Restrained (Sterling Family #3)

19. Lola

19

LOLA

B y the time I get home, it’s dark. I spent all day with Hayden in the hotel. Mostly naked. Although we did manage to get some work done. I’m ready for a hot shower and some sleep when I notice the kitchen light is on.

I walk into the kitchen and see Viv at the kitchen table with a glass of wine, the bottle still out on the table.

Uh-oh.

“Viv?”

She turns to look at me, her pretty eyes rimmed in red as I approach with caution and slip my purse from my shoulder, placing it on the table as I take a seat.

I place a hand over hers. “What’s wrong?” I study her. She looks tired, still pretty but too worn-out for her mere twenty-two years. “Did Sawyer do something?”

That dick. If he cheated on her, I swear...

“What?” She wipes a tear away from her cheek and shakes her head. “No. Sawyer hasn’t done anything.”

I close my eyes momentarily and then look back at her. “Asher.”

“I don’t know why I let him get to me.”

I hate being in the middle. I’m loyal to a fault. I would die for my two remaining brothers any day, but I consider Vivienne a little sister, and her sadness guts me. “What did he do?”

She sniffles and takes a drink of the white wine in her stemless glass. “He’s your brother. I won’t put you in the middle.”

This is why I love Viv. One of the many reasons really. She’s incredibly strong, but I want her to lean on me. “I’m not going to tell you again, you may as well be my little sister. Now tell me what happened.”

“Baz called him.” That’s nothing out of the ordinary. The kid already knows how to use technology better than most adults and frequently video calls Ash. She takes another drink. “A woman answered.”

That had to hurt like hell. “Oh, I’m sorry.” I pause a moment, then ask, “She wasn’t naked, was she?”

Knowing my little brother, it is entirely possible.

Vivienne shakes her head, but she isn’t laughing. “No, but she was wearing his shirt. Her hair all messy. He seemed pissed that she answered his phone, but who knows. I wouldn’t put it past him to ask her to answer it just to mess with me.”

Unfortunately, I wouldn’t either. I love Asher so damn much, but he has so much growing up to do. “I’m sorry, Viv. I’m sure that hurt.”

“It shouldn’t. I left. We weren’t ever together. So, none of it should matter.”

I see how badly she’s hurting, and it kills me. “I know you loved him. I’m sure it’s never easy to see someone you love move on or whatever the hell he’s doing.”

“Probably banging the entire female population at KU.”

“But...” I don’t know how to offer any comfort. Still I try. “You and Sawyer seem happy.”

Her smile is genuine but still sad. “I really care about Sawyer, but I haven’t been able to...” She swallows, her eyes meeting mine, and I know what she’s saying.

“You haven’t slept with him?”

She shakes her head. “Not yet.” She takes another sip. “We’ve gotten close. And I want to, but...” She looks away. “I don’t want to get hurt again. And Sawyer...” She puffs out a breath and meets my eyes again. “Sawyer doesn’t even trust himself not to hurt me. They’re so similar.”

“But there are differences. Like you’ve said, Sawyer at least admitted he has feelings for you.”

“Yes. At least he’s willing to try.” She takes another drink of the wine, finishing it off. “Your brother is a dick.”

I wonder how many glasses she’s had, and I stifle a laugh. “Yeah. They both are.”

She laughs, her shoulders shaking, but it almost sounds like she’s crying. “I just need to fuck Sawyer.” I try not to show my discomfort. And she continues, “I mean, he’s really, really good with his hands.” She touches her lips with her fingertips. “And his lips.”

I’m walking a fine line here. I don’t want to betray my brother, but I want her to be happy. “You don’t owe Asher anything. I think the distance is good, and it’s good for you to explore other...” What’s the right word? Not dick. “People?”

She laughs at that, clearly tipsier than I originally thought. “You mean dicks. And you’re right.”

“No. I really... I mean, you’re a strong, confident single woman, and you can sleep with whoever you want. Or not sleep with whoever you want. I never slut-shame.”

“Penelope recommends being a slut.”

I snort and roll my eyes with a smile. “Of course, she does.”

I’m have no idea how many people she or Linc slept with to try to move on from Colt’s death and each other before they officially got together. And she owned it. I’ve always envied her free spirit when it came to sex.

She shrugs. “It’s time to try something other than a Sterling cock.”

“Oh my God, Viv.” I blush and laugh. “How much wine have you had?”

She giggles and looks at the bottle. “Too much.”

She’s gonna regret that tomorrow when she has a four-year-old jumping on her early in the morning. “Well, don’t do anything with a clouded mind. If you’re sober and still want to sleep with Sawyer, go for it.”

She smiles and nods her head appreciatively and then eyes me. “So, you spent the night working huh?”

I feel guilty for lying to her earlier, but I didn’t want to explain over the phone. “I was with a client.”

She studies me. “You bad girl.” She laughs. “Sleeping with a client, huh?”

I feel no shame for sleeping with Hayden. In fact, the memories only make me smile, a big goofy smile I can’t erase from my face. “I did.”

She looks oddly proud. “The hot asshole?”

I laugh, I’ve told her about Hayden. “Yes. And he’s not so bad.”

“Yeah, they never seem so bad when they’re making you come.”

I laugh again. I like drunk Viv. She’s a lot more open, kinda like Penelope. “I started to like him before I came actually.”

She smiles. “That’s great. It’s good to see you happy, Lola.”

“That’s all I want for you and Ash. And Penelope and Linc. And my mom.”

She plays with the wine bottle, holding it by the neck and letting the bottom edge roll over the wooden table. “You love hard, Lola Sterling. But our happiness is up to us.”

“I’m starting to get that.”

She swallows, and I watch the movement of her throat, the anguish she carries. “I loved your brother. Deeply. With everything I had. I would have stayed with him forever.”

My smile is gone as I listen to her confess what I already knew. “It could still happen someday.”

Even if that thought scares me to death. I don’t want to watch them destroy each other. “He doesn’t think we’re a good fit, and he’s right. We would be an absolute disaster. But maybe I'm not meant to be happy.”

“That’s not true, Viv.”

Her eyes peel away from the wine bottle she was staring at like she was in a trance, and she looks at me. “I seem to only be attracted to men who will hurt me.”

“Sawyer has grown up a lot.”

“And still... your first inclination when you saw me upset was that he did something bad.”

I flinch. “I care about you. I don’t want to ever see you hurting.”

“Life is painful. Love is even more painful.” She places her hand over mine that’s resting on the table. “Your client, huh? Are you dating him? Or just sex?”

“I don’t know.” It’s the only answer I have. Hayden and I didn’t really discuss what we were after our night together.

“Well, you seem awfully happy.”

“I was a virgin.” I don’t know why the hell I just blurted that out, and she’s clearly surprised. I’ve never told anyone, not even Penelope.

“Ummm . . . Wow.”

“Yeah...” I feel like an idiot. I guess because she confessed something to me, I felt I also needed to.

“Was he good?”

Not why did you wait so long? Not you’re a freak. “Yes.” I smile and bite my bottom lip. “Really, really good.”

She laughs. “Sounds like you waited for the right one for the job.”

I smile. “I think I did, but we barely know each other. I guess I was tired of being so in control.”

“I think certain people bring that out in us.”

“Are you talking about my brother or Sawyer?” My eyebrow kicks up, and she laughs.

“Both of them. They both have taught me things about myself and helped me not to be so uptight all the time.” She shrugs her small shoulder. “I guess I owe Asher for that.”

“I hope you guys can be friends again someday.”

She stands from the table, swaying slightly but holding on to the table to steady herself. “I wouldn’t count on it, Lola.”

She takes a deep breath and starts to leave the kitchen.

“Never say never.” I say to her back.

She turns around, her face somber. “I don’t know how to be his friend after loving him. But he’ll always be Baz’s uncle, and that, I won’t mess with.”

I give her a nod, and she turns away, heading to her bedroom that is thankfully on this level.

I’m worried about her. And Asher.

But I’m still smiling as I make my way up to my bedroom, feeling lighter and freer than I have in a long time.

And I know it’s all because of one dangerously sexy man.