Restrictions (Sterling Family #2)

19. Vivienne

19

VIVIENNE

T hings have pretty much gone back to normal, at least for the most part. The rest of last week blew by, and so did this one. I decided to take Nora up on her offer to take Sebastian overnight. When I told him, he was giddy about the idea.

I tried not to take his little happy dance too personally. But I’m happy he’s going to get some time with Nora, knowing that she’s an amazing person.

“Okay, your mom should be here soon. I’m going to go pack a bag.” Sebastian and Asher are playing some game on Baz’s tablet, and Asher looks up.

“My mom’s coming?”

Men. “Yeah. I told you, Sebastian is going to stay the night with his grandma tonight.”

Sebastian lights up and looks over at me still with the same level of excitement. “It’s going to be fun!”

I want to be happy, but I have to admit I’m extremely nervous. I’ve never spent a night away from my little guy.

Sebastian goes back to his game, but Asher senses my apprehension. “He’s going to be fine.”

I nod my head as I take a seat in the comfy white chair next to the couch they’re sitting on. “I know. There’s no one I trust more than Nora.”

“Yeah. She’s great with kids.”

Then why won’t you go home and see her? I want to ask the question swimming around in my brain, but I don’t pry. “I know. And he adores her.”

“She’ll make it fun. I’m sure she has a whole night planned of movies and sugar. She makes the best chocolate chip cookies.”

I smile at that. “She bakes?”

He looks over at me like I’m crazy, but the closest my own mother ever came to an oven was barking orders at the family cook. “Yeah. She loves it.”

I let out a heavy breath, trying to stay calm. “Good.”

“You know, if he wants to come home, she’ll either bring him or call you right away.”

“She mentioned that. I know she will.”

“I don’t want to come home,” Baz whines, and I shake my head, standing and ruffling his unruly hair.

“I know, sweetie. You don’t have to. You’re going to have so much fun.”

I keep repeating that as I walk upstairs and go into his room, looking at the blue walls and the baby picture on his dresser. One of me holding him in a rocking chair when he was fussy and teething but wanted to cuddle with me. Then one on his second birthday with cake all over his face.

Time goes way too fast.

“My mom’s here.”

I hear Asher’s voice coming from the doorway and turn around to face him. “Okay.”

I walk to Baz’s closet and pull out a navy overnight bag and fill it with his little clothes but freeze when I feel Asher’s large body behind mine. “He’ll be okay.”

“I know. It’s just crazy how he’s already three and wanting to be independent.”

“I’m pretty sure he still needs you.” I feel his breath on the back of my neck, and that familiar shiver is back, spreading through my body.

“I know I still need him. ”

I turn around to face Asher, even after over three years of knowing him, I’m still unprepared for the sheer handsomeness of his face. “What are you going to do tonight?”

Worry until I finally pass out. “I’m not sure. Maybe read. Might watch a movie.”

“I’m going to dinner and a movie with some friends and then a party. You wanna go?”

Knowing his friends probably include Bianca, I reply, “No thanks.”

“You sure? Being home alone all night may not be the best.”

“Actually,” I turn around to finish packing, “that’s exactly what tonight is about. Being alone. Having uninterrupted adult time and sleep for the first time in years. So I’m going to take advantage of it.”

If I can get out of my own head.

I finish packing, and we walk toward the door together. “He really will be okay, and you do deserve the night, but you could at least come out to dinner.”

It’s a little tempting, but I don’t really want to be around people.

“I think I’m going to take the quiet.”

He smiles, and we walk downstairs to greet Nora. I hug Baz way too tightly for way too long before he leaves with Nora after Asher installs his car seat in her car. He waves happily from the backseat, and I hold back my tears, plastering a smile on my face.

Asher wraps a reassuring arm around my shoulder as he holds me tightly to him and the car goes out of view. “He’s fine.”

I bury my head in his chest, not caring that the contact is probably inappropriate, and I smile when I feel his other arm wrap around me.

I stay in the moment, resting against his ridiculously hard chest and breathing him in, missing my son and hating how good Asher’s body feels against my own.

Maybe I should have installed that app on my phone for tonight.

I wonder if I am capable of a random hookup.

His hands cup my face as he lifts it up to look at him. “Come with me. I don’t want to leave you like this.”

I wipe away the one tear that escaped as he continues to hold onto my face. “I’m fine. I’m going to go take a bath, order dinner, and go downstairs to watch a movie. I’ll be fine. ”

He looks concerned but releases me. “Text me if you change your mind, okay?”

I nod my head, and we both know I won’t.

He leaves to meet his friends at the restaurant, and I do exactly what I said... I go upstairs and take a bath. I change into black shorts and an oversized white t-shirt, skipping the bra and go downstairs to order from my favorite local restaurant.

After I eat and check in with Nora for the second time, I decide it’s time to relax, pour a glass of wine into a stemless wineglass and head down to the theater room.

I put on one of my favorite horror movies and sip my wine, trying to enjoy the silence around me.

My mind drifts to the way Asher held me and how much I miss having adult male contact. It doesn’t help that the couple on screen is getting down and dirty in their camp counselor bunk bed.

Maybe the wine was a bad idea. I feel the alcohol heat my cheeks and my body craving touch. Any contact. Some sort of relief.

I place the wine in the cup holder, and my eyes take in the couple on the screen, knowing they’re about to be brutally attacked but getting lost in the bare skin and kissing on the screen.

Closing my eyes, I recline the seat and let my hand travel under my shirt to my hardened nipples, feeling my breasts and wishing it wasn’t my hand.

It’s wrong. I know it is, but my fantasies always feature light brown hair, square jaw, hazel, smoldering eyes...

I bite my bottom lip as my other hand travels under my shorts and then underneath my cotton panties, feeling that I’m already wet and aroused by a moment of thinking about Asher. His hands. What it would feel like with his large hands on me. His lips.

My head tips back as my fingers find my swollen clit, and I do something I never allow myself to do.

I get lost.