Requiem (Blackwater Pack #5)

Chapter 5

5

LULU

“I’m so sorry,” Skye whispered from one of the middle seats. “I didn’t mean to make things worse.”

I had a feeling that the comment was directed at me. I’d been a little numb since I’d watched her deck my mother, but honestly, I couldn’t say I was surprised.

Wait, no. That was a lie; I was surprised.

Not that Skye had punched my mom, but definitely surprised at how hateful my own mother could be.

Loneliness clawed at my chest, scooping out my insides and leaving me hollow and brittle. Ready to shatter under too much pressure.

After Dimitri had led me to Tasha’s car, he tucked me into the passenger seat and tried to talk to me.

Tried and failed.

My emotions were like a fraying rope with only a few strands left. I was barely holding it together, and every choice, every moment, seemed to be another weight to carry. Another cross to bear.

And watching my own mother be so full of venom…

Maybe I was the problem. The idiot who refused to realize that some people didn’t change. Some people weren’t worth the effort, even if they were your own mother.

Skye and Remy had joined us a few moments later, silently slipping into the back as Dimitri finally let go of my hand to head to the driver’s side. He’d started the car and turned us back toward the Alpha house.

I’d never called it home because it wasn’t my home.

I was an elemental without a coven. A girl without a family. A person without a safety net.

When would I stop being surprised by my own mother’s lack of basic, human empathy?

Dimitri grunted as he turned the wheel down the drive that led to the house. His gaze lifted to the rearview mirror. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Skye.”

“He’s right, babe,” Remy added.

Skye let out a soft little sigh, but I could feel her gaze pressing on me. “Lulu?—”

“I’m not mad at you, Skye,” I interrupted her softly, unable to bear hearing her apologize again. “My mom was wrong. So wrong. I’m so sorry she said those things about your parents.” I rubbed my palms across my jeans, wanting nothing more than to shower and crawl into a warm bed for a week.

“You don’t ever have to apologize for Yetta,” Dimitri spat, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel.

I opened my mouth, but Skye leaned forward and beat me to it.

“He’s right,” she chimed in. “And please don’t make me repeat that because the last thing we need is Dimitri’s head getting any bigger than it already is.”

The corner of Dimitri’s mouth curved. “That’s not the only?—”

Skye slapped his shoulder while making a face. “Not cool, big brother.”

“You remember we’re not actually related, right?” He reminded her, his lips hooking up in a familiar smirk. “We’re technically as related as you and Remy are.”

Remy sighed and rolled his neck, looking almost bored at the insinuation.

Not done needling, Dimitri glanced back at Skye. “Seems like your mate doesn’t care.”

“I am her mate,” Remy confirmed, “which is why I know you won’t do shit. Don’t make me punch you again, Dashkov.”

“First, that was a cheap shot,” Dimitri snapped.

Remy’s brows lifted. “I’m ready for a rematch anytime, anywhere.”

They were still bantering as we drove up to the front of the Alpha house. Dimitri parked in the front and killed the engine. They all started getting out of the car, but something kept me still.

Something felt… off.

Not quite the same vibe that I’d had in the restaurant, but enough that my senses were tingling. I shoved open my door and slid out, inhaling a deep lungful of the crisp mountain air. At the bottom of the mountain, I could see the last wisps of black smoke curling toward the sky.

Dimitri moved to my side, lightly touching my elbow in the barest of caresses.

But the second his fingers brushed against me, it was like being stabbed with a cattle prod. The current that races between us was electric and overwhelming.

I stumbled to the side and he winced. “Sorry, Lu.”

I shook my head, trying to dismiss the feeling, but the more I moved away from Dimitri, the more I wanted to break down and cry. It was a dizzying juxtaposition. Being close to him was all I wanted, but being close to him caused me pain. Actual, physical pain. I was constantly left wondering which part of me could take a better beating—my body or my heart.

Taking another cleansing breath, I tried to shove my emotions down. It’d gotten pretty good at it over the years, but the last few weeks had been harder. Probably had to do with the upcoming purple moon happening at the planetary alignment. As an elemental, my abilities were tethered to the moon and the earth.

“Why don’t we go inside?” Dimitri suggested, shoving his hands in the pockets of his dark wash jeans. Goddess, the man could rock a pair of jeans. They hugged his ass and were tight around his muscular thighs.

Wrapping my arms around my middle, I nodded and ducked my head against a breeze as I followed him inside the massive house built next to one of the higher mountain peaks of the Ural Mountains.

Pausing at the base of the steps that lead to the palatial home nestled against a looming mountain, I glanced back down at Narodnaya.

The town looked like something from one of those cheesy Christmas movies from my favorite streaming service. Glimmering lights and snowy roofs sprawled in the valley below. The main town was in the middle, a few streets with shops, restaurants, and the train depot. Dalia’s was smack in the middle, and I could see the chaos of people hurrying around like tiny little dolls come to life.

To the right were homes, large and with sharply peaked roofs and even a few turrets. The pack homes where the shifters lived. There was a dedicated park and an all-grades education facility on the far outskirts.

Shifting my gaze to the left, I eyed the coven homes. Smaller and closer together, the coven homes wound together in an elaborate pattern that was reminiscent of the earth rune that they swore to uphold.

Sourness flooded my mouth as I remembered being cast out, alone and helpless. I wandered down street after street, watching as door shut and curtains were pulled across windows to show me how truly exiled I was.

I walked until I reached town and tucked myself between a cobbler’s shop and a pharmacy. That was where Natasha found me, shivering with fat tears rolling down my cheeks.

The look on her face was forever emblazoned in my mind—not pity or empathy, but pure rage. She was furious for me, beyond angry at my coven. She held out a hand and took me to her home.

I turned, glancing up at the house before me. She brought me here.

“Lu.” Dimitri’s tone was concerned as he paused in the open doorway with an unreadable look.

Swallowing, I forced a wan smile and jogged up the steps. He stepped aside to let me past first, then closed the door behind us. The foyer was brightly lit with a decadent, glittering chandelier that dripped actual diamonds.

I could hear Remy and Skye talking in the next room, and I started to follow them until a firm hand caught my arm.

Sighing, I spun to face Dimitri.

His eyes were narrowed, the seaglass color nearly translucent. A muscle fluttered in his jaw, barely noticeable under the black stubble shadowing a jaw that could cut stone. His gaze dropped to the amulet and his lip curled like it personally offended him. “Yetta’s gifts keep getting uglier and uglier.”

He wasn’t wrong. It was much heavier than I’d initially expected, the thick chain rolling over the back of my neck in an almost abrasive way. The stone was almost a dull shade of black, and the thick chain was gaudy at best.

Was it pretty? No. But it was a gift, and that had to mean something, right? My mom was trying .

I wilted under his heavy stare. “Can we just not?”

His dark brows shot up. “Not what?”

I tried to tug free, but his hold was firm. Gentle, but not budging. “Dima, come on. I’m tired.”

He shook his head, seemingly… frustrated? “Dammit, Lu, aren’t you sick of this?”

I stilled, his words whipping through me like an ice storm. “Excuse me?”

“Letting your mom push you around,” he clarified.

I wrenched my arm free. “Stay out of it.”

“How can I when I’m fucking in it?” he spat, nostrils flaring as his chest expanded. The low growl in his chest reminded me of the beast he shared a soul with. “Do you think it was an accident that I was at Dalia’s? I felt how uncomfortable you were. That’s why I came over.”

I stepped back, bumping into the wall. “Well, I’m so sorry that my emotions are causing you distress. I’ll just have to work better at my lifeless void persona.”

Dimitri was nothing if not observant, and he caught my slip as soon as I spoke it. “Lifeless void?”

“Forget it,” I muttered, ducking my head so my curls blocked my face. I tried to sidestep him, but he matched me move for move.

“Explain that,” he demanded in a low tone that almost brought me to my knees.

My eyes slid shut, humiliation and regret churning like a fireball in my chest. “It’s been a long night?—”

“And this has been a long time coming,” Dimitri growled, using his massive frame to box me in. It should’ve scared me, sent a slice of panic to my gut, but who was I kidding? I’d always take Dimitri any way I could get him. And this close together? Energy pulsed between us, and I pressed myself against the wall to keep from swaying toward him.

But damn if that didn’t take every cell in my being not to give in and curl against his chest like he could save me from the world.

I swallowed, my throat achingly dry. “Back up, Dimitri.” It was a demand and a plea. This close…

No.

No .

I’d spent most of the last decade making sure this didn’t happen. Keeping my distance to ensure neither of us caved and gave in to the connection I’d forged between us one desperate night.

I planted my hands on his chest, his pecs impossibly hard and solid under my touch. The goal had been to shove him back, but when his hands came up to grip my wrists and hold me closer, my eyes slid shut.

Every cell in my body, fiber in my being, synapse in my brain was instantly overloaded with a sense of longing that had my knees wobbling.

Dimitri inhaled sharply, a low growl rattling in his chest that made parts of me go soft and wet. “Lu.”

My brain was flashing every warning sign imaginable, but it didn’t stop me from curling my fingers into his soft shirt and tugging him closer still.

Warm, minty breath fanned over my face as his forehead pressed to mine. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

That simple term of endearment had the backs of my eyes burning with barely held back tears. Later on, I knew I’d be disgusted with how easily I caved to soft words that my emotionally-starved brain would misinterpret as caring or love.

And maybe it was. That bond I’d accidentally forged between us was a lot like love.

Except that Dimitri didn’t really have a choice.

Yes, he felt things for me, but mostly because I’d twisted his own heart against him when I tethered us together for eternity.

That's what I hated most. That the person I loved the most only cared for me because of a false sense of wanting and longing that I’d forced on them.

“Oh, shit.” Skye’s soft voice may as well have been a bomb detonating between us.

With a gasp, I leaned back and put space between us. I released his shirt, but it took several beats before Dimitri let go of my wrists. And when he did, he shot Skye an annoyed look.

Looking guilty, Skye glanced at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt?—”

“It’s fine,” I cut her off, managing to squeeze my body free of the scant space between Dimitri and the wall. I slapped a smile on my face. “Is everything okay?”

Her gaze drifted warily to Dimitri. “It can wait.”

“No.” My tone was sharper than the knife Natasha used to pluck out a dinner guest’s eye a few weeks earlier.

It was never a dull moment in the Dashkov house.

“What’s wrong?” I pressed, sensing Dimitri’s growing agitation behind me.

Something had shifted tonight, and I wasn’t sure even putting the usual distance between us would right things. Shaking off the thought, I gave Skye my complete attention.

Or tried to.

“I just wanted to make sure that we’re good,” Skye murmured, and I could feel the shame and regret churning in her stomach.

“It’s not a big deal.”

Her brilliant emerald eyes widened. “I punched your mom .”

I gave a small shrug as we walked to the living room. “I mean, you didn’t punch me .”

“Besides, you did exactly what everyone in this house has wanted to do for fucking years,” Dimitri added with a grin from where he was pouring a drink at the wet bar. “Actually, the whole damn pack. I bet there’d be a line of people willing to buy you a drink.”

Skye snorted and shook her head, sitting down and throwing her legs over the side of the armchair while Remy stood in the doorway behind her.

“Or more,” Dimitri went on with a smirk. “Seriously, if you walked into the training facility in some spandex?—”

Remy growled, eyes flashing with irritation.

I kinda hoped Remy punched Dimitri next for being an asshole shit-stirrer. I got that Dimitri’s knee-jerk reaction to social settings had him using humor and innuendo as a defense mechanism, but tonight I was raw.

Dimitri moved around me, his shoulder brushing mine and making me recoil. He paused, taking note of my reaction. His jaw tightened in response, but otherwise his aloof, fuckboy mask was firmly in place. “Just giving her options, Holt. I mean, if you’re insecure, that isn’t Skye’s problem.”

Remy pushed off the frame with glittering dark eyes. “I’m more than secure.”

Skye gave an exasperated sigh. “Can we not do this?”

I cleared my throat, finding my footing and my role as the perky yet snarky friend. “Come on, guys. We all know this is Dimitri’s way of saying he needs more attention. Because god-forbid the spotlight dares shine on another.”

Dimitri rolled his eyes. “I mean, I did save your ass.”

I glowered at him.

He smirked, but the look in his eyes was almost dead. “To be fair, it’s a great ass.”

“Jesus,” Remy muttered, “can you try to be fucking normal for a single night?”

“I’ll leave that to you, Captain Wolf,” Dimitri snapped back.

Skye rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot.”

“Tell me your boyfriend isn’t the wolfy equivalent of Captain America,” Dimitri insisted.

“If I’m Cap, what does that make you?” Remy asked.

“Loki,” Skye snarked.

Dimitri pressed a hand to his chest, looking affronted. “Please. I’m Iron Man, obviously. And you’re the Winter Soldier.” He pointed to me. “Scarlet Witch for obvious reasons.”

I flipped him off and opened my mouth to clap back when a pain unlike anything I’d ever felt before leveled me to my knees. It was like my body was on fire and my brain was melting.

“Lu!” Dimitri barked my name, but it sounded so far off.

Too far away to find me as I spiraled away like fractals of a kaleidoscope spinning.

And spinning.