Riding Jamie (Montgomery Dreams #1)

Chapter Twelve

OAKLEY

I grunt as Mom wraps me up in a bear hug, squeezing me just shy of too hard. She huffs out a laugh into my hair before pulling back. Her hands rest on my shoulders, and her face is set in an excited smile, the very picture of a welcoming mother.

“Oakley, honey,” she croons, cupping my face in her hands. “I’ve missed you so much! Look at you, you’re losing weight. Are you not eating right up there?”

“Mama,” I say with a laugh as I extract myself from her grasp, “I’m fine. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ricky have a home gym, I’ve just been running again.”

There’s more to it than that, but I don’t want her to worry about all the stress I’ve been under at work. I’m just glad she’s focusing on my weight and not the fact that I decided to come home for the holidays.

“How was your flight?” she asks.

“Uneventful, mostly,” I say, tossing my duffel bag into the backseat and sliding my suitcase in to follow. “Minus the three hour delay, at least.”

“I’m sure you’re starving. Let’s get you home, I’ll make you something to eat.”

Home cooking sounds absolutely heavenly right now, and I eagerly get in the car and buckle up. I’m still at the airport, but things already feel more right here than they do in New York.

As we pull out of the arrivals queue, I crack the window just a bit to get some air. It smells different, like home, and it settles some of my nerves.

I told Mama and Daddy that I was dropping in for the holidays, but I didn’t mention anything about my reservations toward going back once winter break is over.

My dad won’t be an issue—he always wants me within arm’s reach. The first time I told him I wanted to go to NYU, he’d nearly gone catatonic. I know it’s just because he worries about me and wants me close so he can keep me safe, but it was, at one time, overbearing and stifling. The idea of him watching my back feels a lot more comforting than claustrophobic now.

It’s my mom that I have a few more reservations about. I know she’ll ultimately support me, no matter what. I just worry that she’ll be disappointed when I tell them that I don’t want to stay at NYU.

If I decide that I don’t want to stay at NYU.

I still haven’t exactly made up my mind on that whole issue.

And it’s not like she’ll be mad at me or anything, I know she just wants me to be happy. She’s just always had so much faith in me, and she was so excited when I wanted to go off to college. After Bo decided he wanted to stay and work on the ranch, she’d been so worried that all the hard work she’d put into being able to offer us any opportunity we could possibly want would be wasted.

Besides, I just want her to be proud of me. I don’t want her to think that I’m giving up.“How’s everyone doing?” I ask, pulling myself out of my thoughts as Mama merges out of the mess of airport traffic.

“We’re all good,” she says, reaching over to turn down the radio. “I’m on my usual rampage of trying to get everyone in town to weatherproof their barns before their horses start getting sick, but you know how that goes.”

I snort out a laugh, rolling my eyes.

“You’d think after a decade of you being right, they’d start listening to you.”

“Yeah, well, you know the old heads,” she grumbles. “Bo has been driving me around and looking intimidating behind me. He’s a lot more diplomatic than you ever were.”

I flush, giggling along with the light teasing. Bo has never been particularly fond of the way most of the ranchers around talk to our mom, and I really can’t blame him.

“Maggie’s on her winter break and is mostly watching cartoons and refusing to do her homework,” she continues, both of us laughing.

“So, the usual,” I chuckle.

“Definitely. And your father’s doing his usual, breaking his damn back trying to keep the fences in check. I keep trying to get him to hire someone to help, but he’s stubborn.”

“Always has been,” I say with a chuckle.

We chatter on about this and that throughout the drive, and I try to stay focused on our conversation. My mind keeps wandering, memories rushing through me as we pass by the places I spent my whole life in before this. I do my best not to linger on the thoughts of Jamie that keep popping up. I’ll have time to figure all that out when I’m not in the car with my mom.

I finally look up when I feel the road shift from pavement to rough dirt beneath the wheels, and my breath rushes out of me in a relieved sigh when I see our house just around the corner. I’ve never been gone long enough to properly miss the sight, but the wraparound porch and the clumps of snow sticking to the fences behind the house make my chest go tight for a second.

My mom parks, and I hop out as soon as the truck pulls to a stop. The familiar scent of clean snow and home filling my lungs. I round the truck and reach for the tailgate, but Mamastops me, placing her hands on my shoulders and aiming me toward the house.

“Go inside, kiddo,” she says. “I’ll take your stuff in, just go say hi.”

I grin at her gratefully, not bothering to put up even a token argument.

I trudge through the snow, lighter on the path leading up to the house, but still a few inches deep. It looks like someone cleared it this morning, but it’s obvious the snow’s been falling slowly all day, piling back up.

Phoebe is sprawled out on the couch munching on chips as she watches some trashy reality show. She springs up as soon as she catches sight of me, only just barely saving the chips from flying everywhere. The bag is still in her hand when she damn near vaults over the coffee table to wrap me in a hug.

I grunt at the impact, but wrap her up in my arms anyway.

“Oakley!” she squeals breathlessly, rocking me back and forth in excitement.

“Pheebs!” I squeal back at her.

We break apart, giggling, and the sight of her face is so soothing. I don’t know how I managed to go so long without seeing her.

“God, I missed you,” she says. “How are you? How’s New York? You have to tell me everything.”

I laugh at her enthusiasm, but I don’t get a chance to answer her before my little sister rounds the corner. My eyes widen in surprise when they land on Maggie, and I rush over to wrap her up in a hug.

“Maggie,” I say, squeezing her until she struggles to get out of my hold. “Jeez, you’re tall!”

“Shut up,” she groans, rolling her eyes as she wiggles out of my arms. “I’m the same height I was last time you saw me.”

She’s putting on her usual grumpy act, but I can see the smile twitching at the corners of her lips. She’s just as happy to see me as I am to see her.

“No way,” I draw out playfully. “You’ve got to be at least six feet tall now!”

She snorts and levels me with an unamused look.

“Try cutting a foot off that,” she says blandly. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

I lift my hand to my chest, playing at being wounded.

“You don’t want to see your big sister for the holidays?”

She tosses her hair over her shoulder, golden ringlets bouncing as she glances at Phoebe in confusion.

“No shit, I know you’re here for the holidays,” she says, brows furrowed. “But, like, why are you here ? Shouldn’t you be checking on Jamie?”

Hearing his name out loud feels like a punch to the chest, and I’m shocked silent.

“Maggie, seriously?” Phoebe hisses. “Can’t you?—”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

My voice comes out ragged and harsh, and both of them turn their attention to me. Maggie looks a little hesitant, and Phoebe looks both resigned and annoyed. I had planned to wait until at least tomorrow to talk to Phoebe about this, but the words come tumbling out before I can stop them.

“Did you know Jamie came to see me?” I ask Phoebe.

The silence that answers me tells me everything I need to know, and I let out something between a laugh and a sob.

“I…” she trails off. “I did, but?—”

“Why didn't you tell me?” It comes out closer to a sigh than I intend it to, but I guess that's better than sounding accusing and angry and hurt. “I've been missing him for months, and you didn't tell me that he's been trying to fix things this whole time?”

My voice breaks on the last word, and I feel myself slipping back into the whirlwind of despair that I’ve been struggling with since Bo told me Jamie was supposed to visit me. Did everyone know except me? Have I been wishing for Jamie to come ask for me back this whole time, not knowing that's exactly what he was trying to do?

“I tried. You told me to never say Jamie Walker’s name to you again, Oakley,” Phoebe says, her voice stern, but gentle.

My face scrunches up in pain as I remember that exact conversation. It was barely two weeks after I got to New York.

She hasn't mentioned him to me since.

“You said you were done,” she continues, softer now, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “You didn't want to hear anything about him, you just wanted to move on. He hurt you so badly, and you finally sounded like you were doing ok again.”

If I had been honest, could I have saved myself all this pain? I haven't been doing okay for a single second since I walked away from Jamie.

“I just wanted you to be happy, and I didn't want to stop you from chasing your dreams. I just thought it would be better if you could move on. When you didn’t mention seeing him, I figured he never showed.”

I thought Jamie had forgotten about me. I thought he was moving on and leaving me in the dust.

“He got thrown,” Maggie blurts. “At the rodeo in Billings.”

Those words tear through me like a fucking knife, and all of my worry about not seeing him in New York vanishes immediately. The blood rushes from my face, and my skin pebbles in terrified goosebumps.

“ What ?” I choke out.

Both of them go silent, their eyes blown wide. I have no idea what I look like right now, but I feel feral with both fury and fear. Phoebe and Maggie glance at each other, but it’s Phoebe who answers me.

“He was on Code Blue,” she says.

Code Blue .

My whole world tumbles down around me, and I can do nothing to stop myself from crumpling down onto the floor. Billings is the last in the circuit before nationals for a reason , and it’s not because it’s easy. Some of the most dangerous bulls in the entire country have a home there.

Code Blue has a nasty habit of hospitalizing or even killing his riders.

If Jamie got thrown…

I shudder at the thought, a scream bubbling in my throat. He can’t be gone. If he’s gone and I didn’t even know ?—

“He’s ok!” Maggie says, shaking me.

I blearily manage to open my eyes, my head spinning from the surge of panic. She’s crouched down in front of me, Phoebe at my side.

“He got pretty beat up, but he’s alright,” she continues when she sees my eyes open. “He was unconscious for a few days, broke his arm and his collarbone and his leg, I think.”

I wince at the images my mind conjures up of Jamie unconscious and bleeding in the dirt. How can he be that hurt and still be okay?

“He’s at home,” Phoebe says. “He’s healing up at home. He’s ok. I…I was going to tell you tomorrow.” She flinches at the unveiled terror in my eyes, the way my hands tremble. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when it happened. I just thought…”

She trails off as I push myself to my feet unsteadily, scrambling to keep me from tripping over my own feet.

I can barely see a foot in front of me, my vision clouded with worry, but I know these streets like the back of my hand. I could make it to Jamie’s house blind and deaf if I had to. It looks like that might be exactly what I have to do.

Phoebe is talking to me, but I can’t really make out what she’s saying, my mind so occupied with thoughts of Jamie that I can’t pay attention to anything else. I can hear Mama and Daddy and Bo all coming through the back door, but I can’t wait. I grab the keys to Bo’s truck off the entryway table and shake Phoebe off before rushing out the front door.

The Billings rodeo is in fucking October, and it’s already halfway through the first week of November.

Jamie’s been hurt and trying to heal for weeks without me. I can explain things to my family later.

Right now, I need to get to Jamie.

I need to see for myself that he’s safe.