Reverse (Bittersweet Symphony Duet #2)

SEVENTY-SIX “I Don’t Want to Talk About It”

SEVENTY-SIX

“I Don’t Want to Talk About It”

Rod Stewart

Natalie

“T his feels familiar,” Easton’s coarse voice cuts through the whirring breeze filling my ears as I allow myself a few more seconds of reprieve in my hands. I look over at him where he stands, soaked by the light of the moon, head tilted back, eyes brimming with unshed tears.

I notice he’s covered in sweat, and there’s sand coating his right side, his jeans and boots dusted with it, chest heaving, as though he’s just run a marathon.

“What’s going on. What happened?”

“What happened?” He croaks incredulously. “You can’t be serious.” He stares back at me, bewildered. “Jesus, I thought I was supposed to be the showstopper,” he relays in a gruff whisper, “but you definitely upstaged me tonight.”

“Easton,” I swallow, “I’m—”

“You’re right. You’re still you, and I’m still me ,” he continues, tears spilling over and gliding down his cheeks. “And you’re still a nightmare . . . but you should know . . .” his voice shakes, “you’ve become a master at arguing your point.”

“Is Misty . . .”

“Oh, you drilled your point into her very well and sent her packing, literally .”

“I’m sorry for what I did, for the way I did it—hurting her. But I’m,” I lift my chin, “but I’m not at all sorry for what I said.”

“Oh, I believe you, Beauty,” his shoulders slump as he steps forward. “Now tell me what you were going to say when you found me.”

Itching to go to him where he stands feet away, rattling with emotion and residual hurt, unchecked tears gliding down his face, I drop my hands to my sides.

“We broke a lot of promises being young, reckless, and na?ve—but I think I figured out where we went wrong—at least, where I went wrong.” Taking a steadying breath, I keep swinging. “Love is patient, Easton—it has to be, and we both needed it. Love is kind. We had that in abundance and lost it along the way. We both needed to remember that, we . . . I,” I run the sleeve of his jacket over my face. “Those promises we made, they mattered, but it was the vows that would have kept us together—the vows I wish I would have paid more attention to. You were always protective, but I wasn’t the only one that needed protecting, and I didn’t do my part, and for that, I’ll forever be sorry.”

Mustering the strength I have left, I continue to swing.

“I left you alone in it—I didn’t mean to, but I did. I let their past and my guilt tear us apart. I allowed my relationship with my father to overrule the most important love of my life— you . I took your patience and love for granted, Easton, because I believed in you—in everything you said, in the way you viewed and felt about us, because I felt and believed it too. But I didn’t nurture us the way I should have, when you needed me most, because I was too terrified to lose my future. But I lost it anyway when I lost you . . . and I miss you so much. I miss us . I regret more than anything, not apologizing for my mistakes when I had the chance.” I step closer to him, and he remains where he stands. “Married or not, I want the chance back to uphold those vows. I want the chance to be the partner you deserve. I w-want you t-to take me back.” An involuntary hiccup interrupts me as I shudder with it. Easton’s chest rises and falls. “I-if y-you can find it in your heart to forgive me for that mistake. If you c-can give me a chance—”

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” He admonishes as I lower my guilty gaze. “Look at me, Beauty,” the hint of command in his words kicks my heart into overdrive. He finally steps forward, trapping my face in his hands, eyes searching. “What took you so fucking long?”

“I’m sorry,” I lick the salt from my lips. “I got lost.”

“But I told you where to find me. I told you I’d be right here where you left me,” he reminds me as I shake in his hold, hope lighting up my being. “It’s not too late, Beauty,” he murmurs, “and with you, it was never going to be.”

He jerks me to him, diminishing all space between us as I wrap myself around him, relieved cries leaving me as I soak in his scent. Pressing kisses from his throat to his lips, they urgently meet and mold as we get lost in our kiss. My breaths continue to hitch as he sweeps his urgent tongue along mine, a pained groan leaving him as we cry our relief into each other’s mouths. We drag it out for several blissful minutes, our connection a balm to our stinging souls. Easton gently pulls away, eyes full of concern as he furiously begins to wipe my tears with gentle thumbs.

“Please don’t cry anymore, baby. I’m sorry for being such a bastard,” he whispers, “I let the bitter asshole take over, but I’m giving his self-righteous ass the boot because I hate seeing you like this.”

Running gentle knuckles along my face, I lean into his touch. “So . . . I was right . . . you didn’t want a divorce that day.”

He shakes his head. “God, no.”

“But you signed,” I sniffle.

“You didn’t stop me,” he croaks as he continually soothes me with gentle thumbs. “How I was hoping you would stop me, Natalie. I couldn’t take it when you asked for friendship, and I felt like I’d lost you for good then. I was fucking breaking apart because I knew I had to set you free and that you may never come back.”

“Why?”

“I was so fucking selfish in my pain. I didn’t care who else it was hurting. I knew if we had a chance, I had to let you come to me. Reading my mother’s book changed a lot of my perception. The answer rang clear for me from what I derived from our parents’ story. After we fell apart, I took a page from my father’s book and decided to give you the time to choose your path, whether it included me or not—like he did for my mom. I practically forced you into a relationship the first time.”

“That’s not true. I wanted it too.”

“I know that . . . but I went about it the wrong way. I didn’t heed your constant warnings because I wanted us to happen too much. Even when you begged me, I didn’t listen. I’m at fault, too, Natalie. This isn’t solely on you.”

“So, you’ve been waiting on me?”

“At first, yes . . . until waiting became unhealthy for me. I was . . . it made me sick. Physically and mentally, so, I would say, more like hoping . That day in Austin, even six weeks later, we were still so raw after what we went through, what we put our parents through. Because of the things I said, the way I hurt you, I knew I couldn’t force us back together. I just didn’t know how long it would take, or . . .” another tear falls, and I hate the sight of his pain, “or if it would ever happen at all. I spent my trip to Europe holding out hope I would spot you in the crowd, that you would come to me. When I got home, I made the decision I couldn’t do it anymore. So, I forced myself to try to move on. I already knew it was a fool’s errand, but last night, the second I saw you,” he shakes his head. “You’re right. I went into full-blown denial, bitter because I’d finally taken steps to try and move on, and there you were.”

“I don’t blame you, Easton. I don’t. You’re right. I knew your number, but I didn’t use it. But when I got here, actually long before I got here, I knew without a doubt I was coming for you—”

“That isn’t all,” he interjects. “As selfish as it may be to say,” he exhales harshly, “I think I really needed to see you fight for us.”

I cock my hip and palm it. “Well, did I make enough of a stink for you?”

He grins and pushes my curls away from my splotched cheeks. “I think half of Mexico heard you missed my cock.”

“It’s a cock worthy of missing,” I sniff.

“God, I’ve missed you so much,” he murmurs, keeping my face in his palm. “You really haven’t been with anyone?”

“No, I couldn’t, and I don’t care if you can’t say the same.” I declare and immediately backtrack. “I mean, I do care, a lot , but I won’t let it come between us. You had every right to—”

“I love you,” he whispers, a tear gliding along his jaw. “Wholly, unconditionally, and definitively, Natalie. There’s no other woman in the world that could replace you either, Beauty. I’m the fucking fool for trying.”

“I’ll never let you go without a fight,” I promise.

“Jesus,” he chuckles, “after what you just did, you won’t ever have to. I’m good for the foreseeable future.”

“I needed my soul back,” I declare. Relief floods me as I slide my arms around his waist. “And from now until forever, I’m holding onto my life-changing man with both hands .”

“Can I . . .,” he swallows, anxiety flitting through his features. “Can I ask what Nate said before he hung up?”

“How much of that did you hear?”

“All of it,” he replies unapologetically.

“Wow,” I sniff, “I bet your head is about to explode.”

“I’m so glad I did hear it. I was so pissed at you for sucker-punching my heart and disappearing. I was coming to read you the riot act, but hearing that . . . Jesus, baby, it meant everything to me.”

“I’m so—”

“No more apologies,” he says. “I swear to God, Beauty, I’m letting all of it go, right fucking now, and I hope you do too. I’m yours,” he buries his head in my neck, nudging me to answer, “please tell me what he said.”

I beam up at him. “He said he would really like to meet the man I fell in love with in Seattle.”