Chapter 26
Instead of taking in horses for training, Kayla started booking more trail rides. It was mindless, easy work, and it kept the horses in shape. Riding in the orange grove calmed her nerves slightly. In the barn, she cross-tied Bonnie and Clyde and groomed them in preparation for the ride. She needed a horse to ride to guide the group. As she considered her options, Joey’s face popped out over the stall door, his mismatched eyes bright as he stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth as he’d always done to try to make her laugh. He reached down and grabbed his halter off the door and flipped it into the air, tossing it into the dirt.
If these weren’t his regular antics, she’d think he was trying to tell her something. But if he had the energy to make faces and throw things, maybe he was ready to go on a trail ride.
She haltered him and pulled him out, inspecting him with new eyes. He’d filled out nicely. He was shiny and healthy looking, a far cry from when she first brought him back from the auction. Bill trotted him the other day and reported that despite some age-related stiffness, he looked fairly sound. Miraculously, he wasn’t foundered or lame with navicular disease, common afflictions in horses dumped at auction. She had to ride him herself before she dared put a greenhorn on him, so she saddled him with the rest and tied him under a shade tree to wait while she helped the tourists get astride their mounts.
Her chosen trail horses stood patiently, dozing despite the excited passengers in their saddles. She smiled a little to herself. They were such good horses. They would walk nose to tail and follow her, no matter what their riders tried to get them to do. They knew their job, which was to bring the foolish people back in one piece.
Joey, on the other hand, had never been especially obedient. He liked doing things his own way, and his sense of humor wasn’t often appreciated by the person on his back. Like walking slowly under low-hanging branches, forcing his rider to frantically lie down on his neck or be scraped off. Instead of walking placidly through water, he would sometimes decide to lie down and roll in it, dumping his rider in the process. Yeah, she definitely had to be the guinea pig for him and see if he had grown out of those shenanigans. She suspected that he hadn’t.
“Is everyone ready?” she asked her guest riders. A twelve-year-old girl nodded excitedly, gripping her reins in clumsy fists. Her mom, on the other horse, looked decidedly less excited. The mom, with her long, fake nails and designer jeans, looked quite offended at everything happening so far on the farm.
Kayla lifted her foot into the stirrup and hopped in preparation, then swung aboard Joey. He stood deceptively still, but she saw him glance at her out of the corner of his eye. She knew that look.
“All right, follow me.” Kayla nudged Joey forward. He walked off easily enough, but as she let them into the back pasture, he trotted a few strides and hopped out a little buck. It was a small enough buck that it felt more like a bump in the road to Kayla, but Designer-Jeans Mom gasped.
“Are these horses tame?” she demanded.
“Yes, ma’am, this one just hasn’t been ridden in a while. You’ll be fine,” Kayla replied, laughing at Joey. She rode ahead to open the gate that led to a small greenbelt that led to the orange grove.
“Come on, Joey, can you just pretend to behave?” she muttered for only him to hear. He flipped his head a little, and she could swear he looked like he was laughing at her. “I just know you’re plotting some way to embarrass me right now.”
They had to cross a stream that was up to the horse’s knees. As they reached its edge, Joey pawed at the water with one front leg.
“Don’t you dare dump me in this water, Joey,” she threatened, giving him a firm nudge with her legs to keep him moving. It had been an unseasonably dry May, and now it was June. The afternoon thunderstorms had just begun. Soon, the waterway between her farm and the orange grove would be chest-deep on the horses and possibly harboring big, aggressive gators in rut. She had to get the last few trail rides in while she could, because during fucking-hot summer, when the rains came, everything she tried to do would be at the mercy of Mother Nature.
Joey walked placidly across the stream, and she scratched his neck lightly in thanks. As he walked along the rows of trees, the stiffness in his gait felt like it improved with exercise. This could actually be good for him. He looked this way and that as he walked, as if he too were enjoying the view. Did he know he had a new lease on life? She thought that he did. And for once, she could feel that if Gram Kay was looking down, she’d be pleased.
After the trail ride, Joey was tired. Just walking a few miles through the groves had been enough for him at his age, apparently. Still, he seemed peaceful and content.
Kayla, on the other hand, felt jittery and lost. Now that she was sober—she was embarrassed to realize that she’d subconsciously planned her days around when she could start drinking. She wouldn’t drive drunk or lead trail rides drunk. Not when other people’s safety depended on her. But she always had a ticker in the back of her mind counting down to the point when no great responsibility was on her shoulders and she could start in on the bottle in her freezer. Without that timekeeper, she felt adrift.
“You all right?” a voice interrupted, and she jumped half out of her skin, whirling around to face Canyon Bill.
“Fine,” she blurted, obviously not fine. His eyes said he knew differently. The truth was, she was a bundle of nerves and raw emotion. The only coping mechanism she’d was to get drunk, and now that was gone.
“I’m gonna go to a meeting. You want to ride along?”
“How long are you planning to hang around, Bill?” It was a jab, and as soon as she spat it out, she wished she could take it back. Those wise old eyes just kept watching her.
“Till you run me off like you well and truly mean it, fire ant. You comin’?”
He didn’t take the bait. He never took the bait. And he didn’t promise her he wouldn’t abandon her again. Which meant he might, at basically any moment. She’d reach out for something and the person she needed wouldn’t be there. The hot desperation rose up in her throat, making her eyes water.
She turned away from him, scrubbing her face, trying to get herself together. He mercifully walked away in a combination of his old swagger and the beginning of the shuffle of an old man wearing at the edges. A few minutes later, she heard his motorcycle rumble around the driveway loop and pause at an idle. Puttah-putt, puttah-putt, puttah-putt. She loved the sound of Bill’s old bike. He said nothing, didn’t even look her way. Just waited.
She took a deep breath, and the scrappy little survivor deep down inside her evaluated the situation with typical realistic cynicism. He might not be here tomorrow, but he was here now. With a sigh, she glanced around the barn to be sure everything was okay to leave, and then swung onto his bike behind him. She saw him give a slight nod before he kicked it in gear.
After the meeting, they chatted and smoked outside for a few minutes. Her phone rang. It was Evan, looking for Bill. Bill, of course, didn’t own a phone. She handed it to him.
Evan was leaving Fort Myers and wanted to talk to Leanne again and see if things were dying down or if Trent was still planning to come after her.
“We’re just leavin’ a meetin’. I can meet you over at the motel. Maybe Kayla can go get coffee with some women from the meetin’.”
“No. I’m going with you,” she interjected. She was tired of being ordered from one place to another by all these men. If they were going to handle her business, she could at least be there.
Her mother had lived lots of places. Kayla hadn’t seen this weekly motel rental yet, but it wasn’t much different from any of the other places where they’d lived in Fort Myers. Evidently hearing the motorcycles, Leanne opened the door and stood watching them as they rolled up. At least she didn’t look strung out.
“Y’all doing some bonding?” Leanne asked bitterly.
“We went to a meeting. You should give it a try,” Kayla shot back without looking at her mother. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a little smirk in the corner of Canyon Bill’s mouth.
“We need to know what’s going on with Trent,” Evan said, trying to keep the meeting quick and civil.
“What’s going on is he doesn’t think he’s gonna get out and the rats are running to high ground,” Leanne said. She eyed them and lit a cigarette. “I talked to some guys. Nobody’s gunnin’ for Kayla.”
Relief spread through Kayla.
“I made sure,” Leanne added.
Kayla didn’t want to know how. Evan nodded in satisfaction.
“Let’s go,” he said. Kayla took a long look at her mother. She wasn’t aging well, and she didn’t look healthy. Kayla had a sudden fierce wish that things were different, that she could hug her mother.
“C’mon, fire ant,” Bill said. Kayla glanced up at him and nodded. Now that Evan was here, it made more sense for her to ride home with him. As they prepared to go, Leanne called out.
“Why are they so much better than me? You just let him come back like nothing ever happened?”
Kayla looked back, and saw a tense glance between Bill and Evan.
“At least I didn’t abandon you! Like he did, even knowing he might be your daddy.”
Time screeched to a halt.
Kayla stood very still for a long moment, trying to decide if she’d really just heard those words come out of her mother’s mouth. She turned slowly, looking from one face to another. Evan shook his head in disgust.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Kayla gritted out.
The world seemed to tip sideways like it did when she was drunk. But she was too fucking sober now, and this just couldn’t be happening.
“Why don’t you ask him, Kayla?” Leanne said with a mean sneer.
“I’ve had just about enough of this bullshit,” Bill bellowed.
Kayla’s head felt like it was about to explode.
She wanted to scream at them all to tell the fucking truth or leave her alone, or both. Evan didn’t even look surprised. Had he known? Everyone knew Canyon Bill might have slept with her nineteen-year-old mother under his life partner’s nose? They all knew, and no one told her?
“What’s the point, Leanne?” Bill demanded angrily.
Kayla thought it was the first time she’d really seen him boil over since he’d been back. Maybe ever.
“Why do this to her now? Don’t you see she’s got enough to deal with and she’s tryin’ to make an honest life for herself here? You know I can’t prove one way or the other what did or didn’t happen when I was blackout drunk twenty-five years ago. What I do know is that throwing this in her face now ain’t doin’ her a damn bit of good. It’s just what you do, Leanne. You don’t get your way, and you decide to try to take everybody down with you.”
“She deserves to know the truth!” Leanne shrieked.
Bill took a step toward her, looking so menacing, even Evan straightened up, preparing to stop him from doing something he’d regret.
“And is that the truth, Leanne? Is it?” he demanded.
Leanne shrank back and dropped her eyes.
“Kayla—” Leanne said, looking miserably from one of them to the next.
“If I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, I reckon you told so many lies you can’t even remember what they are anymore,” Bill said bitterly.
Leanne was crying. “You were too goddam drunk to know, either!” Leanne accused.
“And I couldn’t be more sorry for it than I am right now,” Bill replied.
Kayla stared from one person to the next.
“You all need to get away from me. Just leave me alone,” Kayla stammered at last. “You—” She stared at Bill. She thought of her mother, nineteen and troubled. Bill, her drunken father figure. Her stomach flipped. Was her entire existence based on that? The highest moral failing of a man? Her father might have been there all along? He’d never acknowledged the possibility, and worse, he’d ridden off when she was fourteen and she and Kay had needed him the most. “You better not be there when I get back to the farm. This time, I mean it.” she said through clenched teeth.
Bill nodded, looked down, and walked back to his motorcycle without comment. He fired it up and roared off without a backward glance. Why did she feel like he’d just ripped her heart out? Why did she feel like she’d done the same to him? Why did she care?
For once, Leanne didn’t protest, but slunk back into her hotel room. When they were finally alone, Kayla turned to Evan.
“You knew about this.”
He met her gaze. “She made some comments when we went to talk to her about Trent.”
“So, you’re thinking Bill might have fucked his partner’s nineteen-year-old daughter who he’d raised since she was a child. He might be my long-lost father, but also the scum of the earth, and you didn’t feel the need to tell me that?”
It was one betrayal she simply couldn’t stand, from either Canyon Bill or Evan. These two men had ridden to her rescue, and she’d begun to break down and trust them. Now it felt utterly ruined.
“I made a hard decision. You were a wreck that day. Bill wasn’t any immediate threat to you, but Trent was. I thought if Bill didn’t tell you, I would after Trent was in jail.”
She growled her frustration and stormed down the sidewalk in front of the motel. She heard him follow her. She took a long breath and stopped. Before she could face him, she texted her sponsor Annie, asking if she could pick her up.
“Did he do it, Evan? Is he my father?” she asked him quietly. A deep wound had been ripped open anew inside her. She’d always longed to know who he was, where he was…. why…. why he hadn’t wanted to be a part of her life. And maybe he always had been a part of her life? But if it were true, it was a horrible thing he had done, and she didn’t think she could forgive him for it.
“He doesn’t think he did, but he doesn’t know for sure,” Evan replied.
Kayla sat down on the curb, momentarily defeated.
“I’d be the last person to stand up for someone doing something like that, but…your mother also doesn’t make the most convincing accuser. Let me take you home.”
Her phone dinged. She glanced down. It was Annie, asking where she was. She texted back the name of the motel. Annie replied with the warp speed of a sober person knowing their sponsee was right outside a drug den.
“My sponsor is picking me up. Just go,” Kayla said bitterly.
He moved as if he wanted to reach for her and then thought better of it. She’d had enough of all these men making decisions for her, keeping secrets from her.
He retreated from her and sat in a cheap plastic chair someone had put out in front of their weekly room. She glared at him.
He crossed his arms. “I’m not leaving you alone in Trent’s hood with your mother twenty feet away, so don’t even bother.”
She made another growl of total frustration and threw up her hands, turning away from him to scan the road, hoping to see Annie’s GMC Jimmy pulling in. It was another ten minutes before Annie arrived, during which she and Evan didn’t speak. Kayla both loved and hated him for refusing to leave her. Once she was in the car with Annie, she looked out the window and saw Evan unfold his big frame from the rickety chair and walk back to his motorcycle.