20. Aiden
20
Aiden
“Your Grace? It’s time for supper.” Anais’s voice is quiet as she speaks.
I continue to stare out the window, watching as the heavy rain falls over my pack’s town. Warm lights from their houses break through the fog that’s begun to collect around the ground, making the roads appear ghostly.
In the mirror, I can see Anais shift uncomfortably in the doorway. She’s not used to being ignored, but she has no room to tell me again. She knows she’s been heard but can’t leave until I’ve acknowledged her.
A double-edged sword in agreeing to be my Luna.
“I’m not hungry,” I tell her finally.
She doesn’t say anything for a long moment, still hovering in the study’s doorway, most likely contemplating dropping it and leaving me alone or figuring out a way to coax me downstairs.
It’s a wasted effort and she’s better off spending her energy elsewhere. I have no desire to sit around a table full of my packmates and play pretend that everything is fine.
“Your Grace…perhaps I can bring something up for you here instead?”
My eyes shut slowly while I draw in a deep breath.
It’s not her fault, I have to remind myself, even if it would feel good to take my anger out on the closest person available.
“I’m fine,” I say.
My wolf has been quiet since Raine was escorted from my lands. His mourning has been heavy, even in its silence. There’s never been a time, even as early as I can remember, when I didn’t have his rambunctious energy racing inside of me.
It’s almost as if that part of me died. That day I received Raine’s letter changed everything.
I’d been worried for weeks, only to find out that it’d been wasted energy. Her lies were too unfathomable to think about, let alone try to dissect to make sense of them.
My wolf mourns his mate as I mourn the girl I thought I knew.
“Please.” Anais steps into the room, her strong scent carrying over the short distance from the doorway.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, my mind chants. It’s not the familiar lilies of the valley scent that I want to bury my face into and drown in.
“Go,” I say, my tone sharp. “I don’t want to be badgered any longer about this.”
“It’s not badgering,” she argues.
I open my eyes and turn to face her.
She’s wearing a thin fabric dress that clings to her petite frame. The cut in the front of it shows off her ample chest, along with her perked nipples. I doubt she has anything on underneath, especially with there being no panty line showing around her hips.
If I were any other alpha, I’d grab her and bend her over my desk to see if my theory is right. But this blatant display that I’m sure her ladies-in-waiting helped to cook up in a poor attempt to tease me into taking her to my bed has only served to backfire.
In actuality, it disgusts me.
“I’m worried about you,” she says, coming closer to me.
I glance over her shoulder at the door, closed behind her quietly before she came over to me. It may not be obvious to anyone but me that she hopes us being alone together like this will lead to something.
She’s been trying this for weeks now, ever since I got that damn letter and my elders talked me into naming her as my Luna. They want an heir, and Anais is more than eager to provide me with one.
Announcing a pregnancy at our upcoming mating ceremony would make for an excellent happily ever after. That’s the kind of thing that any good female dreams of as a little girl—a mate and a baby all wrapped up in one.
“I can take care of myself.”
As I turn back to face the window, she suddenly grabs me. “No, you can’t. You’re practically wasting away up here!”
I scowl, brushing off her hands. “I’m a grown adult, Anais.”
“And you are also heir to your pack. You need to take better care of yourself. Let me help you.”
If I were a better mate, I’d feel bad for her. To be stuck with someone who hardly wants anything to do with you must be tough.
But she knew what she was getting into when I explained it to her weeks ago—we would have a brief affair after we mated. Once that resulted in a child, I would no longer call on her to come to my bed. I’d help her raise our heir and she, in turn, would be a good Luna for our pack.
That’s all I could give her.
My heart is too broken to pretend to love and care anymore. Maybe that will change in time when our child is born, but I doubt it.
“Leave, Anais. And don’t bother me again tonight.” I wave her toward the door.
“No. I’m not leaving until you come down to eat with me. Or agree to me bringing up food to you.”
I scowl. Since when did she grow enough of a backbone to stand up to me?
She’s supposed to be quiet and do as she’s told. I didn’t name her as my Luna to listen to her argue with me.
“Leave,” I growl.
She shrinks immediately but doesn’t move from her spot. “No.”
“Anais—”
“You can’t let her continue to haunt you! She never loved you!”
Her words are a slap in the face, causing me to stumble back from her.
The numb feeling in my body that I’ve had since Raine left is chipping away, revealing what I truly feel but don’t want to—anguish.
Anais slaps her hands over her mouth, looking surprised herself. “I-I’m…”
“Go,” I breathe out, the air in my lungs feeling tight. “Now.”
She turns and hurries out, leaving me slumped against my desk as I fight to regain my composure. My wolf is still silent, leaving me to feel all of this alone.
She never loved you.
I choke out a gasp as my chest constricts. My bond is so damaged that I barely recognize it. Once it was a beautifully golden cord wrapped around my heart, beating strongly in time with my fated mate’s own pulse.
Now it is nothing but barbed wire, cutting deeper into me and killing me slowly from the inside with each passing day. The pain is agonizing and only seems to get worse.
How long do I have until it ends me?
Every day I wake up and beg for death. And yet, it never comes.
A soft knock comes at my door, breaking through the deafening silence.
“What?” I struggle to say.
“Your Grace, the elders are requesting a meeting.” Constance, one of my advisors.
“Alright. Thank you.”
I push myself up from my desk, struggling to compose myself while walking to the door. When I open it, Constance glances up and down my form. Her long dark hair is pulled back from her face in its usual high ponytail, her outfit form-fitting and practical.
Her face is pulled into a concerned frown, though she doesn’t say anything, knowing her place.
Instead, she simply nods and turns to lead the way. “There is word that the Southern King is on the move again.”
I sigh at that, the pain inside of me gradually subsiding as I’m thankfully distracted. “We’ll send patrols out to cover our area.”
“Already done,” she says. “They’ll bring their reports directly to you once they’re back.”
“Good. Let’s hope he’s not interested in coming this way again.”
She glances over her shoulder as we walk. “Yes, let’s hope.”