Revenge (Love in London #3)

Eleven

Kai

Once I received an update that Quinn was secured in the blue room and being treated by Farmer, I started to unwind. I had given instructions that he was to receive the best medical care.

Now, I had to face Ava.

I had mentally started to coach myself through our next discussion, tension riddled my body. The way she had reacted to seeing her friend in the basement was like I had shattered her innocent soul. And to think I still needed her to honour our agreement. There was every chance that Ava would turn around and say she would no longer marry me.

And what would you do if she did? Force her?

The decisions I had made over the last couple of days were wrong. I had fucked up. I should never have taken Ava to see Quinn when he was in such a state. The horror on her face as she had witnessed the results of what I was capable of, seared into my brain like a hot poker.

I was a realist. The way to unpick the harm I had caused would take time, and I would make sure I put things right if it took me the rest of my fucking life.

They didn’t say anything, but I could feel my men judging me, trying to understand why I hadn’t given the order for Quinn to be killed. But fuck them, if they wanted to fill their meaningless existence with questions that would never be answered so be it. Plot twists kept shit interesting but it also made people question your strength. It was the latter part of that sentence that I had to bear in mind.

I spent the next half an hour smacking the shit out of the punching bags in the gym, trying to focus on my next steps. Everything seemed to be going to shit all at once. As well as the shitshow with Ava and Quinn in the basement, someone had been caught cheating at the gaming tables. I would usually personally involve myself with pricks who tried to steal from me, but I had bigger fish to fry, so I put Hamish on it. That fat lazy fuck. Hopefully keeping him busy would distract him from feeding my father shit.

“How is he?” I asked Nico as he appeared at the doorway to the gym. Palming the back of his neck, he drew a clean towel from the shelves beside the door and threw it over to me.

“What’s that look?” I asked, grabbing it in mid-air.

He shrugged, “Why do you give a fuck? That’s not the Kai I know.”

His words were unwelcome, but I had to agree with him. I wiped the sweat off my shoulders and chest before towelling off my hair.

“That’s not the Kai I know either. I feel like I’m losing my shit,” I admitted.

“The men are spooked. They think you're going soft.”

“Fuck them,” I growled. “I answer to no one, you know that.”

A heavy silence settled between us. I had just admitted weakness in front of one of my men. Yes, he was my second and closest friend, but that wasn’t something a mob boss ever did.

“Remind me why the fuck you took her to see him in the first place?” he questioned. The employee, boss line had lifted in that moment and we were just friends. I allowed Nico to break my balls, occasionally .

I slung the towel over one shoulder and watched him across the space, “I told you. She wanted to see the seedier side of things. When I dropped my wedding plans on her, Ava started saying shit she shouldn’t have been saying.”

My friend's expression clouded, “How so?”

I exhaled, pinching my nose between my thumb and finger. It took me a moment to gather my response.

Dropping my hand, I explained, “Ava accepted my terms but said that she wanted to be involved. She didn’t want to be in the dark like mafia princesses usually are. I think she was suggesting a partnership of sorts.”

Understanding bled into his features, “Fuck that shit. She’s a woman .”

I slowly nodded with the ghost of a smile, “Yep, fuck that shit and yes, I had noticed.”

“What are you going to do now?” Nico asked, looking as puzzled as I did, “About Ava,” he added, leaning against the doorframe.

Her name dragged me back to earth and I threw the towel on the side and drew my discarded T-shirt over my head.

“I need to see her,” I said, striding towards him. Nico held up a hand as I came close, a gesture for me to stop.

“What?”

“Just—go easy on her.”

His words wound me up. Like I would fuck her up any more than I already had. Regret must have lined every part of my face. Read the fucking room, Nico.

I bit my tongue and nodded before moving past him.

As I strode out of the gym and took the stairs, Nico followed, a quiet understanding between us.

When I got to her room, I turned to my most trusted friend who was behind me awaiting instruction. He placed a hand on my shoulder, “Tell me what you need, Kai?” Again, not boss. He could see I was struggling.

I glanced to the side, and looked at his hand, “A time machine?” I replied with a grunt.

He smiled and raised his eyebrows in a no-can-do friend.

Clearing my throat, I said, “Take care of Quinn, watch him. Make sure he has whatever he needs. No other fucker apart from you and Farmer are to enter his room.”

Nico nodded, “What about Ava?”

I glanced at the closed door in front of me, which led to Ava’s room. “Especially not Ava, not until he’s in better shape.”

“Consider it done.”

Taking a deep breath, I dashed my hands down my face and opened the door. Honestly, I had never felt so uncertain as I entered her room. Ava’s scent hit my nostrils. The woman had only been at the house for a short time. Yet her sweet essence was everywhere .

As the door closed with a soft click, my eyes scanned the room. She was laid in the centre of the bed, fully clothed and curled into a ball. I felt like the biggest piece of shit. Those walls that had come down when she’d kissed me would now be back in place. And probably higher than ever.

It was dark outside and the curtains were open but what appeared to be a million stars were sitting in the sky. Under any other circumstances, it would have seemed romantic.

The bedside lamp was on and it highlighted Ava’s small frame as she lay against the covers. My eyes focused on the way the duvet was scrunched into her fisted fingers. Ava had slid her shoes off and her legs were tucked up towards her body, even her feet were soft and pretty.

As I walked closer, I realised she wasn’t asleep and having realised she was no longer alone, she turned over.

As I approached, she said nothing. Ava just watched me with a blank expression.

From the bottom of the bed, I stared down at her, “You can give me the silent treatment, I deserve it,” I said, pushing my hands into the pockets of my sweatpants.

Ava’s chest expanded as she inhaled deeply, her face etched with pain, “Are you OK?” I added.

A ghost of a smile touched her lips, “What do you think?”

I felt like I was on an endless loop of fucking things up with her. I was supposed to get Ava on my side, but her misplaced confidence about being more involved in the organisation had made me snap. She wasn’t ready and never would be. Ava didn’t have the right amount of corruptible DNA; it wasn’t in her nature to hurt people. And that was a difference between us right there, if they deserved it, I got off on hurting people.

For Ava, I had been her safe place when our parents had gotten together. I was there for her and gave her a sense of normality in a strange and chaotic new life. I kept her grounded when everything seemed unfamiliar, and then I walked away.

I had shattered her dreams and wasn’t there when she needed me most. Gerard’s face swam into my thoughts, fuelling my anger.

I moved over to the bed and lowered my body onto the mattress, it dipped with my weight and she shifted to face me fully, pushing her elbow onto the covers and bracketing her head.

The stains on Ava’s cheeks reminded me of her tears.

My pulse spiked. Seeing her looking so upset forced my disgust at myself to jump up another notch. I was never one to apologise for anything. Everything I did was strategic, I rarely made mistakes and when I did, I didn’t usually accept the fault was mine. Scapegoats were ten a penny in the mafia.

At that moment, I despised myself, my choices, fuck me; everything I had become.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Ava whispered, her face still red and puffy. The vibe pulsing from her tightly wound frame was one of self-pity and that pissed me off even more. Where was my fighter?

“Like what?”

“Like you hate me. Surely, I should be the angry party,” Ava mumbled, looking like a lost soul. She had misinterpreted my expression as being about her.

I needed to say my piece. I was like a dog with a bone. Irrespective of what had happened over the last hour, this woman would be my queen one day and I needed to be sure she never humbled herself before me or my men ever again.

“You will never get on your knees in front of me again, Ava. At least, not to beg for another man’s life,” I said gruffly. When her cheeks bloomed a darker pink, I could see again, that she misunderstood me.

“It’s hardly time for comments like that,” Ava muttered.

My lip twisted, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Can I see him?” she asked, looking up at me like a fucking puppy would her master. Once upon a time, I would have welcomed this submissive side but right then, I hated it.

A wave of jealousy crashed through my chest as I realised how much she cared for Quinn, “He’s resting,” I explained. “Maybe in a few days. You’ve had a shock tonight. You should get some sleep.”

Feigned amusement entered her eyes, “A shock? Really. You don’t say. So, a forced marriage proposal and seeing my friend with his face smashed in isn’t a usual day for a future mafia queen?”

“No, that’s probably fairly tame believe it or not. Even so, I am sorry.”

“That’s twice in one night,” she pointed out. Her voice was so quiet I could hardly hear her. “Maybe if you do the right thing for a change you won’t need to say sorry so much.”

Ava’s face lifted slightly and I knew what she was going to ask. She wanted to know if she was off the hook, but I couldn’t let her go now even if I wanted to.

“Does that mean I don’t have to marry you now?” she said with an indescribable expression. I didn’t like that, the fact that she wanted to run from me again was like ripping open an old wound, the one Ava had given me two years ago.

“No, tonight changes nothing.”

I watched Ava’s chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath, her eyes drilling into me. I knew I wasn’t her favourite person at that moment but I powered on.

“Now you have seen the harsher side of things Ava, which was pedestrian in the scheme of things. Hopefully, you understand why I don’t want you involved. It isn’t for everyone. I’m not being sexist; it isn’t because you are a woman; there are a few strong female soldiers that move in our circles but you are not one of them.”

“Why, what’s so different about me? Do you think I am weak?”

I shook my head with a bark of laughter, “No. You’re not weak at all. You are one of the strongest people I know. But you have a huge heart. You are kind and you belong nowhere near the darker side of this shit.”

“So why don’t you let me go?”

I closed my eyes, drinking in those words and almost choking, “Because I can’t, not yet.”

“Your business with these Italians means that much to you?”

“Yes. They must remain associates of my organisation. It isn’t just a money thing, it’s about protection. My father shook hands with these people for a reason. I need to retain that understanding.”

Ava pushed into a sitting position, which bent her body closer to mine. Her head was cast down towards the duvet and I slid my hand under her chin and lifted her face.

“Take your jeans off and get under the covers. I’ll get a cloth for your face,” I instructed firmly, releasing her jaw. I then stood not waiting for an argument and went into the bathroom, running a flannel under the warm tap. I’d had enough of seeing her look so defeated.

What a fucking night. I glanced up and caught sight of my reflection. I had half expected to see the devil. But no, it was just me, the man who stared back. As expected, regret was etched into every groove on my face.

When I re-entered the room, Ava had done as I’d asked and her clothes were at the bottom of the bed.

I glanced at my watch, I needed to speak with Cillian about Hamish. He would be busy at the club, but all it took was a phone call to Henry, my Da’s minder.

So far, Hamish hadn’t reported anything about Quinn to my father. If he had Henry would have put my father on the phone in seconds and he would be demanding his piece of flesh. The silence suggested that Hamish didn’t know Quinn was partly responsible for Gerard’s downfall. And it needed to stay that way. Yes, my father no longer held all the cards or the type of power he did once but he still had allies. If he also found out Ava had any involvement, her life would be in danger and whilst she wasn’t officially family I couldn’t protect her. That was another reason I now needed our union. I had failed her in the past but I would not in the future. Ava would always have my protection. Whether she wanted it or not.

“Here,” I said, handing her the cloth. “Wipe your face.”

As Ava did as I told her (for once), I thumbed off a quick text to Cillian before re-pocketing my phone.

Lowering myself onto the mattress again, I tugged the duvet further up her body, she was sitting under the covers with her head resting against the plumped-up pillows. Ava had pulled her hair free and it fell across her shoulders like silk. I longed to wrap a chunk of it around my hand and feel the strands touch my skin.

Ava was so beautiful; her olive-toned skin was smattered with freckles. The ones across her nose were cute and begged to be counted. My eyes were drawn to that soft plump mouth of hers. It made you want to taste it, irrespective of the sass that came out of it. I could see the straps of her T-shirt peeking out of the bedspread.

I watched in silence as Ava wiped the dirt from her face. She looked so incredibly young and delicate.

Reaching out, I placed my hand over hers, taking the cloth from her nervous fingers, and running it down one pale cheek, I caught a smear she had missed. Ava didn’t resist me, she allowed me to wipe her face. I rubbed a little harder, the urge to remove all trace of her tears spurring me on. And she let me.

We were so close but it didn’t feel awkward or wrong.

Ava’s eyes were full of sadness and the dark shadows beneath them were proof of her exhaustion. It reminded me of a different time, at the wedding when she’d been hiding from the bullies. I remember I told her she would have her happy ever after, one day.

And now you are the one keeping her from that.

I drew back, “Why? Why do you do it?” she suddenly said, with a surge of strength behind those words.

I knew exactly what she wanted to know. “You know why,” I replied, clearing my throat before placing the cloth on the bedside table. Ava’s face was now bright pink but clean.

She shrugged and closed her eyes briefly before pinning me with a look, “Not really. It was horrible down there; like a scene from a horror movie or a nightmare. Surely there’s another way?”

Ava had only seen a small slice. Quinn’s beating was nothing compared to what had happened to some men in that room. We’re talking men stripped naked and hung from the ceiling, beaten within an inch of their lives, or cut. You get the picture.

Dragging my hand down my face, I said firmly, “This isn’t the Five Families, Ava. I’m not a character out of a dodgy Netflix series with carnations and kisses of fucking death. I do what needs to be done. Do I always like it, no.

I took a deep breath, “You don’t understand the responsibility of being part of an organisation like this; I’m the leader, the one responsible for everything and everyone. I take my job very seriously. It takes strength, courage, and discipline. Everything I have, I tore from the world with my own two hands. But for every enemy I take down, more are waiting in the wings. There's always another pack of wolves hiding in the shadows, and if a rival alpha shows weakness, they will do their best to take him down and challenge him for that position. That can’t happen, Ava; there is too much at stake.

People rely on me, families . They respect me, trust me. I must be seen as the one with all the influence and power otherwise, I’m dead and so are those I’m responsible for.

The weight of being the Head of any organisation, legit or otherwise is huge . It’s a dog-eat-dog world. If someone goes after one of mine, I must retaliate, it’s expected.” I paused, allowing my words to sink in before I added, “I already look weak for letting Quinn live.”

Ava’s expression sharpened and she shot out vehemently, “Compassion is not a weakness.”

I slowly shook my head, my expression softening. Ava may have learned how to defend herself in Milan but she was still innocent; one without a clue as to the true meaning of the world she lived in. Or should I say, the world she was trapped in?

“It is for a man in my position. For my men to continue to give me their loyalty and trust, I must rule with an iron fist. Empathy, compassion, call it what you will, has no place in this life.”

“But you feel it, you’re human. You experience those emotions. I know you do. I’ve seen it.”

I ran my knuckles gently down her soft flushed cheek. The skin was warm to the touch, “Don’t try and make me into something I’m not, Ava. I’m a bad man, like father like son.”

“But you’re not a murderer,

“I still kill people. Is there a difference?”

“Yes, you don’t kill in cold blood.”

“Semantics, sweetheart. When the time comes; I’ll be forced into hell with all the other soulless demons.”

“I think you’re wrong. You do have a soul.”

I sighed, raking a hand through my hair, “My soul has been remortgaged so many times that I doubt it will ever belong to me. No number of rights can make up for my wrongs, Ava. That’s just the way it is.”

“There is a good man in you, I know it,” Ava said, her expression almost yearning.

My mouth twisted as I tasted my following words. They were bitter and came from the back of my throat, “Barely, you can banish reality for a short time, but it only resurfaces twice as thick. If I were to confess all my sins and tell you the things I have done, you wouldn’t look at me the way you are right now.”

Her brow threaded, “And how am I looking at you?”

Tilting my head, I said softly, “With hope. Dreams of better things. Like I could give you what every girl wants.”

Her breath hitched, “And what’s that Kai? What does every girl want, since you’re such an expert?”

“Love?”

I watched feeling shattered as her shoulders slumped.

“Give up on me, Ava. Treat the marriage proposal as it is intended.”

“What, as a cold-blooded business arrangement?”

“No, not entirely. We could be friends, I would respect you, and look after you.”

“Sounds peachy,” she snarked softly. This wasn’t the usual Ava, there was no punch behind her words.

I needed her to understand and so I explained my terms.

“Our marriage will be a temporary partnership for one year. The reason is to clean up my image and give you the protection you need by my name. As I said, you will want for nothing, you, and your mother. You will live in my house and I will treat you well. You can set the terms of how we live in private, but to the outside world, it must look real. I will give you the independence you crave.”

“You missed a bit,” she said.

“Which bit?”

“The, ‘to a certain extent’ bit, which means you’re going to spy on me.”

“No, I’m not going to spy, but you will need a bodyguard; one who will always be with you. You will have my trust for the entire twelve months. Unless,” I scratched my jaw.

“Unless?”

“Unless you break that trust.”

The tension in the room shifted to something heavier.

“And then what?”

“You don’t want to know,” I replied. Hating that I had to threaten her again. An empty threat too. I just hoped she didn’t call me out on it.

What would you do if she betrayed you?

I saw the small tremor which ran through her body. It suggested that she believed me; thought I could do her harm in some way and that made me feel worse.

“Why would I marry you after everything I’ve seen tonight?”

“Because you don’t have a choice. You’ve already given so many years of your life to the mob. What’s one more? Then you will be free.”

“How can I trust you?”

“You have my word,” I said, the weight in my gut almost painful.

I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Ava’s eyes closed for a moment as if she was contemplating what little choices she had.

“You should get some rest,” I whispered, bracing myself as the urge to touch her charged through me.

As Ava lifted her chin, her head tilted to the side and her expression changed. Almost like she was suddenly curious, “Will you stay while I fall asleep?”

A silence stretched as my brow threaded, it was the worst thing she could have asked. That request hit me like a sucker punch.

“If you want,” I replied, attempting to cover my surprise.

Ava rolled away from me and moved to the other side of the bed to give me space to join her. Me, the beast. The one responsible for her torment.

Raking a hand through my hair, I slipped my trainers off, pulled the duvet back and slid in beside her, fully dressed. Her back was to my chest and she snuggled against me, her hair across the pillow beside my face. I could smell coconuts and something else sweet.

I remember when she was younger and came home in tears from school one day. That was the last time I had cuddled her. I never thought of myself as a cuddler but the sight of her tear-stained face had been too much. Then our relationship had been so very different.

“Your skin feels damp,” Ava whispered.

“I’ve just been working out. Do you want me to go?” I told her softly.

“I don’t care. It’s nice,” she murmured so quietly I almost missed what she said.

Tucking her head beneath my chin, I placed my arm around her waist, shuffling her further against my chest.

We fit perfectly, like a jigsaw puzzle.

How the fuck did she think she could come back into my life again and then just stroll back out of it. Like I could let her go.

I knew then that when she ran away, she took a part of me with her and now it was back. It wasn’t where it used to be but I knew I could work on that. Put the pieces back together, both Ava’s and mine.

Ava kept the light in my eyes.

I didn’t know how long we lay together, probably over an hour. I waited until her breathing deepened, signalling she was sleeping. She omitted a noise here and there, like a kitten purring and I felt it in every fibre of my body.

I wanted this woman.

Inhaling the scent of Ava’s hair was like a punch to my gut and her backside was nestled against my cock. I was as hard as steel but I managed to restrain myself from grinding against her. I could be a fiend, but not the type to prey on unconscious women. Especially ones that had been through what Ava had that night.

My phone buzzed for the third time from its position on the floor next to my Nikes and I slid carefully out of bed.

The moonlight came in through the window, highlighting Ava’s sleeping form. She was curled up with a contented look on her face; so peaceful, at last. Sitting on the bed—I pulled my trainers on and retrieved my phone, I then leaned over Ava’s body, kissing her forehead, “Sleep well, baby girl.”

Giving her one last lingering look, possessive energy pumped through my chest and one word echoed throughout my conscience… mine .