Rivals and Roses (The Vaughns #1)

Chapter 35

F elicity’s brow furrowed, though whether it was in confusion about the confession itself or its connection to their conversation, Violet couldn’t say. It didn’t matter. The bandage had been pulled off the wound, and it would do no good to simply seal it over once more. Time to cleanse the putrid flesh beneath.

“I didn’t realize it when I was younger because my parents love me—they do,” she continued. “They are proud of me and are thrilled to see me succeed. Yet at the end of the day, they prefer my siblings. Mama talks to Isaac about everything, and when he is gone, she waits with bated breath for every scrap of news and is never content until he returns. She rarely seeks out my company.”

“But I recall you spending endless hours with your father in his office,” said Felicity, her gaze growing unfocused as she cast her thoughts to the past. “You were always with him.”

“Not because he asked me there,” said Violet with a shake of her head. “He accepted my company, but he never spent time teaching me about medicine. I observed him and pored over his books, and even though he praised my skills, I cannot recall any time he invited me into his world. Many believed me to be his darling daughter because of our mutual love of medicine and overlooked how much he spoiled his youngest.”

With a bitter chuckle, Violet added, “If his preference hadn’t been clear from all the ribbons and gowns he lavished upon Martha, Papa left me in no doubt of his feelings after his passing. Neither of our dowries was worthy of notice, but hers was much greater than mine.”

Violet squeezed her hands together and tried to meet Felicity’s eyes, though it was far too difficult. “And the same is true of my friends. They treat me well and enjoy my company, only to forget me the moment someone more worthy of their attention appears. Gentlemen are affectionate and doting until a lady worthy of their love crosses their path. Then I am tossed aside without a second thought.”

Though she opened her mouth with a look that said she wished to argue, Felicity softened her expression as she considered that. “Having only just married recently at the age of two and thirty, I am all too aware of how difficult it is to maintain friendships after marriage. Our priorities shift—”

Violet held up a staying hand. “I understand how selfish it sounds. A person’s first responsibility is to their spouse and their children. Of course, their family ought to be a priority and the topmost consideration. But it is more than that. Everyone is quite pleased to return my love with tepid affection, and it leaves me feeling like an understudy they tolerate until their leading lady arrives. I would rather surround myself with people like the Gadds, who are amusing but superficial. Then it will not hurt so very much when they decide I am no longer worthy of their time.”

Despite having already confessed so much, Violet couldn’t bring herself to voice the deepest longing in her heart. One that she’d dismissed long ago, for it did no good to dwell on the impossible. But considering the situation at hand, she couldn’t stop the question from resurfacing.

What would it be like to have someone who valued her company above all others? A certain someone with deep blue eyes and arms that fit so snuggly around her? Who always kept a calm head when her world was falling apart? Except when it came to defending her honor—

Shoving those thoughts aside, Violet cleared her throat. “For a while, I altered myself to fit their ideal, hoping it might endear me, but it never did. I work myself to the bone to take care of my mother, and she will always turn to Isaac for conversation or company and will always look to him as though he is the salvation of the family.”

“Oh, Vi,” began Felicity.

“Please do not call me that. I hate that name! It was given to me by people who thought ‘Violet’ too delicate and feminine a name for me.” The reaction was so visceral and instantaneous that Violet spoke without thinking, giving voice to a long-buried sentiment that she’d ignored and dismissed for far too long. “And I do not want pity or false assurances. It is not self-doubt that colors my opinion, nor is it merely a matter of me granting them grace and understanding. I know my family well and how they feel about me.”

“I—” But Felicity strained again, her cheeks flushing as she struggled beneath another pain. Taking her former post, Violet didn’t hesitate to seize hold of Felicity’s hands once more, murmuring the sorts of reassuring words that seemed to help in that moment. They may not be helpful in Violet’s situation, but they certainly did some good for Felicity.

When she relaxed once more, the lady lay in silence for a moment before turning her dark eyes to her friend.

“I wasn’t going to give you false assurances, Violet ,” said Felicity, giving the name a gentle emphasis. “Have you considered that you cannot change them and that constantly trying to do so is the source of your discontent? Whilst I will say I cannot imagine treating my children thusly and it saddens me that it has hurt you, your pain comes from fixating on the aspects of your relationships you wish were different, rather than reveling in all the good. They are who they are, and you cannot claim you care for your family whilst growing angry every time they do not behave as you desire.”

“I wouldn’t say I have done that,” said Violet, shifting in her seat.

“You have said again and again that they are kind and loving, and from what you’ve shared, I would hazard a guess that if not for the preferential treatment they granted your brother and sister, you would have no complaints about how your parents treated you?”

Violet’s shoulders tightened. “That is true.”

“Again, I am sorry that they have hurt you, but why are you allowing it to damage what is otherwise a happy relationship? I do not always enjoy my husband’s family, but I realized my misery came from focusing on their flaws at the expense of all the things I adore about them. They are not bad people, nor are they purposefully cruel. They are imperfect and obtuse—as we all can be—and I was too busy wishing they would behave a certain way to fully appreciate the joy they can be.”

Hand still clasping Violet’s, Felicity gave her a squeeze and a faint smile. “I am glad that they do not live in Oakham, I doubt I will ever count them amongst my closest friends, and I will always defend my husband from being the object of their jests, but I look forward to exchanging letters with Annette and to annual visits. And I do not want to see your feelings for your family sour because you are doing what I have done.”

“I know,” whispered Violet, her eyes downturned. “In my heart of hearts, I know that I ought to leave things be. It is not as though I am unloved. I just wish—”

A knock on the door had Violet straightening and turning her eyes away from the intruder, though there were no true outward signs of her distress. Drawing in a deep breath, she gathered her strength as Felicity called for Dr. Vaughn to enter.

“I am certain that Miss Templeton is managing everything perfectly, but your fretful husband would feel better if I checked as well.” Glancing between the ladies as he stepped toward the birthing cot, Dr. Vaughn paused and frowned. “Miss Templeton? Is something the matter?”

With the discussion still lingering in her thoughts, that question made Violet’s heart burn, and she struggled to force air into her lungs as she held fast to her composure. How had he known? Violet knew how to school her features, and she would’ve staked her reputation that none of her troubles peeked through.

Giving him an inviting smile and nodding for him to go about his work, she said, “We were discussing something serious. That is all.”

Dr. Vaughn didn’t move as he studied her for a moment longer before reluctantly going to Felicity’s bedside. Without bidding, Violet shifted the blankets so he could reach Felicity’s belly. Placing his hands on the womb, he furrowed his brow as he felt about before reaching for her wrist and feeling her pulse.

Turning his eyes to Violet, he asked, “How often?”

“I do not have a clock on hand, so I cannot say for certain,” replied Violet. “Though I would estimate every three minutes or so. The contractions last for around fifty seconds.”

Dr. Vaughn turned his gaze to Felicity. “And the pain?”

“Bearable,” she replied. “Though I fear my dear nurse is taking the brunt, as I have been ruthlessly crushing her hand.”

A faint smile took hold as Violet huffed. “Nonsense.”

Glancing between the pair, Dr. Vaughn nodded. “With the assistance of a rather brilliant apothecary, I have a few tinctures and lineaments that should provide some relief if needed. I would prefer trying those rather than cupping. It may help with the pain, though I have my doubts that it will do much good in these circumstances.”

“I would prefer not to as well,” said Felicity with a vehement shake of her head.

“As you wish,” said Dr. Vaughn with a nod. “The child is in the proper position, and your pains are coming at regular intervals. Everything is proceeding as it should, and I fear it is merely a matter of waiting now. ”

Digging into his waistcoat, he retrieved a pocket watch and handed it to Violet. “To help you keep time.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you,” she replied, laying it carefully on her lap.

Dr. Vaughn remained there for a moment, his eyes still watching her carefully enough that Violet found herself shifting in her seat—though she couldn’t say if she was more pleased or discomforted by the attention.

The gentleman nodded and turned back to the door. “I will go reassure Mr. Finch, and I will check from time to time, but with Miss Templeton at your side, you are in good hands, Mrs. Finch.”

And with that, he slipped out of the room.