Redemption’s Inferno (Inferno #3)

Chapter 18

S itting in the car outside the Browns’ quaint little cottage, Emilie felt her hands start to shake. Chains reached over to grip them tightly in his, looking into her eyes .

“Look at me,” he said firmly. “Two weeks ago you were willing to go to prison to get closure—now you’re giving closure to this family. You were careless, but not malicious and not to blame. He would have died anyway, Em .”

“I know.” She sat up straight and hooked her purse over her shoulder as she stepped out into the bright sunlight. It had rained the entire drive from Bickford to Ashbourne, but the clouds had cleared and now the sun was bright and hot .

“I’ll stay out here,” Nate said. “Close if you need me, but no need to overwhelm them with so many of us .”

“Thank you,” Emilie nodded .

They walked up to the door and knocked, Emilie’s hand firmly in Chains’ with Dolores on her other side, holding her elbow .

A pleasant-looking middle-aged woman opened the door, a polite smile on her face. “Hello. You’re… Emilie ?”

“Yes. Emilie Sjoberg. This is my boyfriend, Darryl Carruthers, and his mother, Dolores .”

“I’m Adeline Brown and this is my husband, Fred. Please come in .”

They exchanged pleasantries as Emilie studied the tidy room with bright pillows, fresh flowers and walls covered in framed photographs. The photos were of children of all ages, from very young to grown adults, and she instantly spotted Adam. His smiling face made her slightly breathless and she had to look away, clinging to Chains’ arm for support. He gave her a quick, private wink, holding her against his side as they sat on the sofa .

“We’re not sure what this is about,” Fred said after a moment. “Detective Langhan is a neighbor and said you were with Adam before he passed…we always wondered who he’d been with, but it’s been a long time now .”

“I…” Emilie faltered, unsure what to say now that the moment was upon her .

“Just tell them the story,” Chains said softly .

“I thought it was my fault!” Emilie blurted out, tears unexpectedly filling her eyes .

“Your fault?” Adeline’s eyebrows drew together. “Adam died instantly from a heart condition we weren’t aware of. How could that have been your fault ?”

“It wasn’t,” Emilie corrected herself. “But for eight years I thought it was. You see, I found Adam dead and assumed it was because of something I did, so I ran. It wasn’t until after I became a mother myself that the guilt began to gnaw away at me… I’d finally decided to turn myself in and accept whatever punishment I deserved, but Darryl and Nate got hold of the autopsy and we found out what actually happened .”

“Then I’m not entirely sure why you’re here.” Adeline was obviously confused .

“Because I still feel like you should know everything that happened .”

“You mean the sex games?” Fred’s face reddened slightly, but he squeezed his wife’s hand as he continued. “We know our son was wild—drinking and smoking and carrying on with women. I assume you were one of them .”

“We met at a sex club,” she admitted, feeling her cheeks get warm. “We were both learning about the…um, BDSM lifestyle and decided to practice together.” She looked down and took a moment to compose herself. Finally, she lifted her gaze and told them everything, finishing with a tear rolling down her cheek. “I can’t help but wonder if I hadn’t left him if something would have been different .”

Adeline had tears rolling down her cheeks as well, but was shaking her head. “The police and the doctors we called to examine his records told us he died in seconds—his heart simply gave out. If we’d known about the condition, there is medicine he could have been taking, but without knowing…it was too late for Adam .”

“This condition is genetic,” Fred continued, stroking his wife’s arm. “One of Adam’s cousins—my brother’s son—passed away from the exact same disease a few years ago. Both boys were 20 at the time of their deaths .”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Emilie whispered .

“So, you see, dear, nothing you did could have caused this and nothing you’d have done differently could have changed the outcome. I’m so sorry you’ve felt so much guilt all this time. If you’d only come to us sooner …”

“I didn’t know his last name,” Emilie sighed. “And I was afraid .”

“Actually, this makes me happy,” Adeline said, brushing away her tears. “To know that you cared so much .”

“I hid what I thought I’d done for eight years!” Emilie protested .

Adeline smiled. “What you thought you’d done… You didn’t remember the details or his name, and you were so young. Deep down, I think if you’d seen evidence you were truly responsible, you would have called the authorities then. I can’t fault you for being afraid .”

“I fault myself,” Emilie said .

“Not anymore. Okay?” Adeline rose and held out a hand. “Come—let’s get some refreshments for everyone and we can have a nice chat .”

Emilie stared at her in confusion. “You’re truly not angry with me? I, I left your son tied to a bed, where he died, in a London hotel room, by himself .”

“Doing exactly what he wanted to do,” Adeline said slowly. “He would have died had he been in his bed here in our home, or his bed in his room at school—Adam was going to die that day. It wouldn’t have mattered where he was or what he was doing .”

Letting the older woman’s word sink in, Emilie finally took her hand and let her lead her into the kitchen where Adeline pulled a bottle of scotch out of a side cupboard, poured a finger’s worth into a glass and downed it. She looked at Emilie and held out the bottle, but Emilie shook her head .

“I’m having another baby,” Emilie smiled. “Or I definitely would .”

“Darryl is quite handsome!” the older woman smiled. “You’ll make beautiful children .”

“Er, thank you.” Emilie figured telling her the convoluted story about who the father of her child was would be too much since they’d only known each other for an hour .

“Adam was a little shit,” Adeline said after a moment. “Constantly in trouble, flunking out of school, got two girls pregnant before he passed…I don’t say this in front of Fred because he adores those grandbabies and he’s allowed them to take Adam’s place. For me, it’s just a burden. Their mothers want money, the grandchildren demand time and attention, and I have two other children who need me as well. Adam was a headache while he was alive, and has been an even bigger one since his passing .

“You’re probably thinking I’m a terrible human being, saying those things about my dead child, but it’s the truth and I don’t want you to leave here with any more guilt. If you’d murdered him—bludgeoned him with a hammer or stabbed him 27 times—that would be different. But this…we already know what killed him and it killed my nephew as well. So let go of this, dear Emilie. Take that gorgeous man of yours and go home to America and be happy. I’m sorry my son managed to make you miserable even in death .”

“I don’t know what to say,” Emilie whispered, her emotions running the gamut between a little bit shocked and a lot relieved .

“Say you’ll send me a picture of your family each year during the holidays, so I know you’ve moved on and are happy, and that would be lovely .”

“Thank you!” Emilie impulsively hugged her .

Adeline awkwardly patted her back and then turned to pull a tray from under the sink. “Now then, let’s have a snack .”

They drove home in much better spirits and Emilie dozed against Chains’ shoulder .

“This was a good day,” Dolores said from the backseat. “Emilie has a new lease on life now .”

“Yeah.” Chains glanced down at her, thinking how relaxed she looked now, grateful he’d been able to help her with this .

“I’m guessing you’ll be heading home to the Las Vegas now.” Dolores’ voice got a little softer .

“We have jobs that need us,” he said gently. “But maybe it’s time you and Nate came for a visit .”

“You’ll be busy,” Dolores hedged. “Your jobs and a new baby and the like .”

“You’re not interested in being a grandmother?” He looked at her through the rearview mirror .

“I haven’t been asked,” she said primly, raising her nose .

“Like you’ve ever waited for anyone to ask you for anything,” Emilie mumbled, half-asleep but listening to the conversation .

“Back to sleep, you!” Dolores snapped. “And mind your manners !”

Emilie smiled, closing her eyes again. “Yes, Mother .”

“Cheeky, that’s what she is!” Dolores huffed, despite the twinkle in her eye .

“That’s what you like about her,” Chains chuckled .

“Damn right .”

“ L et’s not tell anyone we’re heading home,” Emilie said to Chains that night as they lay in bed. “I want to surprise everyone .”

“Why?” he asked .

“I really want to surprise Jamie,” she admitted. “He’s had such a rough year, and I know how much he wants a child, so I’d like to be able to hand him the test and see his face. I want him to be with me at the first doctor’s appointment. I want him to be there for the first ultrasound…will all this bother you ?”

He hesitated, trying to wrap his mind around everything that was about to change in his life. They hadn’t discussed living arrangements, how their new dynamic would affect them at work, or any of the other issues that would inevitably come up by being together. She had a kid, an ex-husband who was now married to the father of the new baby she was carrying, and apparently they were all going to be one big family. He’d known all of this, but with everything else going on, it hadn’t seemed like something he needed to worry about. He definitely needed to at least think about it now .

“Chains?” She turned onto her side to look into his face. “It bothers you, doesn’t it ?”

“I…” He let out a deep sigh. “I don’t know. It doesn’t bother me you’re having a baby for Jamie and you know I like him and Viggo a lot. I just…I’m having a hard time with the idea of you and Jamie sleeping together .”

“We’re not going to anymore,” she pointed out. “And since I was married to Viggo, you know I’ve slept with him in the past also, but you didn’t mention that .”

“I don’t know why, but it’s different. This pregnancy makes your relationship with Jamie more… intimate .”

“Very.” She reached for his chin and tugged it so he was looking at her. “But there are different definitions of intimate. I have an intimate bond with my twin; he knows me like no one else, for obvious reasons, but although it could be described as intimate, we certainly don’t have sex !”

He grimaced. “Bloody hell, I hope not. You Swedes are definitely more sexually liberated than us uptight Brits .”

She playfully swatted him. “Shut it! That’s terrible !”

“I know the intimacy with you and Jamie is related to the child, not to any romantic feelings you have for each other, but I’m the outsider, yeah? Karl and Viggo go back to childhood. You and Viggo were married and have a kid. You and Jamie are having a baby…where does that leave me? When it comes down to it, I’m nothing but hired help—the rest of you are family .”

“Silly.” She pressed a sweet, tender kiss on his lips, letting them linger before sliding her mouth down his throat and along the edge of his collarbone. “You’ve never been just hired help! And remember, Jamie and Viggo have known each other less than two years and are married. I’ve known Jamie less than a year and we’re having a baby.” She paused to look at the dragon’s wing tattooed on his right shoulder and bent to lick along the edge that disappeared over his shoulder. “If you still want me and my crazy life when we get home, you’ll be family too .”

“You thinking you’re going to want a ring and all that?” His voice was gruff but his eyes told her something else .

“I don’t know.” She used her finger to trace the linear pattern of an intricate design that went up his side and around to his back, and then ran her tongue along the length of it with careful precision. “Depends on how many babies you want .”

He chuckled. “So, just one baby and we don’t have to bother, but any more than that …?”

She giggled. “Seeing that I’ve already got two, it might be a bit late .”

“If you wanted a ring,” he said, closing his eyes at the delightful sensations that ran through him as she licked and traced his tattoos, “I’d be all right with it .”

“I thought this was a trial?” she countered, kissing the British flag on his right hip bone. “That you weren’t sure about me yet .”

“I’ve been sure about you since the first time you set those blue eyes on me,” he hissed, gritting his teeth as her mouth moved closer to his growing erection .

“But?”

“You were married .”

“You wanted me even then?” She paused to look up at him .

He gently pushed her head back down, anxious to feel more of her mouth on his over-sensitized skin. “I didn’t know it yet,” he muttered. “Or was too stubborn to think about it .”

“And now ?”

“Now that I’ve got you, I’m not quite convinced I could let you go .”

“You’re holding something back,” she said gently, lightly blowing on the tip of his penis as she held it in her hand. “Tell me .”

“Later,” he grunted .

“ Now .” She squeezed his cock harder than he was expecting and she smiled to herself as he jerked but then instantly caught himself. To keep him on edge, she dragged her tongue down the length of his shaft, but rather than sucking him into her mouth, she waited, keeping her hand around him firmly .

“Em…” He growled his dissatisfaction but she merely looked up at him, her blue eyes not wavering .

“I’ve told you everything about me,” she said. “I know you can’t tell me the details of your last mission, or a lot about your time with MI6, but you can tell me your feelings about those things…about me…about my unconventional life .”

“My feelings for you are...” He stroked her hair, keeping his eyes on hers, hoping she could feel his sincerity. “…difficult to explain, but very easy to have.” At her confused look, he added, “I mean, I definitely have very deep, complicated feelings for you that I’ve never had for anyone else, but I’m struggling with how to tell you .”

“It’s too soon to say I love you , but there are many other ways to tell me how you feel .”

“Give me an example,” he said, trying to focus on her eyes instead of his raging hard- on .

“I used to crave pain,” she said. “It was the only way I could reach orgasm. I was so dark inside, so broken, it was only when my body would scream with the agony of intense pain that the blackness would lift long enough for me to find release. It would only last a little while, so I wanted more and more, until I needed to be hurt in ways that weren’t healthy any longer. The first time you made love to me, you loved the blackness right out of my soul. The goodness in you was able to reach past all the ugliness in me, until you found my heart. And now it belongs to you .”

“Jesus, Emilie.” He was touched and overwhelmed by what she’d said, unable to fathom that level of inner pain or how he’d managed to breach it. His mother had been more right than he’d ever imagined, and he owed her for forcing him to take something he’d never thought he wanted .

“You don’t have to say anything. Telling you what you mean to me after such a short time together doesn’t require reciprocation .”

“But it does, love.” He stared up at the ceiling. “When MI6 approached me I was still at university. I finished high school a year early so I wasn’t even 18 yet and they suggested I might be a good fit for them. I needed to study languages and business, and I’d already planned to join the Royal Air Force. I was just 20 when I got my degree and went into the military. I became a pilot and loved it, loved everything about the military. I craved danger and excitement, though, the way only a young man can. I left after five years and became an operative. I loved being a spy even more than I’d loved being a pilot.” He smiled ruefully. “Somewhere along the way I decided a woman would be a liability, that I could spend 20 years working in the field and later, if I retired to a desk job, maybe then I’d think about a family…but I left after seven years. I was 31 years old and didn’t have any idea what to do with myself .”

“It must have been a terrible time for you,” she said, snuggling closer to him, sensing how difficult it was for him to talk about this time in his life .

“You have no idea,” he admitted. “I lost friends on that last mission and then I found out one of my best mates—an American, a Marine—was killed that same day in Afghanistan. It was the last straw for me. I lost my friends in the unit we were working with, and then Shay…” He seemed lost in the memory for a moment before clearing his throat. “Yeah, anyway, I was gutted. When I got back to London for the debriefing, I wasn’t the same. I couldn’t get the mission out of my mind and when I got the news about Shay, I was done. I put in my resignation and disappeared for a bit. Hid out in the South Pacific for six months until Joe found me .”

“How did you know Joe?” she asked curiously. “I don’t think I ever asked .”

“He’s a martial arts expert and he taught classes for the FBI and CIA and such. I took one of those classes when the agency did a training exchange—some of us went to Langley, Virginia and some of their blokes came here. Joe and I hit it off because I excelled at the fighting and we stayed in touch. When I fell off the grid, he tracked me down and came to find me, offered me a job working for his new firm. I flew to New York with him and he helped me rebuild my life, but I made the decision friends were a liability. Not only could they be used to get to me, they also made me weak.” He finally looked at her again. “But being with you doesn’t make me feel weak—you bring me a different strength. When I met you and you set those cold, assessing eyes on me, I knew there was someone else who was hurting inside, just like I was. Hiding. Refusing to let anyone in. You pushed your husband into someone else’s arms and the whole time you were doing it, I wondered what hurt you to make you ruin what you had with him .”

“And now ?”

“Now I’m a better man for having let you in. The anger about my lost career as a spy, the loss of my friends…I thought I would never have purpose again but you’ve given it to me, in an odd way. I still have the same job, the same life waiting for me in Las Vegas—but having you means life isn’t empty anymore. You brought me back to life; back to my mother, my country, and even to a place where I can talk about that last mission without wanting to hurt someone .”

“I miss my daughter, but I need more time with only you,” she said .

“Where shall we go?” he asked. “We have time. No one at home knows exactly what’s happening here. We could take a few days—a week—and go on holiday. A real holiday .”

“Greece,” she said immediately, thinking of a place there she loved. “There’s a little hotel in Sounion …”