Chapter Five
I decided to stay in while my mother and uncle took Sadie out for the day. Shopping, lunch, the arcade, a movie, dinner, and ice cream were all on their agenda. She was going to have a blast being spoiled since I wouldn’t be there to hit the brakes on any of their fun.
I’d worked up a stress headache, decided to try sleeping it away, and eventually nodded off. When I woke, it was late afternoon and the pain in my temples had thankfully vanished.
I grabbed some water and went out on the balcony to read for a while. A good book was always the best distraction when I couldn’t quiet my thoughts.
When my stomach grumbled, I went to check out the contents of the refrigerator. None of the leftovers from meals that week were calling my name so I went to my room to change.
I put on a sundress then slipped on sandals and grabbed my bag. Stopping at the mirror, I undid my messy bun, deciding my hair was presentable enough with the beach waves still doing their thing.
I hadn’t been to Hank’s in a while and it felt like the right kind of night to have a drink with dinner. I decided to walk the short distance, and ten minutes later I was grabbing an empty stool at the bar.
It was busy for a weeknight and it took a few minutes for the bartender to make his way to me. I ordered a glass of red wine and the grilled chicken salad, handing over the ID he requested.
He winked as he returned it. “You got it, pretty lady. Holler if you need anything else.”
I looked down shyly at my hands until he walked away. I knew the flirting was for a better tip, and his pretending he needed to check my age.
I pulled out my novel while I waited for my drink and meal.
An hour later, I took the last bite of my salad and finished my second glass of wine. I’d been engrossed in some juicy chapters, barely looking up as I ate and read.
I got the bartender’s attention and indicated I was ready for my check, then turned to put the book away and grab my wallet. Several customers had cleared out and a figure slumped on a stool at the other end of the bar caught my attention.
Logan was sitting alone, staring down at a glass of dark liquor. Watching him, I realized something was wrong. He looked miserable .
I put down some cash and gave a wave of thanks to the bartender as I stood and turned toward the exit but paused to glance back at Logan.
The dark cast to his features told me he wasn’t in the mood for company. His kindness to my daughter made me feel like I should say hello and see if he was alright before I left though.
I shook my head, telling myself it wasn’t my place, and took another step to leave.
“Damnit, Madison,” I admonished myself as my body turned and headed toward the man instead of the door.
I studied Logan’s profile as I made my way over. He was usually clean-shaven but had skipped the razor that morning. The shadow of stubble only enhanced his bone structure, turning his type of handsome more rugged. It looked good on him. Really good.
I shook my head to focus back on the reason I was approaching him to begin with. “Logan,” I said his name softly to gain his attention as I stepped up to the bar, “how are you?”
He slowly turned his head when my voice registered. I could easily tell he’d had a few more drinks than the one in front of him and the hairs on my arms stood up.
“How am I?” Logan asked back, his tone slower than usual as he looked down at the glass again. “Well, it’s March 10th. Soooo, I’m pretty fuckin’ horrible, Maddie.”
I stood in the silence that followed feeling completely off balance at hearing Logan say something so out of the norm, especially his use of a nickname no one called me anymore.
The smell of whiskey, slur in his voice, and hearing that name had felt like a slap…
He’d gone to a friend’s poker game on base. She was upstairs with her daughter in the bathroom where they’d spent half the night, the poor child throwing up from a stomach bug she must have caught at preschool that week.
After cleaning the little girl up for the third time, she tucked her back in bed and went downstairs to get some water.
“Maaaddie Giiirl,” he sang from the couch.
She jumped, not realizing he’d come home.
The clock on the wall showed it was almost three in the morning. He’d left the house knowing their daughter was sick, but the night had been planned for a few weeks and she hadn’t wanted to keep him from something he enjoyed by asking him to stay.
“Hi, babe. Must have been an exciting game.” She yawned as she continued into the kitchen.
When she returned she saw his posture was stiffer and his expression dark.
“Is something wrong?” she asked quietly, lifting the glass to her lips.
“Just los’ a lil’ money is all, sugar.” He leaned forward and she spotted a glass of whiskey on the coffee table. He picked it up and took a drink.
“H-how much?” she asked, then held her breath.
He took another sip and looked at her over the rim. “Gonna have to cancel the Florida trip. ”
Her face fell with shock. “I’ve been saving that money for almost a year!” She looked at the ceiling below their daughter’s room and lowered her voice. “She has been talking non-stop about this vacation for months. Her cousins and my sister will be there. We’ve been in Maryland for a year and a half and haven’t been able to visit anyone. This was important,” she finished in a broken voice.
He downed the rest of his drink and almost dropped the glass on the table before he stood up on unsteady legs. “Is what it is,” he told her with a shrug.
She watched him heading toward her on the way to the stairs, her eyes filled with disappointment. “You’re going to have to tell her. She has been so excited and—”
As he came even with where she stood, he suddenly stopped. Before she knew what was happening, she was shoved against the wall and his fist connected with it beside her head.
The unexpected, loud thud sounding in her ear made her jump as a cry escaped her lips before she clamped them shut as he glared down at her.
“It’s my fuckin’ money,” he gritted out, his voice icy cold. “I’ll do whatever the hell I want with it.”
He shoved away from her and stumbled up the stairs, then slammed the door to their room.
She stood frozen, listening to her pulse pounding in her ears. She was still holding the glass but most of the water had spilled onto her hand and shirt.
When she heard her daughter getting sick again, she turned to the stairs but stopped and stared in disbelief at the hole in the wall she hadn’t even realized his fist had made inches from her face.
Loud banter at the other end of the bar brought my focus back to Logan who was still staring at the glass in front of him.
I swallowed in discomfort, feeling two urges at the same time. First, to beeline for the door and away from this situation I’d decided to insert myself into. Second, to see if this man needed a friendly ear, practically a stranger, but one seemingly in a bad state.
I stood there awkwardly, thinking through my options and emotions. I had no clue why Logan was upset. If it was something he’d created himself or that had been done to him. But I did know that he wasn’t Drew. It wasn’t fair for me to react as if he were, especially when I was the one who had approached him. He deserved the benefit of the doubt.
I settled on taking the stool beside him cautiously, ready to bolt if I felt the need or if he told me to go away. “Do you want to talk about it, Logan?”
He shifted on his seat and took a sip of his drink before looking at me again. When he fixed his eyes on mine, I felt like I was looking into deep blue wells of despair. His stare unnerved me, but I was still curious and worried about what could be causing Logan to drop his usual demeanor and let this side of himself be seen. It had to be something big.
“Why are you upset that it’s March 10th?” I asked gently.
Logan continued to peer at me for several seconds before taking a deep breath. “Did ya know I was married?”
I’d noted a long time ago his ring finger was bare. I shook my head and he looked back down at the bar, running his hand around the glass again.
“It’s the night Natalie an’ Riley were driving down for Spring Break without me,” Logan said in a small, sad voice.
My concern skyrocketed. “Natalie and Riley?”
This time Logan spoke so low I barely heard him. “My wife… an’ daughter.”
He reached up clumsily and tugged on the chain that was always around his neck. It came free of his collar and I saw two rings linked through it, one small enough to fit inside the other.
He gripped the wedding bands tightly in his fist and I closed my eyes that were now filled with dread.
“Riley was seven, like Sadie.” His voice was broken now. “There was a car accident… an’ now they’re gone forever.”
Logan picked his glass up again and downed the rest of the liquor before returning it to the bar a little too hard. I jumped at the loud clink of glass on wood as he put his head in his hands, digging his fingers into his hair.
All the tension left my body, replaced with shock and sorrow as we sat in silence. Logan’s interactions with my children came into clearer focus. The smiles and sweet playfulness, but also his sometimes-sad gaze on Sadie when her attention was elsewhere. Looks that I now realized were grounded in longing and grief for his child .
I felt horrible, especially that his appearance had been my main focal point over the years, and for missing the pain Logan had let slip through sometimes. Maybe I would’ve noticed something was off sooner if I hadn’t always been so busy ogling the man.
I lifted my hand slowly, hesitating for half a second before placing it on Logan’s shoulder. I felt him shudder. Not in a bad way, more like an animal reacting to the touch of a kind human after being abused by an evil one for a long time. His hands relaxed in his hair, then he folded them together and sat his temple against his fingers as he turned to look at me again.
“Been four years,” he slurred. “I drink waaaaay too much every year.”
“I think I would also.” I swallowed. “I’m so sorry, Logan. I’m sure they were wonderful.”
His head bobbed. “The best,” he whispered then closed his eyes.
Several more silent minutes went by. I just sat beside Logan, hoping it meant he felt less alone in his grief. After a while, I realized he appeared to be falling asleep on the stool though.
I wasn’t sure what to do but felt like I should at least try to get him out of there, away from more alcohol for his own sake.
“Logan, do you live close by?” I stood and started maneuvering him away from the bar with the hand still on his shoulder. “Do you want me to walk you home?”
I scanned the room for the bartender, hoping he might be familiar with Logan and how to get him there safely .
I spotted him on the other side of the bar, flirting with a group of college-aged girls while a table of guys beside them was vying for their attention as well.
I focused back on keeping Logan upright. When I turned his shoulders toward me, he opened his eyes. His face slowly looked a little less sad as he studied mine.
“You gotta good heart, Maddie. I can tell. Your girls are lucky to have a mom like you. Natalie was a won’erful one too, you remind me a’ her.”
He blinked a few times and started to sway in my direction.
I quickly reached out my other hand to keep him from falling. “Woah there, big fella, I got—”
Logan’s hands were abruptly on my waist and I was pulled forward. I struggled to keep my balance, thinking he was using me to find his own.
But I was so wrong. Because the next moment, Logan Harper pressed his beautiful, perfect mouth against mine.
Blood rushed to my head as his arms came around me, enfolding my body in a gentle embrace.
I stood there frozen as Logan’s lips started moving against mine, nudging them to open for him.
When I’d thought he was falling off the stool, my hands had instinctively moved to his chest to keep him vertical. My fingertips, pressed against hard muscle, began to tingle. His heart thudded against my palm, beating at a fast tempo, just like mine now was.
I felt a hand move up my back and then his fingers gently grazed the skin at the nape of my neck. Shivers ran down my spine and my mouth opened involuntarily to suck in air.
When my lips parted, Logan took it as an invitation and immediately deepened the kiss.
He groaned and laced his fingers into the hair at the back of my head to draw me closer. I heard a moan and realized the sound had come from my throat.
I felt light-headed as he continued to explore my mouth while I struggled to think as my whole body grew hot.
His kiss was powerful and aggressive, but at the same time soft and giving. His tongue moved in slow strokes, not overpowering, not invading, more like he was coaxing mine to dance with his.
Despite the incredibly intoxicating feeling spreading through me, my fogged brain registered what was happening and I was flooded with embarrassment as I blinked to focus.
An inebriated man was kissing me moments after saying I reminded him of his deceased wife. In his current state, Logan might think he was kissing her. That made the most sense considering he’d never shown an ounce of interest in me.
All I knew for certain was it shouldn’t be happening and I needed to stop him.
I pushed on his chest at the same moment a whistle followed by hoots of approval came from the other side of the bar. I don’t know if my push or the sounds of encouragement from our audience snapped him out of it, but Logan let go of me as he stood up all of a sudden. His stool scraped against the floor loudly as my hand flew to the bar to steady myself.
Towering above me at his full height, I had to lift my chin to meet Logan’s eyes. They looked dead sober staring back at me. Something flashed in them before one of his serious expressions slipped into place and he looked past me.
My lips and body were still ablaze everywhere he’d touched. I swallowed hard before trying to speak. “You—”
He shook his head to stop me. “Shouldn’ done that,” he finished in his normal business tone, though his voice was still slurred.
I opened my mouth again, trying to find words, but Logan shook his head a second time as he reached into his pocket and put some bills down on the bar with his key ring. The bartender returned behind it and Logan gave him a nod. “Walkin’ home, Sam, back for keys tomorrow.” Then he turned and left without even looking at me again.
I quickly glanced across the room. Thankfully, the college kids had their attention back on their antics and seemed to have missed the last few moments between us. The bartender was focused on his tasks and either hadn’t seen or pretended to be oblivious to spare me any more embarrassment.
I hurried to the bathroom, washed my hands, and splashed water on my face. I spent several minutes messing with my bag, both to find my composure and give Logan plenty of time to leave so we didn’t have another encounter outside. When it felt like a safe number of minutes had passed, I started walking back to the Sea Breeze.
The night air off the ocean cooled my flushed skin while I relived those intimate moments in Logan’s arms over and over again as they played on repeat in my head.