5. Jamie
Chapter 5
Jamie
I t ended up taking us an extra week to figure out the details for camping on our old coach’s land by the pond. While he’d hightailed it for Arizona, Chaz had a shit ton of jobs he needed to complete before ditching work on Friday afternoon and Saturday. At least Shelly hadn’t given either of us shit for escaping for the weekend without her. According to Chaz, she made plans to visit with her new girlfriend Tara, who lived down in Berlin. He’d never met the woman, but according to Shelly, she was her sister from another mother.
I’d gotten to spend a few days hanging with Dad, cruising around town, and had my paperwork finished with the high school for the upcoming football season starting next month. The assistant coach, Dave, had met with me twice, and we’d gone through the playbook, his thoughts on the players returning from the year before, and how badly that season’s schedule would beat us up. While I felt somewhat prepared and hopeful we might do better than expected, nervousness made my head work overtime.
Camping offered a break mentally, and I couldn’t fucking wait to set everything aside and give my best friend my undivided attention.
Chaz offered to drive back the mile-plus dirt road leading out of town that circled Pippen Creek Pond, aka PCP. He showed up at Dad’s a little past three, freshly showered and smiling, with a flush on his face as though he’d been scurrying to get ready.
Humidity hung in the air, stifling and sticky, and we’d both opted for shorts and shirts with the sleeves ripped off, the usual attire from our high school days.
Seeing him climb from his jacked-up truck had my stomach going all sorts of crazy, my palms sweating from more than just the heat.
He looked good.
Delicious from messy hair to old, scuffed sneakers that had seen better days.
“What’s up?” I asked, grasping his outstretched hand and yanking him in for a quick bro-hug.
Goddamn, the man smelled lickable. Fuckable.
Chaz squeezed me tight before stepping back quickly without meeting my gaze. “You ready to roll?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t let his discomfort bother me. It’d been four years of distance between us, and we probably both had a lot of shit to say. Some stuff would need to stay a secret, but it was time to catch up with the one man who’d always felt like home to me. “I picked up some new fishing gear and a tent over at The Outdoor Shop.”
“This one bigger than that piece of shit your dad had?”
I chuckled and grabbed the tent bag off the porch where I’d piled my supplies for the weekend. “Yeah. Four-man instead of two.”
“No snuggling like kittens, huh?”
We both snickered, but the thought of being entwined with Chaz’s body perked my dick up even though I’d emptied my balls an hour earlier in the shower.
“Too fucking hot for that shit,” I said, putting the tent into the back of his truck. “If the mosquitoes weren’t so damn bad right now, I’d suggest sleeping under the stars where there might be a chance of a breeze.”
Chaz placed my dad’s small cooler alongside the tent, I tossed in my backpack with a couple changes of clothes, and we set off.
“You’re sure Shelly’s okay with us leaving her behind like this?”
“Oh yeah. She spends one if not two weekends a month down in the city with Tara getting their hair or nails done before hitting the bars.”
“Still a partier, huh?”
He shrugged, every trace of his earlier smile gone. “So tell me what you’ve been up to—how was it getting a degree and all that shit?”
“Are you really asking how I’m feeling about the loss of my NFL career?”
A quick glance my way showed concern in his hazel eyes, but I was too wrapped up in him to feel depressed at the reminder of why I’d come home.
Fuck, he had the longest, most gorgeous eyelashes women would kill for. Full lips a pale pink I wished I could bruise with my mouth.
Jesus .
I tore my focus off him for the pothole-riddled dirt road ahead where the blacktop ended.
“You don’t have to talk about that part if it’s still too painful,” he said. “Fill me in on the last four years. It’s been a long fucking time.”
“Sorry for not keeping in touch.”
I expected Chaz to give me shit, but he didn’t. “Same, man. I’ve been a pretty awful friend.”
“Dad told me you bought the old auto shop and that you’ve been crazy busy.” I offered him an out and a chance for me to avoid the topic of how bummed I was over the loss of a dream.
“Yeah—I’ll use that excuse if you’re willing to accept it.”
“Life gets in the way, Chaz. No hard feelings, yeah?”
A small, crooked smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “Yeah. Now tell me about all the trouble you enjoyed down at Boston College.”
“Isn’t much to share to be honest.”
“Bullshit,” he shot back with laughter. “Jamie Forester, ‘Greek god of football’ with the navy blue eyes girls used to swoon over, didn’t spend four years in the big city without getting into some fun situations.”
I wondered what Chaz would think about my OnlyFans account and the fact I’d used those earnings to hire a male escort who was a dead ringer of him. Yeah, those two things were definitely not up for discussion. Secret number one of too many to count.
“I was a good boy for the most part,” I said, and he laughed. “What? When did I ever cause trouble?”
As the chief’s son, I asked a serious question. Dad had put the fear of God in me back when I’d been a hyperactive kid but also taught me to respect my elders and follow the law. Hell, even lying was a huge no-no to me, which meant I tended to avoid subjects that would require I speak truth.
“Remember when you were caught underneath the football stands with Jimmy Riley and what was his name…Sam? Silas?”
I couldn’t recall the guy’s name Jimmy had been on his knees for, but I hadn’t been involved. Just unknowingly close by until it was too late to hightail it outta there.
“Fuck you, Chaz—I was in the wrong place on the wrong day. Don’t know how many times I’ve told you that.”
Chaz laughed, and fuck, did I love that sound leaving his lips. His shoulders relaxed, and he seemed more at ease when he glanced at me. “Coach made sure those two got a few days off school while you only ended up with a week’s worth of detention.”
“And I shouldn’t have even had that ,” I complained. “I wasn’t getting my dick sucked, and I also wasn’t gagging on that dude’s cock.”
“Jesus, Jamie.” Chaz shifted, taking a left to head around the lake’s five-mile encompassing road.
My stomach tightened, my grin fading. He must not like hearing about what gays got up to.
“Ever see Jimmy down in Boston?” Chaz asked.
“No,” I answered a little too quickly, but Chaz didn’t seem to catch wind of how his question caused my insides to go jumpy. “Met a lot of cool guys in college though. Made a couple friends but never anyone like you, Chaz. No one I could call brother or hang with twenty-four-seven like we used to back in the day.”
“Why am I happy about that fact?”
I huffed a laugh. “You always were possessive.”
“Really?” He shot me a glance before facing forward just as quickly. “What’d I ever do to make you think something like that?”
“You hated whenever any of the other players on the field with us wanted to hang out. I remember a few times the entire team got together when we’d had plans with Shelly, and you’d get all pouty.”
“I did not,” he muttered, slowing as we took a hairpin turn around one of the lake’s coves.
“Did too!” I shot back, laughing. “And that night what was his name—Ralphie—Vaughn Jackson’s cousin had talked Shelly into going to Dig-In with him. You were pissed.”
“Who wouldn’t be when some outsider came into town and attempted to sweep your girlfriend off her feet?”
“You guys weren’t even dating that day,” I reminded him, still laughing over his put-out expression. “It was the third breakup of our junior year. The final straw, you’d said.”
“Yeah, well, I couldn’t let her go like you would have done.”
“You broke the dude’s nose.”
“Because he crowded her to kiss her!”
The memory lay fresh in my mind. We’d been outside our town’s only diner, Dig-In, along Route 16, watching through the picture window as that Ralphie kid had tried to weasel his way into Shelly’s panties.
At that point, she and Chaz hadn’t been fucking yet, but he’d been all about being her first and vice versa. Her going out with another guy during one of their little breakups had settled his mind on Shelly.
Sure, he’d gone caveman on the guy, but it’d been my chest that ached like a motherfucker when he and Shelly walked away afterward, hand in hand.
Again.
Each and every time they got back together had renewed my heartache. It’d sucked ass but not nearly as bad as the day they vowed to love each other until they grew old and gray.
Fuck, those memories hurt like hell.
I needed to get my head set on the now before I made shit weird between us, but it was damned near impossible with Chaz an arm’s length away. I turned my focus on the open passenger window, allowing fresh air to flood the cab along with a bit of dust kicked up from Chaz’s tires. The sight of sparkling water flickered through the trees.
Pippen Creek Pond was one of the few lakes not built-up like those farther south by Bostonians looking for weekend escapes. We were too damned far into the mountains for convenience. Timber filled the area, creating cozy peninsulas and close to a dozen small coves like where we would camp.
Chaz turned the truck onto a narrow pathway leading down to the westernmost side of the lake. Coach hadn’t ever built on the land left to him by his granddaddy. He preferred to rough it—somewhat—and that was fine by us. He’d had an electric line brought into the private campsite from the main road, so there was that alongside a concrete, leveled slab he parked his camper on. An old outhouse stood back a ways into the woods, far enough no unpleasant smells reached where we would pitch our tent.
We set to work, our conversation focused mostly on the fun we’d had as kids rather than the shit we both found our current lives wrapped up in.
August was only a few days away, so the sky stayed lit well past the time we’d grilled steaks on an open fire and pulled foil-wrapped potatoes from the embers. It wasn’t until after nine that the stars started to pop out overhead.
Coach’s land was one of the more private properties on the lake without immediate neighbors in sight. We’d watched a few boats passing the cove’s narrow entrance, enjoying the weather along with a couple of jet skis. The lake wasn’t open to public launch, which kept the crowds to a bare minimum of local folks.
We did our share of swimming in the warm water and had spent at least an hour fishing off the end of the small dock Coach used to keep his small fishing boat tied to.
Chaz and I continued to catch up on the four years we’d been separated. I avoided the topic of women when he’d asked about notches in my bedpost at college, and he definitely steered our conversation from his and Shelly’s relationship. They’d been trying for a baby since day one, and he didn’t have to say jack shit for me to realize the four years of “failure” had been tough on him. But, I didn’t poke over the word he’d despised for as long as I’d known him. I’d always hated nosey people attempting to get all up in my space, so I let the matter lie. If and when he wanted to discuss the unrest Dad had told me about, he would.
I expected Chaz and I would both need some time to build back up the trust we’d had as kids, even though things seemed easier than I’d first expected. At least we remembered how to joke and laugh together.
The fire crackled in front of us, shooting sparks into the night sky.
We sat alongside each other, sipping cold beers—my first in over a year, his third. The lake spread out in front of us beyond the small cove, a dark blue that kissed the opposite shore lined by pine trees.
The second major heatwave of the summer had settled over us the day before, and the muggy air made my T-shirt cling to my skin.
“I thought I’d escaped this weather when I left Texas,” I muttered, setting aside my beer to yank off the shirt I never should have put back on after swimming. Would have gone completely naked if I’d been able to. No fucking way with Chaz being in the vicinity. I’d been chubbing up since sunrise.
Chaz set aside his marshmallow stick, a final s’more in hand. “You must have been happy to leave the south behind. Shit—sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I tossed a piece of twig I’d broken off the stick in my hand. “Didn’t have a choice. Makes acceptance of shattered hopes a little easier to swallow.”
He hummed around a mouthful of marshmallow, chocolate, and graham cracker.
“It sucked, not gonna lie,” I stated quietly, peering at the flickering flames and figuring if I opened up to him, he might do the same with me. “One tackle demolished my dreams.”
“That’s fucking bullshit. I know how much you wanted that NFL career.”
“I went to a therapist for a while. Needed help wrapping my head around the fact my knee was shot along with my well-thought-out plans for my future.”
“I’ll be honest,” Chaz stated quietly, licking his thumb clean of sticky white sweetness.
I stared, my groin tightening at the peek of his tongue along his skin.
“I’m glad you decided to come back here rather than settle someplace else.”
Blowing out a heavy breath, I nodded. “I tried Boston for a while, but it just didn’t fit. Being home isn’t as bad as I expected. At least the excitement of my return died down so I don’t have to deal with people stopping me on the sidewalks and asking me a million questions. That was growing old fast.”
“You never did like people poking around in your personal shit.”
“Nope.” I tossed another stick in.
“Can’t stand it, either.”
“So I shouldn’t ask how shitty life is right now for you like you suggested the other week?” Guessed I wasn’t above prying since I’d been bothered by the truth he’d given me that night.
Chaz sighed and leaned forward in his lawn chair, elbows on his knees and focus on the fire’s flames. “I work too much. That, along with my inability to knock Shelly up, is the biggest complaint I hear on a daily basis.” Biggest, meaning he probably got an earful of others.
My brow furrowed. That wife of his had no fucking clue how good she had it. What lengths Chaz would go to in order to make her happy.
Shelly always had been high-maintenance and tough to please. I’d never understood why Chaz had attached himself to someone with the same outlook as his dad’s. They were both about image and success, and anything short of the best wasn’t enough.
“You bought out a business,” I said, feeling the need to defend him. “Of course you’re going to be working a lot. Gotta provide and all that shit. Can’t imagine it’s easy with your father holding the loan too.”
“Your dad told you about that?”
“Yeah. Hope he didn’t overstep,” I said, glancing at Chaz.
“Nah.” He continued to stare at the fire, unmoving. “Makes it tougher though, that’s for sure. Financially, Shelly and I are just barely squeaking by, and if I’m one day late, he shows up at the shop to remind me payment is past due.”
“What an ass.” I wanted to punch the fucker’s nose. “Is Shelly aware of how bad your relationship with him is?”
“Don’t think so.”
“You haven’t talked to her about it?”
“No. You and my mom are the only two who are aware of that shit.”
I shouldn’t have felt such satisfaction over knowing him better than the partner he’d chosen for life, that he trusted me above her.
We sat in silence for a few seconds, the night insects creating a soothing background music that did absolute jack shit to lighten the heaviness that had settled over our conversation.
“What’s up with the pregnancy thing?” I asked a little wary, not sure Chaz would be up for discussing that particular issue. But, the can had opened, and I needed the truth so I could figure out how to be a comfort to him.
“I’m a failure.” He spoke with finality and a whole lot of guilt, revealing exactly as I’d expected.
“The fuck you are,” I shot back, once more frowning on his behalf. There was that goddamned word his asshole dad and the man’s high standards made Chaz fear. I’d expected Chaz was dyslexic or had issues with numbers, but I’d never asked. I would just step in when he struggled with classes and made sure he got to graduate alongside me like he deserved.
“It’s Shelly’s biggest gripe, but we don’t have enough money or health insurance for me to get my swimmers tested. Not sure it’s really me with the problem, but whatever.” He shrugged as though him being at fault was expected and not that big of a deal.
But I could tell it was to him. Could see it in how his shoulders slumped and lips downturned. I also knew how he’d striven to prove himself to his father for years on end. In his mind, and according to his father’s high standards, Chaz had always fallen short.
Fire kindled inside me, a protective flare that wanted to burn the negativity from his life.
Including his goddamned wife.
I pushed up to my feet, grabbed his empty bottle from alongside his chair, and tossed them with a little too much force into the trash bag I’d hung off the back of his truck behind me.
Yawning, he stood, stretching enough that his T-shirt rode up and bared pale skin.
I refused to let my gaze linger. “Come here.” I pulled him in for a hug, squeezing tight but keeping my groin well away from his, even though my dick lay soft against my thigh. Last thing I needed was to brush my flaccid length against him and go instantly rock hard. It was bad enough having his heat and muscle wrapped around me and not being able to do anything about the want deep in my gut that had just as much to do with sheltering him as it did fucking him.
We both lingered, Chaz probably from enjoying the comfort I offered while I totally perved in my brain over my best friend. I soothed my hand down his back, breathing in the scent of his musk that hadn’t changed one bit. Still made butterflies go crazy in my stomach and tempted my dick to twitch.
Chaz trembled, and I wondered how badly he fought off tears.
Or was he feeling the sexual energy between us too?
Temptation to shift my lower half into contact with his slid heat through my veins, and I swallowed hard as blood seeped into my cock, giving me a semi.
“Wish I could promise you a baby will happen when the time’s right,” I offered, trying like fuck to keep my brain on this side of right. Having just found Chaz again, I did not want to fuck around and find out how quickly I would be friendless if he learned how badly I desired him.
“I kinda hope it doesn’t.”
I stepped back, hanging onto his biceps, completely thrown for a loop by his muttered reply. All thoughts of sinking into his hole were wiped from my mind. “ What ?”
Lips pressed tight, he shook his head. “Nothing.”
I allowed Chaz to separate himself from me and, baffled, followed on his heels toward the tent, thankful he hadn’t noticed the bulge in my shorts.
Fuck, I wanted to pry, push for an answer as to what he’d meant, but men kept secrets for a reason. Didn’t need him digging into my life because I had some as well. But what the fuck?
The puzzle over him no longer hoping to get Shelly pregnant owned my brain, causing my dick to deflate.
Leaving shit alone, I kicked off my sliders I’d put on after swimming and sprawled atop my sleeping bag. We’d set up the tent and our still too-small sleeping area before night had fallen. The manufacturer’s idea of a four-man tent really only fit two full-grown guys like us, both of us being over six-feet tall and two-hundred-plus pounds.
The rain cover had been left in the bag since zero chance of showers had shown on the radar, and while there wasn’t much of a breeze, having the screen zippered against mosquitoes of the entrance allowed fresh air for breathing.
A few inches separated us that I longed to erase so I could comfort—and more. Preferably without the shorts that felt restrictive as fuck.
Chaz released a shuddered sigh, and in my fantasies, he thought the same.
“You okay?” I asked, my voice low and quiet. Friendly and caring rather than ragged with want.
He didn’t respond, and on instinct, I searched in the darkness for his hand. Chaz wrapped his pinkie around mine without hesitation or question at an action neither of us had ever taken before.
We lay in silence for what seemed forever before I finally slept.