Returning Your Love (Pippen Creek #1)

29. Jamie

Chapter 29

Jamie

B erlin wasn’t much of a city compared to Boston, but it was ten times the size of Pippen Creek, and not everyone knew their neighbors. Actual strangers existed two doors down from my apartment. Some caught up in their own little worlds, others ignorant and hateful toward those they shared the streets with.

At least the office where I worked lacked drama.

A nine-to-five was exactly what I’d expected. Drudgery and boredom, eight hours where my body began to waste away due to inactivity.

I joined a gym a couple of blocks from my place, which gave me something to do at night, but once in bed, my thoughts returned to my hometown and what I’d left behind.

The silence from Chaz was expected—I’d asked for space after all—but I missed the fuck out of him.

And Dad. Returning for a weekend to visit and accidentally bumping into Chaz would have been easy, but until he was ready, if he ever was, I had to keep my distance. The miles between us didn’t lessen the ache in my bones though, the desperate longing to just see his face.

“How is he?” I asked Dad, same as I always did when he answered my call on Wednesday evening, our agreed-upon day to chat since he was off work. This was the fourth week since I’d moved out, a cold night in late January when all mankind in the far north ought to be hunkered down in their homes around fireplaces or beneath heated blankets.

A thick layer of snow lay over the city, keeping it quiet outside my bedroom’s frosted-over window, but like typical New Englanders, we would go on about our business with the sunrise no matter the state of the roads or sidewalks.

“Chaz looks better every time I see him around town,” Dad said.

While I was happy Chaz seemed to be getting back to life outside of being a hermit, it stung he hadn’t reached out to me. Perhaps he had no intention of doing so. Maybe his shame over our affair was a line he wouldn’t cross, like the one I’d dragged him over.

“Babs said he’s gained back some weight, not that I understand how she knows that, considering everyone is an overstuffed bear in layers while walking down Main Street. He doesn’t have those bags under his eyes, though. Finally got a haircut too. No more raggedy hair sticking out beneath his beanie.”

“Have you spoken to him at all? Has he asked about me?” Fuck, I sounded like a whiney kid.

“Yes and no.”

I huffed a curse and threw an arm over my eyes where I lay on my bed under a pile of blankets. Who knew electric bills for a mere one-bedroom apartment would be so goddamned high?

While I still had plenty of cash in the bank, it wouldn’t last forever, so I’d been living frugally, just to play it safe.

Adulting like this sucked ass.

“I saw him and his dad at Dig-In the other afternoon over their lunch break,” Dad said.

I whipped my arm off my face and stared at the dark ceiling. “What?”

“Clifford and Charles Henderson had lunch together at Old Man Ron’s place.”

“Yeah—I caught that, but what the fuck?”

I could imagine Dad’s shrug. “Surprised the hell out of me too. But they weren’t arguing. Didn’t even appear to be angry with each other. I couldn’t hear what they were saying while waiting for my takeout, but there didn’t appear to be the usual animosity.”

Well, fuck me sideways.

Making amends with his dad? Talking to him by choice? Eating out with the man? The fuck was going on?

“Were they drunk?” I asked, thinking maybe he’d been back in the whiskey.

“Nope. They were both clear-eyed when I said hi.”

“Huh.”

It sounded like Chaz was making some serious changes, but I was no longer important enough to be included in the life he’d envisioned. I rubbed over my chest and the deep ache that refused to let me breathe easy. It seemed months, years , since I’d been able to do so. Ever since that day I’d caught my best friend kissing Shelly.

“Jamie?”

“Yeah?” I croaked.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Um…no. Sorry. Wool in the brain and all that shit.”

“Are you liking your job any better now that you’ve settled in?”

I hadn’t meant to complain about the work Dad had helped me find, but those first couple of weeks had been pretty shitty, I’d missed his cooking, and I was lonely as hell. “Not really?” My reply sounded more like a question than statement.

“Not a good fit, or is something else making you uncomfortable?”

“Nothing bad, just…I haven’t decided yet if this is what I want long term. A desk job is too…”

“Restrictive? Boring as hell?”

“Nailed it,” I said with a huff of laughter.

“You always did have trouble sitting still. There’s always the police academy,” Dad suggested what I’d talked about a lot as a little kid. “You love ride alongs, and I finally got the approval to hire another officer in Pippen Creek.”

“You know I can’t return again, Dad.”

“What if your being here is exactly what Chaz needs? Seeing you all the time, reminding him he’s missing out?”

“Last month you suggested the opposite.” I reminded him of his push for me to move on.

“A man can’t be wrong?”

An unhappy laugh barked rumbled my chest. “Are you playing matchmaker to make up for it?”

“Just trying to help my son find his way back to where I believe he belongs.”

My sad smile faded. “You really think that?”

“There’s a missing puzzle piece in Pippen Creek, a corner one if you ask me, and your face is on it.”

I huffed a snort. “You just miss having someone praising your cooking abilities.”

“Are you calling me out?” I could hear the smile in Dad’s voice.

“Damned right, I am.”

“I also miss having someone to take care of,” Dad admitted, longing in his voice.

“There’s dating apps for that,” I suggested because I expected he didn’t mean me.

Dad snorted. “Tried that—not interested. Too many whiney brats looking for a daddy with a heavy hand. That’s not my thing.”

“Ugh.” I grimaced. “Dad. Seriously? I did not need that image in my head.”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought it up.”

A smile actually lifted my lips. “So…you’re considering a guy this time?”

“If I can find one willing to let me love them the way I want to without any drama or bullshit.”

My lips flatlined at realizing my dad was a lonely as I was. “There’s always drama. Gender doesn’t matter. Trust me.”

“That’s what Dex says too,” Dad said with a sigh. “Maybe I should lower my standards.”

“Nope,” I shot before his brain got focused on that path. “You’re one of the best men I know. Don’t lower shit so you have someone to stick your dick into.”

“Jamie!” Dad’s admonishment suggested his face had turned red.

I chuckled. “Just keeping it real, Dad.”

“Shit,” he muttered.

I could imagine he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Seriously, though—you want me to look into the academy?” I asked, putting our conversation on a track that wouldn’t embarrass him any further.

“While some people would say to hang in there for a little while longer, you have to go with your heart, kid.”

That piece of me remained back home where Dad said I belonged, but the one cradling that fragile part of me didn’t seem interested in taking care of it.

“I’ll think about it,” I said, not sure I could until I knew one way or another where Chaz’s thoughts were when it came to me.

“The May class still has openings.”

I wasn’t surprised in the least Dad had already checked into it for me. “Will I have any issues getting in because of my knee?”

“Nope. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Got connections over there too, huh?” I asked, smiling again.

“Bet your ass, I do. At least fill out the application,” Dad suggested. “I’ll send you the link.”

Yeah, Dad had this idea brewing in his head for a while. “Not doing it tonight. Too tired.”

“No rush and no pressure.”

I bid Dad a good night a few minutes later, set my phone aside, and rolled onto my stomach to hug my pillow. The fluff under my head didn’t smell like Chaz, no matter how much I wished it did.

Closing my eyes, I considered my future.

I’d been the one to ask for space this time around, and Chaz was too honorable a man to cross a boundary I’d set. It would be up to me to open the lines of communication, but knowing the hours he kept, ten at night was too late to call.

Maybe talking to him face-to-face would be better?

I considered that option, expecting he would take off Sunday like he always did. Maybe a couple of coffees in hand and those cranberry orange scones he loved from Kel’s place would get me through his front door.

The thought he would grab hold of my shirt and yank me inside again flitted through my brain, and my dick twitched.

Four days, and it’s go time. I’ve got this.

That positive motto faded from my mind as quickly as it had unconsciously kicked in.

No point in getting my hopes up. I’d done that too often and had ended up disappointed.

Didn’t need any more of that shit in my life.