Chapter Thirteen
RAVEN
Book title: Fifty and a Half Shades of Fae
Author: Beaumont Demarest
Publisher: Self-published
Genre: LGBTQIA+ Fantasy Erotica
Review/rating by Nightcrawler: 3 Stars
Synopsis:
The story of a young forest creature who comes into her own sexuality as she experiments with multiple sexual pairings.
My Review:
Who knew there were so many ways to experience the joy of sex in so many inventive ways? I suppose fairie sex is crossing the boundaries for some, but I found the book semi-interesting, thus my unusually generous three-star rating.
This highly charged, sexually graphic novel, tells the story of a young female fairie by the name of Luconica who is born to very progressive parents deep in an enchanted forest. She is raised to run through the trees unashamed of her beautiful body, nurtured and very much loved until she reaches the age of majority. After that, she is encouraged not to marry or couple-up in any meaningful way at all, but to decide upon her own sexual orientation by experimenting with all genders and enchanted creatures. Who knew there were so many different kinds?
In this bewitching environment, the name of the game is screwing, pure and simple. Luconica is given the freedom to decide who she is, and encouraged to “try out” various sexual liaisons to see what she enjoys. Not all her hook ups are other fairies, but all sorts of creatures and living things.
I confess here that I found that aspect of her sex life slightly disturbing. She is told that she will only be happy when she literally lands on the one that brings her sexual fulfilment. If that means landing on the twelve-inch dick belonging to an enchanted tree, so be it. It was kind of sweet…I guess.
I almost wish I had parents this liberal even though God knows, I probably would have contracted a disease, or a few big splinters. And, by the way, I don’t care how sweet you like your sex, if someone sticks a leaf up your hoohaw, you’re going to get an infection.
All in all, this book didn’t disappoint entirely. Because let’s face it, some of the sex scenes were extremely hot and had me gripping my tablet one-handed. If you’ve read my past review of The Mount of Minty Cristo by Brownsleeves, you know I’m a little freaked out about bestiality, but then again young Luconica is a fairie, so that might not really apply here.
But truly, I was relieved when Luconica finally did find her soulmate, even though he was a tiny male Tansy beetle who got her attention by tapping on her eyeballs with his antennae in an elaborate ritual prior to copulation. I found myself oddly fascinated by the author’s description of that sex act which involved a tentacle-like insemination through a miniscule tube. Perhaps the beetle’s diminutive size had something to do with the half comment in the title. And…who knows? Perhaps a good eyeball tap by a Tansy beetle could get my juices flowing if I decided to try it. So, if you’re in the market for a good book with not just one, but a whole bunch of happy endings, pick up Fifty and a Half Shades of Fae. Beaumont Demarest really delivers.
I sat in our kitchen nook rereading the review I’d posted the night before and sipping coffee. Dolly was in the bathroom with Nana, giving her a bath and Miguel was still asleep. I knew we’d be having a late night at the Getty Museum; hopefully we’d get some clues that would lead to answers about this weird case and the missing ruby. The theory that its disappearance might be connected to the Mulberry diamond was a plausible one. I just didn’t know what the connection might be and when I thought about it in the abstract, it seemed farfetched. Still, considering our involvement in the recovery of not one but two missing rare gems seemed strange. Was there a connection to us? Or something between the two recoveries? All I knew was that I’d never accept another job trying to recover a precious gem again.
I got up from the table, glancing at the clock, and turned on the coffeepot. I’d made myself a single cup earlier, but it was nearing eight. Miguel would be getting up soon. I smiled to myself, knowing I’d gone at him a little hard last night, which is one of the reasons I’d let him sleep in.
He’d been having an emotional time with all of this, especially the fact that a lot of the things which he’d been able to put in the rearview mirror for years, were now raising their ugly heads. As evidenced by the way he’d been feeling last night, he’d been second guessing himself and even our relationship. I watched the coffee filling the carafe and wanted to kick myself for ever making him doubt my love for him after all I’d learned in the past few days. I’d just been so worn out, dealing with my own shit, and thinking about a damned shower.
Yesterday had been trying to say the very least. Neither of us had expected a dangerous stranger to confront us in the stairwell and I promised myself that when we did go out again this morning, I’d strap on my shoulder holster and arm myself. I loathed the very idea of carrying a gun, even berating Miguel when he’d dropped his on the grass the first time I’d met him. It made me feel like a know-it-all when I thought about it. I hated it. In Miguel’s world, I must have behaved like a kid…like one of those starry-eyed, pimply chinned boys who joined up during wartime only to get his first dose of the ugly reality of war when they came face to face with it.
I’d try to do better for his sake. I’d listen to him when he told me to take my safety seriously, especially knowing now what kind of threats we had to face until this case was done. I had half a mind to call Mr. Aston and resign from the job of retrieving the ruby. But at this point, I wasn’t convinced the man with the gun and the phone bomb would leave us alone even if we said we were no longer involved in the jewel’s recovery. He’d told Miguel that he fully expected us to find the ruby and give it to him. And if he was the kind of man who killed innocent Marines who were out on a scouting mission, I knew there was a good chance he’d try and carry out his threat with extreme prejudice.
I was startled out of my reverie when I heard soft footfalls coming across the hardwood floors. I pushed off the counter, realizing that the coffee had stopped brewing just as Miguel rounded the corner and smiled at me. He was wearing plaid pajama pants and a tank top stretched tightly across his muscles. His Marine Corps eagle, globe, and anchor tattoo was on full display on his left bicep. He had a line down one side of his cheek from lying face down on the sheets as he slept, and he looked so rumpled, I thought it was totally adorable. He yawned and walked over to me, shaking his head as if wishing he was more awake as he slid both arms around my waist and kissed me. He still smelled of sex but I couldn’t have cared less. I kissed him back with enthusiasm, smiling at him as he broke the kiss.
“You look so cute.” I reached up and ran the palm of my hand over his thick, black stubble, once again jealous that he could grow a nice beard at the drop of a hat if he’d wanted to. I, on the other hand, had a beard that came out in wispy, limp patches, the same as my mustache. Since it made me look more like a ratty version of a Fu Manchu caricature than sexy, I’d given up trying long ago. He snorted, dropped a quick peck on my lips, and reached for the cupboard, pulling out two mugs. He set them down on the counter in front of the coffeepot. One said, “ I Pooped Today ” and the other one said, “ MILF ” with “ Man I Love Forests ” in small letters beneath. Miguel had given me both mugs, his subtle tries at humor. It had worked on Dolly who’d almost died laughing when she’d seen them in the cupboard.
“Cute? You think I look cute ?” Miguel asked, turning and smirking at me as he filled the mugs.
“What would you call it when your boyfriend has a line across his face from the way he slept face down? How do you do that anyway? Don’t humans need oxygen to survive?”
“Oh, look at that. Someone thinks he’s funny,” he said, making me laugh.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the MILF mug from him and walking to the fridge to add half and half. He took his coffee black like all good Marines he’d once told me. “What do you want for breakfast?” I asked, standing at the open door to the refrigerator. I turned to look at him. He’d moved to the booth, sliding into it with his mug, happily sipping.
“How about a pound of bacon, six eggs, and a stack of pancakes?”
I rolled my eyes. “I meant would you rather have dry granola or oatmeal? I have some of that raw sugar you like, and I bought a new carton of coconut milk.”
“I think I’d rather have the bacon,” he said, smiling at me over the rim of his cup.
“And I think I’d rather have you around for the next few decades, Miguel.” I was serious about that. I planned on marrying this man someday. “I can’t have you dying of a heart attack or stroking out on me now, can I?” I grinned. “Besides, you ain’t getting any younger.” He was seven years older than me and, though, I couldn’t care less, I liked to tease him about it. I walked over to him as he sat there looking like he’d just bitten into a lemon.
“Oatmeal again? Really? And I think dry granola has to be doing something to my ass.” He slid his arm around the back of my thigh, pulling me up against his side as he batted his eyelashes up at me. “Did you feel any holes in my colon when you were checking last night, because I’m pretty sure that granola scrapes it up as much coming out as it does going in.”
“Gross!” I started laughing. “You’re a fucking idiot but I completely adore you, do you know that?” I hugged his head to my belly, running my fingers through his short hair.
He looked up at me and nodded. “I love you too, Raven. I really do.”
“So, what is it going to be? Oatmeal or granola?” I asked again.
His face crumpled as he dropped his arm. “Those are my only two choices?” he whined.
I pointed to the bowl of fruit on the table. “I’ll cut up some bananas on top if you want.”
He sighed deeply. “You know, you’re no fun…fine, granola it is.”
I leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “Coming right up.” I walked away from the table as Stanley ran into the kitchen and let out a loud meow when he got to his bowl and found it empty. He blinked up at me with big, orange cat eyes and let out another howl of agony.
I laughed. “Your daddy can feed you while I feed him, how’s that sound, you poor, pathetic, starving little kitty?”
Stanley replied with another plaintiff meow as Miguel chuckled and slid out of the booth. I watched him bend and pick up the kitten with one hand. Stanley resisted, turning into liquid and launching himself backward over Miguel’s arm only to land on all fours. Miguel pointed at him.
“How do you think they do that?” he asked as he opened the cupboard and pulled down the bag of dry food and a can of wet. Stanley liked both, and I always tried to invest in the good stuff because the vet told us male cats tended to get urethral blockages quite easily.
“You mean how do they manage to look like they’re melting?” I asked. “I’m not sure but it’s hilarious.” I filled two bowls with the kind of granola Miguel liked, full of raisins and dried cranberries, topping it with a cut up banana, and pouring coconut milk over the top. I always tried to buy organic foods but even so, the ones from grocery stores, couldn’t compare to the food grown on the small farm back home on the Navajo rez. I looked forward to stocking up on everything at home, including salted and dried jerky, nuts, and the world’s best dried fruit I’d ever tasted, when we took Nana back after this stupid recovery was over and done with.
I brought our bowls to the table as Miguel refilled our coffee cups. He slid into the booth across from me, glancing at the bowl and then up at me.
“Thanks. This looks good.”
I snorted, picking up my spoon and digging in.
“Thanks for letting me sleep in,” he said.
“You’re welcome. I figured you deserved it after the day we had yesterday.”
He smiled around a bite of food. “You had quite the day yourself, Raven.” I was quiet as his expression grew serious. “I’m so sorry my shit has come back to affect your life. None of this should be your worry.”
I reached across the table and took his hand, staring deeply into his eyes. “It’s not your fault, Miguel. You couldn’t have known any of this when we accepted that recovery job from Gregory Aston and I’m not totally convinced the ruby was stolen from the Flores estate anyway.”
“You don’t trust Mrs. Flores?” He somehow didn’t look surprised.
I frowned as I shook my head. “Not as far as I can throw her. She and that weird bodyguard she keeps by her side all the time. He’s shady as hell and she’s hard to read. We need to run a background check on him too. I’ll get Judy to do it.”
“I’m gonna call that investigator too.”
I nodded. “Good thought. For all we know, the whole lot of them are working together,” I said.
Miguel nodded, looking pensive. “Yeah, there’s something about them I just don’t trust. And the weird Hollywood type ‘grieving.’ When did you last see anyone that young in a black veil?”
“Like she was playing a part?”
He nodded and ate another spoonful of granola, swallowing before he spoke again. “What do you want to do today? We ran into a brick wall with the research before we found out what Judy did.”
“We have to get fitted for suits.”
“For what?” He frowned.
“I don’t have anything nice enough to wear to a black-tie event,” I said.
Miguel scrubbed over his face with both hands as he sat back in the booth. “Crap. With everything that happened, I completely forgot about the invitation.”
I finished off my cereal. “We should go, don’t you think?”
He pursed his lips and sighed. “Yeah, I guess we should. The sooner this recovery is over, the better it’ll be. I have half a mind to call Aston and tell him we quit.”
“I know. I had the same thought, but then I remembered what the guy in the stairwell said. He expects us to get the ruby and give it to him and I don’t think he’s gonna back off just because we say we’re not working on the case anymore.”
He nodded, frowning. “I fucking hate the idea that we’re being blackmailed but you’re right. We have to recover it even though I’m not really sure we should give it to him when we do.”
It was my turn to frown. “How can we avoid it, Miguel?”
His expression hardened. “I don’t know yet, but we’ll figure it out, Sunshine.”
My heart was racing. Maybe he wanted to bring Cassidy and Mike into it. The Feds were already involved…at least Mac was and by extension, Jarrett’s father. Mac was FBI and Jarrett and Thayne were ATF. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, so I simply nodded agreeably and reached for his empty bowl, stacking it with mine before getting up and taking them to the sink.
“I figure we can rent suits at a tux shop somewhere,” I said, washing our bowls as Dolly walked back into the room. The second I saw her, I remembered Nana. “Oh, crap, I completely forgot about my nana.”
“What’s that, Raven?” Dolly asked, putting Nana’s breakfast dishes on the counter.
I sighed, looking at Miguel before asking her, “Miguel and I are invited to a black-tie event happening at the Getty tonight, and I completely forgot to call the agency to see if they have someone to stay with Nana.”
“I’ll stay with her. I have no problem, Raven,” she said. “I could use the overtime to be honest.”
I put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “Really? Because that would be great. We have that spare bedroom where Ned used to stay if I had to be out all night. Do you want to sleep over?”
“That’d be fine,” she said, smiling at me. “What time do you have to leave tonight?”
I looked at Miguel.
“Probably around seven, after traffic,” he replied.
I glanced back at her. “Would that be okay?”
“Well, I’ll have to go home and feed Eddie and the grandkids, since my daughter works. He won’t mind babysitting. He adores those kids.” She smiled at me. “I can be back by seven.”
Eddie was Dolly’s husband and since their daughter, Darla, was a single mom who worked nights, they watched her two grandkids when she was at work. “That’s fantastic,” I said. “Thank you so much, Dolly. Miguel and I have to run out to rent suits from a tuxedo place but we’ll be back by late afternoon so you can go take care of things at home.”
“That’ll be fine, Raven, just fine.”
“We’d better get going then.”
He stood up from the table and we headed back to the bedroom to shower and start our day.
We lucked out at the first tux shop we went to. Finding two black dress suits in our size wasn’t easy but the store had come with great reviews from people of all sizes, so we took a chance. They had two suits that fit us almost to a tee, and a tailor on staff who agreed to lengthen the slacks if we wanted to wait around. I told him we’d be back in an hour and we left to find dress shoes. At first, Miguel balked at my offer to buy him a nice pair since we couldn’t rent them, but he eventually gave in. I knew he hated the fact that I paid his way at times like this, but until we managed to close a case and get a fat recovery fee, he knew he’d have to live with it. He was a proud man, but it was one of the things I loved most about him.
Dress shoes in hand, we stopped at a fast-food place in the mall and picked up burgers for lunch. I was pleasantly surprised when Miguel ordered his big, juicy cheeseburger with a lettuce wrap instead of a bun. I couldn’t tell him that it wasn’t the bun that was the problem with his eating habits, it was the greasy mess the lettuce encased. I just didn’t have the heart. He was trying to eat better. What I’d told Miguel was true. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I loved him so much. We returned to pick up our suits and after trying them on for the fit one last time, left the mall with our purchases in hand. I couldn’t wait to see him all done up in one of my white dress shirts.
“I’ll see you two back here at seven,” Dolly said, smiling at us as she walked to the front door shortly after we returned home. “I can’t wait to see you boys all decked out for your date tonight.”
“Thank you, Dolly,” I said, blushing profusely. We’d never discussed the fact that we were a couple with her, but she obviously knew Miguel lived here. I knew she was a church going woman. She had some outrageous stories about her pastor’s wife who was quite a flirt with the younger congregants. When she’d come to the house on a Monday morning about a month ago, she’d laughed as she described how the pastor had preached that Sunday about the story of Jezebel, all the while staring at his wife in the front pew. “I don’t know how to thank you for this. She’s just so comfortable with you.”
“It’s okay, Raven. I enjoy Angelica too. It’s nice to have someone interesting to talk to all day. Your nana is a wonderful woman.”
“Thank you.”
“And the overtime is a bonus.” She burst out laughing and let herself out.
I turned and walked over to Miguel who was standing in the living room holding our suits and bags. “We still have a few hours before we need to get dressed. I’m going to go spend some time with my nana.”
Miguel leaned in and kissed me. “I’ll hang up our things and then I guess I’ll go dig out that bowtie I told you about,” he grumbled.
I smiled at him, then circled his waist and pulled him close. With both hands full, he could be my captive if I wanted him to be. I waggled my eyebrows at him. “I can’t wait to see you all dressed up just like James Bond.”
He grinned. “Bond. Miguel Bond.”
I laughed and kissed him before letting him go and following him down the hall to Nana’s room. She immediately looked up, staring right at me with her beautiful, sightless eyes. She sat in her favorite padded chair, aimlessly running gnarled fingers over her Navajo blanket as she listened to an audio book. I don’t know how she knew it was me coming into the room or how she’d even heard me, but the moment I walked through the door, she plucked the earbuds out of her ears. Stanley was perched on the top tier of a cat tree which sat right beside her chair, keeping her company, and obviously sleeping off a food coma.
“Raven,” she said, holding out both arms.
I walked over to her and bent down, giving her a hug before squatting in front of her. She immediately reached out and ran arthritic fingers over my face. When she frowned, I got nervous. “Hello, Nana. Why’re you frowning?”
“You’re troubled,” she said. “Tell me what it is, grandson.”
How could I tell her about the man with the gun? The problem was, she’d know I was lying if I tried to withhold the truth. She could read me like a book. “Miguel and I got a threat yesterday,” I said, pulling a chair over to sit close to her.
“What kind of threat, Raven?”
“We were leaving an appointment with the man who does security for the client we’re working for, and a dangerous man stopped us in the stairwell. He… ah …he had a gun.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “This man frightened you, Raven.” She reached out and I put my hand in both of hers. She patted it, holding onto it. “You are very strong, hatsóí ashkiígíí. ”
I couldn’t help but smile at her. I wished I knew how to speak the Navajo tongue fluently. Many kids on the rez were raised hearing the words, but didn’t like using the language except with the elders. Like most kids growing up on the large reservation, I’d understood when my nana spoke the tongue, but my mother had been a rebellious woman and had hated the language and for that matter, any reminder of her heritage. She’d briefly lived with a white man, resulting in my conception, but when he’d left us both, she’d never spoken another word in the language, blaming our culture for my father leaving.
I knew he’d blamed my mother for getting pregnant and hadn’t wanted anything to do with what he’d called a half-breed child. For years, I’d grown up hating him for the unhappiness and mental health issues my mother had struggled with. My nana was the only person who’d made me feel better about being Navajo and the moment I’d turned eighteen, I’d left the rez and come to California to be with her. All these years later, I regretted not sticking it out on the rez to learn more of my language and culture.
“I’m worried, Nana.” I got to my knees in front of her and laid my head in her lap. She stroked through my hair the way she did when I was a little boy. When she began speaking quiet Navajo words, I began to relax, hoping the prayers of blessings and protection would take away the fear.