been thinking about doing that for far longer than I want to admit,” she says.
“Oh yeah? My asshole first impression didn’t sway you at all?”
“Oh, it absolutely did.” She chuckles. “But I saw underneath it and understood your need to push people away.”
“You might be the only one. ”
“I think it was more that I hadn’t been with you before everything happened. I was coming in on the backend and seeing you as you are, not as you were.”
“Wise woman.” I press a kiss to her lips.
“Are we really doing this?” she whispers.
“Yeah, I think we are. But we’re going at your pace. You have Ivy, and I’m not going to barge into your family without a thought. I love that little girl, but I also know nothing about parenting and don’t want to do something wrong and totally fuck her up. Or overstep,” I add. Being a parent is not something I thought was in the cards for me. I’m not confident I’ll be any good at it—worried as hell, actually—but I’d do anything for Ivy.
Her eyes turn glossy in a second before she pushes my shoulder and rolls on top of me.
“You, Lennox Hutton, have no idea how much that means to me. I don’t want to introduce her to this yet, but that’s not because I don’t trust you. Ivy loves you. You read to her every single night in the best voices. Unknowingly, you’ve turned into more of a father figure for her than she’s ever had. That’s not to put pressure on you at all, but you won’t mess anything up. I just don’t want to tell her anything until I know where we’ll be permanently.”
“Thank you.” I don’t have more words. I don’t feel worthy of the ones she’s given me. But I’ll make it my mission every single day to live up to them. I also make a mental note to get my Pixie a new book. Fresh material for our nightly ritual.