Return To You: A Small Town, Second Chance Romance

37. Grace

thirty-seven

It’s the soft click of the door that wakes me, the definitive sound of Ethan leaving before the sun is up. “Good luck,” I whisper, although he can’t hear me now. I do hope he gets the job in Brussels— the posting, whatever he calls it. I really do.

Right after he leaves, although it’s still early, I swing my legs out the bed and stretch. There’s no way I’m falling back asleep now.

And I have too much on my plate to wallow because Ethan is gone.

I don’t even know how long he’ll be gone. He doesn’t even know. One week, two weeks. He couldn’t even tell me exactly where he was going, only that he wasn’t leaving the country—yet—and that whatever he was going to do would determine his next posting.

I use the bathroom, make the bed, and get dressed. Damian is rubbing against my legs, so I go to the kitchen to refill his water and kibble before finishing up my makeup.

On the kitchen counter is a large Mason jar, filled with little envelopes in different colors, with things written on them.

In Ethan’s handwriting.

There’s a large card taped to the top of the jar. It says, Open First.

So I do.

My one and only,

I will miss you every day that I’m gone, and I don’t know how to make up for my absence. Here are some of the thoughts of you that will occupy my mind. Open only one each day, and I promise to be back before the jar is empty.

Yours always,

Ethan

I close my eyes and take a card at random.

Wildest fantasy come true

Kissing you under the covered bridge again

I shut my eyes at the memory, happy tears flooding me.

Day 1 of Ethan being away, and he’s already making me happy through time and distance.

My knees give slightly under me, and my palms moisten at the sight of all these cute little envelopes, all different colors.

So many of them, it seems. How long will he really be gone?

So many thoughts, I want to read them all. Starting right this minute. All in one sitting.

I rush to the bathroom, finish my makeup, grab my bag, and flee the house before I break a promise I didn’t make and read all of Ethan’s musings before he’s even on the plane.

Since it’s early, I head to Mom and Dad’s so I can give Dad a massage before I start my day. I haven’t seen them much lately.

“What’s eating at you, sugar bug?” Dad reads my energy. “You miss Ethan already?” his gruff voice rubs me the wrong way today. But does he even remember what he did, back in the day?

“I do miss him, but in a good way,” I answer, focusing my gaze on my dad’s legs. “He’s a good man.”

Dad clears his throat. “I didn’t like it, back in the day. This thing going on between the two a’ya. But uh… maybe… well, I might’ve been a little harsh on him.”

Is this Dad apologizing? Does he even know that I know? There’s no point having an argument, bringing up past wounds. “Other leg,” I tell him, squirting massage oil on my palms and shifting in my seat.

”I just wish…” He interrupts himself, looking past me. “Hey, son.”

Colton is standing in the doorway, hands on his hips. “Car is taken care of.” He drops the keys on a side table and sits next to Dad, elbows on his knees. “Grace, gimme a ride back when you’re done?”

“Course.”

Dad grunts.

Colton looks at him. “You were saying something, Dad. You wish what?”

“Ah, heck.”

“Want me to leave?” Colton provokes him. I wonder if he heard it was Ethan that Dad was talking about. I glance at my brother. We really don’t need this drama now. It’s history. I’m not a teenager anymore, and whatever Dad wishes for won’t change my romantic life, or my opinion of Dad, for that matter.

“All I’m sayin’ is, I wish Gracie Bear had a man to look after her. Not someone who’s here one day, gone the rest of the year.”

I snap my eyes shut for a beat. “I don’t need a man to look after me, Dad.” This is a useless conversation. Why am I even engaging? “I can take care of myself. Been doing that for a long time now.” I flex Dad’s foot, the last part of the treatment I’m giving him today, then pull down the legs of his tracksuit.

“Seems to me Gracie has the best of both worlds,” Mom says, appearing out of nowhere, dressed for work. “Thanks for bringing the car back, honey,” she says to Colton. Then, looking at Dad, continues, “A sweet, strong man to fix her door and deck and then gets out of the way so she can enjoy her peace and quiet.” She cackles, but her pointed look at Dad tells me there might be a smidge of resentment, over a difficult past, that she’s not entirely gotten rid of yet. “Lemme get you your juice and stuff before I leave,” she adds in an effort to soften her last words.

“And you guys wonder why I don’t want to get attached to a woman,” Colton mumbles with a smirk. “Bye, Dad,” he manages to add with affection as I lean in to give Dad a peck on the cheek.

Dad gives us a tired wave. “Bye, kids.”

“Believe it or not, I’m with Dad,” Colton says once we’re in my car. “I don’t like knowing Ethan’s not with you. I guess I just don’t see the point.”

I wave at Ms. Angela watering flowers in front of her bed-and-breakfast. “You have yet to introduce us to anyone… yet you’re not exactly celibate, from what I’ve heard. So what’s your point?”

He shrugs. “It’s different. I don’t care about them. But if I had someone I cared about, I’d tell the Air Force to go fuck themselves.”

“It’s not that simple,” I snap back.

“Yeah, it is.”

He doesn’t get it. “Ethan can’t just up and leave. And what would he do in Emerald Creek anyway? It’s not like there’s jobs in cyber stuff around here.”

Colton bites his fingernails, looking out the window. “He should figure it out.”

Now he’s making me angry. “I thought he was your friend?”

“Doesn’t make him any less of an idiot.”

I pull up to his garage. “This is you,” I drop and stop the car abruptly.

He winks at me. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Thanks for the conversation,” I answer sarcastically, then soften my words with a smile and squeeze his arm before he jumps out of the car. I love my brother to death, and what he said rattles me.

Driving back toward the spa, I run through my mind what Ethan said to me about Colton being caught in the middle, back then. Threatened by Dad. Protecting his friend. So why is he saying these things now?

Needing to calm my nerves, I call Kyle from the car.

“Hi, honey.”

“Hey.”

“Tell me everything.”

And I tell Kyle everything. And I end on, “So, what do you think?”

“I think Colton and your dad love you very much. I always knew that. They’ve always tried to protect you.”

“And about…”

“Ethan?”

“Yeah,” I breathe out.

He clears his throat. “Knowing you, I don’t think you could love an asshole. Give him a little time. He’s sorting his shit out. He can’t just tell the Air Force to go fuck themselves. That’s not how it works.”

“Right.” He’s right. Absolutely. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“However, I’m with Colton and Dennis.”

What? Why did I think calling Kyle was going to help? Of course he’s going to side with the macho men in my family. He just doesn’t underst—

“He didn’t think he’d fall for you again, hell, he didn’t even think he’d see you this time around,” he says, interrupting my thoughts. “The guy is figuring things out. Give him… give him a few months, honey.”

“For what?”

“To get his life sorted out. Look, and again, I don’t know him. But if he’s halfway decent, and you guys, you know, went all the way… I mean he must know what this means.”

“I don’t want Ethan to leave the Air Force for me. You guys are crazy!” There’s no way I can expect, or ask, Ethan to let go of his dream job for me. That would be petty of me. Selfish. That would demonstrate utter misunderstanding of the man I love. He’s chosen to make the world a safer place, and I’m not expecting him to change that for me. Just because we fell back together doesn’t erase the ten years that drew us apart.

“What do you really want, Grace? And you don’t have to answer me, but really—answer yourself. Is this what you want? Being with a man who isn’t by your side?”

I don’t know how to answer this, even to myself. Think about it, there’s a part of me that wishes Ethan had never come back. And another part that wishes he hadn’t left this morning. But the sane part of me knows I must accept what I can’t change. It’s the only true path to happiness. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, I’m with Colton, but with a little more patience.”

I stifle a huff.

Kyle continues. “I don’t want to see you alone, Grace. You deserve better.”

I swallow my tears.

“You better believe me.”

“Thank you, hun,” I manage to say.

“Bye, honey. It’ll figure itself out. I’ll call you ’round Christmas.”

I hang up, feeling worse, which was not the outcome I was hoping for. I wanted validation.

Kyle always knew what I needed, and he knew it wasn’t him. He knew about Ethan before my first date with him. He knew about Ethan the whole time we were together. He knows what I’m going through. Why couldn’t he just tell me what I needed to hear?

As I hang up, my phone rings, and I pick up immediately

Ethan’s voice fills my car, and instantly my hands get moist, my heartbeat picks up. “Hey darling.”

“Heeey.” I make my voice as cheery as possible, but it’s a stretch.

“I miss you already. I’m at the airport… Uh... Just wanted to say… just wanted to hear your voice.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

My smile is so big it hurts my cheeks. “You didn’t kiss me goodbye.”

“Did too. Didn’t wake you, though. You’re a deep sleeper.”

I’m not, I’m really not. Except in Ethan’s arms. Anything could go down when I’m in Ethan’s arms, and I wouldn’t wake up.

“It’s because I know you’re here, taking care of me.” It’s true, but also—really?

“Ah, babe, don’t say that, or I might not get on that plane.”

Then don’t,I almost want to say.

Reading my mind, he says, “I’m still technically Air Force. You don’t want to be with a deserter. Not a fun life.”

Be with? Life? This is real. We have something real. No matter what the other men in my life might think. “That bad, huh?” I answer, pretending like he didn’t just rock my world.

“Oh yeah.”

I stay on the line, listening to his breathing. I don’t want to hang up. “I got your… all your little letters.”

“You didn’t read them already, did you?” he growls, a smile in his voice.

My inside warms at his tone, at our intimacy. “No. Just one a day, I promise.”

“Did you open one this morning?” His words make me all sorts of soft.

“The covered bridge,” I whisper.

“Ah damn. You have no idea how many times I hoped for… a second chance. Going back and-and-and… things turning out differently. I couldn’t believe it when… Ah shit, they’re boarding my flight. I gotta go. I’ll be in touch. I promise.”

“Okay,” I whisper. With a steadier voice, I add, “Good luck with the interview… and all the other stuff.”

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Thanks.”

My heart does its little dance again: I want him to go, and I want him to stay. I want him to have the success he deserves. I want him to have a fulfilling life. And it’s within his reach.

But I also want to wake up next to him every morning. “Lemme know how it goes, okay?” I ask, just to hear his voice once more.

“Of course. I’ll call you.”