35. Asher
35
ASHER
F ucking California.
Why the fuck am I here?
Baz hops up and down outside the front door in his little jeans and t-shirt, no jacket. In November. It’s seventy-five degrees and sunny.
And I’m still annoyed.
I’d like to think it’s all for Baz. I turn and look at Vivienne as she tucks her hair behind her ear, her dark blue nail polish swiped perfectly over each nail. I hate how easy it was for her to talk me into coming here. I hate how I never fucking fight her. Ever.
I don’t want to be like Linc.
She talks me into fucking the one woman that Colt had a baby with. So, in essence she was his in a way.
I don’t want to be in a relationship.
She talks me into fucking only her for months now. And I don’t even have an urge to stray.
I didn’t want to fly to California and watch Penelope and Linc play house.
And I’m fucking here at their doorstep.
Penelope opens the door, her smile brighter than I remember it as she stands there, looking down at Baz. Her eyes actually sparkle. “Sebastian! My goodness, you grew a foot!”
Baz giggles and shakes his head. “A foot! A foot!”
She bends down, and he runs to her, letting her wrap him in her arms as Linc stands behind them. Our eyes meet with a quick nod before he also claims a hug from our nephew.
Lola is also here, and she joins us, her crisp white sweater almost blinding but so her. She hasn’t changed. Picture-perfect, with her blonde hair curled and styled like she just came from a salon.
“You guys are here! Finally.”
We missed our flight this morning, the one we were supposed to take with my mom and Tony. And yeah, maybe it was my fault. I was dragging my feet all morning.
She wraps her arms around my neck and gives my cheek a kiss. “I missed you.”
I hug her waist and nod curtly. “Missed you too.”
She pulls back, her eyes meeting mine. “Mom and Tony are already here, but they went for a walk on the beach before dinner.” She turns to look at Vivienne, her smile kind and genuine. “I’m so happy you got him to come.”
I feel my body become rigid as Viv forces a smile. “I didn’t do anything but ask.”
Lola laughs and nudges Linc. “Yeah well, we had a bet. I won.”
Not surprising Linc bet against me coming. “Is that so?” I look at my brother.
His jaw ticks, and I hate how much we look alike. All three of us always did. People said we resembled triplets but were all different ages. Carbon copies of our father.
Lucky us.
“I’m glad you showed.”
I stare at him, and he stares right back because the thing with Linc... he’s not fucking sorry. Not for any of it. Not for loving Penelope while she was Colt’s. Not for fucking her when she and Colt were still dating. Not for being with her now when Colt is conveniently dead.
I nod my head toward Baz, who’s currently wrapped in Lola’s arms. “I’m here for the kid. ”
His head nods once in understanding as Penelope walks to his side, his arm pulling her to him. “P, you wanna show Baz his surprise?”
She lights up, and so does Baz as he looks over at them both.
Great, another toy to buy him off.
Penelope turns to Vivienne. “Is it okay?”
Vivienne smooths her hand over Baz’s hair. “Of course.” I grab the bags we left at the door and don’t fight Linc when he grabs one of them, even though I want to.
I’m trying my best not to cause any drama. I’m older now. I’m not going to have a huge outburst. I can control myself.
We all follow Linc and Penelope down the stairs of their massive beach house which has an exterior that’s mostly made up of glass and flashy as hell. When we reach the first bedroom, Baz’s eyes widen as he looks around.
The room is painted dark blue with a small twin bed and Spiderman sheets and comforter. It’s all decorated in superhero and baseball stuff. An odd combination but not if you know Baz.
Which I’m surprised they do.
“Is this my room?”
Vivienne looks at Penelope in awe at the sound of Baz’s question, and Penelope looks down at him, her head tilted to the side with love in her eyes. “Of course. I know the last time you visited, our home wasn’t exactly kid-friendly, and Linc and I knew we had to fix that.”
She looks over at him, a big smile on both of their faces. Linc nods and walks over to a large wooden toybox that has Baz’s name burned into it. “Look at all this stuff waiting for you to play with, buddy.”
Baz runs over and grabs what appears to be brand-new toys out of it, immediately in his element.
Vivienne is beaming as she watches him, her heart, no doubt, full as she turns to look at Penelope and Linc. “You guys didn’t have to do that. But it’s so kind.”
“Please.” Penelope waves her off. “We wanted to. I’m sorry we didn’t have it ready last time you were here. Things have been kind of crazy.”
Vivienne looks nervously over at me, almost like she’s afraid to be too nice to them in some sort of solidarity to me. Which is so not what I want. She looks back at Baz with a smile on her pretty face. “This is great. Thank you. Baz, can you say thank you? ”
He runs to us with an airplane in hand, making it fly all the way over. “Thank you!”
Linc kneels down, getting eye level with him. “You’re here for two days. It’s all about you, little man. What do you want to do first?”
“Swim!”
Of fucking course. Kid has an indoor pool, but he chooses swimming.
Penelope and Linc share a look as he stands. “I’m all for it,” Linc says with a smile, and Penelope looks to Viv for her input.
“Is that okay?”
Vivienne nods. “Of course. I packed our suits.”
“I’m gonna pass.” I situate my bag on my shoulder and turn to Linc. “Where am I staying?”
He looks at Viv. “We have a room connected to this one for you.” Then he looks at me. “And then there’s one more down here or one more upstairs. Mom and Tony are staying on the main level.”
“I’ll take the one down here.”
He already knew that as he leads me to the room across from the two Viv and Baz will be staying in.
I take a shower, washing the trip off me after they all head out to the pool. When I come out of the bathroom with one of the fluffy white bath towels wrapped around my waist, my sister is sitting on the bed, legs crossed at the ankles, and posture straight.
“Lola? What the fuck? What if I was naked?”
She rolls her eyes and turns away from me, shielding her eyes. “We’re related.”
“I’m not fucking twelve anymore.”
She laughs as I quickly grab a pair of jeans and pull them on under the towel as she stares at the opposite wall. I fasten the jeans and grab a polo shirt, pulling it on and walking in front of her, my hair still wet. “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be swimming?”
“Nah, I wanted to talk to you.”
Great. My sister is the oldest of the four of us, and I’m the youngest. There’s a big gap between us. Still, she was always a good sister even if we were always in different stages of life.
“About what?” I grab a comb and run it through my hair as she sits up even straighter .
“Are you going to be a broody little asshole this time?”
Fucking really?
I stare at her, her face not apologetic. “No.”
“You sure? Because I could feel the tension between you and Linc already. Mom doesn’t need it.”
“Don’t tell me what mom needs.”
I spent a year doing everything I could to give her exactly what she needed after Colt died. I want Lola to go. I don’t want to be here.
She looks saddened as she stands up, moving in front of me. “Asher... none of us need any fighting. We have to move?—”
“On?” I finish abruptly for her.
“Forward.” Her voice is strong, but I see the pain swimming in her eyes. It’s the same we all have.
Even Linc.
“Just pretend like none of it happened?”
“No. Of course not.” She takes a deep breath, but it’s shaky. “We all miss him.”
I look into her eyes. “ Colt . You still can’t say his name, and we’re all acting like everything is fine?” She never says his name.
Her eyes flutter closed, and she takes another deep breath before allowing herself to look at me. “No. Nothing is fine. Nothing.” I hate that she looks like she’s about to cry. “And I can’t say his name. It’s something I struggle with because every single time I start to say his name, it’s like my heart is shredding. So I don’t.”
Fuck.
My own heart feels like it’s been busted into a million pieces. “I’m sorry.”
It’s all I can do—offer a meaningless apology. “I know you miss him, but I need you to remember that we all do.”
“Lola . . .”
“Ash.” Her stare is determined now as her chin lifts. “I know that you were alone in that house after he died. With mom when she couldn’t function.”
“I’m not talking about this.”
She nods her head and squares her shoulders. “I’m here if you want to, but please don’t get into it with Linc.”
“I won’t. ”
“I’m not sure whether you two can help it.” She grabs my shoulders. “I love both of you moody assholes, but it’s Thanksgiving. Mom is happy for the first time in years. I want her to stay that way.”
“I won’t say anything. I’ll sit there and eat, smiling like an idiot.”
She laughs and pulls me into a hug. “I don’t believe you.” She shoves me back playfully with a smile on her face. “But at least I tried. And I miss the hell out of you, little brother.”
That does make me smile. “I love you, big sis. Even though you’re a real pain in the ass.”
“That’s what they tell me.” She laughs and starts toward the door. “Let’s go help Mom, okay?”
I nod and follow my sister up the stairs, knowing that she was probably right, and I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut.
When it comes to Linc, I have a really hard time holding back.