Risky Replay (Country Stars Forever #1)

Chapter 37

Thirty-Seven

EMILY

I’m tempted to keep my lips on Derek to hide how raw and exposed I feel. But a thickness clogs my airway. I pull off his yummy lips and clear my throat.

“The band. Paying for Jesi’s schooling. The fans. The restaurant. Your whole life plan, all designed to make everyone want to come back to you. It’s not all the other stuff, it’s you who brings them back. It’s your curiosity about them, who they are; you genuinely care about people. About their dreams. You see people, Derek. They want to be around you because you make them feel special. You’ve always done it for me no matter how much I try to hide those parts of me.”

There’s something in his eyes that tells me he feels as exposed as me.

He traces a circle around my heart. “You bringing James into my life taught me there wasn’t anything wrong with me. For whatever reason, my mother couldn’t love my sister and me, not even when Tyler came to live with us did it make her any better of a parent. I’ll never know why, and I don’t think about her much. But here I am, thinking you could possibly be the same way. But you’re not. The way you love James and Victoria. It’s unconditional. It’s real. ”

My eyes burn from holding back tears.

“You love them enough to walk away from me. As scared as I am you’ll leave one day, I’m willing to take the risk. And I’m really banking what we have is enough and you’re willing to take the same risk,” he says.

My chest swells with emotion.

Am I willing to take the risk?

I want to tell him it’s not about taking risks. It’s about a little boy and a little girl whose hearts will be broken little by little every time he’s not there.

Like it happened at the fundraiser.

This summer, we created new memories. Victoria giggling uncontrollably as Derek teases her, James dancing for his dad, and Derek holding them in each arm at the threshold earlier today. “The memories we make have to be strong enough to outweigh the ones we can’t help but fuck up.”

“We’ll fuck up?” Derek asks.

I stare at the high ceiling, seemingly far above us but not an impossible distance.

“We’ll do everything we can, but like they say, it happens. We’ll always have good intentions, and those are what we have to remember. When you don’t show, I’ll do my best to remember this isn’t you giving me signs you’re leaving. It’s not all or nothing. I’ll have to trust your heart is always with us even if you can’t be.

“I don’t know if that’s what happened with my dad. I’ll never know if he tried to come back, didn’t want us, or couldn’t come back. Everyone handles grief differently, and losing Ryan, I was lucky to have so much support around me. It’s why I loved my time in the Army, my team had my six. I think that’s why I was so adamant about moving back, because I was afraid of losing it and becoming my father. Every time he failed to show up, it broke me.”

He leaves a kiss on my lips, soft and tender, and tightening his hold on me. And I don’t need words for him to show me he loves me.

“I’m willing to take the risk,” I say, “if you’re willing to hit replay on us.”

The memory of my injury returns. As does the sensation of losing my independence for six weeks. Six weeks where I gave everything over to Derek. Where he took care of us. Where he gave us more than what I deserved.

“I’m sorry.” The words spill out of me, so low I’m surprised he hears them.

“If I were you, I’d have done the same.”

“What?”

“Been doin’ some thinkin’.” His tone is playful, laced with what a sweet southern boy would sound like. I smile at the levity he brings to what’s a heavy conversation. “You gave James a home. A family. I didn’t know how to do that then. Heck, I didn’t know how to properly love you back then. Then I drunk word vomited the most awful things to you. You never deserved it. You did what any good mother would, you protected your child from assholes like me.”

The sincerity in his words and the somberness in his eyes bury themselves deep in my bones. He’s forgiven me. A deep ache emanates from somewhere where my soul likely resides, and it leaves my body with a guttural painful sound and tears stream down my cheeks.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” he asks.

It’s what’s been eating away at me for seven years. “It wasn’t right.”

He moves his body over mine, holding himself over me with his forearms bracketed next to my ears. “What’s right is the way you love him. The way you’re making this world a better place for him. How you’ll always be there for him. He’ll grow up knowing he’s got the best cheerleader, protector, and famous country singing mama who will always love him.”

“You’re famous,” I taunt .

“We’re famous,” he teases back before his lips land on mine. His kiss is soft, warm, and laced with the sweet flavor of forgiveness. My hands sneak greedily under his shirt. I don’t need to look to know the grooved marble path of his abs to his heart.

Reluctantly, I break our kiss.

“After James was born, I swore you’d imprinted your DNA not on him, but on me. The way I struggled after, nothing made sense, I cried all the time, and I was convinced it was your DNA trying to leave my body.” His eyes widen with what I assume is concern for my sanity. “But I wouldn’t let it. I shoved every contaminated cell into a little box, locked it up, and stored it for what I thought would be eternity. As James grew older, and every day he turned into your little mini me, the box would let a little more escape.” Derek’s eyes fill with questions like he’s wondering what alien possessed me. “I promise I’m not possessed by aliens.”

He smiles. “No, but you’re out of this world hot.”

Oh. My. God. Derek covers my mouth so I don’t wake the kids with my laughter. We shake with silent laughter, and after we control ourselves, he falls on his side, rolling me on top of him. I bury my face in his chest.

“Not to burst your bubble, but I do believe the same thing happened with Victoria. I have a little bit of both of you with me forever.”

His gaze softens. “Wouldn’t want it any other way.” He clears his throat. “I have something to tell you.”

We sit there while he shares about the letter and the photos, and then he tells me about the video. I’d forgotten about it, and by the time he’s done, I’m on the edge of tears. “It’s still true,” I whisper.

After, we need no words. We kiss, slowly slipping under the blankets, letting our bodies surrender to each other and forgetting about the hard floor underneath. Derek and I connect our bodies like we’ve never been apart. Each caress of his lips on me reminds me we’re exactly where we’re meant to be. I return his kiss. With each one, I promise to never run. If I do, I’ll run directly to him .

“I love you,” he whispers. Even if I’ve heard it from him before, this time, the words seep into my skin, meshing with pesky Derek DNA that’s been freed, and infusing me with a new sense of what I haven’t known in years. Hope.

My nails rake over his back as the orgasm rocks my core and I hold in a relieving cry. I’m home.

“We’re not young anymore,” Derek groans as I hear a little giggle.

I blink an eye open because even though we both dozed a little after making love, we tossed and turned once the high wore off. We never found the right way to sleep while holding onto each other on the hard floor.

James sits next to Derek, trying to braid his father’s hair. Derek’s eyes are closed and he’s not moving to let James do his thing. Victoria has snuggled in between our legs and is crawling up to separate us. I move, but as soon as she’s within reach, I pounce and trap her between us.

“Let’s get a hotel with two beds,” I say hoping there are no bruises on me from the floor. From Derek’s fingers squeezing me, yes, the floor, no.

“Tyler’s selling his house.” Derek peeks at me without moving.

“The animals too?”

Derek smiles. “I kinda told him he had to include them.”

I bolt upright. “You mean we slept on this floor when there’s a perfectly empty house with perfect mattresses only thirty minutes away?”

He smiles. “You chose to come here.”

I huff dramatically, as I run a hand over my hair. “You have to make it up to us. You’re treating us to breakfast.”

James and Victoria both jump up.

“Pancakes. ”

“Bacon.”

“Chicken.” We three take turns demanding what we want for breakfast.

“Chicken?” James tilts his head as he scrunches his little nose at me.

“Chicken and waffles sound good,” I protest.

Derek groans. “Alright. Everyone get dressed. We’re going on a trip.”

James and Victoria rush to the room. As we both get up, he tackles me to the couch, covering my body with his as I lay on my stomach with him on top of my back.

“What are you doing?” I wiggle underneath, trying to break free. “They’re going to be out here in less than a minute if you’re taking them out to breakfast.” He’s heavy. Ugh.

“Want to ditch the condoms?” he asks, his voice low.

My breath falters. The chances are low, but with us, it’s a risk. I gasp when I realize what he’s asking. “You, you want another one?”

The patter of feet has him jolting off me. “C’mon Em, no going back to sleep or else we’re not getting your chicken and waffles,” he taunts.

I give him my worst glare, but its weak, and instead, start towards the bathroom. “I’m going to get ready, and I’m using your toothbrush.”

The kids groan, and he laughs as I turn into his bedroom.

After we’ve had breakfast and we’re back at the condo while we wait as Victoria and James plot a short skit for us, Derek hooks his arm around my shoulders. “I want more. One, two, maybe four.”

My head jerks toward him. “Four?” Does he know what he’s saying? Is he insane? I gesture to my abdomen. “It’s not an assembly line.”

He laughs.

“Not four.”

“Three? ”

I shake my head. “This isn’t something to decide on the fly. We barely figured us out. We have time.”

He stares towards the bedroom as if he’s remembering something. “Remember when the condom broke?”

I whoosh out a breath of relief. A line appears over Derek’s brow but soon fades as he smiles. “I figured it out then. I didn’t know if you’d be willing to make things work between us, but I felt like you’d done DNA imprinting too.” He waggles his brows.

Lord, please save me. I’ve created a monster. Or we’re two odd balls who found each other.

“Let’s talk about it once we’re settled.”

He leans in and whispers. “Can we ditch condoms?”

I lean up and bite his earlobe. He shudders. “As you wish.”

He groans as if I’ve licked something else on him.

His eyes sparkle wickedly, but before he can do anything, Victoria walks out wearing Derek’s shirts around her head and she shakes it side to side as if it were her hair. James narrates and takes the lead of a story, sounding very much like a combination of Disney princess movies with Star Wars elements. Both Derek and I clap as they take their bows.

Derek’s phone rings, his lips straightening as he stands. “Hey.” He walks to the kitchen, but I can still hear him. “I didn’t forget….uh, not yet…sure, sure.” There’s a long silence and then he says a goodbye and returns.

I wait, wondering if he’ll share. Does he have to leave? Is this another opportunity for a collaboration? Airplay for the duet with Bailey is insane.

“Are you leaving?” I ask Derek.

“No, nothing like that.” He glances over at James and Victoria who are watching him too. “Only Bailey saying hello.” He scratches the back of his head. “Are we ready to go?”

Over half an hour later, we’re in Tyler’s former house, the memories of July running around my head, making my cheeks hurt. James and Victoria run to claim their old rooms, and then outside to say hi to the animals. Derek and I follow, our hands laced together.

“There’s something I have to confess.” He spears his fingers through his hair letting his hand linger on the back of his neck.

My stomach knots. He’s leaving on tour. It’s what I’ve been prepared for. I’m in this. I can do this.

“I asked Aiden to look into the possibility of you and the kids coming on tour. I’d pay for a home school teacher to join us. Anything you want. I want you with me. Don’t want to wait weeks to see you.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “I sort of maybe, already asked if you could be part of the show. We could sing some covers, and I’ve, uh, been writing some duets.”

Do I? Do I want to go on tour with him? Yes!!

I point at my chest. “You want me to go on tour with you and sing to tens of thousands of people?”

Derek’s face blooms with the unfiltered smile he gifted James.

“Yes, yes, yes. But we have to have a plan for the kids. I don’t want them to be left without us for months or even more than a couple days.”

I love him. Is there anything beyond love? There is. And its where I am standing in front of the world’s most forgiving man. I release a shaky breath. “Yes.”

Derek scoops me into his arms and spins me belting out a whoop whoop. The kids come running at the commotion asking what is happening.

“Are you getting married?” James asks.

My cheeks ache from smiling as I catch the joy in James’ eyes. I look over at Victoria, whose toothy smile and wide eyes give me the answer.

“One step at a time,” Derek says.

I laugh and cover it up. “When have we ever done anything a step at a time?”

Derek tightens his hold on me. “You’re right.” And kisses me. Two pairs of tiny arms wrap around my leg.

We took a risk and now we have our second chance at forever.