Chapter 26
26
Melody
Before coming here, I was warned that my Resident level salary wouldn’t go a long way in the LA housing market, but I still wasn’t prepared for the shit hole apartments within my price range that I had to endure checking out all day. One had plexiglass instead of windows. Another was just a single room with a rusty fridge used as a screen between the living area and bedroom. Another was a fifth-floor walk-up on a staircase that creaked and groaned under my weight. And those were the better ones.
I’ll check out more over the weekend, but I don’t think that’ll help. There’s nothing to it. I will have to find something in the burbs, which means a commute of at least an hour, two if it’s rush hour. On top of my crazy long work day, I don’t know how that’s gonna work. But it’ll have to, since I have three more years of this before I can practice medicine on my own. So, I better get used to it.
I tossed and turned all night because I couldn’t get Rogue out of my mind and the more I tried, the worse it got.
As a result, I’ve been at the ER since seven AM, having arrived two hours early for my shift. The night shift docs and nurses were glad I came, since by all accounts, they had a hell of a night last night. Shelly got elbowed in the stomach by an out-of-control patient and left early and even Howie, the chief, was more than happy to knock of his shift an hour early. It’s nearly lunchtime now and it’s been very quiet so far.
But I can’t focus on work. I can’t focus on anything that doesn’t involve thinking about Rogue. The way I left it with him and not answering any of his texts and calls yesterday has me feeling like crap.
This little voice in my head keep trying to convince me that he’s not the kind of guy who’d hold my club girl past against me. But that’s just wishful thinking.
No guy like that exists. At least not among bikers. And if I get any closer to him before I find out I’m absolutely right about that my heart will shatter and I might never be able to put the pieces back together again. That’s the kind of hold he has on me. That’s the measure of the kind of dreams I have of us when I’m not careful and I let myself dream them. But they’re totally pointless. Because, what guy could ever actually love a whore?
“There you go, Mrs. Brown, good as new,” I say to the elderly lady who sliced open her hand making her husband a sandwich this morning. “Next time, just cut the cheese, if you know what I mean?”
I smile at her and she looks confused for a moment, before getting the joke and grinning too. “My eyes aren’t what they used to be. Enjoy your youth, Doctor, it goes by so fast.”
I shrug, not meeting her eyes while I put away the suturing kit. “I think maybe I enjoyed my youth a little too much. And it’s all coming back to bite me now.”
Bite me on the ass hard, that is. But I can’t exactly use that kind of language in front of this lovely old lady.
She laughs. “Oh, you’ve got plenty of good years ahead of you yet.”
Then she keeps chuckling to herself while I tell her that I hope she’s right, and that I’ll get a nurse to bandage up her hand.
“Don’t worry, Doctor,” she says once I’m already at the door. Whatever’s bothering you isn’t such a big deal. At your age, nothing is. But that’s something you only learn once you get to my age.”
“I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hope you’re right,” I tell her as I leave the room.
And run smack into Rogue’s wideness.
“We need to talk, Melody,” he says, his hands on my arms holding me steady, sending rivers of pleasant warmth straight to my core, and his glowing green eyes-today the color of jade as candlelight hits it—enveloping me whole and making it hard to breathe.
“I don’t think we have much to talk about,” I say and extricate myself from his arms, the lie tasting like fruit going bad in my mouth.
We have a lot to talk about. We have a lifetime of talking to do if we let ourselves have it. But that doesn’t change anything about the here and now. Here, all of that is still impossible.
“I called you a bunch of times yesterday, Melody,” he says.
“And I said goodbye to you the night before last,” I counter.
“It’s gonna take a little more than that to chase me away,” he says, the glint in his eyes telling me all I need to know about the truth of that statement.
The passionate look in his eyes is also making me wish he’d just grab me and bend me over the nearest gurney. Show me the truth behind those simple words.
“We’re not doing this here,” I say and open the door to the dark exam room we don’t use because the ceiling is cracking, making plaster rain down every time someone closes the door too hard. The hospital doesn’t have the funds to fix it right now. Or ever, as most of the lifers around here agree.
He follows me into the room but won’t let me get far from the closed door before placing his arms on mine again. Somehow even in the dimness, his eyes seem to glow. I’ll never figure out how they can do that. I’ll never get the chance.
“You’re not big on taking hints, are you?” I ask as I back away from him, missing his touch as soon as his arms slide off mine. “Or take no for an answer.”
He shakes his head. “I can do both those things just fine. But not with you. And you can’t stand there and tell me no is your final answer. You’re not fooling anyone. Least of all me.”
“You don’t really want me,” I say. “Believe me, you don’t. It’s better we say goodbye now, before?—”
“I don’t want to do that,” he says and narrows his eyes at me. “I’m pretty good at knowing what I want. And who. And it’s definitely you.”
He’s confident, I’ll give him that. And sure of himself. But I already knew all that.
“You won’t,” I say. “Not after you find out all about my past.”
He grins. “Come on, shock me.”
That’s exactly what’s gonna happen. He just doesn’t know it yet.
I look away, focus on a section of cracked wall to his left just so I won’t have to remember that shock and disappointment that’s about to enter his eyes for the rest of my life.
“I’m not just friends with the guys from Devil’s Nightmare MC. I was their club girl for nearly a decade.”
The room suddenly went very quiet and I feel like all the air got sucked out besides. I dare not look at him.
“Some would call me a club whore,” I add. “I never thought of it that way. It was just a bit of fun and a place to belong… but… well, not everyone would see it that way. And they wouldn’t be wrong.”
He’s still not saying anything and I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes, but I chance a glance at him anyway. He’s grinning at me, of all things.
“And you thought that would bother me so much I wouldn’t want to see you anymore?” he asks as our eyes lock. “I thought you were a smart lady, being a doctor and all.”
“Come on, you’re telling me it doesn’t bother you?” I ask. “Don’t lie. With your mom all set on you being a priest and everything? How’s she gonna take to me?”
He lays his hands on my arms again. “I knew you were no virgin from the start, Melody. And I also knew you go after what you want and need. It’s one of the many things that drew me to you. And honestly, these days my mom just wants some grandkids from me before she gets too old to play with them.”
I lay my hands on his waist, practically moaning in relief that I can touch him again. Thinking I might never get to again was akin to not being able to breathe.
“You’re just saying all that because you’re in lust with me,” I say and smile at him.
“Nah, it’s a lot more than that,” he says and warps his arms around.
Then he kisses me so hard and deep my legs turn to jelly and I’m transported to a time and place far away from the dimness of this room and the smell of disinfectant permeating everything and all the dark thoughts that found a home in my mind these last couple of days.
There’s nothing but truth in that kiss. And the truth is no man ever wanted me the way Rogue does. I can feel it in his touch, taste it on his lips, know it in my heart. I want this kiss to last forever.
But then the door opens, knocking into his back and knocking us apart.
“Oh,” Jamal the nurse says and backs away from the door.
Ever heard of knocking? I very nearly snap at him.
“Sorry. But we need you out here, Dr. Lockhart.”
“Be right there,” I say and he closes the door as he leaves.
Rogue grins and tries to kiss me again, but I stop him by laying my finger over his lips. “Hold that thought.”
Because if he kissed me again, hours could pass before I remembered I’m at work.