40. Ethan
forty
It’s been twenty-four hours since I’ve touched my phone. Twenty-four hours of non-stop work with just a handful of stolen minutes to doze off in a chair, no phones allowed.
The first thing I do when I’m done isn’t going out into the sun and drinking a beer with the other guys before collapsing on my bed. It’s retrieving my phone and turning it on.
Grace
I love you
Grace
Thinking of you
Grace
He misses you!
photo of Damian with a sock wedged between his paws>
Did I leave my dirty laundry at Grace’s?
Grace
Good morning my love heart emoji>
Justin
Looking after Grace for you. Get your ass back here.
I click on the right-pointing arrow to start the video he’s sending, sick in my stomach that something might have happened to Grace.
Instead, I see a close-up of her laughing. The video pans out and swipes to the right. She’s on her deck, sitting at a table that’s new to me, Colton next to her with Skye on his lap. Next to him is Autumn, then Chloe, an empty chair (presumably Justin’s), Haley, and Kiara. They’re laughing and talking together, oblivious to the fact that Justin is filming them. The video finishes on Justin’s face, and a “Miss you, asshole” that punches me hard.
Miss you too. All of you. So damn much.
I start the video again and stop it on Grace. There’s a soft glow about her, a strong happiness, when she’s surrounded by her friends and family. It’s not just the way she’s smiling wide at something Colton is telling Skye. Not just her rust-colored T-shirt and how it flatters her complexion. Not just the way her gold earrings reflect the flickering candlelight. It’s something deep, and profound, and stable, that emanates from her.
A sense of home.
I want to be there. I want to be part of those who make her so happy. So fulfilled. And I want to be on the receiving end of her happy too.
I’m jealous. Fuck yeah, I’m jealous of this.
I hit the call button.