Ronan (Mate’s Mark #1)

Chapter 9

Cameron

“Stay here and do not make a sound.” The van shudders to a stop, keys jingling in the ignition. Before I can argue, he’s gone, leaving me in the heavy quiet. Faint illumination from the moon offers the only light, and with my other senses kicking into overdrive, even my own slow breaths are an unwelcome intrusion to the silence.

After what feels like forever, but is probably only five minutes, the hatch lifts. Moonlight silhouettes Ronan’s frame, glowing around his flowing hair and the broad expanse of his body. My legs tingle as I sit, letting the blood return to my toes as they dangle off the edge, and I stretch my arms above my head, arching my stiff spine. Boomerang leaps to the grass and wanders, sniffing the ground.

“Where are we?” My voice, even hushed, feels like an explosion out here in the peace of the wastelands, and I glance around in the darkness. A pale strip of orange floats on the horizon, the last signs of the sun long set.

Ronan takes my hand and helps me stand, and like every time he touches me, the mark on my arm flares to life with a happy buzz. “An abandoned house I found on patrol years ago. I’ve never seen anyone within miles of this place.”

Vines climb the sides of the small, ramshackle structure, making it almost invisible inside the thicket of trees. When these lands were covered in forest and plants, it might’ve been someone’s hunting cabin, tucked away from society. Organically camouflaged by nature, I imagine it’s just as well-hidden during the day.

“Come,” Ronan says, tugging my hand and leading me towards the house. A sudden rush of gratitude washes over me as the adrenaline fades, and my fingers weave with his. He stumbles, his eyes dropping to our hands before sweeping up to my face, and his shoulders are stiff as he stares straight ahead and marches forward.

His awkwardness is endearing as hell, and I bite back a grin. “Have you never held hands before?” I tease, and he huffs an annoyed grumble.

“Of course I have,” he mutters, and I’m delighted at the way he jerks his head to look away from me.

“It’s understandable if you haven’t.” I give him a squeeze and swing our hands between us as he scowls. “You are pretty grumpy.” He doesn’t answer me aside from a long exhale, leading me through the door. Inside, inches-thick layers of dust cover most of the surfaces, with a single set of footprints tracking the dirty ground from Ronan’s boots. The old furniture is falling apart, but it’s dry and hidden.

“Sit.” Nodding towards a wooden chair, he releases me to shut the door and slides a leather sack off his shoulder with a thud. The strike of a match sounds before a tiny flame appears, and he lights an oil lantern that illuminates the room. “We can’t burn this for long, but I need to clean your wounds,” he says, removing more supplies from the bag.

“I can do it,” I argue, but he turns those fierce eyes on me, and I clamp my mouth shut. Surprisingly gentle hands wash the reopened gash on my forehead, a damp cloth swiping over the fresh cuts on my throat and chin. When he asks me to open my mouth, I bite back the snarky retort that dances on the tip of my tongue, although I do give him an exaggerated Ahhh .

It satisfies my sassy little heart, if just a little.

“Your lip is split, and there’s a nasty bite on your tongue, but I can’t do anything about them.”

“I’ll be alright,” I say, but he shakes his head, unconvinced as he glances down my torso.

“What else hurts?”

“Everything hurts.” My laugh is dry, but it dies in my throat as I catch the devastation on his face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t find you before that man laid his hands on you. If I would’ve known he was there…” His voice is low as he trails off, shame rolling from his words. “It was never my intention for you to get hurt, you must—”

“Hey, hey… I believe you,” I interrupt, grabbing his gloved hands with mine. “Ronan, look at me. I’m fine.”

“You are bleeding .” Eyes darting around my face, his lip pulls back in an angry sneer. “That is not fine. Nothing about this is fine .”

“No, but neither was that prison. And you got me out.” Despite the confusion I’m feeling about the entire situation, that much is undeniable. He risked everything for me—his safety, his freedom… his own fucking life. The other guards could’ve shot him, and likely would’ve, if he had been discovered helping me .

No one has ever taken a risk on me before.

A grateful smile spreads on my lips, and his head tilts as he stares at it, like there’s some deeper, hidden meaning he can’t decipher. “And you found my dog.” His lips twitch in a fleeting upturn, the start to a genuine smile that almost breaks through his mask, but it vanishes as he glances at my split lip again.

“Did you set those prisoners free? Was that part of the great escape?” Those dark eyes are shrouded by the dim, flickering light as they finally lift to find mine again.

“Ironically enough, no. My plan was to release some of the prisoners as a distraction, but it wasn’t supposed to happen for two more nights. Otherwise, I would have been better prepared. I had just located your dog a few hours prior, which is why I hadn’t visited today. One of the rebels broke through the rusty lock on their cell and killed a guard to steal the keys. Had I not rescued you tonight, our plans would’ve been ruined, and that was a risk I was unwilling to take.”

He stares at the floor for a stretch before he clears his throat. “Are you upset with me for killing that man?”

“Who, Bruce?” I ask in surprise, and he nods. “Fuck no, that bastard deserved it.” When he doesn’t answer, I wrap my fingers around his chin and lift his face to mine. “Ronan, he was an evil man who did a lot of terrible things, not just to me. The world is better off without him. If I’d been able to kill him myself, I would have… but I didn’t have to, did I?”

His gaze drops to my mouth before it lands on my eyes again, and he shakes his head. “No.”

“And why is that? ”

The roll of his eyes is such a human gesture that it makes me huff a laugh, and a hesitant grin tries to pull on his lips. “Because I did it for you.”

“That’s right, because you took care of it for me.” I lift on my toes, pressing a kiss on his cheek that barely misses the corner of his mouth. His lips separate in a sharp breath as he stares at me. “Never apologize for saving me, okay?”

Ronan’s head tilts again as he searches for any signs of a lie, then he finally nods. He leans closer as I feel my inhibitions waving goodbye, unable to look away from his throat as it bobs in a swallow.

“I have to return to the base,” he says, and it’s a bucket of ice water over my head, sobering me as I take a stumbling step back.

He’s leaving.

Of course he’s leaving.

You’re not worth staying for. Panic coils its insistent hand around my neck, not squeezing yet, just letting me know it’s there, waiting and ready to steal my breath.

“There are things I have to handle, and I need to make sure Elas is okay.”He gestures towards the bag he placed on the ground as my pulse speeds up, that panic reaching down my throat and taking root in my stomach. “There is enough food and water for several days, a change of clothes that should be close to your size, a knife, and more matches. It isn’t much, but it’s what I could grab on short notice.”

He doesn’t pick up on my conflict as he continues. “It might be a few days before I can return, but I’ll gather more supplies and some things for the dog, too. Will you…” One side of his lips pulls between his teeth as he tr ails off, deflating. His enormous presence is diminished as he stares at his feet, uncertain in a way I wouldn’t expect from such a fierce man.

For a few precious moments, he feels human, and that’s more dangerous than any weapon he could wield.

“Will I…?” I nudge when he doesn’t continue, trying to keep my turbulent emotions contained. His eyes dart to mine, before returning to the floor. Despite my frustration, the way he kicks at the ground and shuffles between his feet is endearing. This six-foot-five lethal killing machine that snapped a man’s neck with his bare hand is nervous about talking to me.

That hand that’s capable of crushing a windpipe is nervously picking at the leather of his sleeve, and it almost makes me forget who—and what—he really is.

“Will you be here when I come back?” he finally asks.

His eyes land on mine as I hesitate, but I don’t want to lie to him. Will you even come back? I want to ask, but those aren’t the words that form on my tongue. “I don’t know,” I say instead.

Disappointment flashes over his face before he glances away with a brief nod. “That’s fair.”

“Is it?” He takes a deep breath before he meets my eyes again. “Fair,” I mutter with an abrupt laugh, fisting my hands to draw the tension from my shoulders. “Not much in my life has ever been fair, Ronan. I never expected this to be any different.”

“Do you want me to beg you to stay?”

“Depends. Am I going to have to beg you to return? ”

Ronan’s brows pinch as he cocks his head at me, staring at me in that unnerving way he’s perfected. “I already told you I’d be back.”

“Yeah, well, what people say and what they do aren’t always the same. Life has never had a problem showing me that.” He opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt him. “Where exactly do you see this going, Ronan?” I lick my lips, wincing at the burn of the fresh cut. “What if I stay? What happens then? Who am I to you besides an obligation?” My stomach churns as I watch the range of emotions cross his face, the urge to get closer to him becoming harder to fight.

But why do I want to touch him?

Is it genuine, or have the fates willed it into existence?

Is the decision even mine? Will it ever be mine?

His eyes are pleading as he watches me like I’m the predator. Like I’m the dangerous one here. “What do you want me to say?” he asks, voice strained. “This is just as new and strange to me as it is to you.”

“Tell me what’s going on in that thick head of yours! Tell me…” My voice cracks, and I hate the way he stares at me as though my every thought is written across my forehead for his inspection. “Tell me I’m not just a burden.”

Tell me you want me.

“Where would you even get that idea?” he asks, but I just shake my head, because he didn’t deny it, and I needed him to deny it. Needed him to tell me I’m wrong.

“What’s this going to look like, Ronan? You’ll come out here with more supplies for me, and I’m supposed to… what? Sit here and wait for you to take care of me? Waste aw ay in this ratty little house while you come out and visit once a week?”

He frowns, glancing around at the dilapidated building. “It’s the best I could do on short notice.”

“You’re missing the point,” I argue, my agitated hands waving in front of me. “You said it was my choice what happens when you got me out.”

“It is,” he says, rubbing at his palm where his mark is burning under his skin, just like mine. We’re both on fire, and neither of us are making a move to extinguish the flames.

“This isn’t a choice , Ronan, not for me. This is you leaving me, like everyone in my fucking life has always left me.”

“For the last time, I’m not leaving you,” he says, taking a few pointed steps forward until I have to tilt my chin up to meet his eyes. “If you want a choice, then make a choice, Cameron. You ask me where I see this going, but what about you? What would you ask me to do?”

“Would you come with me?” I whisper, and he jerks back in surprise.

“What?”

I gesture at his armor. “Would you leave behind the life you’ve always known for something that’s nothing more than a fairy tale? Because that’s what you’re asking of me—to sit still and wait for you when I’ve never had the luxury of sitting still. You are asking me to change my entire life, but if you aren’t willing to do the same...”

“Fairy tale,” he mutters, reaching forward and letting his fingers graze over mine. “Is that what this is to you?”

“I don’t know what this is. ”

“But it scares you.” My skin sparks where his hand grazes mine, and my fingers flex out to meet his in a brief touch.

“Of course it scares me,” I say, and he takes an involuntary half-step forward. “It fucking terrifies me, and if you were smart, it would terrify you, too. Now answer my question. Would you leave it behind for me?”

“I don’t know .” His shoulders bunch around his neck and fists form at his sides, but he doesn’t move back. He pants a few heavy breaths before he seems to fold in on himself. “I don’t know, Cameron,” he says, all the fight draining from his body.

“Well, at least we have that in common.”

His throat bobs in a swallow before he steps back, pacing back and forth in a tight circle before sighing again, and the sound is heavy. “I have to get back.”

“You mentioned that.” Sarcasm bites at my words, and he glances at me before twisting the switch on the oil lamp, leaving us in darkness. Everything goes black as my eyes fight to adjust to the night once more, but I hear his footsteps and sense his presence move directly in front of me.

“I’m in no place to ask any favors of you,” he whispers, like the night demands our secrecy, and my entire body chills at the rasp of his voice. “You owe me nothing, Cameron. Nothing , okay? Whatever debt you feel is owed between us, the slate is wiped clean. If you want to walk away as soon as I drive off, that is your choice. I won’t come after you, and I won’t…” He stops, his throat clicking with an audible swallow. “I would never force something on you. ”

“But, gods, how I want you. It makes no sense, does it? This desire I have to stitch you to my side so I don’t lose sight of you. Nothing makes sense right now, Cameron, but it doesn’t change the facts… it doesn’t change how I feel.” The words are near-silent, not even a whisper, and he rests his hands on my shoulders and inches closer. “My entire life has been laid out for me since I was a young man. A path set in stone, one that I’ve never even considered straying from until this moment. I don’t know anything else.”

A shiver works through my limbs as he leans in and presses the ghost of a kiss against my forehead. “But I know this, mo’sziv. This isn’t me leaving. This is not me walking away. I wish I had more time to prove that to you, but I don’t. I can’t stay, not yet. Please believe me when I say I will be back in a few days. I will come for you… and I hope you’re here.” His hand lands on my chin and tilts my face towards his. “I really hope you’re here,” he whispers, and my heart pounds in my chest as that string yanks me forward, needing to be closer to him.

I push up on my toes to close the distance between us, but he backs up, leaving only the memory of his hand on my face as he walks out the door and drives away, his tail lights disappearing into the night like he was never here at all.