Risking the Pucking Defense (LA Vipers #5)

Chapter 1

HAYDEN

I’ve experienced my fair share of lows recently but standing behind a huge fern, hiding at my own teammate’s wedding, is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Lying to them all yesterday, and then earlier today, wasn’t much above this moment either.

Since signing with the Vipers, they’ve become everything to me. My LA family that I’ve needed more than they understand.

Leaving home and starting over is always hard, I don’t doubt that. But without sounding like a selfish prick, it’s been even harder for me.

What I had to leave behind…

I try to swallow the lump that seems to have taken up permanent residence in my throat, but it’s impossible.

Parker looks incredible, and the way Linc is gazing at her…

Man, I’d love to know how that feels.

I know love. But what I’ve experienced is different to the way those two are looking at each other.

I know family. The deepest kind of bond with those you share DNA with. What I haven’t found is my soulmate, the person who owns the other half of me. Maybe I won’t. Maybe only some people are lucky enough to find that kind of love in their lifetime.

I’m so far back from where they’re exchanging vows, it’s hard to hear the words they say to each other. But I don’t need to. Their body language says it all.

Discreetly, I reach up and wipe my eyes.

They’re already sore. But I can’t stop the tears that well.

I guess I should just be grateful that these ones have at least a little happiness in them.

My plan is to escape before the bride and groom turn to make their exit, but I’m too slow, and as the officiant announces them husband and wife, I realize I’ve missed my chance to flee and return to the safety of my hotel room.

Despite what I told my friends, I got back to LA yesterday afternoon.

I even showed up at Parker and Linc’s building last night. I just…I never got out of the car. Instead, I watched everyone pile inside with a heavy heart, unable to move.

I couldn’t do it. As much as I wanted to see them all, feel the familiarity of being surrounded by my hockey family, I couldn’t face them. Not when they didn’t know the truth of what I was going through.

It ripped me apart to tell Bea, and I know she’s told Rett. But other than that, I can only assume she’s kept her word. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed. At least if she had told them all, it wouldn’t be this big secret. I could slip back in as if everything was normal.

No. That’s not possible. Nothing is ever going to be normal again.

I try to make myself as small as possible, which is a pretty big feat, considering I’m a six-foot-four defenseman.

By some miracle, it works, and despite the certainty that I’m about to be spotted and all my lies are going to come crashing down around my feet, everyone is too distracted to so much as glance my way.

It’s for the best. But it doesn’t stop the pain. Maybe if someone looked this way, maybe if someone saw me, it would make everything that little bit better.

I stay in my hiding spot while the sound of everyone’s happiness and laughter just outside the main doors filters down to me.

I wish I could feel even the tiniest bit of it, but the truth is that even on two of my friends’ happiest of days, there is no light inside me. Instead, all I feel is the agonizing weight of grief that presses down so hard on my shoulders, it threatens to consume me.

It was always going to be bad. But after all the years knowing it was coming, I thought I was somewhat prepared. Turns out, nothing can prepare you for your life as you know it ending.

Time passes slowly, but despite the voices I can still hear, I know I need to move.

I’ve been lucky not to be caught, but that luck can only last so long.

My heart is in my throat as I slip from my hiding place and rush around the perimeter of the room in the opposite direction to everyone else.

I figure I can slip out of this room, right into the stairwell opposite, and skulk back to my room to hide.

Pulling the door open, I poke my head out and look toward the bar. Just like I suspected, everyone is engaged in various conversations; no one is aimlessly gazing down the hallway.

Closing my eyes, I count to three and then dart across the room.

As the door falls closed behind me, the voices float off to nothing, and I breathe a sigh of relief as I begin to climb the stairs.

With each step, my muscles relax.

But then, my world comes crashing down around my feet when a familiar voice floats up the stairwell.

“Hayden?”

My teeth clench and my fists curl.

If I were going to get caught by anyone today, why couldn’t it have been Bea or Rett? Why did it have to be her?

I hang my head, my steps slowing to a stop.

I’m pretty confident I could outrun her, especially in those heels I saw her wearing. But that’ll only make this worse.

“Hayden, wait,” she calls again when I don’t say anything.

Her heels tap against the stairs as she runs up, and I stay frozen, waiting for the inevitable.

As she emerges, I’m struck by just how beautiful she is—just like I was on the very first day I met her.

She’s tiny and, well…perfect.

She looks delicate and gentle, and I remember being lured in by that false sense of security. But there is nothing gentle about the way she bosses hockey players around on a daily basis. This woman is fierce and strong—and utterly incredible.

Did I mention she’s also hot? Like, the hottest woman I’ve ever seen in my life, and I can’t help but feel like a teenager with a crush whenever we’re in the same room.

“Everyone was waiting for you and—” Her words cut off as her eyes connect with mine.

I have no idea what she can see, but from the way her smile drops and her brows furrow, I’m assuming it isn’t good.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

It’s such an innocent question. One I should be able to cope with.

Maybe if anyone else had asked me, I’d be able to shrug it off with yet another lie and move on.

But not her.

Never her.

Instead, the most embarrassing thing happens.

A loud sob rips from my throat, and my vision blurs as tears fill my eyes again.

“Oh shit. Hayden, what—”

“My sister,” I blurt, the words spilling free without permission. “She…she died.”

Suddenly, I’m engulfed by a small set of arms and held so tightly by the only woman I’ve wanted since moving to LA.

I was wrong earlier.

Hiding behind a plant at my friends’ wedding wasn’t my lowest point.

This is.

Falling apart in the arms of my PR Director, a woman I’ve been low-key obsessed with since the very first time I walked into the front office at the Vipers’ arena.

But that is exactly what happens.

I fight to get myself together, for the tears to dry up and the sobs to subside. But despite having done this every day for the past four weeks, it doesn’t stop. Just like the pain.

It never fucking stops.

Time, however…that seems to cease as we stand there in the stairwell, me broken beyond repair and her attempting to hold all my jagged pieces in place.

It’s an impossible feat. I’m never going to be whole again.

I’ve lost my other half. The best part of me. The one person I lived for.

Literally, I have worked so fucking hard and done all this for her.

She never had a shot at achieving her dreams, and she made me promise when we were only kids that I would push as hard as I could, do everything in my power to make mine come true.

She wanted to live vicariously through me.

She told me that watching me succeed would make her happier than anything else in the world.

So I did.

I worked harder than anyone else. I put in more hours than everyone else, and it paid off. I made it to the top. All for her. All with her by my side.

But now…now she’s gone. Eventually, other voices join us, and I panic, twisting out of Hailee’s arms. I turn my back on her and drag my palms across my cheeks, frantically trying to wipe away the evidence of my meltdown.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble as I dart forward and race up the next set of stairs.

The second I hit the top, I fly through the door and rush toward the elevator as if I’ve got the hounds of hell snapping at my ankles.

But the person chasing after me isn’t from hell.

I mean, Rett might try to claim that she is, but to me, she’s a fucking angel, and way too good for the darkness that swarms around me these days.

“Hayden, wait,” she calls.

Her voice flows through me, commanding me to do as I’m told, but I can’t. Not this time.

I jab my finger against the call button relentlessly in the hope it makes the elevator move faster, but it’s hopeless.

Finally, it arrives, and I jump inside as Hailee approaches.

I try to get the doors closed, so I can escape her, but she’s too fast. She throws her body in the way, forcing them to open again before joining me.

No words are said as the doors slide together this time. The air turns thick, but even as we begin to climb through the building, she stays quiet.

The only thing I can hear is the rapid beat of my heart, and it annoys the hell out of me.

I hesitate once the doors open on my floor. If I walk out, is she going to follow me? She sure isn’t giving vibes that she wants to talk to me. Maybe she just didn’t want to wait for the next elevator.

I take a step forward, then another, and as I cross the threshold into the hallway, I make the colossal mistake of glancing back over my shoulder.

It’s the first time I’ve looked at her since she raced up the stairs toward me, but this time, my breath catches for an entirely different reason. Her eyes are flooded with tears, and the tracks on her cheeks hint that I wasn’t the only one crying back there.

“I’m sorry,” I say again before forcing myself forward.

I don’t look back this time. Instead, I pull my keycard from my pocket, tap it against the panel, and push into my room.

It takes a few seconds to register that I don’t hear the door fall closed behind me.

Spinning around, I gasp when I find Hailee standing there, holding it.

“Y-you’re in my room,” I blurt like an idiot.

She glances down at her feet.

“Only just,” she points out. “I can go, if you want. I just…” Her eyes bounce between mine as her words trail off.

A bitter laugh spills from my lips at the realization that she’s lost for words.

Hailee Caldwell is never, ever lost for words. “I’m sorry.”

I mentally kick myself for apologizing again. But I don’t have anything else to say.

“Stop, Hayden. Please,” she begs, taking another step into the room, finally letting the door close behind her.