Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Alexis shut her eyes tightly, willing herself to go back to sleep. Outside, she could hear birds beginning to chirp, heralding the dawn. She rolled over onto her stomach, as if that could soothe the way her brain was still going a mile a minute.
She heard faint plinking sounds and opened her eyes. It had started to rain, and droplets were beaded on her windowpane, catching the faint light of dawn. She looked at the clock on her bedside table again. It was five-sixteen in the morning.
She had been up for the past hour, worrying and fretting and grieving all kinds of things, but mostly her relationship with Grayson. She felt completely helpless but couldn’t rid herself of a feeling that it was her fault somehow, and she needed to fix it in some way.
She rolled back onto her back and stared at the ceiling. There was that water stain again. She wondered if it was there because the roof leaked a little bit.
I just want my family to have everything they need , she thought. But I know they won’t accept charity from me.
And what if she asked Grayson for money for her family, and he turned her down? Her stomach twisted at the thought. He’d been so strangely unpredictable lately, she had no idea how he might react to that kind of question. He hadn’t even flown out for her father’s funeral, which still stung. She’d wanted to have him by her side for at least a day.
Finally she heaved a sigh, deciding there was no way she was going back to sleep. She slid out of bed, shivering slightly in the cool morning air. She grabbed a soft white shawl off the back of the armchair that was in her room and wrapped it around her shoulders.
She tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen, where she boiled a cup of water in a pot so that the tea kettle wouldn’t whistle and wake up Hazel and Samantha. She chose a bag of lavender tea from the many options inside Hazel’s tea cupboard and went to sit down on the couch by the window.
For a few minutes, she sat looking out at the rain and watching the pale gray dawn slowly start to illuminate the yard more and more. There was a maple tree just beyond the window, and its branches shook fitfully in the wind. She sipped her tea slowly, feeling soothed by its warmth and pleasant herbal flavor.
Finally, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and sighed. She hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Grayson since she’d arrived in Rosewood Beach. He’d called her back a few times, but she’d always missed his calls. They’d been playing phone tag and missing each other for days.
She knew he was busy with work, but she couldn’t help wishing he would put more effort into contacting her. She wanted to hear his voice on the phone, even if it was only for a few minutes.
She’d sent him a text the night before, asking him how he was doing and saying she hoped they could talk on the phone together soon. He hadn’t replied to it, and she didn’t understand how he could not take just a few seconds to check in with her and reply.
Almost as if she’d summoned it with her thoughts, her phone buzzed with a response from him.
GRAYSON: I’m doing okay, sweetheart. How are you holding up?
She held the phone tighter, her heart leaping up as if she was some teenager and a boy she liked was texting her for the first time. She calculated the time difference and realized that he must either be up very late or very early for work. But she knew that he was awake because he’d sent the text. She hesitated for a moment, and then dialed his number, unable to resist her desire to call him. It rang a few times, and then he picked up.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
Her heart stopped and she felt flooded with relief. It was wonderful to hear his deep voice on the other line. She felt as though he was some kind of stranger, but she was aching to talk to him anyway.
“Hey, Grayson. How are you?”
“Oh, I’m okay. Up late working. This new merger is going to be the death of me. Sorry—I—I’m okay. How are you?”
“Oh, fine.” She twisted the edge of the shawl in her fingertips. “I’m up early. I couldn’t sleep.”
There was a short pause, and then he said, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s all right. It’s five a.m. here, so not too bad. How is work going otherwise?”
He heaved a long sigh, and she didn’t know if it was because he didn’t really want to talk about it, or because even the thought of work made him feel stressed. “It’s going well. It’s a lot of work, but we’re coming out on top. But enough about me. How’s your family doing?”
She swallowed, not sure how to answer him. She didn’t want to tell him about what they’d learned about her father’s gambling debts, and the fact that he’d kept it all a secret from her family for all those years. “They’re sad. Doing all right considering, I suppose.”
There was a short pause, and then he said, “I’m glad to hear they’re doing all right.”
Their conversation felt strained and awkward. She felt a surge of sadness, realizing that there had been a time when she wouldn’t have second-guessed what she could share with him. It was as though a distance had grown between them, and she felt nervous about trying to cross it.
“Thanks, honey.” She swallowed, continuing to play with the edge of her shawl.
“How’s everything else going? How’s that little hometown of yours doing?”
She smiled wryly a little, even though he couldn’t see her. Grayson had been to Rosewood Beach a few times before, and he’d never seemed to understand why she loved it so much. She knew he thought it was too provincial, at least for his personal tastes, and he liked the flashy, fast pace of L.A. He’d teased her about being a country bumpkin the first time he’d been to Rosewood Beach with her, and as she remembered that, her heart ached, realizing that it had been months since he’d teased her or joked with her about anything.
“Oh, it’s good. Cute as ever.”
“You’re not homesick, huh?”
For a moment, she was confused, wondering why he would think she was homesick when she was at home. Then in a flash she realized that he meant homesick for their house in L.A., and the revelation that she didn’t consider that to be her home made her feel stunned.
“Oh, I mean I am?—”
“I knew it. You love Los Angeles as much as I do.”
Her lips parted. She wanted to tell him that while yes, she liked Los Angeles, what she’d meant was that she was homesick for him, her husband. But the words died on her lips. She didn’t feel she could say them, somehow—and she didn’t know if it was because she felt shy, or because she was realizing that the emotional distance between them was becoming so great that the physical distance didn’t even seem to matter. She felt more comfortable and at home there in Rosewood Beach than she did in their mansion.
“You’re going to get back to our big beautiful house and wonder why you ever complained about your life here,” Grayson continued.
She winced. She hadn’t ever complained about her life in L.A., just expressed a kind of restlessness. Being the wife of a very wealthy man, with nothing to do besides go to yoga classes and design jewelry as a hobby, had made her feel as though her life was some kind of fraud, not any kind of existence she was meant to live. She’d felt as though she didn’t have enough purpose. Grayson hadn’t been able to understand that—he thought that by providing her with money and leisure time, he was giving her everything a woman could want.
Instead of responding verbally, she did her best to laugh convincingly. “I never meant to complain, honey, I?—”
At that moment, in the background of the call, she heard a woman’s voice. Instinctively, her whole body stiffened. She was about to ask him who it was when he interrupted her in a hurry.
“Alexis, I’m sorry, I have to go. I told you this merger was going to be the death of me. Talk soon. Love you. Bye.”
He hung up, and she sat there blinking and feeling stunned. Her stomach twisted with worry. She told herself firmly that he was still at the office, and the woman she’d heard had been one of his employees, coming to tell him that something important had come up. That was why he’d hung up so abruptly, because he’d needed to put out some kind of fire relating to the merger.
She took a deep breath and then sat quietly, sipping her tea fretfully. By then it was cold, and not as comforting as it had been. She couldn’t help feeling a little paranoid about what she’d just heard. Even though she told herself it was nothing to worry about, and she knew it was more than likely that he was at the office with other employees there, she couldn’t help feeling anxious.
She sat and stared out the window, turning the situation over in her mind. It was so early in the morning for him, which made the presence of other workers seem odd. But he had said that the merger was going to be the death of him, so it was likely that his company was in the middle of some kind of “all hands on deck” situation. She told herself the female voice might even have been a message on his answering machine, and he’d started to get restless during their phone call and started to listen to it.
But no matter how many times she told herself that she had nothing to worry about, she couldn’t help fretting. She shivered a little and wrapped the shawl tighter around her shoulders. She thought of how her father had managed to keep a secret from her mother for all those years. She didn’t expect Grayson to be the kind of man to keep a secret from her, but she hadn’t thought her father was that kind of man either, and he clearly had been.
She pressed her lips together, holding the sides of her mug tightly. Was it possible that Grayson was keeping something from her? Was he seeing another woman?
Her stomach did an anxious somersault, and she took a deep breath to steady her nerves.
I’m just jumping to conclusions , she told herself firmly. I have no real evidence that he’s doing anything of the kind.
No matter what she told herself, she continued to feel heartsick and ill at ease. Even if Grayson wasn’t having any kind of an affair, the reality was that he was slipping away from her. Something was tugging his heart in another direction, even if it was just his job instead of another woman. She felt a tear slip out of her eye and roll down her cheek. It splashed into her mug of tea.
She heard footsteps creaking down the staircase, and she hurriedly wiped the tears off her cheeks. Hazel appeared in the doorway a moment later, clearly concerned. Alexis realized that her sister must have seen her crying as she was coming down the stairs.
“Alexis, what’s wrong?” Hazel hurried over to her side, looking worried. She was also still her in pajamas, and her hair was tied back in a messy braid.
Alexis shook her head, getting ready to tell Hazel that she was okay, and she was just crying about their dad, when all of a sudden, the tears started to come in full force. She couldn’t stop them.
“So much is wrong.” Alexis covered her face with her hands.
Cooing with concern, Hazel wrapped her arms around her sister and gave her a tight squeeze. “It’ll be okay. Everything will work out fine.”
Alexis shook her head, trying to blink back the tears. “I don’t know that it will. I—I’m upset.”
Her sister looked into Alexis’s eyes for a moment, and Alexis could see the wheels in Hazel’s mind spinning. She got the impression that Hazel guessed that Alexis was talking about Grayson.
“Here.” Hazel leaned over toward the coffee table, where she grabbed a box of tissues. She handed it to Alexis. “You take these. Take some deep breaths, and cry if you need to. I know just what this talk needs. I’ll be right back.”
Alexis offered her a watery smile, feeling grateful for her sister’s care. Hazel smiled back at her and disappeared into the kitchen.
Alexis took deep breaths, dabbing at her tears with the tissues. The knot of anxiety in her stomach was starting to lessen, and she felt grateful that she was staying there with Hazel, who was so ready to comfort her. She knew she would have felt much worse if she’d been staying somewhere by herself, alone with her thoughts.
A few minutes later, Hazel reappeared in the living room, holding a tray of food. On it were two colorful plates covered in peanut butter and jelly muffins and bacon and egg bites. Besides the plates were steaming mugs of coffee. Both the food and the coffee let out incredible aromas, and Alexis breathed in the smells eagerly.
“There.” Hazel set the tray down on the coffee table in front of them. “I knew I was supposed to make these bacon and egg bites last night. This kind of conversation needs some tasty food. You take a few bites and then you tell me all about it.”
Alexis nibbled her peanut butter and jelly muffin, enjoying how delicious the innovative flavor was. The food helped bolster her spirits, and she felt her anxiety dissipate even more. She felt overwhelmed by how sweet Hazel was being, and she hated the idea of telling her sister yet another sad thing.
After she’d eaten a couple of the savory egg bites, she set her plate down, her heart beating faster as she tried to brace herself for telling her sister what was on her mind.
“So.” Hazel looked into her eyes, her expression sympathetic. “What’s going on?”
Alexis picked up her coffee mug and took a sip, stalling. She felt she didn’t have the courage to tell Hazel about Grayson, especially when she was being so sweet to her. “I—I just can’t believe that Dad would keep that kind of secret from Mom. It’s so jarring that he managed it—none of us thought he was the kind of person who would do that, you know?”
Hazel nodded, pressing her lips together. For a few moments she looked out the window, seeming to be lost in thought. “We just have to accept the past, I guess. As much as it hurts right now. But I think we should be focusing on the present, and what we can do moving forward. The worst part about Dad’s secret is that we still have to deal with it. It’s not something we can forget about, because it’s created this problem for the pub.”
Alexis nodded in agreement. “You’re right. We should focus on what we can do. We all need to think of ways to make sure Mom doesn’t lose the restaurant.”
“Yes.” Hazel smiled at her, reaching over and squeezing her shoulder. “We’ll band together over this. We should brainstorm ideas together.”
Alexis smiled back. “Yes, we should.” She took a sip of the rich, hot coffee that Hazel had brought her. She was feeling better about everything already, and she was glad to have something else to focus on.