Restrained (Sterling Family #3)

40. Lola

40

LOLA

I t’s been a few weeks since the wedding, and we’re slowly getting back to normal. It’s been good to be back in the warmth of California.

The second hotel is about to open, and Hayden and I are working to get the third one open very soon. Of course, it’s more pleasure than business these days, and I'm more than happy about that. We’ve both learned to slow down and enjoy.

I stare at Hayden lying in my bed, naked and only his lower half covered by my white down comforter. He is magnificent, not only in physical beauty but in the strength he’s given me since I've known him. He challenges me in ways I never expected.

And I've never been one to resist a challenge.

I kiss his cheek and smile when he doesn’t move, dead to the world as he sleeps.

I grab my silky robe and wrap it around me as I walk to the kitchen, not yet hearing Baz running around the house this morning.

Viv’s dark hair catches my eyes as I grab a cup of coffee and notice her out on the patio. She’s been quiet since the wedding, and I've been trying to stay out of it, hoping that Asher didn’t hurt her.

Hayden is right, I can’t fix them no matter how badly I want to.

I open the door and walk out to join her. She’s smiling with a mug in her hand and looking out over the ocean. “Good morning.”

“Good morning, Viv. If Baz is still asleep, why the hell are you awake?”

She laughs and takes a sip of her coffee. “The quiet is kind of nice.”

I have to ask her. I see the sadness in her eyes, and I’m taking baby steps with the whole not meddling thing. “Did you and Asher get into it at the wedding? He was quite something there.”

She shakes her head slowly. “No. He doesn’t talk to me anymore, Lola. He calls and asks to speak to Baz, and that’s it. He doesn't care enough to try to upset me.”

She seems saddened by that fact, and I feel awful for her. I know how much she still loves him. “I think I messed up, Viv.” She looks surprised, her eyes on mine as I continue. “I never should have convinced you to leave. I was worried about you guys, and I thought it was best, but that doesn’t mean it was what was best.”

“You were right. We were torturing each other, and it was only going to get worse.”

“Or maybe you would have worked it out. You don’t seem to be moving on here.”

She studies me cautiously and then sighs. “You mean with Sawyer?”

I nod. “I thought that you wanted to see if that was going to move toward a commitment, but it seems to be the same sort of arrangement you had with Asher.”

I don’t want to hurt her, and I don’t want to overstep anymore. But she is my friend. “Maybe that’s all I really want right now. I don’t think I’m ready for being in love and a committed relationship. And I don’t regret moving here.”

“Do you regret leaving him behind?”

She thinks that over. “Yes. He’s Baz’s uncle, and they have this insane bond. I think I should have left things differently, Not so abruptly.”

I’m pretty sure that is my fault. I put the urgency to move in her mind. “I’m so sorry, Viv. I had no right to put so much pressure on you. I love my family so much. I thought I was...”

She stops me. with a hand on my arm. “You thought you were helping. And you were trying to. I’m a big girl, Lola. I made my own decisions. I have to live with them.”

“Do you want to be with him?”

Stop meddling.

She shakes her head. “Like I said, I don’t want love and commitment right now, and neither does he. He may never be ready for that.”

I take a deep breath and can’t fight the feeling of relief. And I think she notices it.

“You really don’t think Asher and I would be a good idea, do you?” She senses my hesitance. “I want to know.”

“No,” I say quietly, not wanting to influence her but feeling like she deserves an explanation. “You’re too much like my mother.”

She stiffens. “He said something like that. He thinks we would end up like your parents. And mine.”

I nod my head. “I’m worried you would.”

“You’re a lot like your mother too. Do you worry about that with Hayden?”

My eyes subconsciously look over my shoulder toward the door, searching for him even when I know he’s still in my bed. “No. He’s not like Asher. Or my father. He grew up very differently.”

She nods but quirks an eyebrow. “So you think two rich kids can never work out?”

I hadn’t really thought about that and shake my head, taking her hand in mine. “I don’t know about any of that, but you are so much like my mother and Asher?—”

“Is not your father,” she interrupts quickly.

“Not yet.”

She huffs, angry tears in her eyes. “That’s exactly what he thinks too, you know? That I'll somehow turn him into your father.”

She stands up, placing her coffee cup on the side table, and I look up at her, pleading, “Viv. Sit down. I want to tell you something.”

She crosses her arms and looks down at me, not moving. “I’ve heard it from him.”

I don’t think she has because I can almost guarantee Asher has never asked my mom what I have. “I asked my mother how she ended up with my father.”

Her arms drop. “When?”

“Right after he left her. I’d always wondered but never asked. I think we all wondered how such a sweet woman could end up with such a dickhead. I was fed up, and I asked it in pretty much those words.”

She sits next to me again, her back straight and ankles crossed. “And?”

“She swore to me he wasn’t like the man we all knew. Not at all.”

Viv sighs heavily. “Everyone is different at the beginning.”

“Maybe. But she told me he was fun and charming. He made her laugh.” That’s nothing like the man I knew. I don’t remember him ever laughing. “Anyway, I always assumed he thought she was weak and seduced her. Tricked her.”

“Not the case?”

I shake my head. “She was attracted to him. She thought he was handsome but also a good man. He was a player, sleeping with everything in high school.”

“So he was a man whore, and she was a good girl? That seems about right.”

“They became friends. She wouldn’t sleep with him because he was always with other women, but he fell in love with her and changed. For her.” She watches me intently. “She swears it was love. True love. Intense, but he was good to her.”

Something I can’t imagine. He was always such an asshole to her in my memories.

“So, what went wrong?”

“She doesn’t know. She thinks he just got bored. Sick of fidelity. And it made him angry and cold. He started working more and more, drinking more, started having affairs. And the more he acted out, the more perfect she tried to be. She blamed herself for trying to change him and thought she could make him love her again by making everything at home perfect.” She swallows and looks sick as she listens to me. “They were young when they got married. Only nineteen.”

“So he resented not having all of those years to whore around.”

I shrug. “I don’t know. But it makes sense. He was bitter and angry all the time. And I blame him for it, not her. But I can see she still blames herself. When she talks about that other version of him...” I think about my mom’s face when she told me all this—distant and sad. “It’s like she thinks she ruined him.”

“And you don’t want me to ruin Asher?”

“I don’t want you to break each other, but it’s not up to me. And I was wrong to try to get you to part if you weren’t ready for that.”

“We aren’t your parents, but I think we may be toxic for each other.”

“I’m sorry you’re both in pain.”

“We’ll be okay, Lola.” She smiles at me. “You’ve changed.”

I smile, taking a drink of my coffee. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She laughs. “Uh huh. I think the sexy man in your room has done wonders for you, and I couldn’t be happier.”

I know she means it. “He has. I kinda hate him for it.” I laugh. “Bastard. I was doing just fine.”

She laughs and lays her head on my shoulder. “Sure.” She angles her head up to look at me. “You guys are doing so well, and I...” What is she going to say? She looks worried. “I just want you to know that I’m going to start looking for a new place to live.”

“What?”

She lifts her head to look directly at me. “You don’t need your friend and your nephew in your home when you are deeply in love and in the fun part where it’s just crazy sex. You deserve to get naughty anytime and anywhere you want in your own home.”

I snort and shake my head. “Viv, I’m not worried about that at all. I don’t mind locking the door. And if we want a house to have crazy unencumbered sex in, he has a very nice house.”

“Still. I just...” She sighs. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re anything, but a burden. I consider this Baz’s and your house just as much as mine. I want you to see it that way. He’s been through a lot and needs stability.” I take her hand again. “And I love coming home to you guys, seeing Baz run to greet me at the door and talking to you like this in the morning.”

“I like that too.”

“You guys are my family. I hope you’ll stay for a long time.”

Is that too bossy? I shrug. Whatever. I’m always going to be me, and at the end of the day, I'm a little bossy.

“Are you sure? It won’t hurt my feelings.”

“I’m completely sure. I don’t want you guys to leave.”

She studies me, trying to see if I'm lying. I’m not. I love having them here. It’s the first time I've ever felt like my house was a home.

“Okay. But anytime, you just let me know if that changes.”

“It won’t. Just relax and let this be your home.”

She smiles and lays her head on my shoulder. “It really does feel like a home.”

“Only because we’re all in it together.”

Viv seems to be good, maybe still a little lost. But she seems happy and maybe even moving forward. Baz is thriving. Penelope and Linc are happier than ever, as is my mother. Everything is almost perfect.

Except the youngest Sterling. I hope Hayden is right and Asher will come to me if he needs help.

Not that I can do anything to heal him, but I would certainly try.