Chapter 11
11
LULU
My bones ached as I listened to Dimitri laugh with Skye and Remy. I’d met Skye months earlier when Dimitri had brought her here to protect her. Of course, Skye made it clear she didn’t need his protection. Not even finding out that he was her stepbrother, and that her father—Nikolai—was very much alive had swayed her from her resolve to get home to her pack.
To her mate.
Barely eighteen, Skye and Remy’s mating had come as a surprise to many back in their home nestled in the Pacific Northwest region of America. They didn’t understand the genetics of shifters that I’d spent years researching. Skye and Remy were a second generation pairing, meaning they each had come from true mates—the first generation.
Second gen mates tended to find each other sooner, and the bond between them was stronger much faster.
Watching them now, it was easy to see they were hopelessly in love. From the way her green eyes always seemed to search him out to the way he always had to be touching her, they were truly bonded mates.
I blinked, forcing myself to be present for the conversation as Skye giggled. “You’re insane.”
Dimitri gave a small shrug beside me. “It wasn’t that big a deal.”
I gave a snort, remembering the incident he was referring to all too well. “Sure it wasn’t. That’s why I was removing splinters from your ass for an hour.”
Remy tipped his head back and laughed. “I’m with Skye. That was stupid, bro.”
Dimitri opened his mouth to protest when Skye shot to her feet. “You’re up!” She practically sprinted to the room and tackle-hugged her mom as Nikolai watched with a bemused expression. Natasha stood slightly behind them, her blue eyes sparkling as she watched their reunion.
I glanced around the room and realized how starkly I stood out.
Skye was Nikolai and Addie’s daughter. Remy was Skye’s mate, so practically their son-in-law. Dimitri was Natasha’s son by blood and Nik’s by adoption.
And me?
Yeah, I was the one who’d been kicked out by her own family and taken in here like a charity project.
My heart sank as I curled in on myself a bit. Only Dimitri seemed to notice, his jade colored eyes narrowing as he watched me with a stony expression.
Remy grunted as Skye sat down, his ribs likely still smarting from the night before when he ran into Carrie′s invisible wall.
“Shit, sorry, babe,” Skye gasped, trying to shift away and give him space.
With a huff, Remy wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his injured side. Like being in pain was worth it to have her tucked against him.
Tasha took a seat in one of the arm chairs while Addie and Nikolai settled on the couch opposite Skye and Remy. Dimitri and I were situated on the love seat, a name I truly detested for a sofa.
The great room was just like its namesake—a behemoth of a room with two massive fireplaces, multiple sitting areas, and a wall of bookshelves. Another wall was covered in tall windows, giving ample views of the town below. With dark wood accents and hardwood floors, the dove gray furniture was situated to invite people in.
Tasha leaned forward, her eyes on her son. “Dima? How’s the arm?”
I mashed my lips together as Dimitri held up his arm. The wrist was in a brace instead of a hard splint like before.
“Should be healed up by tomorrow. Just a fracture,” he said with an air of nonchalance that made me ill.
Carrie had managed to break one of his bones because I wasn’t enough to stop her.
The weight of the amulet—no, talisman —in my pocket was an anchor around my neck.
I didn’t want to believe Jack, but there had been no denying it. The second I’d taken it off, I’d felt the rush of a power vastly greater than myself open up. I’d wanted to drown in that feeling, to wrap myself in it like a blanket and get swept away.
It was as seductive as it was unknown. And I’d felt the shadow beasts rising, wanting to return to me and rip the world apart.
Gods help me, but I’d wanted that. I’d reached for it.
Until I saw Dimitri. Until I realized I could kill Jack with a snap of my fingers.
Even now, Dimitri was by my side. His faith in me never waivered.
Disgusted with myself, I unconsciously leaned away from him.
Firm fingers dug into my thigh as Dimitri stopped me from squirming away. “It’s not your fault, Lu.”
“Of course it isn’t,” Addie chimed in.
I licked my lips. “If I was stronger—” I broke off because if I’d been stronger, then what ? I could have killed everyone just like before. Maybe, in some twisted way, my mother had saved everyone in this room with the damn talisman.
“No,” Dimitri snapped, shaking his head. “Don’t do this to yourself.” His gaze was gentle, almost imploring. But would he look at me with such fierce loyalty if he knew the truth? All that kept me from tipping over the edge was a gift my mother had sneakily tricked me into wearing.
“We would all be dead right now if Addie hadn’t come back when she did,” I countered in a flat, brittle tone.
“But I did come back,” Addie replied gently. “I came back because we’re family, and we’re all stronger together. And you’re part of that family, honey.”
My jaw tightened, tears pricking my eyes as I tried not to read too much into her statement. It was sweet, but we all knew it wasn’t true. Even on a fundamental level, we weren’t the same. They were all shifters and I…
I was the one who was supposed to protect them.
A job I’d failed at spectacularly.
“Did you speak with Jack?” Nikolai tried softly.
Dimitri let out a noise that was half scoff, half snarl. “She tried. He lost his shit when we showed him a picture of his sister.” He paused, casting me a side glance. “He’s becoming a liability.”
I gave a soft, pained noise. My heart broke for Jack. “He’s still a kid.” A kid who seemed to know a lot more about this power I had that I ever would.
“Barely,” Dimitri retorted.
“Lulu, he’s right,” Skye added, shaking her head sadly. “This morning, he—” She looked at Remy, whose jaw tightened, and then he looked at Dimitri. Dimitri still looked pissed as hell, likely reliving the events of this morning.
It hadn’t taken long for Jack’s outburst to make its way through the ever moving chain of gossip.
“He what?” Nik cut in, his voice icy and lethal. His eyes sparked with a darkness he reserved for people who threatened his family.
“He was in pain,” I said carefully, knowing not all of this was on Jack. I should’ve been prepared for how losing Carrie might affect him.
“He tried to kill you,” Dimitri snapped, glaring at me.
I jolted and turned to glower at him. “We killed his sister!”
“No, I killed her,” Addie spoke up. “Me. Not any of you. If he wants to blame someone, or lash out, then it should be me.”
Nikolai squeezed her hand, looking distressed. “Maybe we don’t offer you up as a sacrificial lamb to the mentally unstable boy, love?”
“It’s my mess,” I snapped, jerking away from Dimitri and standing up. I paced across the room before whirling and slapping a hand over my chest. “ I did this. I brought him here. I thought… Fuck, I thought I could help him. Or maybe we could help each other.”
Dimitri sighed and stood. “Lu?—”
“Stop!” I shouted, throwing up a hand between us. “You don’t get it, okay? None of you get it. What I am, what I feel…”
God, there just weren’t words. Even now, I could feel a rising tide of emotions bubbling under the surface. Was this how Jack felt? Out of control and desperate for a way— any way —to make it stop?
“Sweetheart, you can always talk to us,” Tasha told me, her tone patient and kind. “None of us will judge you.”
“Oh, really?” I couldn’t help but look at Nikolai, the words he’d spoken only a few nights earlier echoed like a cannon in my brain.
We all know it’s not a question of if but when she loses control.
I was a ticking bomb, and no one knew how to disarm me.
Nikolai winced and heaved a heavy breath, looking ashamed. “Lucia, I apologize for what I said that night. I wasn’t thinking?—”
“What did you say?” Dimitri demanded, his gaze swinging between his father and me.
Skye cleared her throat nervously. “Maybe we all need to take a step back, okay?” The look she gave me cracked more of the walls I’d tried to build up.
But they’d been broken down and hastily taped back together too many times. The stress was building, the fractures were beginning to crack under the pressure.
I was cracking.
“Gods, enough !” My shout boomed through the room, and the air seemed to hum for a moment. Time seemed to stand still and twist at warp speed as power poured out of my hands.
Glass sprayed across the floor as all the lightbulbs in the room exploded. Everyone flinched, several gasped, as I lost it.
“Shit,” Addie hissed as blood bubbled from a cut on her arm. Nikolai began to inspect it, his expression a mix of fury and concern.
I’d hurt Addie.
It was one thing when I couldn’t protect someone. But to actually hurt them?
I really was a monster.
“I-I’m so sorry.” My voice trembled as she backed away. I covered my mouth in horror, shaking my head like that could dislodge the visual of Addie’s blood.
Blood that I had spilled.
My stomach pitched. “I didn’t mean to… Oh, fuck.”
“It’s okay,” she tried to assure me, even as Nikolai glared at her side.
I moved forward to see if I could fix the damage I’d done, but a low rumbling from Nikolai had me practically tripping over my own two feet in a haste to move back..
Nik had growled at me. Because I’d injured his mate.
Dimitri stood, his eyes huge as he held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Lulu, wait.”
“Just… I need to go.” I turned and ran from the room as fast as I could. Tears blinded me as I bypassed the stairs, well aware that Dimitri was following me.
I zipped through the downstairs area, ignoring the look I got from the chef as I bolted through the kitchen and to the garage. I stumbled through the doorway and was never so grateful before that we kept keys in the vehicles instead of on a wall. Considering the garage had no less than eight cars, ten all terrain vehicles, and several four wheelers and snowmobiles.
The snow was melting, leaving nothing but muddy mess in the valleys. I climbed on an ATV and gunned the engine. It lurched forward as I hit the button to open the garage door.
“Lulu, wait!” Dimitri’s voice was so sharp, so much like an Alpha command that I almost did exactly what he’d demanded.
Squeezing my fingers around the handlebars, I peeled out, ducking my head to keep from hitting it on the edge of the door that was mid-rise.
“Lulu!” He bellowed, his voice echoing behind me as I turned and drove toward the mountains.
My heart ached, feeling like an egg that had been smashed open and left to sizzle on a hot summer sidewalk. He would follow, I knew it.
I whispered a soft incantation to the ground beneath me, and when I glanced back, there was no trail for him to follow. The ruts from the wheels were covered by smooth, unblemished ground.
My spirit magic might be a loose cannon, but my earth magic was still on my side. The farther I climbed the mountains, the more I could breathe.
But that didn’t stop the soul-deep ache that reminded me I’d left my heart behind.