19. Chapter 18
Chapter 18
BECCA
There was this place between sexual frustration and vexation that I just couldn’t get out of. Shyloh had cornered me in the bathhouse last night and I almost let him have his way with me, but I couldn’t.
Why did I do this? I self-sabotaged everything that could have the possibility of being good, and for what? To be safe from hurt feelings?
I had lived this way so long that it had become second nature for me to not let anyone in. To be completely alone in the silence of my thoughts. But there was this part of me, part of my soul, that was screaming to be let out. To have a chance .
Unfortunately, chances are just that—a chance. Nothing is ever guaranteed.
I’d become the pessimist in life when I used to be the optimist. I wasn't sure when the switch officially happened, but I knew exactly why.
In high school, Thomas and I had the chance to live our lives together. Did that mean we would be the ones for each other? Well, I wasn’t sure, but at least I would have had the opportunity. I was a thirty-year-old woman still mourning the thought of what could have been.
But this is the place where I healed. Away from the busy cities and people, and just being at peace with what I knew was real.
I stoked the fire, waking up the embers to heat up the grits cooking over the heat. Once I sat back on the wooden log and gripped my coffee, I took a moment to look at each of the tents of my campers. They were all here for something.
To celebrate their accomplishment of raising their children, to work through the emotions of a divorce, to extend the happiness and healthiness of life, and to heal from something being taken from you.
Shyloh and I, in many ways I guess, were the same. Something precious taken away from us and something we both loved. Mine was Thomas, and his was football. In my head I tried to compare the two, knowing that Thomas was a human being with feelings and emotions, but I also came to terms with the fact that football was all Shyloh knew. That was his entire way of life, and it just ended .
The flap of his tent started to open, and I could see his hair sticking every which way. He was so handsome. I knew I couldn’t deny that. He made me feel things that I hadn’t felt in a very long time—or maybe never.
He noticed me and gave me a sleepy smile, pulling his shirt over his chiseled body that I was delighted to feel last night.
I knew he was disappointed when I pulled away from him, but I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready for that type of connection with someone.
“Good morning boss. Got any coffee to spare?” Shyloh asked while picking up a coffee mug from the basket and sitting on the log beside me.
I quietly poured him a cup and he sipped it black. Of course, I made a face because I at least put sugar in mine.
“What? Does drinking my coffee black offend you?” he chuckled.
I shook my head and took a much-needed breath. “No, I just didn’t expect that from you.”
His hazel eyes bore into mine as he replied, “There are a lot of unexpected things about me, Becks. You just have to pay attention.”
I bit my lip nervously because I knew he meant that in many, many ways. Instead, I looked around at the tents again with a little bit of confusion brewing in my head.
“What’s wrong?” Shyloh asked me.
Placing the mug in my lap, I gestured to the tents. “No one else is awake. We’re supposed to do another trail today. ”
He tilted his head at me and lowered his voice. “Maybe they’re exhausted from yesterday. Why don’t you just… give them the day off? Let people walk to the general store, read, or just nap.”
I knew he was right. Yesterday was an exhausting day, but it was liberating. I was thankful Donna had suggested I take the risk of walking in the rain. It was unexpected, and it honestly brought me so much joy. The kind of joy I had forgotten about.
“You know what? You’re right.”
Shy choked on his coffee. “I’m sorry, did you just say I’m right?”
I gave him a pointed look. “I’m not going to say it again. But yes. We will take the day off.”
He gave me a victorious smile, like he knew something that I didn’t know. A second later, he stood up and announced to the tents, “We win! We get the day off!”
Immediately, cheers rang out among our group, with a few popping their heads out to give Shyloh a thumbs up.
My mouth dropped in shock. “Did you just… coordinate this entire thing against me?”
Taking a few steps past the campfire, he turned around and cheered, “Yeah… I might have. But don’t you worry, it’s going to be an amazing day!”
I couldn’t believe this man.
He was right that he was unexpected, and maybe that’s what I need. Something that I can’t control all the time. Someone who would free me .
About an hour later, it was announced that the trails we were scheduled to hike over the next few days would be closed. But we had six days left before we had to leave this campsite.
My thoughts were interrupted by Shyloh trying to tie hammocks around two trees nearby and failing miserably. I sort of enjoyed watching him struggle, but after the third attempt, I knew I needed to step in.
“Need some help?”
Without looking up he said, “I was wondering how long it would take you to come help me out. I’ve never done this before. I can’t," he grunted in frustration— “I can’t get this to latch on.”
I squatted in front of him and made quick work of the hammock, tightening it before standing up and wiping my hands on my pants.
“There you go!”
I turned to walk away but he called after me. “Wait!”
“Yes?”
Shyloh gave me that devastating smirk and held up the second hammock.
Rolling my eyes I snatched the hammock from his hands and groaned, “Fine.”
Within a few minutes we were lying in the hammocks next to each other, swinging silently with the leaves falling every once in a while.
“This is honestly so nice. I’d never done anything like this before.”
“What? Gone outside?” I suggested.
He sighed heavily. “Obviously I’ve been outside before Becca Dawson, but I’ve never been outside like this. Away from the noise and not worrying about what defense I need to play against, or what routes I need to remember. It’s… different.”
“Different in a good or bad way? Or both?”
Shyloh turned onto his side, gripping the side of the hammock to look at me. “No one has asked me anything to do with my feelings about football yet.” He blinked a few times, thinking about how he’d answer. “I guess it’s bad in the way that I’ll never step on a football field again when I wanted to do that my entire life, but it’s good in the way that I’m seeing life in a different way.”
“And what way is that?”
His hazel eyes seared through me. I knew he could read me like a book and that terrified me, but I wanted to be here. Next to him.
“I guess it’s realizing that I can’t change what happened. Even though I wish I could. I’m just lucky to be alive and walking. Maybe I—maybe…” He sighed. “Never mind, just forget I even said anything.”
I sat up in the hammock, looking at him, ready to demand he answer me. “Tell me.”
Shyloh glared at me. I thought maybe I had struck a nerve, but the glare turned into a terrified expression.
“Becca,” he urged quietly. “Don’t move.”
My eyes widened and I could feel my heart starting to beat quicker. “What is it?”
He shook his head. “Just don’t move.”
I whisper-yelled at him, “Just answer me, dammit! What is it? ”
His eyes tracked whatever it was under my hammock, and then under his, and that’s when I saw it.
A skunk.
“Oh shit.”