Riding the Sugar High: a Grumpy Sunshine Romantic Comedy

33. Believe In Me

Though I’m getting weirdly usedto riding behind Logan for someone who’s only done it a handful of times, riding along the farm’s property line is new, and with the total darkness, a different experience altogether. Even more intimate, with the nothingness surrounding us.

My arms tighten around him, checking. Making sure this is real and I’m not dreaming.

He wants me to stay. In fact, he doesn’t want me to get an apartment—he wants me to stay at the farm with him.

He wants me.

After I came out of the shower half an hour ago, he looked over at me from the couch and, with the softest eyes, told me to get ready because he was taking me out.

Where to? No idea, but to be honest, who cares? I want to be wherever he is. Which, from the look of it, is where nothing else is.

He comes to a stop, and once the bike lights turn off, I pull my visor up. I still can’t make out a single thing around us. “I think we’ll need the flashlight.”

“We’re fine.”

“You do know I tend to fall even when visibility is ten out of ten, right?”

“Here,” he says as he laughs, then helps me off the bike by my hips. “We wouldn’t want you to fall.”

Oh, I’ve fallen already. Fallen for him in a way I didn’t think was possible.

“Hand?”

I find his fingers, and once they’re tangled with mine, he gently nudges me forward. “So, can I know where we’re going?”

“The valley.”

“Huh.” That’s the place Kyle wanted to take me to on my second night here. “Is it an actual valley?”

“I guess. It’s a narrow strip of land between two hills.”

“And why is it special?” I ask. My boots sink in the mud, and with a grimace, I think of a much better question. Was a dinner date outside the realm of possibility?

“You ask too many questions, Barbie.”

“Will I even be able to see anything?” I insist. He’s only a step away, and I can’t see him—how does he expect me to enjoy this valley?

“Too many questions.”

“Fine.” I follow him for a while longer until he comes to a stop.

“Come.” He guides me closer, then settles both hands over my eyes. “We’re almost there.”

“I’d ask if my eyes need to be covered, but?—”

“Just walk.”

I amble along the uneven terrain until he tells me to stop, and I register a low buzzing in the background.

“Ready?”

Through the gaps in his fingers, I can see splashes of golden lights, and my heartbeat escalates as I try to identify the source. Fairy lights? Actual fairies? What the hell is going on? “Ready,” I say breathlessly.

When his warm fingers finally release me, I blink a few times, adjusting to the sudden light.

Then I see the breathtaking valley stretching before me, illuminated by countless twinkling, floating lights. Are those...“Fireflies?”

Logan nods, but I barely even notice the bob of his head. There must be thousands of them, flickering up and down, left and right. “They show up in spring, and they’re gone midway through the summer.”

My breath is suspended as I take it all in, my eyes filling with the sparkling and dancing movements of the magical creatures. “It’s like something out of a dream.”

“Hmm.” He walks closer and wraps both arms around me. I can’t look away from the fireflies but gently sink my fingers into his skin, anchoring myself to him. “I feel the same way when I look at you.”

With butterflies in my stomach, I twist to look up at him. “I love it. Thank you for showing it to me.”

“You’re welcome, Barbie.”

Turning back to the fireflies, I stand there, speechless, my eyes wide with wonder. Everything about this moment is perfect–almost too romantic. It’s as if he brought me here to say those words—the ones he nearly said but then took back.

Though he has every right to take his time, I’ve been dying to hear them.

Logan clears his throat, his body tensing behind me, and my heart palpitates.

“Hey guys.”

I flinch as I turn to Kyle. Logan doesn’t seem surprised to see him, and at first, my shoulders slump. I thought he’d brought me here for something romantic, and he called his friend?

But then I notice he’s holding a cage, and with a gasp, I walk closer. “Oh my god! Are these—” I crouch, and Lola snorts as she saunters closer. “It is you! Hi, baby girl.” When Paco joins her side, I give them both a cuddle through the bars. “I missed you guys so much. You have no idea.”

I turn to Logan, who’s smiling fondly at me. “Come on! Come say hi.”

He lifts his chin in his friend’s direction, and with a wave, Kyle excuses himself and leaves.

Once Logan is kneeling beside me, he smiles down at the piglets. “Want to take them out?”

“You mean it?”

“Sure.” He opens the cage, holding Paco back with one hand while he hands me Lola with the other. I remember the first time he did that, precisely sixteen days ago. When I was hurt and heartbroken, and Logan was nothing to me but a dude who’d kissed me and then acted stupidly rude.

Lola’s soft, warm body fits perfectly in the curve of my arms, her weight a comforting presence I”ve missed more than words can express. I press my cheek against her velvety fur, inhaling the familiar scent of hay and sunshine that clings to her coat. “Have you been good to Uncle Kyle? Did he feed you stuff you’re not supposed to eat?”

I turn to Logan with a smile, but it quickly falls as I notice he’s not holding Paco, and the tiny piglet is trotting in the direction of the closest tree. Sure, he’s not exactly a jaguar, and even if he were to run, we should be able to catch up, but if he plans on taking the piglets out for strolls, maybe leashes are in order.

“Don’t let him get too far,” I tell Logan as I watch Paco push his snout on a big, flat mushroom.

“Barbie.”

Logan’s firm voice makes my stomach drop. His eyes are softly studying my face, a sad smile bending his lips as if there’s something obvious I’m not quite grasping. What the hell is happening?

I glance at Paco, then back to Logan. “Are we not...taking them on a walk?”

“No.”

My arms tighten around Lola, who squelches until I relent.

He wants to leave them here. He wants to leave them behind.

“N-no!” I step back, shaking my head hard. “Why? Why would we abandon them?”

“We’re not abandoning them, Barbie.” Logan steps closer, his hand clasping my shoulder to steady me. “They’re meant to be here. To be free. The plan was never to keep them at the farm forever.”

“But...but all the animals who stay permanently at the farm?—”

“They’re hurt, have been through something traumatic, or have been domesticated to the point where they wouldn’t survive in the wild.” He rubs behind Lola’s ears. But these two—they’re young, healthy. They have a chance to adapt if we let them go now, so that they can grow and develop like they were always meant to be.”

Lola lets out another screech, and once I look down at her, I notice that my tears are staining her coat. “Sorry,” I whisper as I wipe them away with one hand. Though I’ve picked her up plenty before today, I’m suddenly realizing how much heavier she’s gotten over the last sixteen days. How much bigger too.

But Logan must be wrong, right? They’re only four weeks old—how can they survive in the wild?

“Waiting more time would only be detrimental.” He pinches my chin. “Sometimes, you have to let someone go for their own good, backpack. You need to trust that somehow, at some point, they’ll come back. You have to believe in them the same way they’ve believed in you.”

He’s clearly not talking about the pigs anymore, and this is starting to feel like a goodbye in more than one way. Did he change his mind about us? About me staying?

Throwing one more glance at Paco, now rubbing his side against a large trunk, I sniffle. Though he’s the most sensitive of the two, with how easily he startles and the amount of cuddles he demands, the thought of letting Lola go is even harder. She’s been my shadow over the last couple of weeks. She’s the one Logan handed me that first night, and I like to think that going through that together brought us closer. She’s slept on my shirts, eaten my candy, and followed me around the house every day.

But if it’s for her own good, I suppose I should let her go.

I kneel, running my fingers through her soft, pink fur one last time. “You”re going to be okay,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “You”ll be happier here, I promise. Just keep an eye on your brother. You know how boys are.”

Her black eyes meet mine and stare in the same focused way they always do.

“And we’ll be back to check on you. So if you feel homesick or decide this whole wildlife thing isn’t for you...you follow us to the car, okay? We’ll bring you back home.”

She doesn’t understand a thing I’m saying, yet I feel like I should tell her so much more. “Don’t eat weird berries, and avoid anything with sharp teeth.”

When she wiggles in my hands, I set her on the ground and watch as she takes tentative steps forward, her trotters sinking into the soft earth with each stride. She pauses as if sensing the gravity of the moment before following Paco and disappearing into the dense undergrowth of the forest.

Logan joins my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, and we watch her until she”s nothing more than a faint speck in the distance. Until I can no longer hear the rustle of her footsteps or the echo of her oinks in the breeze.

Then, Logan presses his lips on the spot over my ear over and over again, whispering a soft ‘shh.’ “You did amazing, Barbie. This isn’t a sad moment, okay? It’s a happy one. They’ll do great things, and so will you.”

There it is again. What is he talking about?

My brows tighten over my eyes as he reaches behind him and holds out something. He’s acting oddly mysterious, and a veil of sadness covers his eyes, making my heart pound as I reach for the small paper.

“The money your brother gave you?” I ask when I notice Aaron’s signature on the check intermittently lit by the fireflies. “What do you want me to do with it?”

He shrugs. “Candy for people who can’t have candy.”

“What?”

“Well, things with Marisol didn’t pan out, and I know you said you can’t do it by yourself because you don’t have the infrastructure, but...” He points at the check. “Create it.”

Wait—that’s how he wants to spend the money his brother gave him? “You want to invest in me?”

“Invest?”

My eyes narrow on him. “Well, I’m assuming you’re not just giving someone you’ve known for two weeks this much money.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, invest.” He awkwardly looks away. “Sure. We can write up a contract and everything.”

Oh my god. He was totally trying to just give me the money.

I look down at the check, my stomach queasy as I stare at the zeros. It’s a lot of money, and I do have some savings. I could easily fund product development, branding, and distribution channels with it.

This is the type of money that changes someone’s life.

There’s only one problem.

“I can’t...I can’t do any of it from here.”

I’m not telling him. He knows—that’s why he’s in such a weird mood. Because by giving me this money, he’s telling me to go. To leave the farm and go back to Mayfield, because that’s where business deals are made. Where I have contacts I can turn to and, among other things, a working internet connection.

“You want me to go,” I whisper.

“No, of course not,” he says in a stern, decisive voice that turns soft and unsure as he continues, “But maybe...Maybe you should anyway.”

Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry.

I look past him toward the apple orchard, trying and failing to hold back my tears. I need to remove myself from the situation. My flight back home is tomorrow, and if I let him convince me, tonight will be our last night together. If I hear whatever else he’s about to say, I won’t be able to un-hear it.

“Barbie,” Logan calls when I walk. He catches my wrist, then slowly spins me around. His eyes are filled with heartbreak, too hard to look at, but when I tuck my chin, he pulls it up. “Don’t walk away from me. It kills me when you do.”

“You’re asking me to walk away from you.”

“I’m asking you to follow your dreams.”

His voice shakes hard, and the fact that he’d offer means the world, but the fact that doing it is killing him means even more.

I sink into his chest, throwing my arms around him, and just as quickly, he hugs me back. “Is my strong girl angry?”

Breathing through my nose, I nod, though we both know it’s hardly anger making me tear up. “I think I finally found the ultimate reason not to date you,” I mumble as I let go. I offer him a sad smile, then slump down on a mostly flat rock. “You want me to move to the other side of the country.”

“But you will, right?” he asks as he sits beside me.

Hugging my knees, I try to breathe in the crisp night air through the lump in my throat. “I guess I will,” I say in a whisper.

He gives me a somber nod, and I turn my cheek. I can’t even look at him right now. I’m grateful for his generosity, and I can objectively recognize this is a huge opportunity. But I can’t feel any happiness.

All I know is that tonight’s my last night with him.

That tomorrow I’ll get on a plane, and who knows if I’ll ever see him again. Long-distance relationships are complicated, and with less than a week spent as a couple, do we even have the foundations we need to make it work?

When minutes pass, and neither of us has said a word, I glance at him and notice he’s fidgeting with my flamingo scrunchie. Of the multitude I have, he picked the silliest one to steal, but I love that he has it—that it’ll remind him of me once I’m gone.

With a long exhale, he turns to look at me. “I wrote my own list.”

“Hm?”

He takes a piece of scrap paper out of his jacket pocket. “I know we...That this whole thing doesn’t make sense in theory. We have nothing in common, we met a minute ago, and we have plenty of reasons to let this end now that you’re leaving...” He nods at the folded paper, and I pinch it from him. “It’s all there.”

I blink through the surprise, then read the items one by one using my phone’s flashlight. “You can’t drive. You kick during sex. Your boobs distract me.” I chuckle, my eyes roaming down. “You want to ride my bike. You won’t let me sleep.”

When I look up, a million questions on my tongue, he’s gazing at me.

“All the reasons I wouldn’t date you, down to the very last one.”

I exhale, reading the last line. “You’re leaving.” When I look up at him, sadness is painted over every feature of his face. “I don’t understand, Logan. Why are you showing me this?”

“Because they’re all right there. Ink to paper. And I’m happy to add more if you can think of any, but I can’t. I read them again and again, and they’re just...” His head shakes left to right, and my heartbeat picks up. “It’s not enough.”

I smile, and almost instantly, he does too.

He only smiles like that at me.

“It’s not?”

“No. I don’t care if it’s a bad idea or if we’re going too fast.” He glances down at the list. There’s nothing in there that’ll keep me from you.”

He points his index finger left and right as if he wants me to notice the valley again, with its hundreds of fireflies twinkling and buzzing around. “See where we are?”

“Yes?”

“It’s the most beautiful place I know.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Definitely not the ER.”

My heart tumbles as I connect the dots.

So he did bring me here to tell me those words. Of course, I already know he loves me. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have offered to give me so much money or told me to go, though it’s clearly not what he wants. If he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t have almost lost everything to protect me.

I’ve always wanted someone to tell me they loved me, but he’s shown it with his every action, and that’s much better.

“Primrose, I?—”

“I love you too,” I blurt, far louder than appropriate.

He half-smiles. “I haven’t said it yet.”

“You have. You’ve said it so many times.” I throw myself at him, and his arms quickly wrap around me and pull me onto his lap.

“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to say it out loud anyway.”

I nod against his chest.

“Primrose, you and me...It shouldn’t make sense, I guess, but it’s shockingly easy, even when it’s hard. Even when we argue. I like fighting with you more than getting along with anyone else. That’s how I know without a doubt that I love you.”

My heart is so full it might just burst. I will never understand how, in seventeen days, he became the most important person in my life, but I’m not questioning it. “I love you too.”

“So you shouted,” he says as his lips peck the top of my head.

I look up at the clear sky sprinkled with stars, then at the valley lit with fireflies. I’ll miss this place so much—not as much as Logan, but almost.

“How is this going to work?” I ask with a pout. He hates technology, and we can’t just use Kyle’s phone to communicate. “Will you text? Will we talk on the phone and video call and all of that?”

He pauses for a long moment, then nods. “Yes. All of that. I was gone this afternoon because Kyle took me to buy a phone.”

When I gape, his hands rub along my sides. “Barbie, I won’t let you vanish from my life. I want to talk to you after tomorrow. I want to talk to you as long as you have things to say.”

My heart skips a beat, and for the first time in my life, I’m at a loss for words. Logan Coleman bought a phone. Family and friends have been begging him to, and he did it for me. “We’ll be talking forever, then.”

With a chuckle, he gives me a ‘Don’t I know it?’ look. “So, can we do it? Kyle explained sexting to me. It sounded interesting.”

With a half smile, I ask, “Did he explain phone sex?”

“I think I can figure it out.” He pulls me closer. “I’m going to miss you like you’ve packed up all the oxygen in your ridiculous luggage,” he says as he kisses my forehead.

I can’t even answer. There’s nothing to say, because the thought of leaving him and the farm behind feels...like leaving a part of me too.

“Hey, no. Don’t be sad, strong Barbie.” He pulls my chin up, his brows knitting dramatically. “You’ll do great things, I know it.”

I nod, though I’m not feeling it. “Maybe tomorrow,” I say as I grind my hips forward. “I’d like to do you tonight.”

His gaze locks with mine, intense and unwavering. “Want me to fuck the sadness out of you, Barbie?”

“Yes.” I feel a flutter in my chest as he leans in closer, his warm breath brushing against my skin as my heart pounds faster with each passing second. Once his lips meet mine, a wave of electricity surges through our kiss, and my hands find their way to his shoulders, holding on to him as if he’s my lifeline.

He grips the small of my back, pulling me closer, and a rush of heat spreads through me. When our lips part, I”m breathless, my lips tingling. Our eyes meet, and with a smile, I say, “I want you, cowboy.”

He smirks, his hand moving my underwear to the side. “Save a horse, Barbie.”

Ride a cowboy instead.