32. Lola
32
LOLA
“ D o you need anything else, Mr. West?”
Hayden turns to Gretchen as she stands in the doorway of his office. I’m on the leather sofa against the window, looking over my notes for hotel number three as he answers her with a smile. “No. Thank you. Enjoy your weekend.”
She gives him a curt, professional nod, her lips thinning when she looks briefly my way and then leaves.
Hayden grins at me, climbing out from behind his desk to join me.
I no longer hate how badly I need him. I wouldn’t say I'm used to it, but I definitely don’t fight it. The DNA test came back this morning.
“Penelope is never going to stop hating me.”
“Yes, she will.” I lay my head on his shoulder. “Trust me. You’re her brother. She knows that now. You weren’t lying.”
“It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t there.”
“That’s not fair. You didn’t know about her.”
He’s laughing at me. “Isn’t that what the oldest sibling is supposed to do? Blame ourselves for things we couldn’t control?”
“You’re annoying.” He pulls me closer to him. “She wants to meet you for coffee tomorrow. I would say that means she won’t hate you forever.”
“Or she wants to punch me.”
I shrug. “You can take a hit.”
“What do you want to do this evening?” I smile and quirk an eyebrow as his lips slide over my neck. “You wanna go for a swim?” He whispers in my ear. “I definitely want to fuck you in the pool.”
I tense. I wish it was because my mind is lost thinking about his hard body pressed against mine in the pool, but my heart beating rapidly has nothing to do with Hayden.
I think he feels it because he pulls away, looking at me. “What’s wrong?”
My throat is dry as I turn to him. “I can’t.”
He studies me intently, trying to figure me out without making me say anything. “You can’t swim?”
I shake my head. “I can.”
I can’t seem to move or breathe. I’m just stuck in my fear, uncertain how to break free of it. Then I feel his hand lifting my chin. I didn’t even realize I was looking down. “Lola, look at me.”
I look into his eyes and fight the sob, my body fighting my soul. I don’t want to talk about this. But I can’t hide my reaction to water around Hayden. “I was on the swim team in high school. I have medals, for Christ sake.”
“Your brother drowned.”
A sob fights its way from my throat as I look into his eyes. “Yes.”
“So, now you don’t go in the water.”
I shake my head. His hand moves to my cheek. “No. I don’t even like baths.” I feel the blush heat my cheeks. “Unless you’re in them with me.”
He smiles sweetly, his hard edges softening for me. “You think that’s weird? That you don’t like to swim?”
“It is, Hayden.” I stand up, his touch too much for me right now. I walk out of his office to his patio door, seeing the sun has begun to set. I feel him behind me, but he doesn’t speak. “I moved to California. I live in a beach house. I have an underground pool.”
I feel him shifting behind me, the sound of clothing being removed and then see his very expensive jacket hit the floor. “And you think that’s weird.”
It’s not a question. “I know it is.”
I almost turn around when I see his matching charcoal vest fall onto his jacket next to me, but I don’t. “Why?”
“Because I’m afraid of the water. Fucking terrified. I hate it, Hayden.”
His shoes and socks drop to my side next. “Why?”
This man is infuriating. I turn around, ready to throttle him when I notice his white shirt is unbuttoned, and I get a little lost in his ripped abs and his stupid, handsome grin as he removes it from his shoulders and lets it drop on the ground. “What are you doing?”
He only smiles in that confident Hayden way that makes me want to kiss and slap him at the same time. He takes my hand in his and pulls it to his hip bone near that sexy fucking V. My fingers drag over the raised skin there as I examine the scar. “My dad burned me. Took a fucking lighter to my skin. I could smell my own flesh burning. Because he hated me. Because he hated my mother.” Tears well in my eyes as my thumb circles the now healed skin. “Because he hated himself.”
I look up. “I’m so sorry Hayden. You deserved better than that monster.”
I watch his lips, full and strong as he speaks directly to me like nothing else matters. “I have better now. I have so much better. But that’s not my point.”
“What is?”
“He did a lot of shit to me. A lot, but the thing I feared the most was fire. That hurt. Fucking bad. I was five, and I was terrified of fire after that. I still don’t like the smell of anything burning. I don’t own a grill, and I'm thirty.”
“That’s awful.”
“I know. Grilled food looks delicious.”
I laugh—actually laugh—during a twisted, horrific conversation, and he grins. “It’s not weird. You went through a trauma, and your brain is trying to protect you.”
He unbuttons his pants and then pushes them to the floor, kicking them away. Now standing only in his briefs he holds his hand out to me again.
“Now, if you want to swim and you want me there, holding your hand the entire time, let’s go. You and me. Us.”
My heart flutters in my chest at that word. That word I love. “Us?”
“Us. I’ve never been an us, but I think that’s how it works.”
I nod. “Seems to work for Penelope and Lincoln.”
He smiles. “I won’t ever force you, though. You don’t want to swim? Fuck it. We’ll stay dry unless we’re in the bedroom or the shower.” He winks, and I chuckle.
“You are ridiculous and far goofier than I’d have ever thought.”
“Yeah, I didn’t know I had a funny side until I met you.” His hands move to my hips, and he pulls me to him, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “You make me want to laugh. You really make me want to make you laugh.”
His face pulls away from mine, and he bends his knees to look into my eyes. I never knew I wanted this, but looking into his eyes, there’s so many things I want to say to him.
“What are you thinking?”
That I'm a coward. “I want to swim.”
That’s not what I was thinking . He smiles. “Okay.”
His hand slides the zipper of my gray dress down, and I slip it off, standing only in my teal bra and panty set. “I’m afraid.”
I feel like a child. No one knows about my fear of water. When anyone tried to get me to go swimming, I’d make up some work excuse, and they just accepted it because I’m a known workaholic. He slides open the patio door and turns around to meet my eyes. “I’m right here.” His gaze is serious now, no hint of amusement. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He reaches for me, and I take his hand before we go out onto the patio, hand in hand. We walk to the edge of the pool, and I stare down at the water. I used to love the feeling of wading into the water. It was the one time I could shut out the world.
But when I found out it stole my brother’s life? I hated the very thing I used to love. No matter how insane it seemed.
“I wonder if he suffered. The thought haunts me every day.”
Hayden steps down to the first step in the water but doesn’t say anything.
I stare at the liquid. “I should have saved him.”
“Were you there?”
“None of us were. He was out on a boat with strangers, got drunk and fell off. I wasn’t there.”
He squeezes my hand. “Then forgive yourself. You couldn’t stop it. None of you could have.”
“He hated the water.”
He nods. “But you didn’t.”
I look into his eyes as I take a step into the warm water and feel the tears stinging my eyes. “No. I didn’t.”
“You don’t have to now.” His lips graze mine. “You can love it again and not betray your brother.”
My lips tremble against his as a strangled cry falls from my mouth, and before I know it, we’re waist deep in the water, my feet firmly on the cement ground of the pool. My hand grips the back of his head as his fingers slide through my hair and his body presses against mine, the water surrounding us.
My body is shaking, but I'm in his firm embrace, the sun setting behind us. “You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”
“Hayden...” I take a weak breath in a trembling moment as I fight to stay calm.
I’m not going to drown.
I won’t leave my family.
I won’t leave Hayden.
I can swim.
He brushes my nose with his as his lips press to mine only briefly before looking back into my eyes. “Your bravery is beautiful.”
“I don’t feel brave.”
“You make me brave. That makes you brave.”
I chuckle, “I’m pretty sure you’re the one giving me strength here.”
He smiles into another kiss, soothing me as he speaks against my lips, “I’m only strong because I found you. I was afraid of everything before that. And now I'm not.” I feel his fingers in my hair as our gazes meet again. “I love you, Lola. I don’t know how that happened or why, but I'm not going to be stupid enough to question it.”
Oh my God. Did he just say he loved me?
I stare at him, tears falling as I let him see all my vulnerability in a pool of water. “I never thought I’d be loved. Not like this.”
“You are.” He doesn’t hesitate to say it. My free hand rests over his heart, feeling it thunder underneath.
“So are you.” My lips meet his again. “And I love you so much.”
He kisses me deeply. I'm lost in him, my fear not totally gone but lessening every second I spend with him.
And like that, I'm truly free.