52. Ethan
fifty-two
The hospital is brand new and nicer than what I’ve gotten used to on base. Its appearance is closer to a mall. I suppose that helps with morale.
My phone buzzes—Grace telling me where they are. When I get there it’s just her and Shannon, huddled next to each other on a hard couch. Shannon stands to greet me, and I hug her. Peeling herself from me, she looks into my eyes. “Thanks for being here,” she says just as Colton stomps in.
He takes his mom in his arms. “What happened?”
Before Shannon can answer, a nurse enters. “The family can see him now, but no more than two at a time.”
I step back and sit on a chair in the corner. Shannon and Grace go first, leaving me alone with Colton.
His broody vibe permeates the whole room. “He was an asshole,” he says to the floor, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. “Still is, sometimes. There’s only so much you can blame on the alcohol. Fucked up a lot of people. Honest to god, I don’t know how or why Mom put up with him.” He glances at me, maybe to make sure I get it that it’s me he’s talking to, then looks back down to the floor. “I won’t be that kinda of man, or that kinda father.” He lifts his head and looks at me. “But he’s our father,” he shrugs. “Sucks.”
I step next to him, pull a chair and slump onto it. “I’m sorry, man. Wish there was something I could do.”
He shrugs again. “You’re here,” he says after a few beats. “That’s somethin’.” He looks at me with a small smile. “That’ll mean everythin’ to Grace.”
We exchange a long look, no doubt thinking about but not wanting to talk about what Dennis did, back in the day. It’s irrelevant now. The man is trying to change. Has changed. My heart aches at the thought of all the missed moments in the past ten years. At the thought of everything that I still need to catch up on.
Now’s not the time to talk about myself with Colton. I’m happy to be here, with him, right now.
Shannon and Grace come back after what feels like a long time and no time at all. “You can go in,” the nurse tells Colton and me.
I stay in my chair. She said family.
“You comin’ or what?” Colton says.
“Go, honey,” Shannon tells me.
I glance at Grace, and she nods. Alright then, I guess we’re doing this.
Dennis is hooked up to an IV and to various monitoring devices. The room feels stuffy yet cold.
“Hey, Dad,” Colton says. “You alright?” His voice is warm and low, with a touch of worry. There’s nothing left from his bitter confession in the waiting room.
Dennis turns glassy eyes to his son. He looks everything except alright. “I will be. Eventually.” If you ask me, Dennis looks like death.
“You better be,” Colton answers.
I stay next to the door. Although I’ve helped at the Harpers’ house after the storm, and we sat at the same table at Lazy’s a few days ago, Dennis and I have yet to say a single word to each other. I didn’t mean it to be that way. It just didn’t happen. And now, here we are.
Colton wobbles from one foot to the other, clearly not knowing what to say or even do with himself. “They treat you right?”
“Yeah-yeah-yeah. Son, do me a favor. Get yourself outta here. You hate hospitals as much as I do, and you’re not making things easier with all this fidgeting.”
Colton squints, his gaze darting between Dennis and me. “You sure?”
“Get the hell out.” A small smile plays on Dennis’s lips. “Please. Love ya.”
Colton seems taken aback by his father’s expression of affection. He ends up shrugging and says, “A’right, then. Take care… love you too.”
He doesn’t see the soft chuckle that shakes Dennis as his gaze follows Colton. I turn on my heel, mumbling goodbye.
“Ethan, stay here a minute,” Dennis croaks.
Colton glances at me but leaves quickly. Clearly he does hate hospitals, like Dennis said.
“I been meaning to talk to you, since you came back. Just didn’t… didn’t have the time or… ya know. Ability.” He waves down at the body that is failing him.
“I should have come by and paid you a visit,” I say, not sure how to address him now. Mr. Harper sounds a little formal, but I’m pretty sure that’s what he used to be to me.
“And why would you have done that? I didn’t treat you well, back in the day. I didn’t deserve your respect.”
I straighten my posture. “You have my respect,” I counter.
He waves the argument away. “Point is, I made a mistake, back then. I didn’t think.” He points to his head with the hand that’s not attached to tubes. “I didn’t feel how what I was doin’ was hurtin’ others.”
I stay silent to let him catch his breath.
“You hafta understand. I just didn’t want to see her grow up. But meanwhile, I pushed a good man away from her. I’ll die knowing I messed up, son, and that’s the worst that can happen to a man on his deathbed. Knowing he’s leaving his daughter alone and knowing it was his fault she’s alone.”
“She’s not alone. And you’re not dying, Dennis.”
“Grace loves you. She always did. Always will. Take that love she has for you and return it a thousand-fold to her. It’ll be worth it, I promise. There’s nothing like a life with a woman who loves you.” He stops for a bit, exhausted by the effort.
“Maybe we can pick up this conversation when you’re out of the hospital,” I suggest, getting worried about him.
He ignores me. “I know I’m the one who got between you and her, back in the day. But believe me when I tell you, you were too young. Would have messed it up. Now you’re both older, you’ve seen combat, and she has, too, in a way. You’ll know what’s important.” He stops again, breath leaving him.
It doesn’t escape me that he’s doubling down on being fundamentally right at the time. And maybe he was right about us being too young. We’ll never know. “You should really get some rest. Don’t work yourself up with all that stuff. It’s water under the bridge,” I assure him.
“Just promise a man on his deathbed that you’ll do right by her.”
“You’re way too young to die. You need to see your grandbabies.”
Color graces the cheeks that were a worrisome gray, and his eyes focus on me. “Grandbabies, huh? How many?”
“As many as she wants.”
The twinkle in his eye tells me I talked him over the edge. Sometimes when life is in the balance, people just need a purpose, something to look forward to. I might have given him just that.
And I’ve given myself that as well.
Suddenly, I want those babies. I want grumpy old Dennis as my father-in-law and Colton as another brother. And Shannon as more than Mom’s friend.
I don’t want to ‘make it work’ with Grace. I don’t want long distance.
Fuck that.
I wish I could have my life back. All of it.