Chapter 24
Ithink I need to do a bit of groveling.
Things are different now and it’s my fucking fault. From the corner of my eye, I watch as she moves achingly slow around her station, the skin around her mouth stretched tight as if she’s trying to hold everything inside. She seems as if she’s in pain, and I’m certain I’m the cause because she won’t meet my eyes.
Her texts swim through my head, and my guilt only deepens. I turn and scroll through the last messages she’s sent, and I feel like such a dick. I could have at least responded. Grief over my sister always has a way of fucking with my head.
Did your day end up better than it started? Since the build was cancelled, I actually found myself with nothing to do at home. Well, I guess if you discount regular chores.
Hey, Jaxon. Will you give Noir a pat on the nose for me? And I wanted to say thank you for letting me meet him and teaching me the other day. I can’t wait to try again, even if he IS way out of my league. He’s a good boy.
I hope things are going well for you. I’m sure you’re still busy, which is expected with running your business and everything. I wanted to tell you that one of the kittens got into so much trouble today! He climbed up on the rail in the cow barn and tried to jump to the back of a calf. THEN, the calf freaked out because kitten nails are like razors and literally started a riot with ALL the babies in there! The kitten, I’ve named him Buck, took off and scared all the calves so badly that they started running around the stalls and spilled water and food everywhere. One little kitten did ALL that damage in less than two minutes. But I love him.
Sorry, that was so long!
Hope you’re good. I’m rereading one of my favorite books with a friend. The Count of Monte Cristo. Have you ever read it?
I apologize that I keep texting, but I grew concerned that something was wrong. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you or that you need?
My head lifts and I find her again. I only can catch the side of her face, but fuck, she looks sad. Dragging my eyes away, they fall on Ruth. Now that woman isn’t avoiding eye contact. She’s locked on me without blinking, and I feel as if I’m being judged by Jesus himself. When she raises a brow in question, I know I need to fix things with my friend now.
Ruth’s eyes follow me as I head over to Edith. Reaching up, I touch her shoulder to gain her attention, then frown when she flinches away. As soon as she sees me, her features soften, and a half-hearted smile replaces the grimace she’s been carrying for the past hour.
“Oh, hey Jaxon. Do you need these? I’m almost finished up and can bring them over if you’d like.” She holds up some smaller frames that will go in as supports for the barn roof.
Leaning my hip against her bench, I cross my arms and look down at how much she’s accomplished already. “This is all looking so good, Edith. No, I don’t need it right now. I wanted to come over and see how you’ve been.” I eye her carefully and when her eyes fall, I feel another punch to my chest.
“I’m good. This is pretty easy. Mindless, really.”
Leaning down, I tilt my head to catch her attention. “Edith. I’m sorry for being distant last week. I had some shit I needed to deal with, but I should have at least let you know why I was quiet.”
Edith lifts her head with a fake smile plastered on. “It’s okay! I figured you just got busy. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.” And because she’s literally the sweetest person I’ve ever met, she asks, “Has everything worked out for you now? You’re good?”
“Yeah, I’m good now. I got into my head about my sister and I kind of went off grid to deal with that.” Her eyes flick up to me, this time with more understanding, and I add, “I should have responded. It wasn’t you. It was me being self-absorbed. Forgive me?”
A small exhale leaves her mouth. “I’ll always forgive you.”
Movement from the corner of my eye draws my attention, and I notice Ruth heading out of the barn with an arm hooked on one of the volunteers, leaving the two of us alone. I slide my body closer to hers and keep my posture lowered, so she doesn’t feel like I’m hovering.
“Hey, are you doing okay? Aside from maybe being mad at me, you seem a bit off.”
She sets her work down and peers at me. “I’m not mad at you. I’m…” Trailing off, she bites her lip and straightens her shoulders. “Can I ask you something? It’s really personal and I don’t know where our line of friendship starts and ends, but I’m confused about something. It’s embarrassing and really, really personal.”
“Do we need to go somewhere else?” Edith doesn’t seem to be the type to create drama out of nothing, so her asking to discuss something personal has me taking it seriously.
“You think they’ll mind?” Then she second guesses herself. “No, it’s okay. I can manage, I think. I think the Danielsons would be disappointed in me if I took you away for this particular reason.”
Well, now my curiosity is definitely piqued, so I take her hand and pull her away from her table. “Nope. I’ve been absent for too long. Ruth will be alright for a bit. Let’s go for a walk or something.”
“But, what about—”
Spinning around, I place a finger on my lips and wink. “Hush. It’ll be fine.”
Edith giggles and allows me to drag her out the door. I lift my chin toward Ruth, who only nods once before turning back to the person she’s speaking with, their backs to us. Smart lady. Everyone around here is nosy, and I’m sure they’d be whispering nonsense if I’m seen dragging a young woman off toward a field.
Once we manage to swim through the knee-high crops, I find a spot that’s been washed out in the center and sit down, pulling her with me. She sits at my side, keeping a small space between us.
Looking around us, Edith grins. “It’s like a little room out here. We’ll be able to hear someone coming from a mile away, but they won’t hear us.”
“Exactly,” I say with another wink. “Which means you can tell me what’s going on without worry of being overheard. What’s got you bothered?”
Her breath hitches just before she immediately begins to dig her fingers into the dirt. “I know I already said it, but are you sure? It’s incredibly personal and probably way too much information.”
Bumping her with my shoulder, I answer once she peeks up at me. “We’re friends, right? Who else are you supposed to spill your secrets to?”
There’s a slight flicker of emotion across her face before she turns her head to stare forward. “Okay, so, remember when we were talking, and you asked if I had a boyfriend and I laughed at how crazy that was?”
“You got one now?” My stomach sinks. Did I miss my chance here? I had thought doing this whole friend thing was important, but fuck, I didn’t think her situation would change so quickly. Preparing myself for her confirmation, I school my features.
“No, that’s not it. But this thing is about a guy and something that happened which confuses me.”
Relaxing over the news I may not be destined to forever be labeled as just a friend, I focus on her words and how serious and concerned she sounds.
“Tell me what happened, and I’ll do my best. Us men aren’t always the brightest, but maybe I can help.”
Edith’s head falls, and she mumbles under her breath.
Dipping my head down, I try to understand, but can’t hear her. “Edith, you’re gonna have to speak up. There’s no one here. Getting it all out is the hardest part.”
I can’t stop my chuckle when she groans and tilts her head back toward the sky. “It’s so embarrassing. So, I had sex for the first time the other day.” Her cheeks are crimson and she’s only able to glance at me briefly before looking anywhere but in my direction.
Air freezes in my lungs, completely unprepared for her confession as well as how I feel about it. Clearing the lump from my throat, I force out my question. “Did… Are you good with how it went?” Awkwardly, I rub the back of my head. “I don’t know how to ask that without sounding weird, but honestly, I just want to know you’re okay in that regard.”
With a sigh, she drops her head, laying her cheek on her knees and turns her face toward me. “I’m alright. That’s… That’s not the problem. Not that particular part, at least. I don’t even know if I have a problem, but I’m confused.”
“Okay… So, what’s got you all tied up in knots? ‘Cuz if you need me to go have words with someone, I’m in your corner. That’s what friends are for, right?” I choke over the word friends, but she doesn’t comment on it.
Edith just pours out everything and it’s difficult to understand exactly what happened while also processing that this motherfucker needs to be shot.
“It sort of happened out of the blue. We’d spent some time together, and things kind of progressed. I thought he liked me or was developing some sort of feelings, maybe? I don’t know. It was fun though, easy even. Then it happened. It was amazing. Even in the morning, things seemed just fine, but then we were sort of interrupted and I panicked because…” She trails off, not finishing her sentence.
“Because?” I ask, urging her to continue.
“Just because, I suppose. Anyway, after that, before he left, he basically told me he had a good time and didn’t regret anything that happened, but it’s not a good idea to repeat it. He said we should pretend it didn’t happen.” She frowns, staring at her hands. “That really hurt my feelings because I thought… How do I pretend it didn’t happen? Is that something people do? Have sex with each other and just pretend you didn’t share that experience with each other? Because if so, I don’t think it’s for me.”
“Are you angry at him?” I ask because I want to know if I need to go hunt this guy down and teach him a lesson about respecting women, especially if they’re giving him the gift of their first time. My first experience wasn’t perfect. My high school girlfriend at the time wasn’t someone I was madly in love with. Maybe it was simply teenage lust, but we both had a decent enough go of it.
She shakes her head slowly. “No, I’m not mad at him. It’s that I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t know it was only a one-time thing. It felt like it was more than that when it happened. Maybe I did something wrong?”
“Listen.” I grab her hand and draw her attention to me, smiling softly. “Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want, but it’s not a reflection of you or him. We can’t guarantee everyone will be in the right headspace after sharing any kind of intimacy. I promise you, though.” I touch her chin with my finger to lift her face so she hears my sincerity. “You did nothing wrong. I guarantee it.”
Her lower lip wobbles and my heart breaks for her. She’s obviously torn up about this, and I don’t blame her. Christ, she was vulnerable with someone and moments later, they let her down. I know this is hurting her.
“It really sucks,” she bites out, her voice cracking. I tell myself fuck it and tug her into my arms, giving her a hug.
Her arms tentatively wrap around my waist, but once she’s there, she tightens her hold and squeezes me tightly. Pressing my cheek to her head, I whisper, “It does suck, and I’ll be honest with you. It was a pretty shitty thing for him to have done. I can’t say I know his reasons, but I do understand how badly it stings. You should know not all men are like that. We can be idiots, but not everyone will leave you feeling like this.”
She won’t know it now, but I’m including myself in the category of men not walking away after spending a night with a woman. Not without prior understanding. I get people fuck just to fuck, but I already know Edith isn’t one of those people. I could have told anyone that after only spending five minutes with her.
Now isn’t the time to say anything, so I just hold her and give her the reassurance she’s seeking. After a while, I’m able to sense when she’s got herself pulled together, so I slowly let her go.
“You know what you need?”
This time, when she smiles, it’s genuine and has a little less hurt behind it. “What do I need?”
“You need an afternoon off. So do I. How about we tell ol’ Mrs. Danielson that we’re skipping work for the day and head back for some more riding lessons? My personal shit already wasted too much of our time hanging out together.”
Her eyes widen with hope, but Edith being Edith, gives me an out so she doesn’t feel like a burden. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel guilty—”
“I’m positive. Let’s go visit Noir again.”
I stand and yank her to her feet, then we say our goodbyes to Ruth before heading out. I’m just as anxious to have a day off as her, and by the end of the afternoon, we’re both smiling after leaving all the dark shit behind us for a few hours.